Dr. Aziz (speaker) advises against habitually explaining your actions to others. He argues the primary motive is seeking approval — "you want them to like you" — and that continual explanations are unnecessary and unhelpful. He recommends an exposure-style approach: do what scares you, tolerate internal discomfort, and learn that the world doesn't end; this builds internal confidence and reduces the need to explain yourself.
The number one reason people explain themselves to others is because you want them to like you. You want them to not be upset. You want to make sure that they feel okay. So you share oh, I can't make this thing because this, this and that, or oh, I did this because this and that. Only reason I did that because of this. And it seems like it's helpful for your relationships. It's going to make people like you more. It doesn't work, it's not necessary. And the only way that you discover that is through almost like an exposure exercise of doing what scares you. And you realize that the world doesn't end and I'm safe and you can find that confidence inside without needing to explain yourself to everybo. The next time you want to explain why you did this, just don't notice that discomfort inside and realize that instead of being dangerous, that's actually growth.
