Dr. Aziz argues that frequent, unnecessary apologies ('over-apologizing') harm self-esteem and lead others to mistreat you. He describes apologetic tone and habitual apologies (e.g., starting sentences with "I'm sorry") as problematic and recommends a seven-day "apology fast"—avoid apologizing for minor actions to observe changes in self-confidence and others' behavior.
Did you know that apologizing could be killing your confidence and make people actually mistreat you? I know that sounds crazy because we think saying I'm sorry is a good thing to do, right? We learn that when we're kids, you upset somebody, you do something mean, you say you're sorry. See, I'm sorry. I'm talking about I see in clients all the time, which is called over apologizing. And that's when you say I'm sorry. Not because you did something really wrong or really bad, you just kind of showed up. You even just start your sentences with I'm sorry, I'm sorry to jump in. And you might not even be verbally saying it. It might just be in your tone, your attitude, your energy is apologetic. And being apologetic actually diminishes your self esteem and makes people treat you more poorly. And so the opportunity that I have for you is to do an apology fast where you spend the next seven days, where on purpose, don't apologize unless you kick sand in someone's face like a bully from a Karate Kid movie. But other than that, for talking at the same time, for doing something very minor, you just on purpose, don't apologize and watch what happens.
