Dr. Aziz explains why asking "why" about uncomfortable emotions keeps you stuck. Instead, slow down and focus on what you're actually feeling in your body with curiosity and self-compassion. This approach relaxes your nervous system and often produces insights that analyzing never does.
Do you sometimes get stuck in a feeling? Whether it's feeling nervous or anxious or down or depressed or self critical or whatever it is, do you sometimes get stuck there? If so, I'm going to share something in this short video that might really go against what you've learned, and that is to stop asking the question why. Welcome to another episode of the Art of Extraordinary Confidence. I'm your host, Dr. Aziz, and this is the show for you. If you want to be confident in every area of your life that matters, whether it's your business, your career, your finances, how you show up in the world in work, but also in dating and relationships and just you being you. And if you're enjoying this episode and other episodes of the show, click below to subscribe now so you don't miss any of the episodes. And I'm having a lot more coming out these days. And this episode is all about how to get unstuck from a feeling. And we've all been there. We get stuck in a feeling. We're feeling down, we're feeling self critical, we're feeling nervous, we're feeling anxious, we're feeling lonely, we're feeling regret. Whatever it is, it's an uncomfortable emotional state and we want to change it, but we feel stuck. And maybe you try some of your things that you've learned or techniques, or try to distract yourself. Watch a bunch of Netflix who knows what, and it's not working. And there's one thing that we do that I think keeps us stuck almost more than anything else, and that is asking the question, why now? Why? Is a great question if you're trying to discover your motive to do something. I want to earn a million dollars. I want to start a business. I want to date this person. If you ask yourself, why? What is that going to give me? Why do I want that? And you get to the underlying emotion that's maybe going to drive you to go earn the money or start a business or pursue that person, that's great because that's, you know, gives you a much better connection to your own motivation. But asking why about when you're feeling something uncomfortable that just digs you further and further down. It's a form of resistance to the feeling. So here's what's happening. You know, you're feeling, let's say you're feeling anxious about some presentation you're going to give or something you got to do. Oh, why? Why am I feeling anxious? And usually if you pay attention to the tone of that questioning, it's rarely this. It's rarely one of open curiosity. Huh. Why am I feeling that? I wonder why. No, it's more like, ah, why am I feeling that? Why? Why am I feeling this? And there's a subtle implication, There's a subtle tone to it that says, you shouldn't be feeling that way. Why? It's almost like this, you know, it's like. It's like a parent talking to a little kid. And the kid's like, dad, I'm anxious. Why are you anxious? You shouldn't be. Dad, I'm feeling sad. Why are you feeling sad? There's nothing to be sad about, right? And who knows? Maybe that was some of your conditioning. Maybe that was some of your programming going up. I don't know what your situation's like with your family, but we do that to ourselves all the time. Why am I feeling this way? AKA, I shouldn't be feeling this way? Or we're trying to dig in there for the reason is it this? Is it that? Is it this? And if I could just find the right reason, somehow the feeling would disappear and dissolve. But it doesn't. It doesn't work that way now. Sometimes insights can set us free. Oh, wow. I'm nervous because I'm wanting everyone to like me, or, oh, I'm feeling lonely because I'm telling myself that, you know, the reason I'm not with somebody is because I'm not worth it. And those insights can be helpful. But I don't think we get to those insights by, like, demanding why? In an impatient, pissed off way with ourselves. We get to those insights by just slowing down, by just saying, I don't need to know why right now, maybe why, and I'll understand more later, but for now, I just need to stop resisting this feeling. I just need to let this feeling be inside of me. So whatever it is, sadness, anxiety, frustration, anger, upset, loneliness, just start with breathing and just bring your attention right into your body where you notice the feeling most and let your attention stay there. I've done other videos about this, but bring your attention there and find it in your body and just be curious about the actual sensation. So instead of saying, why am I feeling this? What's the reason? Let me figure it out. How about just, what. What is the sensation of this? What am I feeling? As if someone put an ice cube in your hand and said, just hold this while it melts and notice what it feels like. You know, maybe at first it feels good and then it feels like it kind of stings and then you feel some water starting to trickle out of your fist as it melts. And you were just to study that intently, you could find all kinds of things about the sensations. You want to do the same thing with the feeling. And when you do this, even for just several minutes, and you drop out of the incessant why I gotta get rid of this and you just surrender to it, things start to open up, you start to breathe easier, your nervous system starts to relax. You stop being in this kind of tense, antagonistic, fighting relationship with the feeling. And then more starts to emerge. You know, the feeling itself might just start to shift and dissolve, but also insights might come. And these are insights that actually serve you, that actually help you feel more emotionally free, not just some grasping and understanding trying to bash the feeling away. So the next time you're struggling, stop asking, why? And start asking, what am I feeling? Slow down, breathe, and just pay attention to the sensations in your body and meet those with as much love and compassion for yourself as you can muster. Awesome. So share below how this works for you, what you notice, breakthroughs you have as you do this, and it might inspire others to bring this more into their lives. And until we speak again, may you have the courage to be who you are and to know on a deep level that you're awesome. I'll talk to you soon.
