The One Secret To Stop Obsessing Over Someone

So you're doing it again, huh? Obsessing about that one person needing them to call you back and, like, you. And you're checking your phone like a compulsive addict. Did I get the message? Did I get the message? Or maybe you're already in the hopeless stage. You're like, it's all over, Never gonna call me. I don't even know anymore, right? Maybe you had a great date, maybe had a great conversation. Maybe it was a work opportunity, right? Whatever the situation is, you're in a place right now where you need. You need that person to get back to you, and it is painful and it's suffering, and you're going to the Internet to try to help you let. And you keep telling yourself, you just gotta let go, man. I mean, all your friends are telling you just gotta let go. Just let go of him. Let go of her. You don't need him. You don't need her. And you're like, yeah, that's good advice. And you go to yourself and you're alone in your room, and you're like, I don't need him. I don't need. I don't need her. Where's my phone? And you're checking it again, right? So here you are, and I want to give you something that's actually going to help you see and feel and know that you don't need this person. And you can let go and you can stop obsessing. But the key here is not just to give your. Yourself some cliched blanket advice like, there's plenty of fish in the sea and let them go. It's not going to work because there's a hook going on right now. You're mentally, emotionally, and energetically hooked right now. And like, if you imagine, like a fish hook in a mouth, you can't just let it go. Like, the fish is caught in a hook and his friends are like, just let it go, man. He's like, I can't. It's pulling my face, right? So we need to let that go. And how do we do that? We have to understand what's hooking you so we can get it out. So what is hooking you? Well, there's really two big things that are hooking you. Number one is there is a idea in there that this person is the key. The key to happiness, freedom, love, fulfillment, or glamour, whatever, is going to bring you permanent fulfillment. You say, I don't believe that, Aziz. I know. That's all just like, well, no, you might not believe it up here, but the hook isn't up here. The hook is right here, actually. It hooks in your heart. It's pulling you. So some part of you feels like. Doesn't intellectually believe it, but feels like, I need this person to get what I. The feelings that I really want in life, they hold the key. And maybe you spent some time with them and you did feel these amazing feelings, or you spent time with someone like them in the past and you felt those feelings and you think this person might be the key again to feel those feelings. And so it's based upon an idea, usually unconscious. That person holds the keys to my liberation. And so, of course you need them because you want to feel great, don't you? We all want to feel great. And if that person is the secret and the key, then I need them to call me back. Not only to call you back, but to do everything you want, right? You want them to go on the date with you. You want them to like. You want them to kiss you. You want them to marry you. You want them to hire you. You want them to be your friend. You want them to do something. And now you need to control them and reality outside of you, which is extremely stressful because, I don't know, the last time I checked, I wasn't able to control reality outside of me very well. What about you? So now we're desperate and we're frantic and all because we're buying into this story that I need this person in order to feel okay. And you know, the craziest thing is if you got this person to call you back, if they did do everything that you want, let's just follow that chain for a second. Imagine. What exactly do you want? You can write the script. Right now, your life is unfolding a thousand percent just like you. You want it. You are a God, right? So they call you back. They say, oh, they laugh at your jokes, even your bad ones. They go on the date with you. They make out with you. You guys have sexy times. Not too fast. The pacing is good. Deep emotional bond. You fall in love. This isn't a quick fling. This isn't a friends with benefit nonsense. This is amazing, right? This is life changing love. This is extraordinary. Is this what you want? Right? Let's say this is all happening. It's so good. Okay. Okay. Now, I don't know, three months, six months, maybe nine months. Some point, the intense chemical euphoria of the honeymoon stage will fade. It's a not for me, Aziz. This love is forever. I'm not saying you won't love them forever. I've been with my wife for 13, 14 years now. I love her more now than when we first got together. However, the first couple months of getting together was like a perma MDMA drip. I mean, nothing compares to that, you know, I want to be with her for the rest of my life. And the depth of our love is so much more powerful now than then, right? Because it was so brand new then. We have kids together, we have a life together. She's my soulmate, right? It's. It's powerful, that bond. I would do anything for her. And the euphoria fades. So then what happens is you go back to your life and have you ever been in a relationship with someone that was amazing, but then you still got problems, right? You're like, I got this work problem. I'm irritated about my house. You might even be irritated with that person, person that brought you so much happiness, right? So who holds the keys? And why do you fight that? Why are you saying like, no, I want to give them the keys. I don't want these keys. Why? Responsibility. It's taking ownership for your own life and your own happiness and your own fulfillment and saying, look, I'm going to hold these keys now. The other reason, though, why the grasp is happening is because you might not believe that you have very many prospects. You might not believe in the most magical four letter word that there is. No, not that four letter word. Come on. No. Next. Next. There's always a next. It's a. Well, not when I die, Aziz. Well, I don't. Have you gotten there yet? Have you had an nde? I don't know, but there's something next. I don't know what it is, but there's always a next, right? And certainly while you're alive, there's always a next. There's something coming up. So you'd say, but there's nothing after this. I cannot tell you. It seems so formulaic. Every person I've ever helped break up because it wasn't the right relationship for them, they wanted to break up. They came to me saying they wanted to break up, but they were too nice and too scared to do it. Every single one of them had the story is after this person. There's nobody ever again. What? I know it's delirious, it's delusional. But that's the story we tell ourselves. So are you telling yourself that story? There's never an X. Instead, remind yourself it's either this person or this situation or this opportunity or something better. There's always an Remind yourself of that and then reclaim the keys to your life, your fulfillment. It does not come from this person calling you back or any other circumstance. It comes from how you are being in this moment with your circumstance. And everything can change when you change where you're coming from, how you're focusing, how you're breathing, how you're using your energy, what you're telling yourself, how present you are, how grateful you are. And then everything can change in a moment. So thanks for being with me today. If you're drawn to go further with this, definitely check out my website, drazeez.com youm can find a free mini course there. I have a bunch of other free resources including a podcast there as well as some programs and coaching that you can get. Whatever is going to support you becoming more free to know that there is a next because there is a next for you. And if that feels like wishful thinking right now, let's upgrade your confidence so that you know that it's this or something better. Until we speak again. May have the courage to be who you are and to know on a deep level that you're awesome.