Dr. Aziz describes approval addiction as a pattern of seeking validation from others, comparing it to substance addiction with its temporary fixes and cravings. He outlines signs like over-monitoring others and anxiety, then recommends building self-confidence and showing up authentically instead of trying to control how people respond.
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Oh, hello. Ah, I didn't see you there. I was just getting my fix. And you just might find that there is some similarities in getting a drug fix and getting an approval fix in this video. And that you, my friend, no offense, might be an approval addict. Now, I'm not giving you that diagnosis. I can't diagnose you. I don't even know you. We're not even talking. We're just hanging out on YouTube. Right? But. But you can maybe come to that conclusion yourself. And there's good news. If you notice any of these tendencies in yourself, because you can shift that, you can free yourself from that addictions. But let's make the parallel here. When I say approval addiction, what am I talking about? In fact, the title of this video is how to Stop Harvesting Approval. And what I'm talking about is interacting with other people and wanting. Needing a certain response from them, which would be in the approval category, which is something like, I like you or. Or I want more time with you, or I think you're great or I feel positively towards you. The opposite of that is I don't like you. I don't want to spend more time with you. I don't want a second date, I don't want to hire you, I don't want to work with you. I don't even like you. And I feel bad feelings towards you. Right? And there's obviously a spectrum in between there, that's approval, disapproval. And when we go interact with other humans, which you do at work, you do in your social life, you do dating relationships out in the world, you might think, oh, I'm just talking to people or I'm connecting or I'm going here to meet people or whatever I'm doing here. Going here to go to work. Right? Are you or are you there to harvest approval? Now what do I mean by that? Well, if you observe yourself during interactions, if you're there to harvest approval, you are focused on getting that response from them. So I'm going to do all the things that will get that approval response, and I will not do anything that's going to get the disapproval response. And I'm tracking that like crazy. I'm watching your every facial gesture and expression, voice tone. Are you interested? Are you not interested? Good or not? Am I getting approval or not? What do you think? That's a little off. Let me change my voice tone. Let me change my story. Let me stop talking. Because they're not interested enough. What I'm saying, oh, I need to say something more because they're looking at me. Oh my God. Awkward silences. I can't have an awkward silence. I better say something. Like all that anxiety, all that overthinking, all that worry is coming from a desperate need for approval, right? Because what happens if I don't get that approval? Bad things happen, man. So maybe now we're starting to see a little bit of a parallel here between that and something else. Like an addiction and doesn't have to be a hardcore drug, but just take anything, whether it's overusing our phones or caffeine or cigarettes. Right. What happens? Well, I do it and then I need to. How long does that fix last? Well, it depends upon the substance. If it's like a dopamine thing, it can last like five seconds. If it's a cigarette, well, it depends on if you're a chain smoker or not, right? But it could last an hour, something like that. And then we. More craving for nicotine. Same thing for any substance or behavior or drug. Whatever we take, we get it. There's a temporary relief and then we need more of it. Is that how approval is for you? Because sometimes maybe you do have an interaction with somebody and it goes well, and they're like, oh, they like, that was fun. That was nice. What about now? What about the next day? Oh, I gotta text them later. This text better be really smart and funny, but not too. I can't be trying too hard. Overthink it, overthink it. Steam coming out of your ears because we're back to needing another fix. And this makes us just like an addict date. Desperate. And I worked with addicts earlier in my training, my clinical training. And people will unfortunately throw away kind of their values, their dreams, their goals, their purpose, their relationships, their health, their life depends on how severe the addiction gets. Now maybe you're not going down some, you know, self destructive path, but it's severely limiting social life, connection, love, real joyful being with other people. Because we got this monkey on our back of I need the approval, I need the approval, I need approval. And there is a way out of it, but the issue is to really see it. And so therefore the name of this video, right, is harvesting approval. Every interaction is me. Like, let me get some from you. You got anything for me? Right? And if you've ever been in interaction with someone, they want something from you real bad. How does that feel? Right? How does it make you feel? Do you want more? You're like, yeah, come on, buddy, come on into my house and take everything, right? Or you feel Aversion, it's a repulsion or wanting to get away. That's a natural sort of mechanism of human relating. And so if you want to have better connections, more inner peace and joy and confidence and better relationships, then it's shifting this pattern and deeply releasing the need for approval, which is essentially releasing the need to control other people. Because that's what it comes back to. I don't know. At the end of the day, I'm going to go approach you and interact with you. I'm going to put this video out here and you might like what you're seeing, you might not like what you're seeing. You might think my ideas are great or dumb. You might think Aziz is good or bad, right? Not just the idea, but me. And I do this, put my books out there in the world and people will love them. Five star review. This guy's amazing. Not just the book, but Aziz, the author is a great guy. This guy's an awesome human, right? The next review. One star review. This author is a self absorbed jerk. I hate this guy. Like, whoa. Right? So if I was only could do things where I got approval, you wouldn't see this video, I wouldn't write a book. And maybe you're holding yourself back in similar ways. And so the way out is through my friend, is to stop controlling how other people react to you and really focus on what you do, how you put yourself out there, how you show up. I know who I am and where I'm coming from. And of course that's a huge focus of confidence and this channel. So if you're like, well, how do I do that? I watch more of these videos, really understand, master your confidence and this will shift. But the key thing is you have to see it and start choosing something different. All right, let me know in the comments below if I'm good or not. Am I doing okay? And also what you're finding most valuable. All right, until we speak again, may have the courage to be who you are and to know on a deep level that you're awesome.
