Say F*ck It And Do What Scares You

Coming to you from the center for Social Confidence in Portland, Oregon, welcome to Shrink for the Shy Guy, Helping men everywhere go from social anxiety to social domination with your host, Dr. Aziz.

Welcome to today's episode of the show. I'm excited to be with you here today because we got a great remainder of the interview with John Parkin that if you haven't listened to the first half, it's in last week's episode. Go check that out now. And this guy is fun, man, he's funny. I have not laughed so much in an interview, I don't think ever on this show. And it's funny because he's got a great wit, but he's also just so good at speaking to the truth of the matter in a really light and playful way. And that's how his books are too. So it's a real treat to be.

Talking with John again today.

And today we're going to be looking at how to say fuck it and then just go do what scares you. Because so much of the time we hold ourselves back from doing something, you know, maybe we really want to do it. I really want to go talk to her. I really want to make that sale. I really want to get that promotion. I really want to step up and speak up more in meetings. I really want to just share freely with those people or joining into that group.

I really want to. But.

There's always a but. And then the but is, I'm scared. And maybe we have some story, oh.

It'S not gonna work out. Oh, they're not gonna like me. Oh, I'm not good enough.

But underneath that is just raw fear, right? We just feel fear in our bodies, and so we gotta be able to say fuck it to that fear and then just go take the action. And the master of that is John. So let's jump into that interview with John right now.

Expert interview. And it's beautif to experience that as you have, isn't it? It's a beautiful thing to experience, especially if, you know, if. If you're understanding yourself, you know what you're like in a. In a. In a meeting or in a social situation or getting up and speaking. But you know what you're normally like, I mean, to get up and speak on stage in front of a thousand, two thousand people. For me, and I've done it quite a few times, but it still makes. Makes me nervous for a few hours before. And when I'm about to go out on stage, it makes my heart pound. It's really, really hard. So to have what to have in mind what we're normally like. And then to picture what it could be like in a very different way. To be relaxed in that situation and just to be just complete, actually, just to enjoy it or to see it as an adventure to picture it. And then when you finally get. And you do that and you manifest that and the experience being completely different and actually enjoyable, it's transformative, isn't it? Shall I tell you my story?

Yes, we must. We must at least close that loop before we open 10 others.

It is embarrassing, but I have told it in front of a lot of people now, so it's not the term. Because this story, actually this was about. It was about going onto stage for. Blimey. I can't even remember which event it was. It was a. I think it was a hay house event. And. And it was an important thing I was doing. I think I was playing some music, some of my music for the first time. So not only was I talking in front of a lot of people, there's a lot riding on it. I was playing some music for the first time and maybe even singing, I can't remember. So I was nervous and. And I went to the. I don't even know. I have told it for a lot of people, but it's now embarrassing me thinking about what I'm about to say. So I went to the loo. You know, when you. When you're nervous, you drink a lot of water, don't you?

Sure.

This is. This is an awful thing. I used to that in business, you get nervous about a meeting, you drink lots of water and you get to the meeting, you want to go and pee all the time. So I'm careful before events that I don't drink too much, but just drink enough to kind of keep yourself hydrated. And so I. I basically wanted to time my pee. My going to the loo pretty close to the time I was gone stage. So I didn't get caught short. I'm sorry if I'm using any expressions that aren't familiar to a North American audience, but I didn't want to be halfway through my half an hour talk and kind of go, God, I got to go for a pee. So about five minutes, seven minutes maybe before the. I was due to be on stage in front of the thousand people. I went to the loo and I was basically standing up peeing and thinking about, okay, just relax. I was getting nervous by this time. Just calm down, it's all right. This kind of. And I kind of Stamped a bit on my heels to kind of shake out my body a little bit and relax and, you know, you're nearly there. It's going to be fine. And I kind of finished and I zipped up and I turned around to go out of the cubicle. I was in a cubicle and in this venue, and I looked down and I'd splashed, not put too fine a term of it, splashed a little on my trousers. And my trousers were very light, and it was very obvious. There was one particular mark on my trousers that was incredibly obvious that I had gone for a pee and missed. And so I now have five minutes before I'm due to be in front of a thousand people with a big spotlight on me. And I just go, oh, God. Oh, fuck. Fuck. And I opened the door and I thought, okay, what I need is a hand dryer.

Yeah, that was where my mind went. Immediately I was like, you need a hair dryer. You need it stat.

I need that hand dryer. Really quick. I went out and there were just paper towels. So I grabbed the paper towels and I started rubbing at this, this mark. And it just made it worse. I had a little bits of paper towel on my trousers now. So I thought, okay, I have to get to another toilet. And I came out. This is like a backstage area. So I came out into the open, this door, and it went into this public area. It was thronging with people. There was 100. It was a break. It was a break. I was the first one after the break. Hundreds of people everywhere. So I. I kind of. I was holding a water bottle. I held my water bottle close to my leg to the stain, and hobbled across this public area and said to somebody, can you tell me where the toilets are, please? Oh, they're over there. I went to the toilet, and there in the. In these toilets were two, like, gorgeous hand dryers, stainless steel hand dryers. And I. I flicked one on and I started to dry my trousers. And after. After five seconds, it went off. And you know. You know when the hand dryer goes off and you put your hand underneath and it wouldn't come back on again? And so I basically hopped. I literally hopped to the other hand dryer and I put my hand under that and it didn't even come on. So I'm now on one leg. I'm trying. I've got my hands under the two hand dryers, trying to get them to come on, and neither of them would come on. And I'm going, oh, my God. And it's like Three minutes before I'm due to be on stage. And at that point I realized I had a choice. And the choice was really, fuck it. Choice and the choice. And I really did think about this. The first choice that went through my head was, fuck it. I'm going. I cannot conceive of the possibility of standing on stage in front of a thousand people with piss on my trousers. It just can't happen. I'm just going to run out the door and I'm going to go out onto the street. I'm going to catch a train and then get a plane and go home, back to Italy. And so I seriously considered that for a moment because I'm looking at my trousers and it's not changing. It's still there. It's a really big stain. And I thought, no, come on, come on, you got to do it. Okay, the next option is I say fuck it, and I do it. You know, I just. I face the fear here, which is of being humiliated and embarrassed and the whole awful thing. And I stand up on stage kind of proud and confident, and I don't worry about the fact that I've got a pee stain on my trousers. And I thought, no, I can't do that. That's just. You're an idiot. You can't do that. And the third option that hit my head was a kind of like a more spiritual thing, which was like, okay, I can't figure this out. I don't want to run and I don't want to flee and I don't want to fight. Which is always the thing we have in those situations, a fight or flight. I don't want to fight and I don't want to run here, so what can I do? And it's like, fuck it, I'm just going to kind of give in and I'm just going to see what happens. And so I, did I come in that moment, I thought, I'm just going to see. Just take it moment by moment and see what happens. And I completely relaxed as I said that or thought that. And I then walked out and I kind of semi defeated, given up kind of way. I walked out of these public toilets, went through the hall again with all the people around. And I went then back into this backstage area. And backstage area was about, I don't know how many people, five or six people, like other authors and other people. And I. It was weird because I knew there was only that 4, 3, 4, 5 minutes left until I was due to be on stage. But somehow time spread out because I actually don't know what happened. I don't know whether they were a bit late and they called me up late. It was actually 10 minutes, but somebody, another author, engaged me in conversation and we got into a really great conversation that seemed to me to last for a while, at least five minutes. And then somebody tapped me on my shoulder and said, it's time to go up on stage, John. So they took me up, they put my microphone on, and I walked out onto stage in front of. They introduced me, walked out onto stage in front of a thousand people, and I started to talk, which is my kind of prepared script, about something. And it was only about two minutes in that I realized what I'd been going through, that I had a stain on my trousers and I looked down and there was nothing there. And it was one of the weirdest situations of my life because I can't understand how I forgot about the fact that I peed on myself and I was about to stand in front of a thousand people. But that, that giving up, that kind of trusting that it was going to work out is what did it. And it was a completely miraculous situation. And I made the whole. I mean, also gave me a story to tell at the next talk that I did. But it, for me, it also perfectly summed up how fuck it works in the situations that we're talking about, which is, you know, this is really fucking difficult. I don't like. And you know what it's like, Aziz, with the building up. Once you've done one thing, once you face the fear and you've done it, then you want the next thing, don't you? You kind of, okay, I can do that. That's easy. I can do that. What's the next thing? Okay, I go out and I talk to this many people. Okay, I can do that. So you keep jumping up a layer, and then you realize that's a great thing about it. That's a great kind of learning or it's a great teaching. It's like, you know, when you do face the fear and you do it, you will actually be able to do it. It will become habitual and be. Become natural. But so there is the thing about facing the fear and doing it, and there is the thing which you read about in the book kind of going, fuck it, I'm off. And I do do that occasionally. I do say no to a lot of stuff, and I do kind of walk out of rooms when I can't bear it anymore. But they said this third kind of way was just a Complete. A beautiful insight for me which is I don't. I maybe don't have to have a strategy here. I just kind of give in to what's going to happen and that's a beautiful way to live life as well. That's my. If I have any ambition, it's to live my life more like that.

Yeah, I mean, whatever.

I've talked too much. You talk.

Say fuck it to talking too much. Because it's great stuff and I love it. And that story is just like hilarious and powerful and I just feel a shift. I feel like a relaxing in my body as I hear you tell that story. So it's a very powerful way of teaching and getting to that exact point of our brain is trying to control everything inside of itself. Like I'm going to control how these people, these thousand people are going to see me and I'm going to control this stain on my pants and I'm going to control this. And it can't control anything.

And.

And so it's just in the state of like, you know, squeezing and stressing and when you say something like that, like, fuck, fuck it. Okay, I don't have to figure this out. Let's just see.

We're gonna pause for one quick moment and then resume with our interview with confidence expert John Parkin.

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I mean, you're stepping right into the flow of life and I think that's a beautiful thing. And that leads actually to that thing I mentioned earlier about when we step into that. I want to get your thoughts on this and take it as far as you want in the spiritual direction because fuck it. To trying to not talk about that stuff because people might not like it. But my experience is for many years I would try to explain everything.

You.

Know by what sort of in the rational, scientific, western paradigm of if you don't see it, it doesn't exist kind of training that I had. So I was like, okay. I noticed that if I let go, say fuck it, I get a better Response. And this first started with women and dating, and then it progressed into business and clients and customers and business deals. And it's when I say internally, fuck it, and I really let go, or let go 80% or whatever, something. Then I get a very different response. And at first I was like, okay, my body language, my voice tone, and then energy too. But then I started thinking, it feels bigger. It's like, not only do people pick up on it, but stuff starts coming into my life out of nowhere. That is exactly what I want.

Yes.

And I remember this really struck me, just to use the example of women, because it was the first time it really happened where I really. It was so unusually profound that it still sticks with me. And I was a few much of my story, but I was really crippled with shyness around women for many years of my life. And then when I did start talking to them, there was so much attachment of needing their approval and all these things. Then I did a lot of work on that and really got to a place of like, fuck it. And I remember one day I was just in a space of that and I'd interact with them more and just really, I don't care. I don't need this. And I remember I was just chatting with the cashier at a supermarket as I was checking out and maybe flirting with her a bit, I don't remember. And I'm walking out of the supermarket and I'm in the parking lot and I'm walking towards my car and I hear in the distance like, hey. And I just keep walking because I don't not pay attention. And I hear it again and I turn around and it's these two women that are moving towards me. And then I didn't consciously register, but all of a sudden I knew it was like, oh, they were behind me in the line. I didn't really pay attention to them. And they come up to me and one of them is just like. And they're very beautiful. And I'm sort of shocked by that. And one of them's like, hey, how are you doing? I was like, good. And she's like, what are you up to? And all of a sudden I realized, oh, she just wants to talk to me. And I was like, it was the first time anything like that happened, but stuff like that happened more and more. And then I've noticed it in many different situations. And I'm curious about what you've seen, what clients or people from the retreats have seen. What do you think about?

Well, first of all, think that You've just expressed that all very beautifully and articulately. So thank you. That was lovely to listen to a nice story as well. That's better than a pee on your pants story, isn't it?

Well, I have to subtly try to one up all my guests.

I can't beat that. I've just gone to the other end, haven't I?

You peed on yourself, huh? Yes. Peeing on yourself. Well, you know, I have a story about how hot women approach me all the time. The time. So, you know, how about that?

Well, can I tell you the time when I shat my pants in front? Yeah, that would be a good way to go. I just go lower and lower and more humiliating and embarrassing and you just get higher and higher just to a godlike status.

Shat my pants at the.

I'm Gollum to your. To your Bilbo.

At the. At the. I went to the. I'm going to botch the British terms here, but I'll just make up them. I went to number 11 at the Chancellor's mansion and that's where I shat myself.

Oh, God, let's lose that image.

Yes. Let it go. Gone.

What are we talking about? You asked me a question, didn't you.

About how things kind of come to us when we let go?

Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.

Ah.

This is a big one, really, because. And I tell you a great book, if anybody interested in reading background to some of this stuff, a great book on this is a book called the Field, which I always recommend. Actually, it's the best guide to this stuff, which is. The Field is basically a kind of. It's a journalist, she lives in the UK, but I think she's originally American journalist Lynne McTaggart, who talks about. It's where modern science and spirituality are not actually. It's quantum physics, so it's quite old science, some of it. But where science and spirituality overlap. She talks about this field, which is the quantum. The zero point field or the quantum field. The idea is that at the very, very small level, the quantum level, that everything is connected, that everything is an energy, and that something on one side of the planet can affect something on the other side of the planet in an instant like that, even though the two things are apparently separate. So this whole. There's a whole range of very peculiar ideas in quantum physics that are very interesting. This kind of the scientific version of the spiritual ideas, everything being one and everything being interconnected that you find in a lot of the old spiritualities. So that's all very well and good. It becomes relevant to me. Like it became relevant, I suppose, to somebody like Jung and the kind of synchronicity stuff. It becomes relevant to me when interesting things start to happen in my life. So when the big coincidences start to happen, or when I create an effect that I didn't anticipate, or when I have a thought and then I manifest something really quickly. And what I've noticed over 20 years of doing this stuff is that that happens when I'm relaxed and doesn't seem to happen so much when I'm not relaxed. So the miracles seem to happen when I'm. When I'm pretty chilled out and when I'm in a relaxed state of mind, when I'm in a fuck it state. And Lynn McTaggart talks about a lot in that book about how you. Because all the quantum physicists know what happens at a quantum level, but they, they can't see it happening at our level, at the big stuff level of the solid human beings level, at the. This is the Newtonian physics, the every action is an equal opposite reaction level. So all the quantum physicists want dog to be able to run through a tree. They want to turn round and there to be, you know, limitless possibilities. You know, when I turn away from something behind me, it's limitless. When I turn back, it manifests into a dog banging its head on a tree. That's, that's the quantum physicist idea. What the person, the spiritual investigator realizes is that it's the relaxation that can kind of unlock some of this stuff in your life. And that's what in the end, Lin McTaggart gets to. A lot of the experiments in, for example, the psychic experiments that were being done on the kind of psychic spies in North America, in America in 1970s, I think, 1970s and 1980s, funded by the CIA, what they demonstrated, I mean, it was amazing stuff. And there's loads of great stories around all that area which I won't go into. But there was a very, very key finding which a lot of people ignored, which was that the psychics, the successful psychics, would become successfully psychic, it seems, by becoming very playful and by being very relaxed. And they observed this, the scientists, and what they did is they got ordinary people like you and me. No, we're not ordinary people are. We're superhuman. We're godlike. Yeah, we're godlike. Stain making humans stain removing.

You use your godlike powers to make it vanish.

That's true. Maybe that was you from your God cloud was removing the stain. Maybe when hearing the story now, you projected back into the past two years ago. So they got basically ordinary people in, and they said they basically found ways to relax. Number one, relax them. And number two, make them playful. So they give them, for example, video games to play. Or they'd say, okay, before we do the real experiment, we just want to ask you something. So they'd make. Put. You know, put them off their guard, make them just kind of. I don't know what else they did, but I think it was video games. And what they found was that these ordinary people could actually demonstrate psychic skills as powerful as the professional psychics when they were in that relaxed, completely relaxed state. And Lin McTaggart uses that as an example of the way to tap in to this field. This weird stuff is to relax and be playful. And you find this all over the place. The best healers will say, well, I don't, you know, I'm not really bothered about the healing. I just do it for the fun of it. You know, the most successful people, the most successful business people, when you get to it. And that this is not. This is not on the psychic level. But it could be about manifesting stuff in very peculiar ways. They tend to be really relaxed. Some of the most successful people are very, very relaxed people. But in my life, I've noticed that to get the weird stuff happening, the weird stuff is, you know, anticipation of events, being slightly psychic, understanding what other people are thinking or manifesting things. So, you know, I might say, okay, I put out for a parking, you know, classic stuff. I put out for a parking space on the high street of whatever town. Or I put out for the right, you know, web designer to come into our lives in the next week. When you do that from a relaxed place and you're really relaxed about it, it happens in totally miraculous ways. And I think part of the reason. And I see. I don't even know whether I describe this as spiritual. To me, it's kind of energetic, really, that this stuff really does happen and really does work in a way that most of us are coming from a materialistic kind of. You know, it's a physical world. We're separate beings. Everything's solid. We have feelings, but we, you know, we can't hear other people's thoughts or feelings. All that. That's the background. But it's actually not like that. Underneath that, there is another. There's another aspect to life where lots of things, if not everything are connected and that, you know, my thoughts can have an effect on somebody on the other side of the planet, you know, and if I think about my mother now and I relax, it will have a physiological effect on her. And those, those things are demonstrated in scientific experiments. So back to our. I've done it again, I've talked too much, but it's much more fun when we're joking. But anyway, back to, back to the point of, you know, what does in these situations, either doing a meeting or a social situation, what does it, what happens when you relax or what happens when you say fuck it? Which to me is one way to relax around it because it addresses head on this thing of this is so important or this is too important. I'm, you know, oh my God, if it goes wrong, I've had it. Oh, fuck it. It doesn't matter. When I say fuck it, it doesn't matter. I relax, relax physiologically, my brain relaxes, the whole thing relaxes. So as well as the physiological effects that other people will pick up on, as well as the psychological effects, which makes me funnier, stupider, and therefore probably more likable in that social context or even, you know, in the business context, more creative. So I might come up with solutions more quickly. There's another level as well, which is the, where we're all connected, the energetic level, which means I, you know, this incredible things happening, I'm pulling people towards me, other people are bouncing off me and the situations are changing or I'm becoming super perceptive about a situation because I'm more relaxed. So it's like, it's like in a video game. I don't know, I haven't got the analogy, but it's like flicking a switch from paradigm one, which is, you know, this is situation other beings. I've got to win them over to Paradigm 2, which is a kind of, it's more like a hippie paradigm. It's like we're all connected, this is all beautiful. Everything will work out. I trust that it's going to be a gorgeous thing. And whatever happens, I'd see it as an adventure and we'll all benefit. You know what I mean?

Yeah, I do. And man, Paradigm two is a hell of a lot more fun having lived in both and falling back into one when I'm stressed or reverting or something. But then coming back to paradigm two and the thing that, because I sometimes work with people who are a little more. Listen, Aziz, I want to get results. I want to improve my sales confidence or grow my business. Come on now. And the way that I kind of win them over is like, listen, this woo woo stuff, this more hippie stuff that we're going to work on, your inner game, that actually is going to get you better results in this area in your life. And that's an initial sell that actually really works. Because it's true if you're clenched inside, your solar plexus is tight, your chest is tight, your face is tight, and even if you're trying to hide it. But I want this person to like me. I want this person to buy from me. I want this from them. You're going to repel them.

You really are. Yeah, they feel it, don't they? We all feel it.

Yeah.

Whether we know it or not, we feel it.

Yes. We pick up on it. Talk about our mirror neurons, all our sensors that are beyond our conscious mind. And I know we're going along here. There's one last thing that I wanted to share, which was from your. Your book, which I thought was phenomenal, as I mentioned before, but about the. And this is looping back to about what other people think of us in Fuck it. And there's a section in there where you write about what's really going on in other people when they're judging us or giving us advice or other stuff. And I'm gonna. It's about a woman, a man who approaches a woman and they work together and he sort of takes her aside and wants to give her some friendly advice about how she's carrying on at work. She's dated several of the people there and he's worried about her getting a reputation as being promiscuous or something. And I love how you break down what's really happening there. Which for people who haven't read the book, it's basically, he is attracted to her, he wants her, he feels rejected, and so now he's coming at her with all this stuff. And that happens. I've seen it happen many times with clients of mine in my own personal life where someone comes at me with advice or criticism and it's not about me, it's about them and what's going on. So I'm curious. I thought that would be a great way to kind of tie it full circle, you know, how do we. What are your thoughts on that? About, you know, it coming from someone else? How do we hold that? How do we hold the feedback or criticism that we get from others?

There's that line, what you think of me is none of my business.

I never heard that. I like that.

It's nice, isn't it? It kind of really works. And it These lines can become like mantras for us. And so it's kind of. There's one level to kind of say, well, you know, what you're. What they're saying. Even if it's about me, it's like they're probably not being personal. It's probably their stuff. You know, it's a. It's quite an easy reaction to kind of go, it's their stuff. It's nothing to do with me. But the idea that it's nothing, it's none of my business in any way. Excuse me, Is powerful. Powerful. I was going to sort of throw this phone out of the window, but it's now stopped. It saved my phone.

I like how much you prioritize this interview. It's like, I don't need this thing.

That was. Yeah, it really was a fuck. I wasn't. If it carried on ringing, I really had said, fuck it, the window's open. I was just gonna throw it.

My phone is too precious. Sweet, sweet smartphone device. I could never part with that. That's my. It's my second choice.

No, I'm only through. No, it's only a €10 thing that I would have.

Oh, okay.

Yeah, no, I can. No, if it was my smartphone, then. Now you're talking. No, of course not. No, no, I would have just sat on it. So, yeah, this, this thing of how people are with it, I mean, it's. This is just such essential stuff, isn't it? Because it's there in every moment of the day. It's there in every interaction we have. We just take it personally all the time. And I mean, of course, sometimes it's personal. I mean, that's the truth. And part of the trick is to be able to know when it's personal and to really hear it. You know, if somebody says, actually you're boring, you always go on about yourself, I can't bear to be with you anymore, blah, blah, blah. And you kind of go, none of my business. Nothing to do. It's just your stuff. I'm probably missing something that actually I'm probably being a bit too boring and talking about myself too much there. So there's going to be times when you need to really listen and it is about you, but generally it's not about us and it's other people's stuff. So it. And the. It then becomes a kind of. Again, that doesn't matter so much what theirs. It doesn't matter whether it's. Whether it is their thing or it's not or what it doesn't matter so much. And they. The progress really is generally in fuck it. It's not selfishness, but it's from a. Placing too much importance on the outside stuff. Whether that's how we've tagged a situation. You know, the interview is important, the job is important, the, the economy is important. That's how we've tagged it or how we're tagging, the input that's coming in, whether that, whether it's the friend saying it, the teacher saying it, whether it's our perceived. The perception of, you know, how we're going to be seen when we go out that party or whatever. So instead of placing so much importance on the outside, the external stuff, stimuli, it's kind of going inside more. It's always more about going inside and going, okay, what's going on here? How do I feel? What do I want? What do I desire? What should I say? What's my truth? And to make a bit of a link there, when we get into our truth, it automatically relaxes us. I've done lots of tests on this and it's, it's actually pretty much the essence of a lie detector test because you can't lie and be relaxed at the same time. That's what, that's what the CIA are testing or whoever it is that's testing on the lie detector test. I mean, it's an amazing. This is an amazing, One of the most amazing perceptions for me that it's impossible to lie and be relaxed at the same time. And what that means, I don't mean lying as in, you know, no, I wasn't there, Governor in the bank with a stocking over my head and a shotgun. Lying at a subtle level. Lying is about, oh, yeah, no, I'm really happy, thank you. No, it's great. Yeah. Oh, no, I'm really happy to go and pick up the kids, you know. Oh, yes, it's a great job. You know, what a wonderful presentation. That's lying. They're all lies at one level or another. I mean, some, some stuff we have to say to other people. But generally, you know the thing that says, yeah, I'm really happy, it's great. Which is what we tell ourselves all the time. It's a lie and we can't relax in that, but you can. We can only relax in truth. So when we tell the truth to ourselves or to others, it relaxes us.

Yeah.

And when we relax, it can make us tell the truth, which is kind of. That's kind of where we come from as well, isn't it? When you. When I. You and I completely relax and we go out into a social situation, we tell the truth, which is like, oh, yeah, what the fuck are you talking about? And people start to laugh. It's like, what the fuck are you talking about? Yeah. You know what I mean?

They do. And people will. Yeah, I've absolutely. You know, I can't remember the last time I've been in a conversation with someone where I've just kind of nodded and felt tight in my body and just tried to agree with them. I mean, I used to do that all the time. And now I'll interrupt and I'll be like, I don't exactly know what that means. What do you mean? What are you talking about? And if I do it in just a relaxed way or playful way, people are happy to share. And I just looked at the time here, I feel like we must see here if we each had 17, I don't know how many got to on your list. I maybe got to three or four on mine. So.

We could go on, couldn't we?

It could go on, but this is phenomenal. I mean, I just. I think you have, from the work you've been doing for so many years and working with people in these retreats and really teaching this stuff, I think there's some profound freedom to bring it to the way, way back. The two poles, approval versus freedom. I think you can really help people to relax and to step into their more and more freedom in their life, which is incredibly fulfilling and exciting. And if people wanted to learn more about you, about the retreats, about books, how could people do that?

Well, thanks for what you say, Aziz. It was very sweet of you. Thank you. And you're doing amazing things too. I can see that from what I've seen of your work. It's brilliant work you're doing to find out more about us. It's quite simple, really. I mean, we are on Facebook and Twitter and everywhere, but our website is thefuckitlife Fuck spelt out F U C K, which makes it hard occasionally. But thefuckitlife.com or just Google the fuck it life and you get to our site and it's possible on there actually to do a fuck it test to see how fuck it you are. And that's on the front page. And so you can basically get a score of how fuck it you are and you sign up for that. So that means you can then get emails from us as well.

Fantastic.

Stupid emails from me every couple of weeks.

With loads of embarrassing stories.

No I haven't told that one to our list, actually. I haven't told the Peace.

Yeah, you got to save that one for the. The interaction, the live events. I mean, there's such a drama to it that it's.

Yeah, you can't tell it too many times. I mean, when I do tell it, I take a bucket. I've done it a couple of times, and I can't really do it again. But I have a bucket on stage and I act the thing out as well, including with live stain created by water. I have a stage stain that is phenomenal.

Well, great. Well, it's been a pleasure talking to you and look forward to doing one again in the future.

That'd be good. It has been great fun to talk. Aziz, thank you very much. And I hope your listeners have enjoyed it and benefited from it, too. It's been great. Thank you.

That brings us to the end of the interview and the end of our episode. But of course, before we go anywhere, we gotta leave with what. That's right, your action step. Because none of this stuff does anything for you if you don't put it into. That's right, into action. So let's jump into that right now.

Time for action.

Your action step. You can probably guess based upon what this show is all about, which is, you know, say fuck it and do what scares you. So your action step is to say fuck it and do what scares you. So it could be something real small. It could be something big. You are the one who gets to determine your rate, your pace, your own progress, but just find that one little thing. Take a big sigh beforehand. Say fuck it, and then just do it. Just do it. Just fuck it and do it. And if you can get into that habit of just saying fuck it and doing it, fuck it and do it, it's amazing how much you can start to just get a momentum in your life and start making that progress more quickly. And you can take on bigger things and bigger risks because you realize you can handle it. You can handle it. If you make a joke and people don't laugh, you can handle it. If you try to have a sales conversation and they say, no, you can handle it. If you walk over and talk to that woman and she doesn't want to talk to you, you know, fuck it, do it. See what happens and then do it again, and then do it again and again. So that's the general process, but for today, the action step is just to do it once. And if you can do that and bring that into your life, you can really start to see a powerful shift that cumulatively builds up your confidence over time. So thanks so much for joining me for today's show. If you're enjoying it, if you love these episodes, please by all means go to itunes and give the show a positive rating. Helps me reach more people and then we can continue with the mission of Operation Mass Liberation, helping as many people as possible break free from self doubt, self criticism, shyness, whatever is holding them back so that they can be more of themselves. Because that's what I'm all about and that's what you're all about if you're listening to this show and you made it this far in this episode. So by all means let's spread this to as many people as we can. Give it a five star rating on itunes and and tell people about the show, send them a link, give them a chance to listen to it and get some of the benefits that you do as well. So thanks so much. I love doing these and having these conversations with you. And by all means go to shrinkforthshyguy.com if you want to send me a message there or an audio message and I can incorporate that into future shows and answer any questions you might have. So thanks again for listening and until we speak again that you have the courage to be who you are and to know on a deep level that you're awesome. I'll talk to you soon.

Thanks for listening to Shrink for the shy guy with Dr. Aziz. If you know anyone who can benefit from what you've just heard, please let them know and send them a link to shrinkforthshyguy.com for free blogs, ebooks and training videos related to overcoming shyness and increasing confidence, go to social confidencecenter.com.