The 1 Secret To Overcome Your Fear Of Rejection

You're here because you want to overcome your fear of rejection. Probably holding you back in some area, your social life, your dating life, career, speaking up at work. Like the fear of what they're going to think of me, they're not going to like me, they're going to judge me. And it's holding us back and it's painful and it's frustrating and maybe you've tried a variety of things. And I'm going to share one thing in this video, one secret that I believe is the key to all of it. And I'm going to explain exactly why that is. So, so you're definitely going to want to watch this all the way to the end so you can learn how to apply this in your life and really, truly free yourself from this. I don't mean just grit your teeth and pretend like it doesn't bother you, but inside you're shut down and emotional and freaking out. And I don't mean where you have to be. Prove something like, I'm not afraid, I'm not afraid. How about just a deep, solid sense of confidence that you're okay either way. If this person likes me or doesn't like me, says yes to me, says no to me. If that sounds appealing to you, then stick with me in this video. I'm Dr. Azies. I'm the founder of the center for Social Confidence and author of six best selling books on confidence. And many of the times when I'm working with someone, rejection is a key theme because that's the essence of social anxiety and niceness and peace. People pleasing is I'm going to hide from you, I'm going to be whoever you want so you don't reject me. So we have to be able to face this fear of rejection. Now how can I say there's only one key secret to overcoming this fear? Because there's many different things that you can do and heal and resolve and let go of and shift and perspective changes that will all help you in the process. And I teach many of those things in other places. But there is one thing that if you don't do this, none of those will help. And if you do this, all of those become inevitable. That's why I believe this is the key secret. So what is it? Is it? It goes like this. When we get rejected, just think about a time when someone doesn't like you or says no to you. What is your automatic response? It's to collapse. We go deflated, discouraged, hopeless, maybe anxious about the future, like, oh, it's never Going to work out, what am I going to do? And maybe sour too. We get kind of angry. Why do they say that? Or they don't get me or so we're hurt and we're angry and maybe we're scared about our future options or prospects. That's kind of the usual. And probably take it personally too. Maybe feel shame, I did something wrong, I'm bad, I'm not enough. That's the stew. And in my events, I often help people go through what I call their default rejection pattern, their derp, and really help them get this on a deep level, exactly what I do to create this suffering. And indeed it is you who's creating the suffering or me when I'm doing this pattern, when I get rejected. And so the key to realize here is that when you have that impulse, what's that gonna do? Are you gonna wanna go out there and try again and interact again? No. And even if you force yourself to, you're coming in with this. Well, this is not going to work, right? And so we're guarded, we're armored, it's a half hearted attempt. And then we prove to ourselves that we're right and no one likes us and it's never going to work out. And that just creates this negative spiral and eventually we go into avoidance because why do I want to try again? I know it's not going to work out. So we have to shift that whole pattern. Because the most powerful way to overcome your fear of rejection is to have lots of exposure, lots of reps, lots of at bats, lots of practice. And why would I want to go practice if I feel just like my soul is barfing every time I get a no, right? So here's what we need to do. And here's the key secret. You need to shift into an offense mindset that is turning this into a process, something that I am going to master. Because if you look at it as like, what's the least amount that I have to approach people to get more comfortable at this? Can I get away with like once or twice or do I have about 10 times? If I did it 10 times, would I be okay? And look, even if you did 10 times, you're never going to overcome that fear. Because what there's not something hasn't mobilized in you to make this profound shift? That's like saying, what's the least amount I can work out to get healthy? If, if you really want to thrive in your health, you got to like adopt an identity of like, I want to be an athlete. You know, achieve this. I want to grow this. I want to. Here's why. I want to be strong or healthy or live all these years or have this mobility to run around with my grandkids. Whatever your motives are, you take it on as a field of study and a mastery, right? So it's not just a little bit, just enough. It's like, I'm going to study this, I'm going to practice this. Let's go. It's offense time. You seek it out. And that shift changes everything. Everything. So the way this looks like for rejection, I did this when I was in my early 20s and I had tons of social anxiety up until that point. Never really dated much in my life. Reached a threshold moment. I was like, okay, I got a date. Up until that moment, I'd asked a few women out. I'd gone on a few dates in my teenage years, but they were really rare and they never really led to anything. Right. At some point, I reached this threshold moment and was like, I am going to do this. I'm going to seek out, like, how many opportunities can I get as opposed to how can I get through the day without a rejection? It was, how many women can I go approach? Can I talk to? Can I look for opportunities to speak up? Can I raise my hand and share in groups? I'm going to take this on. And then when I take it on, I'm not just going to just accumulate a bunch of rejections. I'm also going to be studying. How do I speak up? How do I approach? What is a better way to do it? That's the mastery component and what something happens inside and all the other stuff, like trying to tell yourself it's okay, don't take it personal, Just let it go, man, that none of that stuff that works. All of a sudden, you're able to do it. Like, you know what? I got another opportunity. I'm going to push this person tomorrow. It's fine. I'm going to do this, I'm going to do that. Okay, I'm going to study this person as you're studying that person, and maybe I'm that person for you. You're watching somebody on YouTube and you're like, yeah, yeah, of course I'm going to try that next time. So what's happening is you're creating a sense of positive anticipation, of knowing that you're going to grow, knowing that you can change things. And that positive future becomes a resilience, a buffer, a protective layer that helps you take the rejection and not have it destroy you inside. So you get some momentum, you get some strength and that becomes a cycle in the whole other direction where now you're like, okay, try more. I'm going to do this, I'm going to learn, I'm going to grow. And then all of a sudden it doesn't bother you so much and you become way more powerful and then you can go apply everything else you're learning from me and others about how to let things go and how to not see rejection as personal and all that stuff. There's tons of great mindsets and tools for all that stuff, but this one key shift will set you up to take advantage of everything. Does that make sense? Share down in the comments what you're finding most valuable from this and if you want my help in overcoming your rejection, becoming way more bold than ever before, go to draziz.com and check it under Coaching There is a way to apply for my Mastermind program. It's the main way that I work with people. It's a month absolutely life changing program and you can just look at the testimonials on my site. Don't take it from me, it's directly from them. We have dozens of videos of people sharing about how their life is radically different after years or decades of this fear of rejection and social anxiety and people pleasing and all that comes from that. So if you want to make a radical change in this year in your life, that is the fastest way that I know how to do it and I would love to work with you in that program. So click in the description down below in the little box you'll see a link directly to that page on my website and until we speak again may have have the courage to be who you are and know on a deep level that you're awesome. I'll talk to you soon.