Stop Gaslighting Yourself

It's time to stop gaslighting yourself. You're going to discover exactly what I mean by that in this video, why you're probably doing it much of the time, and how it can significantly cause problems in your life, make you disconnected from yourself, have bad relationships, suffer a lot more than you need to or want to, and you can discover how to shift that quickly in this video. I'm Dr. Aziz. I'm the founder of the center for Social Confidence. And one of my most popular books that's available on Amazon and Audible is called Not Nice. Maybe you've read it. Maybe that's why you're here. And in that I work with nice people. Well, most of my clientele are nice people. They're good people. They want to do the right thing, and they've been living by the nice person playbook, but their life is not working. They're being taken advantage of. They're in bad relationships, their things are falling apart, or they're just stagnant, stuck, resentful, burnt out, and it's not working anymore. And they might even have people in their lives that are. They feel like narcissists. Maybe you've heard that term gaslighting. It's a popular term now, right? And what that means, if you're not familiar with it, is it's when somebody, you try to explain something that, hey, this doesn't work for me, or you're in a relationship with somebody, say, hey, when you did that, my feelings were hurt. And instead of curiosity or asking questions, they don't just deny it, they'll flip it back on you. Maybe they'll deny it. Maybe they'll flip it back and say, I hear your feelings, but you're the one who. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And. Or they'll use logic. They'll do whatever it takes to make you confused, invalidate your perspective and be like, I guess I'm wrong, or maybe I should just stop talking. Even though it doesn't feel like that was okay, right? They just kind of steamroll you and they can be very skilled at it. And maybe you've experienced this in your life and people are focused on that. There's a lot of stuff on YouTube now about, like, how to deal with narcissists and stuff like that. And the biggest gaslighter is not out there. It's in here. I see this all the time with clients, and here's how it works, and here's what you're probably doing as well, especially if you're a nice person. Is there's some perspective. You have some feeling that you have about a situation. I was just talking with a woman. She was in a relationship or forming a relationship with somebody and wasn't sure if she wanted to go further. Right. I've seen this with people who are dating, and do I want to keep dating this person? I've seen this. People are upset at a certain family member. There's a relationship thing going on. And there is a feeling inside of like, I don't like this. I want them to be different, or this is bothering me. But they can not even barely get that out of their mouth. And then I hear their inner gaslighter. Well, why is it bothering you if it's bothering you? You're the one. You wanted him to do more. You should have done more. Why didn't you do more? What's your problem? You're just too sensitive. You are. You're just afraid of commitment. You're afraid of relationships. You need it. And it goes on and on and on. Is this familiar? And the person can't even hear themselves. And then they're like, oh, I'm just so confused. I don't know. I'm so confused. I'm overwhelmed. I'm ruminating. I'm confused. You're not confused. You are clear. There's another part of you that is gaslighting the clarity. Because, well, why would you do that to yourself? Usually it's because that part that's gaslighting you has an agenda. Right? So let's say someone's in a relationship and it's not working. It's not working for a long time, and they want to leave, and they start to feel that, I got to get out of here. I don't want to do this. And then they gaslight themselves. Oh, what's wrong with you? You need it. Relationships are about hard work. You got to step up. You're the one. He's trying his best. She's doing this. You're not enough. Right. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. What is that part's agenda? Wants to make sure you don't leave the relationship. Usually we gaslight ourselves to preserve the status quo, to prevent us from taking a risk or making a change. To just stay, keep things the same or stay in the role that you're supposed to stay in. I'm supposed to be a good wife or a good husband or a good daughter, a good son, a good employee, a good boss. I could never leave. Fire the person. Ask for something different to make a change. Tell a person, look, this has Got to change or I'm out. I could never do that because that's not what a nice person does. That's not what a good person does. And so that, that gaslighting is trying to force you to stay into that role. And guess what? Freaking works. It works. I've talked to people who've done that to themselves for decades before they met me. And you know what? Their relationships suck. Their life sucks. People are taking advantage of them. People just want them for their money or for what they can give to them. They've surrounded themselves, maybe with people who are also gaslighting them from the outside. It's a real mess. But you know what? You can't just burn it all to the ground and then go start again. Because what you're doing is you're going to recreate the same thing. We have to change this inner pattern. And that means stop trying to push yourself and start getting curious. Okay, what is the agenda of that part? What if I were to listen to myself more? What if I ask myself, what do you really think? What do you really feel? What do you really want? And you create some guardrails around that oppressive gaslighting party. Say, hold on a second, hold on a second. I want to hear what he really thinks. I want to hear what she really feels. And you got to become your own inner champion inside to be able to do that. And if you want to learn more about how to do that, the tools and strategies on exactly how to make that shift inside of your mind, one of the best ways to start with that is in my program, Confidence University. It's got four in depth courses all about mastering this inner mindset, mastering inner confidence, self confidence, and then taking that real, authentic version of you, not the role that you're trying to be, but the real you into your social life and your dating life and your career so you can crush it in all these areas. So if you want to find out more, you can click down below in the description or just go to TheConfidenceUniversity.com and there's a ton of information, videos, trainings that you can learn about inside of Confidence University. So share down below in the comments. What are you finding most valuable here? What are you seeing about yourself here so we can all learn and grow together until we speak again. May have the courage to be who you are and to know on a deep level that you're awesome.