Stop Settling And Make Your Life Extraordinary Now

Welcome to Shrink for the Shy Guy. This is the show for you. If you are sick and tired of being held back by fear, self doubt, social anxiety, shyness, anything that's stopping you from you being you. I'm going to share the most powerful tools and resources that I've been discovering over the last 15 years on my journey to eradicate social anxiety and instill confidence first in myself and then in every single person that I meet on my journey. You're going to learn these tools and how to apply them in your life now so that you can become the most free, powerful, bold, authentic version of you. Welcome to today's episode of the show. Today we're going to talk about something that's going to really open up your mind and your heart and your sense of possibility and excitement in your life. Because today we're going to talk about extraordinary. And this is something that puts a smile on my face because what a beautiful concept, beautiful word, beautiful idea, something really exciting that you can step into. And the beautiful thing is you can step into it now no matter where you are. So let's talk about what extraordinary is, how to create it and see where you are right now and where you have been in your life. Because that is going to influence the whole way you take this in and show you what the next steps are. Today we're going to be talking about stopping, settling and making your life extraordinary. Now, now we got to first look at settling. What is settling? Let me ask you this. Is your life extraordinary? Extraordinary. However, you, whatever comes to you when you hear that word, is your life extraordinary? What's your sense? What's your initial sense? Is it a yeah. Yeah, it is. Is it a no? Is it just completely so far off of that? Maybe. Would you maybe describe your life as ordinary, pretty typical, pretty boring, pretty predictable? Or maybe your life is much more restricted than that right now and that's what drew you to my world. Your life's kind of meh. Maybe you feel like you're on the sidelines of your own life. I certainly did. For many years, that's where I resided. Felt like I was on the sidelines of my own life. It was passing me by. I would not describe it as extraordinary. It was almost like I wasn't even living my life. I was waiting. You know, I was just reflecting on this yesterday. I was on a date with my sweetheart Candice, and for some reason I had this memory come up in high school, from high school I was sharing with her. I thought it was so interesting. As I remember Being a freshman in High School, ninth grade, probably like 14 years, 13, 14 years old. And I felt early in my freshman year, new high school, I felt insecure. I had a lot of social anxiety. My social anxiety was really just ramping up into full steam at that stage of my life. And I was like, oh, I'm new here. I don't know who can I fit in with? And I was, like, reflecting on these different experiences I had and opportunities to learn and connect and meet people and how much I was so afraid to do that, so hesitant to do that. And there were the juniors and the seniors, but particularly the juniors, these 11th graders. So they're like two years old, right? But. But they seem so cool. They seem so mature. And I was even thinking about the freshmen who were somehow connected to some of these juniors. These cool juniors were automatically cooler. And I remember having this feeling or sense that, wow, when I become a junior two years from now, I'm going to be so. I'm gonna be so cool like them. And then I was just reflecting on it. I said, you know, I got to being a junior. I didn't feel any cooler. I didn't feel any more secure. My insecurities had only mounted by that point. They were in even more full swing. Then I learned some strategies to deal with it. And these are our coping strategies. These are our settling strategies. And, you know, the sad truth is, my story is about high school, but it starts there. For a lot of people. It starts younger even. I can pinpoint the moment that I turned off my essence, my nature, my enthusiasm, my confidence, my joy in the beginning of middle school is when I really turned that off to fit in. And many people. Maybe this resonates for you. Too many people have turned off themselves to fit in. And it starts young, and it starts so young. And we do it for so long that we don't even necessarily think that we're doing it anymore. We just think, this is how it is. This is how life is. This is who I am. This is my identity. I'm not the kind of person who can do that. I'm not the kind of person who can take that risk or go for that thing or succeed in that way, or be sexy in that way, or be amazing or create something extraordinary in my life. Those are absurd, stupid terms. Just roll my eyes in contempt at those. I can deride those in my head and at least feel some sense of significance. Even though inside I feel like I'm settling, my life is passing me by. And honestly, I'm Scared. I'm scared of life right now. I'm scared of other people. I'm scared of failing. I'm scared of being judged. I'm scared of being rejected. I'm scared of dying. I'm scared of living. I'm just getting through my life. And now I'm hoping. I'm hoping that somehow when I become a junior, it's all gonna be amazing. And whatever your version of a junior is right now, Maybe you are 14 years old listening to this, in which case, you're awesome. You're getting ahead of the curve, buddy. But, you know, you're probably not. And so maybe you have some other story. When I move to a new city, when I get that new job, when I meet that new partner, when I get this thing, when I get that new computer, when I get that new car. It's all gonna. When I get that new house. You would not believe how many people I've talked to who, they wanna do some sort of coaching. They wanna change this. They wanna transform something in their life. And they're like, yeah, but I was gonna get. I could get a car. I don't wanna spend any money on my own self, my own growth. Cause I'm gonna. I'm saving up to get a house. And these aren't bad things. Maybe they need a car. Maybe they need a house or want a house. But I cannot tell you how many people I talk to who've gotten the house, who've gotten the car, who've gotten whatever. And they're not fulfilled. They're not satisfied. The house is empty. It feels alone. They brought their same patterns to that house. They're still settling in the areas of life that matter most. So Donny Epstein, fantastic teacher, teaches a lot about energy and awareness, consciousness and extraordinary. Says you must claim extraordinary or ordinary will claim you. And if you really want to create something. And for you. So what is extraordinary for you? Do you let yourself dream anymore? Could you let yourself dream for a minute? What is extraordinary for you? What would be extraordinary? And look, extraordinary doesn't have to mean fly to Mars. Although that is pretty extraordinary, isn't it? I mean, for you, what could it be? What is an extraordinary thing I teach a lot about is an extraordinary relationship. And for me, an extraordinary relationship is one that feels bright, energized, full of love, connection, respect, authenticity, realness. I mean, those are extraordinary, aren't they? A relationship that is full of realness and real love and connection. How many relationships that you know of that you've experienced? You've seen in your parents, that you see in the world around you are these shells, these structures, these roles that people are playing. But the potential for what humans can experience versus what they're experiencing is just radically different. You know what I'm talking about? Have you seen that? Have you experienced it? Maybe you've experienced that. So for me, an extraordinary relationship is one that gets. That has all these qualities and gets better and better every year. Deeper and deeper every year. Because again, that's counter to the ordinary. The ordinary is, well, fizzles out, you know, for some people it fizzles out after. Oh yeah, relationships get terrible after a year. Just get bored of each other, you know, for other people, like, well, seven years. Seven year itch. Yeah, this gets awful. For other people it's like, well, once, you know, once, whatever, 10 years, 15 years, you stop. Oh yeah, you stop feeling attracted to your partner. Yeah, that's normal. That's ordinary. It's like, wait a minute, I want extraordinary. I don't want to settle in life. That's the game that I'm playing. I'm going to invite you to dream. And if this by the way, is exciting or inspiring to you, I was going to talk about it at the end, but I'll share it briefly now and I'll talk more about it at the end then. There's a cool opportunity right now to join me and spend more time with me visioning and getting a sense of what your extraordinary life is. And that's in a relatively short period of time. A little more than a month or so, maybe about five, six weeks, we're gonna get together online in a virtual live event called the Ultimate Confidence Breakthrough. And we're gonna uncover what is your vision for the highest level of confident life? What is your most confident life? Your most confident. You living that most confident life. What do you wanna do? What do you wanna experience? What do you wanna feel? Let's dare to dream. Let's go big, let's imagine extraordinary for you and then let's freaking create that. And you're gonna get the key tools to create that in this ultimate confidence breakthrough experience. And not just in your head, but in your body and in your actions. Because we do, even in the online events, we do, we take action, we learn, we grow as we envision and do the inner, we also are taking action in the outer. So there's a. The reason I want to mention it today is because we have just a couple more days for you to get the super early bird ticket where it's Crazy discount. It's just $97 to come for three days online. And you don't have to travel, you don't have to fly anywhere. You just book the time off on your calendar. Two of the days are on a weekend. It's a Friday, Saturday, Sunday, the dates you go to. So there's two ways to check it out. You can go to this episode@shrinkforthshyguy.com shrinkforthshyguy.com or you can go to draziz.coM-R-A z I z.com and go to the Events tab. And it's called the Ultimate Confidence Breakthrough. I mean, if you've been listening to this show for a while or read my books or anything, and you haven't experienced one of my online or live events and in person, now is the time. Now is the time. Because here's the thing. Many of us live in this fantasy that it's going to get different in the future, and then it's not. When you get to being a junior, it's not going to change unless you change. And it starts with you claiming what it is that you want, letting yourself dream. So let's do a short version of that right now. What do you want? What do you want to create? What do you want to experience? Forget about what is possible or impossible for you. Just get a sense of what's there. Now let's see what helps you get energy here. So first of all, some people like to think really far out, really, really big picture. You know, they think like, so if I were. And you can just get a sense of which kind of person you are, you know, if I say imagine, you know, years from now, three years from now, five years from now, you've just been totally free, totally confident, living the life that you want. What do you see? What are you experiencing? What's your life like? What's your life full of? What you have, what do you, what do you experience? Who's around you, what kind of relationships, what's your work life like? What's your vision? Bigger vision. Three years, five years, way out there. And maybe you don't have an exact timeline of numbers, but, you know, it's like, it's out there, It's a ways out there, it's in the future. Just think about that for a moment, focus on that, and notice not only what comes to you, but even more importantly, notice. How do you feel as you do that? Do you feel excited or energized? Okay, now it just contrasts with this. Take a moment Shake your body out a little bit. Take a breath in. I'm gonna. Come on, shake. That's right. Do actually shake your body out. I know. We don't want it to be just floating heads. We have a body, too. You are a body. Your mind is your body and your body is your mind. It's all one thing. Okay, now, how about this? I want you to think about an experience in your past. When in the past did you feel totally free, totally confident, just as open and expansive and extraordinary as you can remember? And this could be for recently. This could be from when you were a little kid. This could be a moment in your life, a time period in your life. Notice whatever comes to your mind. Think of that, pull that into your awareness. And then from that place, thinking about the next. Okay, I have this in me. If I were to bring that to, like, the next day, tomorrow, today, this week, really close in. Notice what comes to you. And also notice how you feel. You feel excited, you feel energized. So this is an interesting little experiment that we just did. Which one energized you more? The first one where you thought way far out in the future or kind of like went to the past, pulled something, and then just got to the very next moment. Right. Now. Notice which one energized you, because that's a strategy that we have. It's a way that we operate that can help us know where we get more of our strength. You get your strength from the past, or do you get your strength from the future? It's important to know about yourself now. Sometimes when I do this with people, they're like, neither. I go to the past and I think of shitty moments of pain. Okay, all right. What about if you go in the future? Future. Future's gonna be shitty moments of pain. And what's happening there sometimes is that we are operating in a story. And that story is like, overlaying onto our perception. Like dark sunglasses on your perception, and you can't see anything other than through that lens. Now, that's often a protective strategy we have, is to sort of shut down into a collapsed, small identity. This is who I am. This is what's possible for me. It's all sucky. And that's where I'm going to operate. That's how I'm going to live. Now, what does that give us? That gives us a sense of. That's right. Certainty. Because to envision an extraordinary life, first of all, do you think extraordinary? The life of your dreams, you being your most free? Free to do whatever you want. Do you think being free to do whatever you want, to be whoever you want, to express whatever you want, do you think that's totally predictable, controlled, and totally certain? Or do you think there's an element of uncertainty to that? A level of instability, a level of variety? I don't know what's gonna happen next. Right. Think about that. If you were to bring that to a relationship, a romantic relationship, this is what often happens. People start with something that is extraordinary or could become extraordinary. They meet, they're excited, they're open, they're expressive, and they're discovering different parts of themselves. They're sexual, they're energized. This is amazing. And then what happens? The pull for certainty, the pull for comfort. It's like, I gotta know that you're mine. I gotta know that. What are you doing? Where are you going? Why are you going? How long are you gonna be? You gonna come back to me? I gotta make this love certain. I gotta contain it, gotta control it. And people do that. And they both do it. And the next thing you know, six months later, a year later, two years later, they're stuck in the certainty routine in a relationship. One of the most common certainty routines is every evening we get home, we have a glass of wine or share a little bit of food together, and we watch our favorite show, and then we kiss each other on the cheek and we go to bed every night. That's what we do. It's comfortable. It's cozy. I've hurt a lot of people in that relationship pattern. And you might say, hey, what's wrong with that? I love cozying up with, watching shows or movies with my sweetie. It's beautiful. That's great. It becomes problematic when that's all you do. It becomes problematic when you do that and you cannot. It takes up all the space. And you don't have deep conversations. You don't talk about what needs to be talked about. You don't ever have any conflict that's going to clear the air and move things forward. You just kind of coexist as companions together for comfort and security and certainty. That's when it becomes a problem. And we can do this in every single area of our life, not just our romantic relationships. We will go for certainty in our jobs, we'll go for certainty in our careers. Certainty and comfort and security with our finances, with our lifestyles, with our health, with our physical health, with everything. The pull. And I talk about this in my book, the Art of Extraordinary Confidence. I say comfort is killing you. Actually, it's not comfort. It is your addiction to comfort, your addiction to certainty. So we must create something, a vision, a future, drawing from the past and moving it forward. Wherever you get your strength, whatever it is, you gotta break free. You gotta shatter. That story that says this is how it is, that's complete and total bullshit. You have no idea how it is. I have no idea how it is. That is a delusion that the human animal creates. To think that I have total certainty. I know how the future is gonna go. Really, Just look at how history has unfolded. Look at shit coming out of right and left field and how much things can change. I was talking with a client about this, and he said, yeah, I know exactly what you're talking about. I had total certainty, total certainty about how things were going to go. I knew I was going to do with my career, I was going to do with my family. I was going to do it. I had a new son. I knew exactly how things were going to go. Everything was under control. And then he found out he had this strange sensation in his arms, burning sensation, and he ignored it. And then a little bit later, you know, it was like his skin was all weird, and he's like, I gotta go to the doctor. And he went in there and they said, you can't leave the hospital. Yeah, there's a doctor. Like, you need to go to the hospital, and, you know you're not going home. He's like, what? What? I gotta go back. I gotta take care of my kid, go to bed and everything. They're like, no, you're not going anywhere. You're gonna go to this hospital. I'm gonna do these tests on you. He's like, what? And it turns out he had this rare form of cancer. Healthy guy, athletic, everything. This really rare form of cancer. So do you know what's gonna happen later today, tomorrow? Interesting thing about that. Could just be out of the blue. You know, there's environmental factors, environmental toxins that can create cancer. Often cancer has been building. Something's been building in your body for a decade or more. And there's these patterns that we're running. These patterns of control, of certainty, of safety, of inauthenticity, of not living the life that you're meant to live, of shutting something down because you're afraid of what other people are gonna think. And if you're sick and tired of that. Good. If you're listening to this episode and it's partly exciting, partly energizing and partly enraging. Good. Cause then we get Some energy frustration is a powerful force. Frustration, disgust, determination, these are different fuels in our threshold moment where we make a decision and say, I'm going to live a different life. I'm not going to let the past dictate the future. I'm not going to let an old story control me for the rest of my life, an old story that I created. Sure, you may have heard it from somebody, but you've heard a million stories from a million different people. Sometimes inspiring, sometimes demoralizing, sometimes limiting, sometimes limitless. But you pick the stories that you want to hear. Oh, I took my dad always. My dad always told me this. My dad. It's his. My dad's fault. But why are you believing? Why are you choosing that story again and again and again and again and again and again? That's your dad's story about you or about him or about life or about whatever. It's not your story. What's your story? That's another thing we do at the ultimate confidence breakthrough is we shadow the old stuff and we say, what is your story? What are the stories of your life? What are you gonna claim? Because if you're not living in your own reality, if you're living in your dad's reality, your mom's or your siblings or your peers or your colleagues or your peers from when you were 12 or 14 and you're not a cool freshman in high school, if you're living in that reality still, and a lot of people are in their romantic relationships, they're like, no, I'm still not attractive. Why? Because I wasn't attractive when I was 13. They told me, so I'm still not capable. Why? Well, because when I graduated college, I wasn't able to get a job, and I guess I'm not capable. And it's 20 years later. Like, when do your stories upgrade? Well, it's time to upgrade them now. So this is one more chance to get this at the super early bird price. I'm going to highly recommend it. Go to Draziz D R A Z I z dot com, go to the advanced tab and come join me for the event. I mean, this is like the most accessible that it's ever going to be. $97. Join me for three days. It will transform your experience of yourself, of your life. Like, what is the reason not to. Let me see if I can give you the dates right now. Possibly my calendar. Here it is, stepping away. July 24th through 26th. 2020. July 24th through 26. No reason not to come join me. Come Join us. It's going to be a powerful experience. So let's talk about how you can take what you're learning right now and turn it into action. Time for action. Action, action. Your action step for today. What do you think? I have so many different potential ones. I just want to see what comes to you. If you listen to this show for a while, you're like, maybe I'll try to predict what I'm going to make as the action step. But what do you think here? Okay, I can think of a few. I'm going to give you a few. It's a buffet. You get to choose your option today. One is, are you settling in your life right now and where? That's a question I want you to reflect on. Are you settling in your life? And if so, where? Pick an area. Maybe there's multiple areas and how long have you been settling in that area? This is the unpleasant work that we want to actually do because we want to take a look at reality and truth. We want to stop living in denial and distraction and avoidance and just pretending everything's going to be fine or it's going to get better. It's not. We must take the reins. If we don't do something different today, tomorrow is not going to be any different. If there's one illusion I could shatter, it's that, it's that it's just going to somehow all get better or the other illusion that it's hopeless, so what's the point of even trying? That's even more demoralizing. So how long have you been settling what areas? Answer those questions. That's one potential action step, another action step and you can do more. You can do multiple would be what is extraordinary for you. Create that vision, that definition in the different areas of your life. Because think about that. In any area of life, if you had no sense of what you wanted or what you wanted to create or what you were moving towards, wouldn't it be hard to do that? Wouldn't you just be in kind of reaction mode every day and just kind of doing whatever needs to get done? But what if you had a direction, said, this is what I want to create. What would it be like to create an extraordinary vision for a relationship. And what results could that bring? Because so many people, their goals are like, I want to achieve X, I want to get a life, I want to be in a long term relationship. It's like what that, that's the vision. I'm just like tired hearing it. Like it's got to be something that energizes you, that inspires you, that excites you. So whether it's looking at where you're settling, where you're stuck, or look at what you want to create the one up, pick, choose your own adventure, maybe do them both. Those are your actions set for today. Thanks for being with me. Until we speak again. May you have the courage to be who you are and to know on a deep level that you're awesome. We'll talk to you soon. Thanks for listening to Shrink for the shy guy with Dr. Azeez. If you know anyone who can benefit from what you've just heard, please let them know and send them a link to shrinkforthshyguy.com for free vlogs, ebooks, and training videos related to overcoming shyness and increasing confidence, go to socialconfidencecenter.com.