Dr. Aziz identifies two beliefs that trap you in approval-seeking: thinking you need someone's approval when you only want it, and believing you can control how others perceive you. He suggests facing rejection directly and focusing on what's actually yours to control: being authentic.
Are you hooked on other people's approval? Do you need someone to like you? And if so, you're gonna want to watch this video all the way through because I'm going to share two powerful lies that are keeping you stuck in that grasping, craving, or fearful need. And this is going to be so liberating for you. So I can't wait to share this with you. And if you're enjoying this, please hit the like button, button down below the little thumb and also the subscribe and the little bell next to it. So that way you can find these videos as soon as they come out to help you become the most confident version of you. So this need for approval, right, It's a basic human thing. I've never talked to anyone who's like, no, I don't have that at all. Who's being real? So the problem is not that you want people to like you. The problem is a matter of degree and how intense this can be. Because this can be extremely inhibiting in different areas of your life, can't it? I mean, maybe you look at your work life, your social life, your love life. How do you hold yourself back? Do you become someone different than who you really are to try to get someone to like you? Do you basically sell yourself out in some way? Not necessarily for money, but you're just not being real. You're not being you. And how does that feel over time? For most people, that feels pretty bad. And that disconnection from yourself is very uncomfortable, very intolerable, as it should be. That's you pulling yourself back. That's your higher self saying, hey, come back here. Be more you. So how do you do that? Well, you got to see through these two lies that I want to share in this video. These lies are keeping you stuck in that need for approval. Okay, so the first lie is this. I need so and so to approve of me. I need you to like me. I need you to think I'm special. I need you to think I'm smart or attractive or whatever, right? That is the first lie. I need this. Do you really need it? Really, really need it, or do you want it? Now, that might seem like an artificial distinction or just words or semantics or something, but it makes all the difference in your mind and your emotions, right? Because this is where the grasping is. You might intellectually tell yourself, oh, it doesn't matter if they like me or not. That's not how your heart and your nervous system and your emotions and your whole body feels. It feels real, tense and grasping and Uncomfortable because emotionally you feel like you do need it. There's this sense of I need it. Okay, well, what's underneath that? A great way to explore that is what happens if you don't have it. What happens if that person doesn't like you or they don't judge you positively in that moment. And what a lot of people will do is they'll say like, that's I can't go. I can't even look at that. I can't even go there. It's too scary. Well, when I work with clients, I say, let's go there. So, so and so does disapproves of your work, you get rejected. You put yourself out there and that person says no. Or you go on four dates and then they break up with you or whatever the scenario is that scares you. We gotta face it and we gotta look at that. Because only by facing it and looking at it do you see the truth, which is, I don't need something from you. I might want it. Of course I talk to someone. I want the sale, I want the date, I want the approval, I want the applause. Of course you want those things. It's great. But do you need it? Need it? What do you really need? I don't know, food, water, shelter. Sure, love. But does love really come from that person approving of you? Is that really the only source of love? Is love really even coming from outside in the way that you need to grasp for it in the first place? Something to think about there, but you want to find your way to. Is that release and that letting go of needing something from this person? And the way that I help clients with this, they'll say, before you go talk to someone where you're in one of those, you know, graspy states. Before you go to that work meeting where you know you're going to want the higher ups to look at you positively remind yourself before you walk in there, I don't need anything from you. When you're sitting in the meeting and you're listening to the person, you're noticing yourself getting wrapped up. Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh. Remember, I don't need anything from you. Profoundly relieving. The second lie that's keeping you stuck that you need to see through is that you can do something about it. You don't have control over how others perceive you. This is the funniest illusion ever. It's like, well, if I want to do this, I'm going to do that. I'm going to do this. I'm going to pretend to be this way, then they're going to like me. And it seems like so true, it seems so real. But you don't actually have control, right? And this becomes obvious when it is a sale or it is a dating situation. Like you can position yourself and posture a certain way. That person still might be saying no to you, right? It doesn't matter what you do. And then what people will do is after the person says no, then they'll beat themselves up afterwards. Like, oh, I should have said this and I should have said that and I should have been like this. And if only I was taller and fitter and leaner and better. Oh wow. Just beat yourself with that illusion of control even more. But you aren't those things and they didn't choose you. And that's okay. That's really okay. Because I don't need something from that person. I don't need something from you. And I can't control. So what do you have control over? It's a very interesting question. Well, do you have control over how you show up, how real you are, how much you just allow you to be you, to say what you want, say what you think, express who you are, share your ideas, say no, disagree, Laugh out loud. Share a story from your life, share your input, share, disagree with someone. This is what you have control over. Whether someone's going to respond to it or how they're going to respond to it, that's their business. So share down below. What are you finding most valuable? If you disapprove of me in these comments, I'm going to be crushed. Have to turn off all comments because I can't handle disapproval, by the way, just so you know. All right, thanks for being with me today. Until we speak again. May have the courage to be who you are and to know on a deep level that you're awesome. Talk to you soon.
