Sneaky Confidence Killer #3: Delay Tactics

You know, someday I'm going to do that. I'm going to get to it later, and I'm working on it. These sound familiar? This is the language of sneaky confidence. Killer number three, delay tactics. Delay tactics. We have hundreds of them. Those are just a small sampling of things that I've said. I've heard clients say, when we want to take something that we want to do that really matters to us but is scary, and we push it far away. So we're not giving up on it. We're not saying, I'm never going to do that, but we just push it out there just a little ways down the road, and we do it subtly with our language. So I remember just not too long ago, someone in my mastermind program did something, and they put themselves out there in some way. Some creative pursuits, I think. They started recording videos of themselves, and someone else in the program said, wow, that's amazing. Someday I'd like to do that, too. And I said, fantastic win, right? Because just that subtle word someday puts it off indefinitely. Another way that we can use a delay tactic would be, well, I'm working on it now. Working on it does sound pretty good. I mean, that doesn't sound like a delay tactic, does it? Well, it depends. How long have you been working on it? I'm working on it. I'm working on it, Right? It reminds me of this Simpsons. I think it's the Simpsons. Maybe it's a family guy where, let's just say it's the Simpsons. In March. It goes to Homer. It's like, hey, when are you going to finish painting that garage? And he's like, I'm working on it. And you see the garage, and he's got the new coat of paint in the bottom right corner just a little bit. And then he painted above that. You know, start here, June, whatever. And it's like six months ago that he painted that, and he hasn't painted anything else. I'm working on it. Right? So what is. So when we say, I'm going to do that someday, I'm working on it. Do you see how we're in this limbo space of I'm not doing it, But I'm also not saying I'm not gonna do it. I'm just keeping it in this gray zone. Because if I say I'm gonna do it, then, boom, I'm doing it? And what happens when we go do that thing? There's fear. If you really say, okay, I'm putting that Kickstarter campaign out there. Okay, I'M starting that business. Hey, I'm gonna make those phone calls. I was talking with someone, a business situation that they're in, they need to make a pivot, as many people have done this year in 2020, like, lots of pivots needed in and survive. And we came up with some key ideas that this person could do. And he's like, yeah, okay. But, you know, one of the key ones was actually specifically reaching out to making calls, connecting with his network and talking to people. And he never done that. He'd always done his, you know, people had referred to him. And he had to go, like, pursue. He had to put himself out there. And he's like, you know, okay, well, let me think about how I might come up with a plan to get in touch with those people. That was his language. Let me think about how I might come up with a plan to go talk to those people. And I said, that was just two levels removed from action, so you can see how this manifests in our language. He wasn't conscious of that. In his mind, he might have said, I'm going to go do it. But he didn't say that. He said, I'm thinking about making a plan to go do it to figure out how to talk to those people. And if you want to, you know, throw it in there, throw in some qualifiers in there, I'm going to think about maybe starting up, you know, coming up with a plan to possibly go talk to those people. Right now we got four layers, and now we might as well be on the other side of the planet from where we want to be. So what you got to do is say, I'm going to. I. I'm going to go talk to those people now. If you're going to go talk to those people now. All of a sudden I said. And I kept on trying to bring this guy closer and closer to the reality of doing it. I said, great. Let's say right now you're going to hang up this phone and you're going to make three phone calls and you're going to call me back. How does that feel? And then he got real squirrely, and he's like, well, I don't know. I don't even know how I'd get a hold of him. And I said, great, great. What's happening now? What are you feeling? And he's like, I am anxious right now. And I said, fantastic. And he probably didn't think it was very fantastic, but here's why it was fantastic. Because when you are someday, maybe, probably going to think about doing it, you're not going to feel that much anxiety because you're so far removed from the actual action. You're using all these delay tactics, and that's a confidence killer, because confidence is the byproduct of action. And when you're way over here, you're safe and you're secure, and you're not going to have to face any of that rejection, which is what he was scared of. But guess what you're also not doing in his case, pivoting his business, thriving, surviving, growing, achieving, creating what he wants. And you're going to start to feel more and more disconnected, more and more depressed, more and more down, lower and lower energy, more lethargic, perhaps even more anxious because you feel powerless, because you're not grabbing the steering wheel of your own life. So what delay tactics might you be using? Pay attention to your language over the next couple days. See if you can. When you catch it, just bring it closer. Bring it closer to now. What about now? When can I do this? Now, Now. Some things cannot be done this second. But then come up with a day instead of someday, like, okay, I'll do that next Friday. Great. Or when would I schedule that in? And you start to make it more and more real. Do this, you'll get into more action. You get into more action, you'll build more confidence. And this annoying, sneaky confidence killer won't get in your way anymore. So share down below what you're finding most valuable and until we speak again, may have the courage to be who you are and to know on a deep level that you're awesome.