Dr. Aziz argues that confidence is not produced by self-belief, affirmations, or therapy alone but is a byproduct of taking bold, risky actions repeatedly. Over weeks and months, accumulating these action-based 'confidence units' increases durable confidence even when doubt or setbacks occur.
There is only one way to have confidence, and most people get this entirely wrong, including most therapists out there. A lot of people think self confidence means you have to believe in yourself, you have to love yourself. And so they do therapy work, they do inner work, they do mantras, they do affirmations. So then maybe I'll love myself, I'll feel good about myself, I'll believe in myself, and then I'm going to take the action. Because they think that if they believe in themselves more, they'll feel less self doubt, they'll feel more confident and they'll go do things. And that's not how it works. Confidence is a byproduct of action. What kind of action? Bold action that feels like a risk to you. When you take action, you will get a byproduct of confidence points, confidence units. And you must accumulate those units. That means you take the action even when you're doubting, even when you don't like yourself, even when you're scared. And over time, not in one day, but over weeks and months, you experience a greater and greater increase in your confidence than no experience, no setback can take away from you.
