Dr. Aziz argues that most people under-negotiate because they pre-compromise before asking. Set bold targets, ask for what you want, and treat rejection as information. Confidence and high aspirations are what actually move the needle.
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Oh, hello. I didn't see you there. I was just boning up on this little text. Read it occasionally for fun. Karas, the master of negotiation. The subtitle of the book is, in business, as in life, you don't get what you deserve, you get what you negotiate. Hmm, interesting. I believe that is true, and I want to share some tips around that, because the confidence to negotiate is extremely important. In fact, that's the biggest reason people don't negotiate, is not that they don't know how and not that they're. It's too complex. I mean, sure, it's a skill you can get better and better at, but the basics of it require confidence for you to be able to know what you want, ask for what you want, and then maybe make a case as to why that's beneficial for others as well or why they need to do that for you. So in the book, they talk about your aspiration, your internal aspiration, and how important that is. And what they found is, is that the people, when they do experiments with professional negotiators, the ones who negotiate best aren't the ones that have the most experience, aren't the ones that are the other way. They have the best techniques or the best language patterns, any of that stuff. What mattered the most was when they went into the negotiation, how high did they set their aspirations? And so in one example, they had these people negotiating over sort of an insurance claim. And. And they were sort of doing role plays to negotiate on the behalf of the person who's trying to get a payout from the insurance company. And I forgot the exact amount. It was maybe potentially $100,000. And the ones who got the most money, maybe not full hundred thousand, but eighty thousand, ninety thousand, the most money, they went into that negotiation saying, we're going to get $100,000. We're going to get it all for this person. So that was their aspiration. Same thing with students, students in academics who, you know their grades. The ones who got the highest grades, they went in saying, I'm going to get an A. And the one who went in saying, maybe I'll get a C, all of a sudden they have a different result. So what's the takeaway here? When you want things in your life, don't pre compromise and settle in advance and then go for less. I see this all the time in relationships. People want to talk about what they need or what they want, and they're like, well, that sounds extreme. So maybe I'll start with asking for way less. Well, you Know, in life, you get what. Not what you deserve, what you negotiate for. And I've seen this with a number of clients that I work with in my group program who've changed jobs. And they said, you know, before I started this group, I never would have even thought to negotiate for my salary. And now, like, that's something I'm gonna do. And what we've had people experience is that they. They come in, and if they don't bring it up at all, they say, here's your salary. Here's the salary offering. Okay, great, I'll take it. They. And that's what you get. But if you say, hmm, you know, I'd like to, you know, in the process of the. Of the hiring and figuring it out, they say, you know, this. This is the salary. You said, you know, here's the salary that I would want. And sometimes people are scared to say what they would want because, like, oh, that's too high. They're gonna hate me, and they're gonna be angry at me and all these fears, and it's like the worst. I got this from my dad, and he said, you know, Aziz, the worst thing they can say to you is no. And that's true. And we can load that word with all this meaning and all this fear and, oh, my gosh, so many bad things are going to happen. But the truth is, it's just. No. It's just information. You could always, you know, lower your offer. So we've had people. And this is funny, where people. They'll say something that's even higher than what they thought, and the other group is just. So the employer or whatever, the other parties are just like, yeah, okay. Or they pause and give them a day, and they get back to them and say, yeah, that'll work for us. Like, no further negotiation. No battle, no hatred, no anger. And they're like, what? I should have asked for more? You know, or one person, this was really interesting. He was getting a new job, and he. We talked about in the group program and how he's going to negotiate, and we did a role play, and then he negotiated for more. And they came back and they had another discussion. They agreed to that greater amount. And then he actually realized that there was something about the job that was more than he realized and says, you know what? I'm going to need to ask for more. So he negotiated again, and then he got more again. What is the pattern here? Willing to ask for what you want, willing to set the sights higher. And this doesn't. Isn't just about money and career. I mean, we think that negotiation, we think money, but negotiating for what you want with your time. You are working with someone in your company together and you're negotiating for when they're going to prioritize your, you know, their work for your project. You know, right now I work with a number of contractors in my business and I'm negotiating with them on a regular basis. Not just about the nature of our work, but on this particular project. When can we get X done by why? What would need to happen for that? So instead of me pre compromising and saying, ah, I want it done in a month, but I don't know, maybe it's going to put pressure on them. Oh, I'll ask for two. I'm like, no, how do we get this thing done in a month? Let's make this happen. Let's go right. And we bring that clarity of this is what I want and a boldness and a willingness and that. I mean, you can learn a lot of little techniques in this book. They're super valuable. But, you know, it's the 80, 20 rule. 80% of your success in negotiation is going to come from having the boldness and the confidence is boldness. So start with that. You can get all the refinement later on. So same with public speaking, by the way. I just taught a course on public speaking. Same thing. So 80% of that is your confidence and then 20%, the techniques, the strategies. Sure, you can always get endlessly better at that if that's a career or something you want to pursue. But in the meantime, let's build our boldness. So what do you want in any area of your life and when are you going to go ask for it more boldly? State it more boldly, Claim it more boldly? One last tip about this. If you're like, well, I'm not negotiating for a job right now, so I'll do that later. When the time comes, in order to be able to do it, you're going to have to have built up your boldness muscle. We'll talk more about your boldness muscle in a future video. All right, thanks for being with me until we speak again. May have the courage to be who you are and to know on a deep level that you're awesome. Talk to you soon.
