Self-Sabotage | Dr. Aziz - Confidence Coach

Have you ever sabotaged your own success? You know that thing known as self sabotage? Have you ever done that where things start to go really well and then instead of being like, yes, this is amazing, you start to go and the next thing you know you're doing stuff that messes it up, you know, consciously or unconsciously and then it kind of starts to go down or even falls apart. Have you ever done that? If so, watch this episode because you're going to learn exactly why and exactly how to shift it so you never do it again. Welcome to another episode of the Art of Extraordinary Confidence. I'm your host, Dr. Aziz, best selling author and the founder of the center for Social Confidence. I've been studying this stuff for 15 years. I'm obsessed. And as many of you know, the reason is because I spent so many years myself trapped and limited in fear and self doubt and social anxiety and trust me, I've done my own fair share of self doubt sabotage. You're going to learn in this video exactly why we do it and how to stop it so you don't do it again so you can just move further and faster towards your goals and achieve exactly what you want. If you're enjoying this video and other videos, click subscribe now because you're not going to want to miss the future stuff coming out. And there's just tons of great things I got coming your way. So let's talk about self sabotage. It's a fancy word. What does it mean? It means things start to go well and I mess it up. That's what that means. And we sometimes mess it up directly. Like, you know, we get into fights or we start yelling at people or we start showing up terribly or we just kind of, we don't just like, we don't like, you know, take the plane and smash it into the ocean. We just kind of like stop doing what we're doing. So we're like, we're doing well, we're doing well, we're growing, we're growing and then we just kind of, I'll just stop. And we don't crash down, but we kind of like level and maybe start to go down. And we can do this in any area of our life. Your health, you start to take charge of your health, you start to lose weight, you start to gain muscle, you start to get lean, you start to do well in your diet and everything. And you do that for a week or a month or a year. And then we let it sink or worse and it all goes downhill fast, right? And you've seen this in your career. It could be escalating your business or your career, taking on new things, new challenges, growing, kicking ass, taking names. And then, wow, this is uncomfortable. I don't know if I deserve this. I'm an imposter. I'm a fraud. You know, all right, that's too much money. I don't know. And then bringing that thing down, back into the ocean, right? Or this can happen in your relationships, love life, your romantic relationships. I mean, this can happen in every area of life. So what is going on? Why do we do this? One word. You ready? Identity. It's your identity. Your identity is how you see yourself. This is who I am. And that includes what you're capable of, what's possible for you, and what you deserve. Ooh, that's a big one. Right? So it's our identity. So what happens is we have a mental, emotional understanding. This is me. This is me. We think it's just our body, too. This is me. And me is this many pounds, this percent body fat, this amount in my bank account, this job, this kind of relationship, treated this way, able to do these things. This is me. I wear these kinds of clothes. This is me. And that's our identity. Only problem is, it's a cage that we get stuck in because. And this is a great phrase that I learned from NLP and Tony Robbins and others, the most powerful force inside of humans is to remain consistent with that identity, to stay in that identity, even if it's limited. And what happens when we start to veer? So let's say good things start to happen in your love life. Oh, my God, I'm in love. This is amazing. Oh, my God, look at this money that I'm making. Or, oh, wow, look, I'm getting so healthy. Good things start to happen, and we start to push against the end edge of our identity. This is not who I am. And almost like, we have that phrase. It's like, this is too good to be what? This is too good to be true. This can't last. Well, why can't it last? Well, on some level, that's not who I am. I'm not that person who can be loved. So I don't deserve this. I mean, she or he loves me so fully and just for who I am, like, or, wow, they're paying me to do this, and, you know, I don't know if I deserve that. Right? So we have this. It conflicts a little bit with our identity. And then we start to get uncertain, we start to get uncomfortable, and we fill that uncertainty with what anxiety? Oh, bad things are going to happen. They're going to see through me. I'm a fraud. I'm a failure. They're going to leave me. We start to get anxious now, that's okay if we know what to do about it. Because in the old pattern you did was self sabotage, which is just fine. I'll just go back to where I was, I'll eat the food, I'll break up with them, I'll fight with them, I'll sabotage my success and stop making so much money. But instead, what we want to do is like, whoa, I'm uncomfortable. That's going to happen. I'm sorry. Anytime we're progressing and growing, it can be uncomfortable. That's a good thing. We just have to know how to interpret it right. So. So it's like, I'm uncomfortable. What do I need to do? Well, you're hitting what Gay Hendricks calls the upper limit problem. That's when you go right up to that top of your identity and there's that urge to pull it down. So what you need to do is you need to upgrade your identity. That's all you need to do, is you need to upgrade your identity. Now that is a huge topic. And I'm going to share two things right now, though, that's going to give you how to do that. But if you want to like, really get all the nuts and bolts, which I could talk about for probably a couple hours in that program, how to upgrade your identity is check out my program, Confidence University. This is the most in depth interactive. It's not just you, like with a screen and no one there. It's like we have groups, we have coaches, we have teams, and it's extremely accessible and affordable. It's probably the most. It's definitely the most powerful, but it's also the most accessible confidence training program for what you get. Because I wanted to make something that could help everyone, regardless of money or income. And so this program, over the course of a year, transforms your confidence in your life. And in there, you're going to learn a ton about identity and how to upgrade it. But there's two ultra powerful tips I want to share with you from all that right now. And if you want to find out more, go to Confidence University on your browser. So two ways. One is to acknowledge what's already there. That's what I've seen. Sometimes people feel like, I got to get better, I got to get better, I got to get better. It's like, no, you got to get better at owning your strengths, you got to get better at seeing what reality really is. So if, like, let's say you're running some, you got some promotion, you're running a group of people, you're heading a team, or you're growing in your business, you're getting paid more for it, and some part of you is like, that's not who I am. That's not me. That's not me. That's not me. I'm an imposter. Your problem is not that you're not good enough. Your problem is that you think that you're not good enough, that you're telling yourself a story that says you're not good enough, and then you're believing that shit and saying, yeah, that jerky jerk in my head that's telling me I'm not good enough. They're right, you know, and you need to, like, put that down and own your strength right now. Because, look, guess what? If you're earning that money and you got promoted to that, you are doing it. If that person comes up and, like, loves you and wants to be with you, you are worthy of it, because it's already happening. Do you see that? Same with every other area of your life. So one powerful quick fix is just to start to really acknowledge it, stop pushing it out, stop blocking it out, and let it in. Be like, yes, I am good at this. I am lovable. I am that, and own what's already there. The other side is you might need to develop yourself. You might need to step up. So if you start to reach that level and you're like, oh, this is beyond my identity. I don't deserve this. Well, maybe you need to develop yourself and grow so that you can do all those things. So, for example, in the business example, maybe you develop yourself to be able to manage people better, to be able to lead better, to be able to be able to do something or grow something in your business better. And when you learn those things and you practice those things, you develop your confidence and your abilities, then your identity naturally upgrades. Same thing is, say, in relationships, you're like, I don't deserve this. Ah. Ah. How do I upgrade my identity? Well, find out why you think you don't deserve it. Do you put up walls? Are you critical of them? Do you do things that are unpleasant to be around in a relationship? Well, confront the issue and solve the problem. Figure that shit out. Learn, read some books about it, do some coaching, do some counseling, do something to enhance yourself, to develop yourself, to upgrade your identity so then you can then receive it so you are ready for it. Does that make sense? So those are two simple ways to do that. Figure out which one you're going to do, maybe both. And use this to end self sabotage forever. And share below. What are you learning? What, what's coming out from this video? What are you going to apply in your life? Definitely subscribe and definitely check out Confidence University if you want to go deep in this stuff. If you're liking these YouTube videos, these are like the appetizer and that's the main course because these are kind of haphazard and random. I mean, these YouTube videos are like super powerful secrets that I'm learning from working with people all day long and just years of training and experience and practice. But Confidence University is like, I sat back and said, okay, what is everything I've done with any client that's been effective? And let's put it in a sequence that's customizable based upon where someone is to get them from anxious, shy, held back, nervous, uncomfortable, to radically confident in all of those areas of their life. Their dating life, their career, their relationships, their social mastery, their ability to converse with anyone. And then I guide you through this process and it's a journey and holy shit, it's going to turn your life around. And the beauty of it is it's accessible anywhere in the world. It's highly interactive, it's highly accessible based upon what the investment is. So go check that out now. Confidence University. I'd love to see you in there. And until we speak again, may you have the courage to be who you are and to know on a deep level that you're awesome.