Dr. Aziz says your reasons for being single are excuses, internalized stories that broadcast low self-worth and sabotage connection. Others sense that energy. Real change requires willingness to be vulnerable, face rejection, and act.
What's your reason for not having the dating life that you want? Now, you might not call it an excuse because we never call our excuses excuses. We call them reasons. They're your stories. And I used to have a million of myself as to why I couldn't date, why I couldn't be in a relationship. And I'm curious about you and what yours might be. What do you tell yourself? I'm not attractive, I'm not good enough. People don't want me. Maybe it's about you. Maybe it's about them, the people that you're attracted to. Maybe it's about men, maybe it's about women. They're like this. They only care about that. They. Maybe it's a global generalization about all those people out there so you don't have to feel bad about you. You can blame them. Or maybe you're inclined to blame you. And you have a long why I suck list. I actually rooted this out with clients. They say, okay, you have this long laundry list of grievances and grudges and blame and self hatred, frankly. And you're kind of trying to convince me of that list. So let's lay it out here. I remember I did that with a client. I was like. Because every call is kind of like, yeah, but this about me and that about me. And I'm like, you know, when people put a personal ad back in the day, maybe no one knows, this maybe equivalent of your profile for a dating app right now, right? It's like on your dating app, would you just list out, like, here's the nine reasons why you probably wouldn't want to date me. No. But are you doing that in your head? Because it doesn't matter what you try to posture and put out there for dating and relationships or for connection, like, hey, look at me. These are my friends. These are my nice photos that I took. Whatever it is, what's gonna shine through way louder, way more clearly, even before you've even met the person. They will feel it emotionally and energetically when they look at your profile. They will feel it when they look at you across the room, even before you went over and talked to them. And they'll certainly feel it when they're interacting with you, having a conversation with you, going on a date with you. You are broadcasting your self confidence, your self image, how you see yourself, how lovable you think you are, how worthwhile you think you are. And so you have this laundry list of a grudge against yourself. It's gonna sink your ship. It's gonna prevent relationship from being in your life. And that's by design. Because many people I've talked to, and this was certainly true for me, it might be true for you. We hold onto our excuses because we want things to stay the way they are on some level. I know that sounds crazy. You might think consciously that's not at all what you want. No, I'm single, I'm lonely, I want to connect or I'm in this relationship, it's no good. Of course I want something better as ease. Really? Do you really? Because what I found is that people prefer their excuses and stories over what it takes to create the relationship that they want, the goals that they really want, the life that you really want. Let me say that again because it's so important, and I'll ask in the form of a question, but do you want to do what it takes to create the kind of dating life that you want, the relationships that you want, any goal that you have, Are you really willing to do what it takes? And if there's any sense to you that's like, yeah, but I don't know, it sounds hard or uncomfortable or I don't even know what it would be anyway, so. And then it wants to run and retreat right back to the safety and the comfort of that story. You know, one of my stories was for years is, I'm ugly. I'm ugly. So why go talk to that person? They're gonna reject me because I'm ugly. Do you see how self contained that is? How much that protects me from having to go actually over and talk to the person and see what really happens? It protects me. It keeps me armored. So what are your stories doing for you? What are your excuses doing for you? And what are they? Let's get them out on the table. And then the most important question, are you willing to do what it takes? Because if you're willing to walk over and talk to that person, if you're willing to put yourself out there, if you're willing to show up, if you're willing to be real, if you're willing to be bold and authentic and transparent and vulnerable and you. And face rejection and face discomfort and face the fact that someone might not like you or that you might get close to someone for a little bit and then they don't want to date you anymore, all of those paths, like, if you're willing to experience all of that, you can have an extraordinary relationship. It doesn't matter what you look like, it doesn't matter about your weight, doesn't matter about your height, it doesn't matter. Your skin color, doesn't matter about your history or your background or your past or your parents or anything. All of that are just excuses. So when you're ready to be done with the excuses, share down below what it is you're committed to in the comments. What are you ready to do? What are you willing to do? And let's go create something extraordinary. Thanks for being with me today. Until we speak again. May have the courage to be who you are and to know on a deep level that you're awesome. I'll talk to you soon.
