Dr. Aziz teaches a concise technique for saying "no" without being rude: the core is granting yourself explicit permission to say no. He identifies the primary obstacle as an internalized belief that saying no is forbidden or will harm relationships, and invites listeners to challenge learned stories and state aloud, "I am allowed to say no for any reason," as an exercise in self-permission.
Here is the secret to saying no without being rude. You ready now? Everything beyond that has nothing to do with rudeness. Is that in your mind, you're not allowed to say no. That's the biggest obstacle to being skillful in saying no and saying no when you need to. And then in your mind, it's not allowed. It's hurtful. I'm going to destroy other people. I'm going to ruin relationships. I'm going to be abandoned. And so the biggest secret to becoming free and saying no and doing it skillfully and compassionately and with connection with others is to just know I'm allowed to say no. In fact, say that out loud right now. I am allowed to say no for any reason, even if I don't know the reason. And if that doesn't feel true to you, you need to examine what pressure you're putting yourself, what stories you learned from the past that are stopping you from having the permission to say no and ultimately to live your own life.
