Take The Leap!

Welcome to Shrink for the Shy Guy. This is the show for you. If you are sick and tired of being held back by fear, self doubt, social anxiety, shyness, anything that's stopping you from you being you. I'm going to share the most powerful tools and resources that I've been discovering over the last 15 years on my journey to eradicate social anxiety and instill confidence, first in myself and then in every single person that I meet on my journey. You're going to learn these tools and how to apply them in your life now so that you can become the most free, powerful, bold, authentic version of you. Hey, welcome to today's episode of the show. Yeah, I'm excited to be here. Are you excited to be here? Well, today we're gonna be doing something exciting, so I think it makes sense that we're all excited to be here. I'm assuming you are. And if you're not, well, why don't you see if you can activate some more energy in your body right now, because today is very important for many reasons, but it's possible that you could listen to this episode of this show and make a decision right now that could shift the course of your life. It's totally possible. Someone listening is gonna do it. Maybe it's gonna be you. Someone else is gonna listen to it and say, huh, that was pretty neat. Now I'm gonna put on the next podcast and kind of just go on about my day as usual. But someone, maybe you, is gonna listen to this and say, wait a minute, wait a minute. I'm gonna do something based upon listening to this. I'm gonna do something different in my life, and that's gonna change things in a big and profound and powerful way. So I'm going to share more about how and what and when and everything in today's episode. I also want to let you know that you have just about three or four days left, depending on if you're listening to this right when it came out. But the end of February here to get your ticket for my next online live immersion, which is called Supremely Confident Conversation Master. And trust me, you're going to want to attend for this one. It's available anywhere in the world as long as you have the Internet. And it's going to be powerful. You're not going to miss out because we're gonna not just help you learn how to talk to people better and have better conversations, but it's really gonna transform your way of relating to other humans in every context, and that's gonna change so much in your life and there's only so much you can get from listening to these episodes. But if you want that real dramatic shift in your identity and how you show up to the world and how you feel about yourself, immersion is the way to do that. I've been immersing myself in environments for years. I just got back from a eight day immersion and I do it as much as I can a couple times a year at least. I'm involved in a week long immersion or more in many three, four day things throughout the year. Virtual a lot recently in the last year or so, but some in person too. So I encourage you to dive in and join me for that. You can go to draziz.com,-r-a z I z.com and just go to the Events tab or go to Shrink for the shy guy. And under this episode you'll be able to get a link as well. And. And the early bird ends again at the end of this month, February, depending on when you're listening to this. Okay, so what is the question I have for you? Here it is. Well, actually, let me give a little preface. Have you heard of a guy named Steve Harvey? Well, he's a, you know, he's done a lot of things, TV personality and author and does a lot of things now. But he's got this great video on YouTube where he says, let me tell you about success in life. He's like sitting against like a, I don't know, some Rolls Royce or something in a parking garage. He's like, come here, I'm going to tell you about success. Shut up and listen. And his main thing is, look, if you want to soar in life, you got to jump. If you want to soar, you got to jump. That's kind of his point. Like you see people having these great experiences in life and you're like, wait, I can't have that. You know, it's because you haven't jumped. And that's what I want to ask you right now. Are you allowing yourself to soar? Are you taking the leap? Are you jumping in your life? And that's why I said there's going to be maybe a quick answer your mind comes to. But let's discover over the next the rest of this episode here to see what's really true, how you've really been living and what the results of that has been and how you might want to do things differently, perhaps moving forward in the future. So when I say jump, when I say take the leap, what does that Mean for you? For me, that means taking some sort of risk. And we tend to think of the big risks, maybe leaving a job or moving to a new place or something like that. And sure, sure, those can be absolutely life changing. Right. And you can move to a new city like I did. I moved to a new city and then I met the woman that is now my wife, Candace. Right. So, yeah, big things can happen from a big risk. And what about the small stuff? What about the day to day risk, the moment to moment risks? What happens with those? How do you approach those? Because I feel like those are the small weights that you lift. So you can take a bigger risk in a different moment, take a bigger leap. And if you were to strip away all of the specific qualities of each one, like, oh, this is a risk in my finances, and this is a risk in my love life, and this is a risk in my whatever. But if you just strip it all away, what it comes down to is, is I take a step into the unknown and I gotta bet on something. I gotta have faith in something. And so what do you have faith in? And these are some interesting questions to ask about how we take the leap. But let's rewind it a little bit. I get ahead of myself because I'm so excited about taking the action, changing our lives. But let's reel it in a little bit and say, great. How have you been living? Have you been taking risks in your life? Have you been leaping? Have you been jumping? Have you been going for it? Have you been betting on yourself? And if so, great. How's that working out? What areas of your life are you doing it in? Because I see this with clients all the time. There'll be some areas where they're like, yeah, I take risks here, but not there. You know, I work. Sure. In my love life. No, thank you. Or vice versa. So where is it for you? And a great way to discover is to look where in your life feels stagnant and where in your life feels flowing and growthful and exciting. And I will bet good money, I will bet Bitcoin, that the area that feels stagnant is a lack of risk. And the area that feels growthful is because you're taking the risks, you're taking leaps. In fact, when people talk about, like, big, exciting periods of their life, if you hear about it, they've taken a ton of risks at the time. Like, oh, my God, I fell in love. It was so amazing. Right? And what's going on? Well, they're taking the risk to open Their heart to someone they never met before that now they're getting deeper and deeper and closer and closer with. It's a big risk emotionally, right? Or they, you know, they got a new job or they started studying a new. They left their old job and their old career and they started to study this new thing in a crash course way. And they're going to pursue this whole new area of their growth and their career. It's exciting, it's change, it's risk. So how much are you doing it now? First of all, let's see if we can be on the same page here. Do you see how it could benefit you to take those risks in your life, to go for it to leap? Right. Hopefully we're on the same page there. And then the follow up question I often get from people is like, okay, but how? It's very uncomfortable. And when they say how, maybe they're saying, how do I do it without the discomfort? It's like, well, I don't know. I mean, we could talk about that. You can change your mindset, you can change your perspective, you can choose to see yourself or life differently. But I don't know if that makes it completely comfortable. I think we got to be willing to go for something more than comfort, right? I mean, is the name of the game comfort? Is that the point of this whole experience of life? That I get through it as comfortably as possible or is it something else? So instead of how can I do this? Well, how can I. Well, a, can I not do it at all? And I think we see the results of that. It's like stagnation, frustration, more anxiety, almost a sense of weakness. But we get strength when we take that action. We go for it even if we fail, we get strength from it. We build the muscle of confidence. So I think we're on the same page there. But then it's like, yeah, but how do I do it a little more easily, a little more comfortably? And you know, fuck that. What if existence is not about our own comfort? What if it's about something more, something bigger? Like just imagine someone that's done something in their lives of substance. They've created something, they've contributed something, they've impacted people in some way, whether it's in business, some person you look up to in business who's created companies that you admire. And I don't mean like, you know, oh, everyone loves Steve Jobs or whatever. Like, I'm just talking about maybe, you know, someone who runs a business in your community. You know, they have a shop or two, or they have something online or they help people or they provide a service, and you look and you look up to them. They're like, yeah, that person's doing well. Or someone in your career, someone leader in your field, maybe just someone who is an amazing parent, amazing dad or mom, or takes care of their family, or someone that you admire. They don't have to be famous. But when you look at that person like they're doing, maybe you admire them because they're doing something of substance in the world. And what if doing something of substance in the world and comfort are not the same thing? Another way to say that is whether maybe to do something of substance in the world, you need to be willing to be uncomfortable. And are you willing to be uncomfortable? Because if the whole. If the name of the game is comfort, then you're not going to go take those risks, because why? I'll be less comfortable. I don't want to do that. Sounds terrible. And if that's, like, the metric that you're measuring the quality of your life on or the purpose of your life on? The purpose of my life is to remain as comfortable as possible throughout the day. Well, then you're not gonna want to take those risks. Now, you may listen to that and say, hold on, Zez. The purpose of my life is to remain as comfortable as possible throughout the day. That person sounds like a total loser. Who would do that? I don't do that. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. I think we all do that on some level. Maybe a better way to say that is we all have a part inside of us that wants to do that. And there's many different names for this part. I've often called it the Safety Police. It's the part that wants to keep you totally safe, totally protected from any change or risk. And why? Because it wants to stay totally safe. And so on some level, it feels like it's a survival thing, like you're gonna die if you do this stuff. So that part can be in overdrive. And if that part's in overdrive and it's been running the show, then there's some problems. Now, here's a metaphor that came to me not that long ago. An image, some imagery that I really like. In fact, I love it so much that I haven't watched it yet, but I got it on my list of things to watch. This mov called the Aeronauts. Auror Nauts. Aeronauts. The Aeronauts. Because someone told me I was telling about this metaphor, and they're like, oh, you should watch this movie. But here's what it is. I had this image of being in a hot air balloon. And there's a way in hot air balloons that they control the height of the hot air balloon, Right. I have to watch the movie because, I don't know, is it still sandbags? Maybe sandbags are just to keep it on the ground. Totally. And then there's, you know, some sort of gas ratio inside of the balloon that makes it go up or down, right? Possibly. But, hey, this isn't. I'm no aeronaut, okay? This is a metaphor. Stick with me. But in the image I saw, okay, there's, like, this way that I want to soar. And I have this part of me, the safety police, that's trying to protect us, keep us alive, that is like saying, hey, let's. Let's keep this hot air balloon as close to the ground as possible. Now, at this point in my life, I've taken so many risks and so many things that I'm. The air balloon's pretty high up. Like, if we fall out of this thing, we're still breaking all our legs and maybe dying. So the safety police is still kind of upset about that. And he's always trying to bring us down a little lower. He's like, well, let's just keep it lower. And maybe we can just fly at an even level, not go any higher or lower. I mean, lower would be better, but I don't think we can get Aziz to do all of that. But there's another part of me that wants. The adventurous part of me that just wants to fucking soar. How high can we go? I want to be an adventurous ironaut, soaring through the stars. Let's go. And I've been in that dance like we all are, I think. And just recently, though, I started to. I think I've always been doing this, but I just, like, jammed the gas on this even more, you know? If you think about the gas mixture inside of the hot air balloon, it was like, what's gonna help me help this thing soar even more is getting really plugged into that life of substance. And maybe substance isn't the right word for you. Maybe it's a meaningful life. Maybe it's a purposeful life. Maybe it's some fucking reason beyond our own pleasure and comfort. And I'm not against those things. I like comfort. I like pleasure. But we gotta go beyond that, because otherwise we'll never soar. Because the motivation isn't there, right? Because if it's all about Comfort. If you take these risks, I guess you could say I'm gonna get even more comfort then, you know, but not really. We know on some level that we don't. Let's say if we take risks in your love life and. And you say, I want to find a partner. I want to find a family. If you're trying to find a relationship for more comfort, it's probably not going to work out that well. And we all know that, right? You know, then you get into one of those like, hey, let's just watch Netflix and go to bed and not have passion anymore kind of relationships. Let's just settle. Or if you're like, I want to have a family, I want to have kids so I can have more comfort. All right, you're a little mistaken there, my friend. If you don't have kids, you're going to get ready for some insane discomforts, especially in the first couple, six months of their lives, right? And beyond. So we know that there's something beyond the comfort. And so you gotta change your gaseous mixture inside of your hot air balloon to soar by focusing on. By tapping into that bigger why, that bigger reason, that bigger meaning. Like, yes, it is uncomfortable, but it's fucking worth it because what. And that is the real question I have for you. You thought the question is, are you soaring or not? No, no, no. That was the JV question. This is the varsity question right here. What. What is your why? What do you want to focus on? What makes it worth it to go through the discomfort of taking the risks? And if you say, well, it's so I can get into a relationship and be comfortable and cozy with my sweetie, it's not gonna cut it. It's not gonna do it. You're not gonna really take the risks or the number of risks or the consistency of risk needed because that's not enough juice. You're like, well, I'm pretty okay right now. I got Internet porn. I got my friends. I don't really. You know, your brain does this comfort calculation, and it's like, well, risk to comfort ratio. But all of a sudden, if you say, you know what? I want to do something. I want to. You know, for me, it's this. It's. I want to ignite outrageous confidence. I want to help people feel expansive authenticity and how to manifest the life, the dreams they have by stepping into their most bold, free, confident, authentic self. That juices me. That's behind many of the risks I've taken in my life as related to this mission. And a Life of adventure, that's the thing that I hunger for, is a life of adventure. So it goes beyond just this mission in the world, but there's more to it, right? It's like this is the kind of person that I want to be. So there's an identity link as well. So what is it for you? What is that hunger for? What is that desire for? Is it to explore something new? Sometimes that adventurous side is like exploring the unknown. And, you know, if you're. And here's the cool thing about this is when you get really plugged into this, it does actually make it easier to take the risks. It does make it more comfortable, but in a weird sort of not trying to be more comfortable kind of way, you become more willing, more ready. And all of a sudden you're like, yeah, bring it on. Here, let me give you a little example from that metaphor of the hot air balloon. So imagine, and I've only seen the preview for the movie the Aeronauts. So after I've watched that movie, I have to come back and do a follow up episode. But anyway, you know, in the preview they come across their fair share of trials and tribulations. Otherwise it'd be a pretty boring movie, right? They're trying to go as high as possible, higher than anyone else has ever gone in the history of aeronautics. Can you relate to that? Do you want to go higher than you've ever been in your life? Do you want to soar in your confidence, in your capabilities, in your love life, in your social life, with your friend group, in your work, in your career, with your finances, like everything? Do you want to soar higher than you've ever been? Being able to create more and live more and enjoy more and give more than ever before? And if so, then on the way up, as these people are trying to do in this movie, they come into trials and tribulations. There's different storms, there's wind currents, there's temperature changes, all this stuff they didn't even know at the time. And they have to figure it out and solve those problems. And all the while, try not to crash and die. And so on the way up, you're gonna be experiencing those turbulences, those discomforts in your own life. But the difference is if you're trying to keep that hot air balloon, like, low and to the ground, near the ground, and keep it steady and flat, and there's a little gust of wind, you're like, oh, no, it's messing me up. You're weaker. You're weaker because not because your physical capability or emotional capability or anything like that, it's because of your attitude, your perception of that adverse event. And when you're trying to maintain comfort and your safety places run in the show, every little adverse event is overwhelming and dangerous and it's gonna kill you. And oh my gosh, or it's not fair. You either feel terrified because your sort of survival instincts kick into play, or you feel like demoralized and self pitying. Neither one really serves us. But when you're adventuring, when you're like, I'm gonna take this thing higher than ever before and someone's like, it's gonna be windy, I know there's gonna be, you know, storms with lightning, we'll bring it on. What if your balloon freezes? What if you can't breathe up there? Well, we're gonna find out. Let's go. Right, you activate this powerful, adventurous, fucking hungry side of you that's ready to make a shift, that's ready to do something because it's meaningful. And then boom. You access what's always been inside of you, that inner confidence, that inner capability. Can you feel it right now as we're talking? Can you get a sense of that? If you are like, nod your head, I know it's ridiculous, you're just listening to me, no one else is around, but nod your head, say I feel it, I'm gonna do it. What is the leap you're gonna take when you're plugged into this? Can you get a sense of it? You're not figuring this out with your mind, you're just, it's like a calling, it's like something that comes to you and you just are ready. You just feel ready. And even if you don't know what it is yet and you just feel ready, that's a great thing to be ready, right? As Les Brown says, it's better to be prepared for an opportunity and not have one than to have an opportunity and not be prepared for it. And by preparation, I don't mean, you know, getting some sort of ducks in a row documents or something. I mean you in your soul being prepared to step up and live the life that you're called for, to do what you're here to do. And maybe you already know a little bit of what that is and maybe you don't. That's okay, you're gonna find it if you're in that ready place. And I don't think it's one thing, I don't think we're here to do one thing. We're not here to play one role, but it might be a piece of what you're here to do. And so can you play it more fully today? Can you be more fully a dad or more fully a mom? Can you be more fully a person in a place that you work, or a business owner, or an author, or a friend, or a lover? Can you fully live it more? And what risk can you take today? What risk can you take today, right now, this week that's gonna help you soar more? And again, if you don't know, just be ready. But if you're really, truly ready and you're really accessing this energy that I'm describing right now, risks will present themselves to you. And if you're not, if you're kinda like, eh, I don't know about all this. Let's keep the hot eyeballoon near the ground so we can maybe jump out into some trees, you know, break our fall, hit the ground, run away. If you're there, then the opportunities don't present themselves because you're blocking them. Oh, I don't know about that. I don't know if it's possible for me. I don't know if I can. I don't know if it would work. I don't know. And then nothing happens. We stay well, well beneath those clouds, well beneath those scary wind currents and the air and the cold and everything else up there. But we also stay well clear of the extraordinariness of our own lives and real love and passion and hunger and aliveness. In fact, that's one thing. You know, if I talk to all the clients I've worked with over the years, you know, they'll say many different things about the results they experience. You know, it's in their career, they grow, they become more of a leader, they speak up or, you know, their love, they get married or they have a family or. I mean, there's all these results that people talk about in the different areas. You know, what I hear underneath all of it, they're more alive. And that lights me up. It's like, yeah, yeah, there was a way that my life force was kind of deadened for many years and now I'm on fire. And I want to ignite as many human souls as I can while I'm here. And maybe even after I'm gone, you know, thanks to the power of recordings and such, maybe you're listening to this many years later when I'm dead. I don't know. And if you're not, and if you're listening to this currently, then make sure you go check out the live event, because if you feel this fire right here, right now, it's intensified 10x at a virtual event, you might say, well, is virtual the same as in person? You know, there are differences, of course, and the virtual experience is powerful. We do create a container there and you feel it, it starts to build day after day after day of being together. Especially if you're committed and you're investing your time, you're not just like, oh, sign up and maybe show up for an hour a day. I mean, like, show up, you know, commit to show up for the full three days and you will have a powerful immersion experience. So just a reminder to do that. And maybe that's a leap for you, maybe that's a risk for you, but it's worth it. And don't let me, let me like, say just kind of tell you that as you take that at face value, that would be the question. How is it worth it for you? What could it bring to your life if you were to immerse yourself more? Fantastic. So let's bring this into action. Time for action. Action, action. Here's your action step for today. Okay? We're going to keep it really short, really simple, really in this moment, not something you go do later. Okay? So it's going to be a little activity that I'm going to guide you through right now. So if you are alone, you can do this out loud. Or if you're around people that, you know, you feel relaxed around doing this, you know, family or whatever, you don't care, or if you are, there's people around, you're listening to this in, you know, public transit or something like that, then you can just do this silently in your head. But if there's no one around, I highly recommend you do this out loud. Okay? You're stand up. That's right, stand up. Even if you're on public transport, you're in a subway, whatever, just stand up. And I want you to stand tall with your eyes closed. Would you just stand fully upright and put your arms firmly down by your sides like you're taking a stand. Right now you are stepping up. Breathe in fully. Like, put your chest out another inch. Bring your shoulder blades a little bit back, just a little bit further so your chest is puffed out. And then bring your chin a little bit back towards your neck so you're kind of looking straight ahead, but your eyes are closed. Just feel that stance of determination. And just say out loud, I'm ready. That's right. Say it with me. I'm ready. Bring it on. Whatever it takes. Can you feel that inside of you right now? And just be open to whatever's gonna come your way. Be open to soar. Be open to leap. Because those opportunities are going to arise. They arise daily on a small level, monthly and yearly on big life changing events. And no matter what you're struggling with, no matter what you're facing, no matter how long you've been stuck or stagnant or whatever, all it takes is a shift. And you decide. You decide. I'm gonna take a new action. I'm gonna take a risk. Fuck it, I'm gonna go for it. And all of a sudden your life can change more rapidly in a one month time period or in a six month time period than it did in the last 10 years or 30 years. And I've seen this again and again and again. So I hope this episode is a catalyst for you again. Join me if you want for the next online immersion. I would love to spend that time with you and until we speak again, may have the courage to be who you are and to know on a deep level that you're awesome. I'll talk to you soon. Thanks for listening to Shrink for the shy guy with Dr. Aziz. If you know anyone who can benefit from what you've just heard, please let them know and send them a link to shrinkforthshyguy.com for free blogs, ebooks and training videos related to overcoming shyness and increasing confidence, go to shrink SocialConfidenceCenter.com.