Say What You Want!

Just the other day, I was talking with a client in my mastermind group, and she was so frustrated. She was frustrated with her co workers because they weren't taking her. They weren't respecting her opinion enough, taking her seriously enough. She was frustrated with her husband because he wasn't listening to her. And she was frustrated with a friend in her life because that friend hadn't been responding in the way that she liked. And she was irritated and resentful, and so she was just so frustrated and resentful and upset. She was talking about the group call and like this and then that and then that. And I was listening like, what's gonna help this person? What's gonna help this person? Because you know what the problem, the core of the problem was? It wasn't her co workers. It wasn't her husband. It wasn't her friend. The problem was it wasn't even. You say, well, maybe the problem is her. Well, actually, to be more specific, the problem is niceness. And even more specifically, the problem is she wasn't saying what she wanted. Where are you doing this? We don't say what we want, and then we're angry that we don't get what we want, or we're angry that that person doesn't give us the thing, but we never said it. Why don't we say it? Because we're too scared. She was too scared to tell her coworkers her opinions or when she brought up an idea, there's one of them that was interrupting her a lot to say, like, hold on a second, I'm not finished. Or, whoa, I noticed you're interrupting me a lot. I'd like to finish this idea. Or it seems like you're having a hard time letting me share right now or whatever. She could say a lot of different things, but she didn't. And with her husband, she had all kinds of expectations, all kinds of things that she wanted that he wasn't doing. And then she's like, well, if he. You know, he should just know. He should mind read me. He should. If he really loved me, he'd ask more. Oh, God. Maybe. But maybe it's fear, and we just don't want to face that fear. The fear of asking for what we want, saying what we want. So here's what you need to take away from this video. Start saying what you want. And if you got fear or blocks or insecurities about that, it's good to work through them. My book Not Nice is a phenomenal place to start. If you haven't read that one. And even if you had, reading that book is not going to do anything to you. You gotta take what you learn from that and what you learned from this video and other videos, and you gotta go apply. You gotta take the action. Building that assertiveness. And that authenticity is like a muscle. You gotta, through repetition, get stronger at it. So say what you want, and the more you do it, the more you just say it. So just the other day, I was talking with one of the people on my team who does a lot of video editing for us, and I noticed there was, like, a couple of times we had an agreement around a deadline, and he missed the deadline. And so this was happening again. This was the second time it happened. And I just sent him a message. I was like, hey, I noticed that we missed a deadline again, and I want to find out what's happening. And secondly, okay, this next batch that we have planned for Monday, I want to know, can you get this done by Monday? And if you cannot, let me know with an alternative of what your timeline is, and then we can talk about that and find something that works for us both. And it's like, I want to. Like, this is what I want. Can you do what I want if you can't do what I want? Let's talk about that and figure out what's going to work for us both. And it might seem like such a basic thing, right? There was a time in my life where I would not be able to say that, which is crazy to me now when I think about it, like, how can I make stuff happen in the world? How can I have effective relationships? The answer is, I couldn't, right? But now I just say what I want. And even there's a phase in my life where I couldn't do it. Then there was a phase in my life where I could do it. But it would be so scary to send that message. I would have been like, is this. I would overthink it so much. Like, am I saying it right? Am I upsetting him? Is he gonna be angry and retaliate and do stuff later to get back at me? Is he gonna quit? So much stress. And then, you know, crafting the perfect message that's not too offensive and probably comes across as way too nice. And this time I was just like, oh, I don't like what's happening. Let me address it. Didn't even really proofread what I sent and just sent it. And so here's the thing. Just start saying what you want. Start asking for what you want. And if you're waiting to do it perfectly, stop, just start doing it. It's okay for it to be messy, and the ways that it's messy is sometimes it might come across as too pleasing and you know, like, please give to me a bit like begging or something. And other times it might come across as a little demanding. That's okay. That's okay. That's part of the learning process. Just say what you want. You'll find your way. You'll get smoother and smoother as time goes on. And even still, sometimes you'll be messy. And that's okay because it's not about being perfect and smooth. It's about just saying what you want. And even if you don't get what you want, just the act of saying it and asking for it, you're going to clear a lot of that resentment and a lot of that frustration, because that's coming from a place of feeling powerless. When you say what you want more and ask for what you want more, you're activating more of your personal power. So thanks for being with me today. Share below in the comments what you're learning, questions you have, future videos you want to hear about, topics you want to learn about until we speak again. May have the courage to be who you are and to know on a deep level that you're awesome.