Should I Tell Her? - Dating Confidence

If you are attracted to a woman, there's something about her energy, her appearance, the way she moves, the way she laughs, something about her that draws you to her. You're attracted to her, you're turned on. A, do you move towards her? And B, do you tell her? Let's look at this. In today's episode, how to be more free, more expressive, not be held back in any way so you can really go after what you want and create the dating life and the love life that you deserve. Hey, welcome to another episode of the Art of Extraordinary Confidence. I'm your host, Dr. Aziz, and this is a show for you if you want to 10x your confidence in all areas, including your love life, your dating life. And in fact, today I'm going to be answering a question from a viewer. Oh, yes, I'm going to start doing that. So if you want to post questions below in the comments, I can't promise I can get to everyone, but I'm going to cherry pick some of the most common ones, the ones that I see a lot, and I'm going to answer them. And today I'm answering a question from Mark heming. He says, Dr. Aziz, I have a question. I'm often drawn to a woman, not out of curiosity, but due to sexual desire, for shame, she has a great body or bum, etc. So he's turned on sexually attracted to her. How do I express this to her without lying and knocking my self esteem? That is a great question. I assume he means he would knock his self esteem by lying. So he'd go up to her and say, I just want to let you know I don't find you attractive in any way. No, I see what he's going for right here. Because it's like, first of all, there might be some shame in there about feeling just attracted to a woman because of her appearance. And it's a loaded topic. And I actually get comments occasionally from women viewers who are like, you talk about being attracted to a woman because of her appearance, that's bad. And we all have some of that in us, right? There's. And as men, we're like, oh, that's. It shouldn't just be that I'm a bad person. I'm superficial. I used to beat myself up because I'd see a woman that I was really drawn to and I like wanted to go meet her just because of the way she looked, the way she moved. External stuff. Not really, because it's internal too. It's her energy's coming out, but whatever. And I beat myself up, like, oh, that's bad. That's not a, you know, that's superficial. You're a bad person. You just gotta let that go. I mean, you're a man, of course you're drawn to what is beautiful, what is attractive, what excites you. That's your energy, that's your passion, that's your hormones, that's your testosterone, that's your drive to reproduce. There's nothing wrong with that. If you dampen that, if you criticize that, then you're also dampening and cutting off the flow of your creativity, your power, your passion, your energy, your vitality. All that stuff is from the same place, right? So we don't want to squish that, we don't want to smash that, we don't want to make anything wrong. The first thing I got to say about that, the second thing is, well, how do you go do it? Because if I tell a woman that I'm attracted to her, then that's going to have some fear about that. First of all, Mark, why do you feel like you need to lie in the first place? I mean, why hide anything? Because if I tell a woman that I'm attracted to her or I find her sexy or beautiful, then something bad's going to happen. That's the fear, right? She's going to be turned off. She's going to think I'm just going to want to use her. She's not going to want to spend time with me. She's going to think, oh, do you just like me for my body and hate me? All these fears. And you know what? Like everything in life, there's a right way to go about it and a wrong way. And I don't mean morally right, like the righteous path. I mean it's gonna work or it's not. That's what I mean. The right way works. The wrong way just doesn't work. It doesn't create a connection. It doesn't get you closer to her, it doesn't make her feel good. So let's make a distinction here. If you are bold, authentic, vulnerable and real with her, that works. That's the right path. That's charming, that's attractive, that is compelling, that is magnetic. If you are hiding, attempting to manipulate, don't want to reveal it, pretending something else, it's not going to work. And it does take a knock on your self esteem. Take a hit on your self esteem. So forget that one. Let's look at this other one. How do we do that? How would you say Something like that. Well, here's the. This is the funniest thing. You know, when I work with clients, sometimes what I'll do is I'll say, okay, so there's this, you know, whether it's a woman over there or there's a thing they wanted to say to their boss, or they wanted to say something to their dad, but they never did. Like, they wanted to express themselves, but they didn't. And I'll say, great. If you were totally free to say whatever you want without fear of any negative response, what would you say? And guess what? Nine times out of ten, what they say is perfect. I don't do anything other than reflect it back to them and say, yeah, that is good. Say that it's maybe 1 out of 10 times, 2 out of 10 times, where they're like, it's so charged or angry or blaming or something. I'm like, well, you. You know, let's tweak it like that. But even then, we're still working with the raw material. So my point of saying that is right now, you already know how to do this. It's not a how to thing. It's I'm scared to. And you know how to overcome fear, right? Just do it. Just do it. Start smaller. If you can't get 30 days to dating Mastery, my program, if you want to step by step, work your way up to doing it. But really, there's no way to overcome the fear other than facing it. And we all know that. So let's just start doing it right now. So how would you do this with a woman in this situation? Let's say there's a woman you're really drawn to. What would you say? Don't just wait for me to tell you the answer. Think about it for yourself for a second. What would you say? Imagine put yourself in that situation. There she is right over there. You don't know her yet. She's a total stranger. You're at the supermarket. What would you do? You know what? There is no one way to play it. You could say, whatever. I mean, I know guys who are really direct, and they'll just tell her, hey, I just noticed you over there, and I want to tell you something. You are. You look incredible. I mean, you are amazing. And that's their. And they're so congruent with that. There's not this part of them that's like, oh, don't say that. And it's just, boom. And they're bold and they're direct. And you know what? That shit Works. I've seen it. And not for every woman in every situation. Doesn't mean like the woman in the supermarket throws herself on him or something, but she might. She might give him her number right there because he's direct and he's bold and that's his works for him. Now, for me, I found I would be a little more. I'd still be pretty direct, but I'd be more vulnerable and charming as I did it. Be charming by being more vulnerable because I'm a softie. So I would see a woman and I would say I might start with something in the environment to engage with her. Like, she's an especially. I don't know if it's like a supermarket or something that's kind of intense. Like, you're incredibly beautiful. It's like, whoa, what the hell? I'm just grabbing some juice. And so. And that's okay, though, because it works if that works for you. And so that's what I'm highlighting. There's no right path. But what I might do in that situation is I might see her and I might say she's looking at a bunch of different juices. I mean, like, which one's the right choice? And then we chat for a second about juices. And then as we're talking and I'm looking at her and we're engaging and maybe she's laughing, I'll say, man, my heart is beating fast. You are absolutely beautiful. So my approach is more sincere, heartfelt, because that's where I live come from is my heart. But that is powerful. And I tell her she is beautiful. I mean, it is a long story, so I'm not going to go into it, but when I was courting my wife, I told her a bunch of things I loved about her or was attracted to, and I told her she had a sexy ass. And guess what? She loved it. So don't hide that energy. Don't block that. And here's the thing, this fear of I'm going to be creepy and oh, it's too offensive and stuff. The more you stop thinking that yourself, the more you let that go, the more you become more comfortable in your own desire, your own sexuality, the less that's going to come back to you. Because if you're all torn up about it and it's bad and it's wrong, then that's what you're going to get from the world. And women are going to be like, oh, ah, how could you? Right? Because that's the energy that you're putting out but if you're totally comfortable with it, you know you're going to get great responses. Some women are not going to be open to it. Some women might be flatter, but also a little scared or intimidated. And that's all fine. You don't have to connect with every single woman. But the thing is to be. You find your style, be expressive and tell her you think she's beautiful. Tell her in that first conversation, tell her on the first date. One last thing about this, though. Notice the ways that I was. The examples that I was giving. It doesn't have this quality. This is the quality that creeps women out. You ready for it? You walk up to her and you're like. You're like, lower. You know, you're better than me is what you're saying. With your body language. You're not making strong eye contact. I don't know if you're actually like Igor style wringing your hands, but if you are, stop. Just put your hands down by your side. But you're like, you know, you are. Gosh, you are just so, so beautiful. I mean, wow. You're. He said bum. Your bum is just, whoa. And you're, like, not solid in yourself. You're not sure of yourself. You're also not. You're, like, wanting something from her as you do it. That's what's gonna creep her out. So you just want to say it. Boom. Own it. And then you also don't have to linger on it, right? Like, you are absolutely, incredibly beautiful. Right? That kind of puts her on the spot. She's like, thanks, right? Maybe not. Maybe she's like, oh, thank you. But even then, you want to move on, right? You don't want to just, like, stop there and wait for something magical to happen. Just throw it in. And then, you know, wow. I got to say, you are absolutely beautiful. What's your name? Right? So pause a beat, let it sink in, and then move on. Because that doesn't put any pressure on her. She can just take it in. She'll be like, whoa, who says that to someone in the supermarket? And that's a good thing if you're different, if you're more bold and more real than anyone else she's met that day or that month or that year. That's good, because not many guys are doing that. Not many people are doing that. And the more you can do that, the more attractive you're going to be. So this. That answers. That's my perspective on this question. You know what? There are a million perspectives. None of them are as good. No, I'm kidding. There are a million perspectives. Share your thoughts below. What do you think about this issue? If you're a woman watching this, what are your thoughts on this issue? Let's just be real here. Let's just share. So share your comments. Any other questions you have, things that you notice, work things you noticed that didn't work. Tips, insights. Let's all support each other. Let's all help each other out. So share below. Until we speak again. Know this. You are awesome.