Shyness And Social Anxiety - How To Stop Settling For Less And Live A Life Of Confidence

Are you settling? Are you living the life that you want, pursuing the things that matter most to you, feeling excited about what you have going on in your life? Your pursuits, your hobbies, your career, your passion, your relationships, your dating life, your social life? Are you excited about that stuff growing in those areas? Or are you settling? Are you just kind of drifting down with the current and seeing where you end up, where you land? Because that's where I lived for many years, especially in the area of dating and relationships. I think this is where a lot of people settle, honestly. And I was settling in a number of ways. Back when I was in college, one of the ways that I settled is I settled for, let's say I wanted to meet someone. I settled for, well, I'll just meet someone where it naturally just sort of happens for me without me doing any work. So for me, that would be if I met someone in a class or if I met someone at work. Those were the two activity spaces. And I lived home, work, class. I certainly wasn't going to talk to someone at a party or anything like that, or even really going to that many parties. And so I would be like, well, maybe I'll just run into someone at work. So already I was settling because instead of saying, hey, there's a wide world of possibility. I can go to a party tonight and meet someone, or I could be walking down the street and meet someone. I could be in a cafe or a coffee shop and meet someone at a restaurant, anywhere. No, I was settling. I was saying, well, I got to work with him. It's got to be natural and normal. And so I would kind of just worked at the post office in Santa Barbara and the campus there. And I just kind of look around. I was like, well, my options are these six women that work here, because, hey, that's all I can do. I was already settling. But then that wasn't it. I settled even further down at the bottom. One of those fish that live under the sand, like, their eyes are both on the top side of them, they kind of pop out and eat something. I was like one of those. I kind of settled down to the bottom of the ocean. And so I settled further where I was like, okay, not only do I have to work with them or be in some setting where it just naturally kind of happens, they also have to approach me. Yes, yes, that was my criteria. She has to approach me in order to start a connection or relationship. Now, now, did I do that because I was such high value and I was like a rock star, and I Had thousands of women approaching me. No, no, still working on that one. But I was like. Because I was too scared. I was too scared to pursue someone. And so I settled and I said, well, you know what? They got to approach me. They got to demonstrate their interest to me, and then I will, you know, have a conversation with them. It was out of a fear of being rejected. And. And here's the line. Here's the sentence that I said in my mind if I thought about not settling. You know, I'm sure you're doing the same thing. You see a beautiful woman somewhere. If you're single and you want to meet her and you're drawn to her, you want some part of you wants to make something happen. But what do you say to yourself? This is what I said to myself for years. She's out of my league. Yes. She's out of my league. You know, I was given a toast at my best friend's wedding last. Not too long ago, over the summer. And he asked me to do the best man speech. And so I did. I was doing a toast, and there's probably, like a big wedding, maybe 250 people there. And I was thinking a lot about this because him and I were buddies in college. And we would sit there, if we went to a party, we'd sit at the corner of the party with a drink in our hands, being like, maybe someone will come talk to us. Maybe some woman will say, hey, you. Yeah, you. No, not you. That one. The scared guy in the corner who's not looking at me. I want you. Maybe that'll happen. And so I told the story about how when we were in college, there's this phrase that we would say to ourselves again and again about women. And there's 250 people there, probably 125 men, let's just say 50, 50. And I said this. I said, there's a phrase that almost every guy says to himself, and it goes something like this. She's out of my. And I paused. And with no other prompting, I'd say 100 out of those 125 guys said league. I mean, it's a phrase that every man knows. We all know this. But it kills you when it comes to creating the life that you want. Because as long as you believe that someone, as a woman, is out of your league, then she is. And then you're forced to settle for what is in your league. And here's where it gets problematic, because if you're struggling with confidence right now, I can guarantee that you have A poor self concept. Self concept is how you see yourself, what you believe to be true about yourself. I'm tall, I have, you know, brown skin, brown eyes. I'm attractive, I'm not attractive. I'm fat, I'm skinny, I'm motivated, I'm lazy. All those ideas that you have about yourself, that's your self concept. And across the board, when I was stuck in shyness and everyone I've worked with who's stuck in shyness, they have a negative, bad, poor self concept. You're not seeing yourself accurately. You're seeing yourself as less than you are. I'm not attractive, I. I am not skilled enough. I can't do things in life. I'm not good enough at work, I can't. And I'm not well dressed enough. I'm not confident enough. You have all this stuff that's accumulating that blinds you to your strengths, to your value. I mean, you can get so blinded by your weaknesses and your downsides that you can't even see what's good about you. And so of course, she's out of your league. And so that's what's keeping you stuck and settling, believing on some deep level that you're not as good as her. Now, whether it's a her and you're talking about dating in this setting, or whether it's asking for a raise at work or speaking up and giving a presentation, or just carrying yourself with assertiveness and dealing with other people in the world eye to eye, all of that comes back to you saying, hey, they're better than I am. I'm not good enough. What do I have to offer her? And that's what's keeping you stuck. And so in order to shift this, in order to break free from settling, and you have to stop buying the story, you have to stop buying the story. That stuff just naturally happens. Something will just come to me. It's never going to happen. Trust me. I've been doing this for over 10 years and I've never been working with someone where they're like, well, I didn't want to do anything that you said and I'm not going to take any action. I'm just going to wait and see. And then it worked out for them. In fact, I probably wouldn't be working with them for that long if that's where they were stuck and that's where they wanted to stay. But so you have to shift this. And one of the most powerful ways to shift this, which I'm going to share in this video now, and it's what I teach in Confidence Unleashed. There's a section on it in 30 days to dating Masteries and even bigger section on it, which is going from passive to active in your life. If you want to live a life where you're no longer settling, you have to go from passive to active. And you might already know what that means. I'm just going to give a few examples to really hammer it home. Passive is going to work at the post office and saying, well, I'm going to hopefully date one of the six women here, two of which were in relationships, long standing relationships. So four women here. I'm gonna date one of the four women here. That's passive. They must approach me to show me that they're interested in me. Passive. I'm gonna wait until my boss offers me a raise because I did such a good job. Passive. Right. So how do you become active in those situations? Active is. You know what, I'm gonna go find someone. I'm gonna meet her. There's a woman over there. I want to go talk to her. And you said, well, Aziz, I don't know how to go talk to her. Then what's the active approach to that? The passive approach is like, well, I don't know how to do that, so I guess we're done. No, the active approach is like, well, I got to learn how to do that. I got to research that. In fact, you check out my program, 30 days to dating Mastery. I guide you step by step on exactly how to do that so you can learn that stuff. That's where the active part comes in. You have to be willing to learn something. Now it's like, I'm going to wait for her to approach me. That's passive. What's the more active approach? I'm going to initiate a conversation, and if you get even higher up in the two programs I mentioned, I break down the levels from active to passive. And the highest level of action is taking action even when you don't know the outcome. Right? Because we sometimes will take action when we know the outcome. Like, I remember when I was in high school, the one and only girlfriend I had for like a week before it all went south. So someone told me, they said, hey, this girl over there, she's telling people that she thinks you're attractive, she wants to go out with you. And then I was like, okay, I can handle it. I broke down after the first few dates that we had, but I at least tried there. And I said, okay, I'm going to do that. So I took action when the outcome was relatively certain. So the next level of taking action is taking action when you don't know the outcome. Walking over to that stranger and starting a conversation with her, even when you don't know that she loves you and wants to do date you, that's taking a risk. That's how you grow. That's how you stop settling and create the life that you want. Now I'm going to wait for my boss to give me a raise. You probably know the active part of that asking. Finding your value in work and carrying yourself in such a way, letting other people know what you're doing that's effective. Being sure to inform the bosses of what you're doing and how you're saving the company money or earning the company money. And then when it comes down to the point where you ask for the raise, you have a much higher likelihood of getting. And there's so many examples about how you can go from passive to active, but that's the takeaway. And again, if you really want to turn this up to the next level, Confidence Unleashed will give you the energy and the internal strength and power to pursue that confidence. And then 30 days to dating Mastery is going to give you all the nuts and bolts. What do I say? How do I start conversations? How do I keep them going? How do I flirt? And on top of that, there's missions. So you actually progress. You know, it's not just intellectual learning. It's my favorite program. So check that out if you really want to take this to the next level and stop settling in your life. So until we speak again, may you have the courage to be who you are.