Dr. Aziz delivers a short motivational talk arguing that habitual self-questioning — asking if you are 'good enough' — undermines confidence and performance even in outwardly successful people (examples: Jack, Amanda). He prescribes a behavioral experiment: stop questioning yourself during performance for 14 days, defer evaluation to after the act, and focus on one actionable improvement point.
Would you have more confidence if you looked better? Maybe you had more money, maybe you had a better career, Maybe you were further along in your career and more power, prestige, accomplishments, accolades, more abs, more something. Would you have more confidence? Most of us think that we would. However, just the other day, I was talking to Jack. Jack is a high powered attorney, has a job that most people would kill for, and has achieved all kinds of accolades. And Jack left one of those sessions in the courtroom and was on the phone with me and he was like, I don't know if I did that right. I don't think that was very good. I don't know. And Jack was not very confident, even though he appeared as very confident. And a little before then, I was talking with a woman named Amanda who was. People would think she's beautiful, she's successful, she has a family, she has a career. She's doing everything that you're supposed to do to be happy and fulfilled. And she's like, you know, I just. I get angry at my kids sometimes and I yell and I feel so bad, and I don't know if I'm doing it right. I'm just not. I don't know. She's not confident in herself as a mom. So what's the connection here? These people have everything on the outside, but they don't have the confidence. And we think, well, if I get what they have, then I'd be confident, you know what it is they're doing. One thing that you're doing that I do, that we all do. And if we stop doing this, or at least radically reduce doing this, our confidence will skyrocket. What is that thing? Questioning if you're good enough. Questioning if you're doing it good enough. And if by extension, you're good enough. So Jack is questioning if he did X, Y and Z in the trial good enough. And Amanda is questioning if what she did with her kids was good enough. Questioning was that good enough? Was that good enough? I don't know. I don't know. And then all of a sudden, doubt creeps in, uncertainty creeps in, anxiety creeps in. Inferiority, worthlessness creeps in. So stop questioning if you're good enough. Now you might say, well, hold on a second, I gotta question that. I mean, that's how you get. That's how Jackson become a better lawyer, Right? And that's how Amanda's gonna become a better mom. That's how I'm become better, right? I'm gonna question myself all the time. No, no, that's a. That's a erroneous. Like, that's an error in thinking. That's a false understanding of what's actually gonna make you better. Because that kind of incessant, frequent examination questioning actually does nothing but induce doubt and reduces performance. Think about someone who is in sports and they're like going to shoot a free throw if they start doubting themselves, am I good enough to make this? I don't know. What if I don't make it? Did I really practice enough? Like, they're screwed. They're not going to make that. And it's the same thing with you in your life. Even if you're not a professional athlete, the way you show up has got to be focused on what needs to be done and doing it, or focus on what you can contribute in offering that. Not questioning if you're good enough. The questioning if you're good enough is like an irrelevant virus that's running on your computer software that's just dragging down the RAM and the focus and the energy and is in no way contributing to the performance, to your performance. And I'm saying this again and again in this video because I really want it to stick. And repetition is going to help break through because we got a lot of repetition on the other side that says you're supposed to do it. And if you're wondering, you're still holding out and saying, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute. I mean, if you never question yourself, you're going to become out of balance. You're going to become an egomaniac. You're going to be. It's somehow bad. Well, I have two things for that. One, why don't you just try it out? What if you just tried it out for 14 days? Two weeks. Two weeks. What would shift for you? Just run it as an experiment. Look, if you become a crazy egomaniac and you're a terrible mom and a terrible employee and whatever, you could always go back. Nothing's gonna be destroyed in two weeks. But the truth is, what you might find is you can't stop. You're addicted to it. Your critic just runs that pattern habitually. And you think you're doing it. You think you have a justification for it, but you don't. It's just happening. And you're just watching it like a bystander, like, oh, shit, that's what I do to myself. So let's break that habit. And one way to do that is to say, okay. Whenever I notice myself doubting myself and questioning if I'm good enough, I'M not going to do that anymore. And just that decision that it's no longer beneficial will help you get off that track and then focus on something else. What needs to be done right now? What can I give to my kids? What. What am I feeling? Am I feeling angry with my kids? Okay, how do I work with that anger? Am I unsure what to present in this trial? Great, well, let me make a decision and do that. Then if you're still like, well, I gotta get better and I gotta question myself to get better, do this afterwards, not in it. Never question yourself in it. Afterwards, sit down and say, okay, what went well? And come up with a few things. Great. What's one thing that I could do better? Focus on that. And then, great, now what am I going to focus on? Or what am I going to do next time? Right. So distilling it down to that one thing will give you actionable information. Because if you're like doubting yourself, was that good enough? I don't know if that was good enough. You're not actually getting good data that you can use in the future, which is the whole point of getting better. Right. So first and foremost, though, just make a decision right now with me. Over the next two weeks, when that questioning starts to happen, say, I'm not going to do that anymore. That doesn't serve me. Really. Identifying that as a habit, a bad habit, an addiction that doesn't serve you will go a long way to actually disengaging from it. You'd be surprised. So play with that over the next few weeks. Share in the comments below what this effect has on you and what you're growing from and how you're learning. And until we speak again, may have the courage to be who you are and to know on a deep level that you're awesome.
