This is a short YouTube talk by Dr. Aziz contrasting 'being nice' with 'being kind.' He argues that niceness is a fear-based strategy aimed at pleasing others and keeping approval, which can harm confidence, relationships, and health; he recommends choosing authenticity — speaking directly and saying no when needed — over people-pleasing.
Being nice is a good thing, right? Well, actually, after working with thousands of people, I've seen there's a huge difference between being nice and being kind. And when you're being nice, you can actually kill your confidence, damage your relationships, and even destroy your health. Because here's the problem with being nice. Nice is about being a good person so that I don't upset you and that I please you. Which might sound okay, right? But what if I disagree with you? What if you want me to do something that I don't want to do? Now I feel like I have to do it. Because niceness is not about being a good person. It's a fear based survival strategy to keep the approval of others. So here's what you got to do instead. To free yourself, you have to choose to be real instead of being nice. That means if there's something you want to say, you say it. You be direct. If you need to say no to something, you say no to something. Ultimately, you prioritize authenticity over pleasing others.
