The Confidence Triad

Let's talk about three things that you can focus on that will increase your confidence. So whether your confidence is low and you want it to go back to what was normal for you, or even higher than that, or you're already feeling pretty good, but you want to feel an extraordinary level of confidence, these three things to focus on will get you there. Now, when I struggled with confidence for many years in my life, I didn't know what to focus on. And if you don't consciously think about what to focus on, your mind will go to anything. And so we go to worry, we go to self kind of focus, rumination, self consciousness. And so you want to shift that focus. And what I love about this is I like to think of these three things in the form of a triangle or a triad. And I'm going to describe them in that way because it gives you a visual representation so you can come back to it again and again and again. Basically, whenever you're struggling, whenever you're feeling anxious, whenever you want confidence and you're like, I don't know what to do, I don't know what the answer to this situation is, or what should I do with there? Or I feel bad about that and you're in your head, you're hurting, whatever, think of these three things, pick one of them and start to focus on it. Okay, so here we go. Here is the triad. The first thing at the very top of the triangle is love. Love is one of the pillars of confidence. Love is the answer. I mean, you've heard this in songs and poems, whatever, throughout human history, right? But love truly is a key foundation of confidence. First and foremost, love and taking better care of yourself. I call this omos o omos on my own side. And that's a way of being loving with yourself. So no matter what's going on, you're struggling at work, you're in a fight with your partner, someone doesn't like you, you fail at something, whatever's going on that's disturbing your confidence, or you just wake up in the morning feeling anxious. Love. So ask yourself, on a scale of 1 to 10, how loving am I being with myself right now, or how on my own side am I right now? 1 to 10 and just see what the answer is. And then of course, the follow up would be, how can I increase that? How can I be a little more loving with myself? Right. So that's one of the first things to focus on. And of course love also means with other people. And that means how can I focus on loving other People more. And surprisingly, this is a great antidote to social anxiety. So when they have people who are feeling socially anxious and they put them in a situation where there is an opportunity to help someone else and they do, guess what, they feel less anxious. And this goes for all of us in all situations. So when you're feeling, oh my gosh, did I do that right? Oh, I don't know if they liked me, I don't know if I'm smart enough and all that self consciousness and social anxiety. What if you were to focus on who can I love right now? How can I love this person more? Even in a business setting where you might think love has no place in business, it's about domination and market share. Well, even then, let's say you have a colleague who's struggling with something, maybe the loving thing to do is not to walk over and give them a big hug and say, I love you, man. Although maybe you're in a workplace where you can do that, but is to walk over and say, hmm, how can I help them? They're struggling right now, they're anxious right now. Let me find a way to love them by giving them attention, giving them support, answering questions they have. So looking to love others, loving self, loving others, love, that's the first of the triad for confidence. So love is great and all, but what about when you're feeling scared? Love tends to go out the window, right? You've heard of that dichotomy and the emotions between love and fear. When we're feeling fearful, we act less loving, we're more rejecting, we're more irritable, we don't got time for people, get away from me. Right? So when we're afraid, love is hard to access. So that's why we have the second part of the triad, which is courage. Courage is almost always the answer. If it's not love, it's going to be courage. So the courage to do what, to do what scares you. So when you're feeling afraid, you're feeling self conscious, you're feeling nervous, find something that scares you and move towards it. Find something that's uncomfortable and attack it. Find something you've been avoiding and go right into it. That will access more love, that will access more confidence. Confidence is the byproduct of your courageous action. So when you're struggling, when you're not sure what to do, say, how can I do something that's courageous? What would be courageous for me right now? Now, one simple guidance for this is it doesn't have to be the most intense thing, it doesn't have to be a 10 out of 10 of fear for you. Find something small. Don't judge what courage would be for you. Don't say, well, that would be easy for someone else. So that can't be courageous for me. Maybe courage for you is walk into the mailbox. I work with people that have severe agoraphobia back in my clinical psychology days, and walk into the mailbox was a fucking win, and we counted as that. So don't judge yourself. Don't say, well, just. Just saying hi to somebody or starting a conversation in a bar or whatever, that's not a big deal. Maybe it is for you. So acknowledge that. Acknowledge the courage. Act on the courage and you will strengthen your confidence. That's the second of the triad. So we got love, we got courage. What's the third thing? Well, levity. Levity, you can call it humor, you could call it lightness, you could call it playfulness, but something in that realm. I like levity because that word just sounds. Sounds good to me. Love, courage, and levity. Because, look, if you're loving and you're courageous, that's going to get you so far. But it also could be a little heavy. You could be so serious all the time, and we need that levity. That levity is what makes us light. It's what makes us magnetic to others. It's what brings more enjoyment into our lives. So if you're not laughing at least once a day, and good God, I hope a lot more, if you're not smiling out of humor multiple times throughout the day, then your confidence is going to suffer over time, your relationships are going to suffer over time, and your enjoyment and fulfillment in life is going to suffer over time. So find a way to bring levity in. Now, of course, you could watch comedy, you could sort of take in that, and that might prime the pump, as it were, but I think it's even better to be the source of levity. So what's funny in this situation? How can I bring lightness? Even setting that as your intention? Again, before business meetings where there is no place for levity, this is about dominance and market share. But you could, you know, how could I bring a little more humor to the situation? Maybe you could crack a joke before the meeting starts. Maybe you could make a joke to relieve some tension in the room. And what you'd be amazed is not only is this allowed, but it's actually, like, welcomed and hungrily received in most settings, if not all because people want levity. Especially if you're skillful and tactful about it. Beautiful. So what are the three in the triad of confidence, love, courage, and what? Levity? That's right. So play with those today. Share in your comments below how you're using these what you've discovered as you go through this process. Other questions you ask yourself to get more love, more courage, more levity. Let's all share with each other because this is an amazing opportunity to connect with people on the same journey as you down below in the comments. So please, I'd love to read those and share with you, and I look forward to seeing you in the next episode of this show. Until then, may have the courage to be who you are and to know on a deep level that you're awesome.