12 Dec 2018 · 34 min
Podcast episode (Dr. Aziz with guest Jonathan Woo) exploring the fear of brief moments of social rejection when approaching people romantically or socially. They describe the physical/psychological experience of rejection, explain why the pain is often a pre-existing wound (childhood/unworthiness), and offer practical strategies: practice by repeated approaches (dilution/repetition), cultivate grounding/secure attachment (a supportive "mat" or community), reframe the interaction with empathy, and send compassion to self/other after rejection. Episode ends with an action prompt to practice approaching multiple times.
Chapters
Welcome to Shrink for the shy Guy. This is the show for you. If you are sick and tired of being held back by fear, self doubt, social anxiety, shyness, anything that's stopping you from you being you. I'm going to share the most powerful tools and resources that I've been discovering over the last 15 years on my journey to eradicate social anxiety and instill confidence first in myself second, and then in every single person that I meet on my journey. You're going to learn these tools and how to apply them in your life now so that you can become the most free, powerful, bold, authentic version of you. Hey, welcome. Today's episode of the show. Today we're going to be talking about a wide range of things related to dating, particularly the initial stages of approaching someone you're attracted to, how that initial conversation goes. And not just some strategy like say this and do that, but actually the whole inner experience of that, how we get ourselves to do that. Because I know if you're listening to this and you're single, what a. I'm sure on some level you'd love to have the ability to just walk over to someone that you're attracted to and start a conversation with them. Whether you're a man who wants to meet women or men or a woman who wants to meet men or other women, it doesn't matter. Like, the freedom and the confidence to just put yourself out there. Know on some level that if that person's not that into you, you'll be fine. And to feel like you have the skill and the confidence to just be. You know, sometimes we get so nervous that we're like, well, even if I did approach them, I just be this mess and then they're going to reject me. And so we have all these stories and so we're really going to get into this. And by the end of this episode, I want you to feel more liberated, to just start trying stuff. They don't have to be the best at it. And I'm very excited today because we have back again by popular demand, special guest coach Jonathan Woo. Yeah, what's up?
You know what you need? You need like a mariachi or some sort of band in here. That way when you introduce, introduce you. I'm just gonna bring them with me every time.
Let's see if we can get my. My homeboy, my editor on that. We're gonna. Listening might just have heard mariachi music. That's right. Imagine playing in the background.
Yes.
I'm making a special request. This is. We're going to make this happen.
I love it.
The Jonathan entrance. But it's great to have you because, in fact, you inspired me to want to create this episode because just the other day. So, Jonathan, I'm grateful and fortunate to be having you stay with me and my family, which is awesome. It's awesome for me and Candice because we both love you, but it's like the greatest thing in the world to my kids. Yeah, you're kind of like crack to them. It's like they can't get enough Jhana. But anyway, because you're staying with us, you know, no more what's going on in your life. And just the other day, you're like, I'm gonna go out and meet up with a couple of friends of mine who happen to be people that you've learned I've met through events and the Mastermind program and stuff. And we're gonna go practice approaching. And all three of you are heterosexual. You're interested in approaching women. But so. But then what was interesting is we talked later that day or the next day, and it's like, how did it go? And how did it go?
Not good.
Not good is what you said. And I said, ah, yes.
All four of us were just like, all right, this is fine.
Yeah.
It's definitely one of those moments when you are doing a show or performance and you're like, yeah, that didn't go that well. But we're okay.
That happened.
That happened. Yeah.
Yeah. So when you say it didn't go well, tell us more, because I think that's so good. There's so much information out there online and podcasts, and it's like, all right, here's what you do. Especially for men who want to approach women, that's a very saturated field. And there's, like, this total certainty. It's delivered with, like, here's what you do. You approach, and you do this, you do that, and.
Yeah.
And everything goes your way.
Yeah. There's, like, these tactics that they put out, like, step one, approach, step two. You say this.
Yeah.
Comment on this.
And.
And, I mean, I read those things, but they didn't really. It's hard for me to digest what's actually going on. And so I felt like, let's just go out and say hi. And I guess when I say it didn't go well, what I'm looking for is, like, to have a connection within that time that we're talking to someone, men or female or, you know, even trans. But there's. There was me inserting myself into this Conversation and them shutting down or being preoccupied or not wanting to basically play along with the conversation.
Yeah. Closed.
Yes. And so it's. So those interactions maybe last about 30 seconds to a minute, and you're kind of like, all right, well, it was great talking to you.
Yeah.
And I think the thing that hurts the most would probably be the shifty eyes of like. Like the disgusted look.
The universal disgust face.
Yeah. For humans, which you probably just look in the mirror and just go, crinkle.
Yeah, crinkle. Your nose. Your nose kind of crinkles up. It's like you just bit into a piece of fruit that was kind of rotten.
Yeah. Or if you hate vegetables, you just, like, drink a veggie smoothie.
Yeah.
And you're like, that happens. Or they say something like. And it's no fault of theirs. They're just. They're really just being themselves. Saying, like, it's coming out.
Saying, no, thank you.
They're saying, no, thank you. Yeah.
Minus the thank you.
Minus the thing. They just say no. They just, like, walk away, Dude.
No.
Yeah. I remember we went to this grocery store, and I was asked to go have a conversation with this woman who had a basket. Gift bag, or. Yeah, Basket for her groceries. And I went up and I had this idea to say, like, hey, I'm the world champion of basket holding, and I can hold your basket while we go shopping.
Very noble.
Yeah. Yeah. For a nominal fee of 3 cents an item, because the basket will get heavy. But, you know, I was trying to create a little bit of a banter. Yeah. And she just did not, like, no, thank you, and walked away. And I'm like, oh, okay. And you feel that. Yeah. When you do it by yourself.
Let's pause real quick. Hold your thoughts. I want to hear more about when you do by yourself. But that right there that you just mentioned is incredible. That is like. I'm trying to think of how to express it. That moment is the thing that stops people. People from literally having the relationship and the life that they want, that one moment. And they're like, I do not want to feel that. I do not. There's a client that I'm working with one on one. I'm trying to get him to come to an event. I'm like, dude. But he just. His schedule never lines up. But he's been avoiding starting relationships his whole life. And the main reason is that one moment he does not want to feel. He's unwilling to feel it. Of course, he's got all these stories. I've always been shy I've never been able to do it. I'm not that kind of person. But underneath that. And I highlighted this in one of the calls. It's like it's all unwillingness to experience that probably six seconds of interaction and then all the hours that might follow of self torment. So let's talk about that moment.
Yeah.
How do you, like, did that moment sounds like you got over it? How do you. How do you get over it? Was it always. Could you always get over. Was it really painful at first or still? Yeah.
I think physiologically what happens is my ears get red. Like, I feel like my ears are on fire.
Like, embarrassed.
Embarrassed. Yeah. And I. My heart, I guess my chest kind of like tightens or my heart kind of sinks. Especially if it's something that you really like, oh, my gosh. I really want to talk to this person. And they're kind of like, they don't want anything to do with you. Whether it's a. Like a hard no or like, it was nice talking to you. I'm gonna leave.
Polite.
Polite. No. It's still like, you. You feel like just not 100%.
Yeah.
Something in my nervous system feels like I'm in danger or I did something bad. But when I'm with a group and. Or a partner and we're all like, did you see that? I don't know. There's something that changes with that, because I'll just come back and report and my buddies will. They support me and they love me no matter what. So they're like, hey, it's okay. And I feel okay. And if I do it by myself, though, it stays with me a little bit longer until I communicate it to somebody. I think I just have to share it. Then I'll feel. I'll feel better.
Well, it has something so important which is grounding in a. In a sense of secure attachment. Like, I'm okay. I'm okay. I'm still loved. And I think what we do kind of unconsciously is we go into a situation, whether it's approaching someone or even just a social situation, not even romantic at all. And we're going in there and we forget all of our secure attachment. We forget that there's people in our lives right now that love us no matter what. We forget that we can be grounded and love ourselves no matter what. And we do this really quickly and unconsciously. And we just go in without knowing. It was sort of like, I need to find my primary attachment here tonight or in this con in the supermarket.
Yeah. Yeah. And it has to happen right now.
And that's what a sense of threat or danger is. Like, oh, my God. Like, I'm unloved, I'm unlovable. And I think when you have that conversation with a friend, either immediately or later, there's that, ah, no, wait, I am okay. And I think that's essential. I know for me, much of my time practicing this, I was not. I didn't have a friend in the same city, but I did have a good friend. When I first was doing this and overcoming that initial hurdle of talking, talking to a woman that I didn't know and I trying to flirt with her was just mind boggling. Like, that is. I think I'm gonna die. Literally, like something. Talk about being unwilling to experience that six seconds. I mean, I spent a decade, like, utterly unwilling. I will not. I'd rather die.
Yeah.
And then at some point I realized, like, oh, I'm never gonna have the life that I want unless I do this. But my good friend who was studying, you know, the same kind of things online, we'd talk about it and then we had this kind of open policy, like text or call each other after stuff like that happens. And it was so relieving. I don't think I could have done it without his help. Matt, I doubt you listen to this, but if you do, you're awesome. Thank you.
I love you. And wait, you have a mat too?
I have a mat. You gotta have a mat. So if you don't know a mat and you want to get more comfortable and bold and confident approaching and dating, you gotta first find a mat. Find a mat. And that could be a boy mat like Matt. Matthew. Or that could be a girl. Matt Madeleina. Oh, okay.
Matt. Yeah. Madeline. Madeline.
You just call her Matt.
Maddy. Yeah.
Can I call you Matt? No, my name's Matt.
Jessica, but her name is Matt.
Any case, so grounding in that connection. And what if you're alone and you for some reason don't hear back from anyone or you're just kind of in that feeling? How do you work with that?
You eat ice cream? No. No. As discussed in the previous episode. Yeah. Following me. No.
Find some porn.
That's a really tough one because I have different outlets. I'll do the peace process. I'll journal. I remember when I first started listening to your podcast, There was an episode where you talked about thinking about three other things that could be going on in the other person that has nothing to do with you. And that really helps me journaling, just journaling my feelings. But I think the strongest is just kind of reaching out to someone because have a feeling every. Everyone has been in that situation before. Mm. And if you have someone that you can trust in your life, they'll say, you know, hey, man, that's okay. But, yeah, I think for those six seconds, you're feeling a little bit embarrassed or ashamed or.
Yeah.
And I think just sitting with that, knowing, like, that's okay, is. Is gonna bring tremendous growth in you as a. As just a human being.
Absolutely. And it generalizes to all other kinds of rejection and things not going your way as well. And I liked it. I mean, I would liken it to a tolerance of sorts. Yeah, it's rejection tolerance. It's discomfort tolerance. Remember, I was talking with someone who didn't want to experience the six seconds and realized, okay, I'm not gonna have the life that I want unless I can basically handle getting rejected. So he started practicing and getting rejection, not just in dating, but kind of in life. And I was, okay, I'm gonna test this thing out. But then he got to. It was like the same thing coming in through the back door. It was like, how do I have the right mindset so that I'm not bothered at all by rejection? And, you know, while there are things we can do, like if someone rejects you and you say, oh, she didn't want to talk to me, or he wasn't interested in me. Am a terrible, worthless human, that's going to intensify your pain quite a bit. And, you know, you can have a story by thinking about what are three things that are going on in their life, or really getting clear in yourself. Like, I'm not doing anything wrong by warmly approaching someone and basically inviting them to a conversation. And they have the right to say, no, you can do all that stuff, and it helps lessen the pain, but to have it be totally no impact whatsoever. I was telling him, I was like, you know, it's kind of like, I'm a big fan of the ice cold showers.
Yeah.
Cold dips and stuff. It's kind of like saying, how do I make it so the ice cold shower doesn't produce any discomfort at all? Like. Well, I don't know. Like, even people like Wim Hof, one of the mentors that I learned from, he does say it's uncomfortable.
Yeah.
It's just you. He's able to fully relax his body and not resist it at all.
Right.
And so that's the same thing, I think with the rejection is like, inside, you're gonna be like my face is melting.
Yeah.
And your body and your chest tightens up and our best option is to like get really good at quickly just surrendering and relaxing and then feeling it. And maybe there's a lot of pain. And I think a lot of that pain is nothing to do with that person. That's the pain of I'm unloved, I'm unworthy, I'm not enough. And that pain is a pain that is a huge ball of wax that we've been accumulating since age 2 or whenever younger, even pre, pre verbal memory. So be with it.
Right.
Heal it.
That's part of you. Yeah, yeah. The. When you were talking about feeling those feelings, I was thinking about that. I've had so many bad interactions, rejections, but they've helped me, helped me grow in a sense to where when I'm in a relationship I'm able to have uncomfortable conversations with someone. It's almost like you do these practices not to try to get something, but they build your strength up, I guess, like going to the gym, you know, you're going to the gym to weightlift because you feel good. But then like if you're gonna help a buddy move, you're not like, I can't lift this couch. So it's like it prepares you for real life, I guess, and in a.
More intentional way than I think most people do. And we were talking about this the other day too, is like most people will never commit to strengthening themselves intentionally by getting rejected. Intentionally.
Yeah.
The vast majority of people will never do that. They're like that sounds. They don't even think about it. And if they learn about it or hear about it somewhere, they'd say, oh, that sounds terrible.
Yeah. They'll just say why? Yeah, why?
I don't.
Why would you put yourself.
Why would be uncomfortable.
Right.
Fortunately, if you're listening to this and you're akin of on the same path and a like minded spirit to me and Jonathan, where. Well, you reach a point of pain in your life where you realize like, I have to do something to change. I really want something to be different. And then you become more open to these kinds of things.
And what's interesting is that pain to make me want to go out is worse than the pain of getting rejected by one individual.
Yeah.
Does that make sense?
Yeah, absolutely. Yes. When we're not living in denial or telling ourself a story like it's not that bad or it'll get better in the future or whatever and we're really facing the pain Of a life of loneliness or a life of not living our potential or a life of just staying small and safe, and we really are. Remove all the denial and really face that and compare that pain to. To the pain of someone saying no to you or the pain of someone not liking you for a minute. It's. It's like the Empire State versus an ant.
Yeah.
Nothing.
Yeah, it's because I don't. I don't remember the person who said, no. We did it so many times. It's not like that. It's not even that. It's that person. Because you're just like, I'm just. I don't know anything about this person. That's why I'm making the attempt to talk to that individual. Who knows if they said yes? And then you find out you do go on a date. They're an awful person. You're like, I don't want this at all. Yeah. So it's almost like you don't. You're not pulling enough data to really be hurt by it. It's just the feeling that you attempted something and it didn't go the way that you wanted.
That's so fascinating. What it's showing me and reminding me is that that hurt that we feel, again, is not about that person. It's not even about that interaction.
Yeah.
It's like the hurt is this. It's already in there. It's this doorway in your house. There's a doorway in a room in your house that's like the hurt room. And it's all the times you were unlovable and no one liked you and you didn't fit in and you weren't picked in gym class and no one wanted to dance you and you didn't get a valentine and your mom said you were stupid, and all that pain is in that little hurt room. And then we go approach someone and say, hey, I'd love to grab your basket. And you make a joke, and it's like this sweet, kind of funny energy. And she's like, no.
And you're like, I'm in the room.
I'm gonna run the hurt. I stumbled into the hurt room. It sucks in here, right? Because you don't know anything about her. You're right. That's a beautiful point. You don't know if you actually want to date her. You don't know if it's actually a good fit. You don't know. I mean, her reason for rejecting you has nothing to do with any qualities of you as a human being.
Right? Right.
So it's just, that's our ticket is into the hurt room.
Yeah. And they know nothing about you either to say, you know, you know, they're, they're missing out. They could be missing out.
Who knows? Well, definitely yes.
Yeah.
Well, they're always missing out on date with you. They're always missing out. That's how you have to end all those interactions. Well, you're missing out.
Have a good day with your basket.
Your heavy, heavy basket. Well, so the number of times stood out to me. You said we did so many attempts that day that I don't really remember. That one's not really that significant anymore. And I think that's a really important concept that everyone needs to know, which is dilution, diluting it. So if you were to consume a drop of something very bitter, very intense, directly, that's overwhelming these horrible tastes in your mouth. But if you were to dilute that one drop into like a huge, you know, 16, 20, 24 ounce water bottle, you might not even taste it or be very minimal. So we didn't, we want to dilute these experiences. And I think that's counterintuitive because first of all, it's a hard sell to be like, go out there and intentionally get rejected 30 times. First of all, even just doing it is like, okay. And it's like, yeah, then when you're gonna do it, you're gonna go 30 times. People are just like, what? So you don't have to. It's just actually surprisingly, to do more is easier. Even if it seems like that's not the case because all those eggs are not riding on that one basket. All of your self worth is not in this one person's response. Now, I was telling that to the client who was, you know, had been limiting his life for many decades, really, because he didn't want to experience those six seconds of that rejection. And I was talking about how, well, you know, I've done this with a lot of people. Do you know how many attempts it takes to overcome that? He's like, how many? I was like, well, I didn't tell him right away. Built it up. Yeah. And I said, when I say overcome, I don't mean they don't feel fear or they're totally comfortable. They, that means that that fear, that discomfort doesn't have any power to stop them. They're going to go do it. Most of the time no one's a machine. Right. But generally, if you're in a good state, they'll, they'll approach. You know, I was like, do you know how many times? Like I said about 12, give or take.
Yeah.
Now, that doesn't mean that it becomes the easiest thing in the world, and you're the greatest at it. It just means that, like, overwhelming. Like, oh, my gosh, this is. I cannot do this. If you did it, like, 12 times, and out of those 12, you're probably not getting rejected even every time. You're just fate. You're taking the risk 12 times, you're facing the fear 12 times, something shifts. And I've seen it be even less for people even, like, six.
Right.
It just depends upon how grounded they are themselves, how many other people in their lives they feel loved by. All these factors. But it's really not that big of a number to create this sense of, like, oh. Because all that. What happens in those first six, 10, 12, is you just train your nerve, your brain, your nervous system is like, oh, I can handle this. Because that. The fantasy rejection, if you haven't done it for 20 years or ever, the fantasy one is like. It's this. It's like in Raiders of the Lost Ark, when they open up the ark and their face melts.
Yeah. Like, it's just.
You imagine your face is gonna melt.
That's what happens every time someone says.
No, my face is melting.
And I'm like, Indy. Yeah. And the caveat to that, too, is if you stop doing it. Because we have a friend who has not been doing it, and when we go out now, he feels massive anxiety about it. When just a couple, like, years ago, he. Or yeah, maybe a year ago, he was making attempts. I remember he was. Yeah, he would, like, like, write a ticket on his arm every time he, like, talked to anybody, man or woman. Like, he's just any type of approach. And now after eight months, he's. He's been off of it, and it's like, I feel it again.
Is this Travis?
Mm.
Travis, if you're listening, we love you, buddy.
And.
But notice this. That year that he was doing it, writing the tickets on his arm, that's when he was in the Mastermind program.
Yeah.
The eight months has been not in the Mastermind program. This is a sell for the Mastermind program. I'm just highlighting the importance of the community, of the people that you go out and do this with, who you surround yourself with. Right. Because it's like. And it's not just him. That's how we all are. You know, the amount of act bold action I take in my business and risks I take. And because for me, that's probably the most fear I face. Like I don't approach women on a regular basis. Now if I do talk to a woman, it's really not that anxiety provoking. But I'm not approaching them like romantically.
Yeah. I'm asking for business ideas. Yeah.
Or just like I'll chat with her for a minute. Like who cares?
Yeah.
But I'm not like I'm gonna go in. I hope she gives me her number.
Right.
I'm sure if I was single and I was doing that again, I'd be nervous because they come to you. That's right. At this point I would just. No, but I would just take my shirt off and flex my abs. No, I know. I would feel nervous. So it's not about you. Get over it forever. It's like I would be quote out of shape in that way. But it's about who we surround ourselves with. And for me, if I am so the biggest place I take risks or feel the most discomfort is in business and putting myself out there in different ways. And I can to a t map the amount of risks I'm taking, the frequency of risks and how big those are with whether I'm in coaching or in a community of people or not. And I'm doing all kinds of things. So if I'm in a mastermind, my own mastermind program, I'm doing stuff like crazy. And then I'm done with that program after two years and it sort of tapers down. And then I got into another coaching thing and then more and then most recently working with Lori and Linda in the last maybe three or four, six months maybe at this point and just doing tons of stuff. Like I would be anxious after the calls. I'd be, you know, and I'd be in conversation with them and just, it, it forces you.
Yeah.
And it doesn't have to be official coaching because you're going out with just friends.
Right.
But like this commitment to being around people who are gonna bring that out of you and not because they're telling you to do it, but because they're like, hey, I'm doing this in my life. Do you want to join me?
Right. Right.
Yeah. Okay.
Yeah. It's a wolf pack, you know, Gotta be in pack. Gotta be in the pack of like minded, like friends too.
Yeah.
You know, you don't want to be around a friend who is like, what are you doing? You know that's creepy. Don't do that. Yeah. Cuz then you'll feel worse. You feel like you're shamed Right. Yeah, yeah. Like you're doing something. But let's address that real quick here.
As we get to the end of the episode is, so what if someone's listening? And it could be a man who's saying that's wrong. It could be a woman who's saying, I've gotten emails from women who read something or saw something in mind that says, like, you encourage men to go out and start a conversation with a woman at a supermarket. That's invasive. That's not consensual. You know, you shouldn't tell men to do that. And I know that's an idea. That's one of the fears that men feel. It's part of that embarrassment after there's a. No, it's not just like, oh, no, she wasn't interested. It was, no, she wasn't interested and I've done something wrong. Yeah, this. This was very inappropriate of me. And I'm wondering, as you've done it more and more, do you have a mind. Has there been a mindset shift or how you see it when you're in a confident state versus how you used to see it?
I guess for me, it doesn't feel. I don't listen to. I don't have that type of, like, media where someone's addressing you, you know, hey, what you're doing is wrong. Nobody's ever said that to me. While I go to talk to that person, they just say no, and then they walk away. So they do have a sense of power because it's not like I'm holding them in that. In that. You didn't grab the corner. Yeah, no, I'm gonna do this.
And you will gonna pay me those three cents.
I want three cents an item. No, it's. I think for me it's more of a curiosity. I'm gonna go talk to you. I don't know what that person is going to say, but I do know that I'm. I have to make a. An attempt to see what's gonna happen.
Yeah.
And. Yeah, that's. That's kind of where the camp that I fall into now if that person says, I'm uncomfortable with this conversation or I'm uncomfortable with you coming up, you know, I, I was not aware of that. I apologize. I move on. Yeah. But I do. It is an approach to where it's a friendly approach. It's. And I'm not getting anything out of it, but just seeing what this person's about.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And I think that that upset or that saying it's wrong probably comes out of that woman or other women being approached in a way that is not from that place of curiosity and warmth. It is much more like they want something. Yeah. And perhaps less thoughtful. Or maybe I've. This is a common thing is, you know, they approach and then if she's not open, then they, like, verbally attack her or say something critical or it's like. It's kind of this intense.
Yeah.
Thing. And it's. That's actually something.
At the.
The unlimited dating and relationship confidence event.
Plug.
Plug. You're supposed to call them out. You just want to smooth, smoothly address that. You know you want to be there and you. Do you want to come to any of these live events, talk about getting amazing community.
Yeah.
People friend up there and buddy up there, and then whether in the same city or not, they end up supporting each other. We have Facebook ways to connect all that stuff. Plug. There was a guy. This was Jeff at. This was last year at the event, and he talked about approaching talking to a woman at a coffee shop and her not being open and him basically feeling like when he's honest with him, he didn't display it to her, but inside, kind of like, fu. And so I was like, this is awesome. Thank you. From the honesty to say that here at this event, because we all, you know, represent, like, oh, yeah, I feel really down about myself and bad and stuff when I get rejected. But we rarely acknowledge that on the coattails of that feeling, there can also be a feeling of, like, reject me. Fuck you.
Yes.
We're shaming. We feel shamed and bad and unlovable. So we also blame and criticize. And whether we say that or not, it's inside of us.
Right. Right.
And so what I was helping him do, which goes to show just how this. This way of approaching is. Is really about creating love and positive energy in the world. So approaching with warmth and curiosity. And what we guided him to do is just to notice how he felt when he was, like, sending that energy towards her.
Yeah.
And then imagine getting into her shoes and imagining her day. What was going on. Like, why is she being closed or critical or short? Like, is she hurting? Is she uncomfortable inside? Is she scared of you? Or is it nothing to do with you? And she's just stressed out. And you got him a little bit of empathy and perspective. And then it was like, what if just right now, you just sent her, like, love, Like a blast of like, you're okay.
Yeah.
I hope you feel better.
Right.
And he did that. And I was like, how do you feel. He's like, I feel really good.
Yeah.
And so it's like, well, what if in the minutes after rejection, you were able to, like, send this blast of love to yourself and to the person who rejected you? Just kind of like, hey, we're all. We're all okay. And I feel like that's profoundly healing for the fear of rejection and for dealing with it when it happens.
And no disrespect to those individuals who feel hurt when they say, you know, what you're doing is wrong, that they're speaking on a. On a level of like, a drip, like, saying, like, all women are in this camp. But we've had many stories told where, you know, they. Somebody has made an approach, and they're like, I'm so glad that you came and talked to me. Nobody talks to, like, nobody does this kind of thing anymore. Like, we went out a couple weeks ago, and our buddy Dylan got a number with this. With this lady, and I think they're. They're having, like, a wonderful connection now. And she said, though, like, it's rare that people come up and talk to.
Others, especially in the day. In this day and age with apps and everything.
Right, Right.
Why do that?
You can just swipe and.
Yeah.
And so it's. So there's some people that want that type of connection, and there's some people that don't. And unless somebody has a sign that says, don't talk to me, that's what.
I want is I want augmented reality where you could just be looking at the world and, like, they're. They have, like, a green hue around them or a red hue.
The aura.
The aura. And you could just see. Although the funny thing is, they might have it on red. I've had this before. Like, if your energy is positive and warm and open and curious. I've approached women who started out, like, kind of standoffish or unsure of me. And once they had about 30 seconds of seeing, like, oh, this guy doesn't want anything from me. He's just warm and friendly and had great connection. Even got numbers.
Yeah.
Even had women who were. There was one woman who was sort of, like, really standoffish at first and then eventually seemed to warm up. And then we flirted, and it was playful. And then she gave me her number and then was, like, standoffish again on text. And I was like, okay, that's just the default. It's okay. I don't need this, you know? So I just. Whatever. Said something to end it and moved on. Literally one Year later, she still had my number and texted me and was like, hey, do you want to, like, go out now? It's kind of like, who's this?
No, you went into fight mode.
Thanks. But anyway, so we are. We pushed it beyond the limit of time. I do have to get to something else. And so the action step for today. Is to go do some stuff. Whatever you're drawing from this episode, take action on it. You don't need me to tell you what to do. As you're listening, I bet you've been thinking about something that you might want to do, perhaps approaching in some way or another. And if you're married and this isn't your thing, what's another place you can expose yourself to rejection?
And bonus. Bonus. Do it 30 times.
That's right. Starting now. Right now. Three, two, one, go. Awesome. Thank you for being with me today, Jonathan.
Hey, always a pleasure.
Thank you for listening. Maybe we'll have the mariachi music on the outro. On the outro as well. And until we speak again, may you have the courage to be who you are and to know on a deep level that you're awesome.
Thanks for listening to Shrink for the shy guy with Dr. Aziz. If you know anyone who can benefit from what you've just heard, please let them know and send them a link to shrinkforthshyguy.com for free blogs, ebooks, and training videos related to overcoming shyness and increasing confidence, go to so SocialConfidenceCenter.com.
