This is a short YouTube episode in which Dr. Aziz (host of The Art of Extraordinary Confidence) argues that being "nice"—a childhood-learned pattern focused on pleasing others and avoiding conflict—reduces confidence. He defines the true opposite of "nice" not as mean or selfish but as personal power: directness, assertiveness, expressiveness, boldness, and authenticity, and encourages viewers to prioritize themselves appropriately. He mentions a forthcoming book called Not Nice.
Questions this video answers
Power — meaning directness, assertiveness, expressiveness, boldness, and authenticity.
Chapters
What do you think the opposite of nice is? What's the first word that comes to your mind when I say, what's the opposite of nice? Wrong. Probably whatever you came up with is wrong. And in this episode, you're going to discover what the real opposite of nice is and how that can liberate you to be way more confident and powerful in the world. Stay tuned. Welcome to another episode of the Art of Extraordinary Confidence. I'm your host, Dr. Aziz, and this is the show for you if you want to 10x your confidence in every area of life that matters. And nice being nice, the nice guy or girl, is dramatically reducing your confidence. And I have other videos about this, but in this video, I want to share one thing, which is, what is the opposite of nice? I'm currently working on a new book called not nice. And. And I've been thinking about this topic, talking with clients about it, and one of the biggest hesitations people have about breaking out of the nice person's shell and cage is, well, I don't want, you know, the opposite of nice. You know, what did you come up with? In the beginning? People say mean, arrogant, a jerk, an asshole, selfish. I don't want to be any of those things. Those are bad. In essence, the opposite of nice is bad. Nice is good, and the opposite is bad, bad. And I don't want to be bad, so I should be nice. And here's the thing. Selfish and mean and cruel, those are not the opposite of nice. At least not how I'm using nice. Because nice is really a pattern that you developed that I developed that all of us learned when we were kids that was please others, so they like you, do what they want, give them what they want so they like you, feel guilty about others being hurt or upset, and don't confront or have direct opinions that you share because you might upset people and they'll get angry at you. So we move through the world, like, really cautious, and I don't want to upset them, and I don't want to hurt their feelings. And, oh, I don't want to. You know, they might not like me. I got to get them to like me. That's how we're moving through the world. And the opposite of that is not to become cruel or an asshole or a jerk. You know what the opposite of that is? The real opposite of nice is power. The opposite of nice is to be completely powerful in yourself. And what that means to me is that you're direct. I can say what I want. I can say what I think. And I can say it directly without needing to cushion it in 5,000 sugar coatings so that at the end you don't even know what the fuck I said. Because it was too nice. And instead you can just be direct. That doesn't mean cruel or like you're character attacking them. It just means like, you know, I don't think that's quite going to work. Like, boom, that's direct. I just said it as opposed to couching it so much. So direct, it means being assertive. That means being able to speak up and speak your mind. Say what you want when you need to say it. Whether it's in a meeting, whether it's in work, whether it's with a boss, whether it's with an employee, whether it's with your wife, with a husband, with a girlfriend, a boyfriend, someone on a first date, a friend. Being able to speak your mind in the world and not being so scared all the time. I can't say that, that you're just keeping everything inside and hoping everything turns out your way just by being nice enough. It's never going to work. You're never going to win what it is that you want by being so nice and too nice. You're not going to get what you want out of life. You're not going to be able to excel in life. The opposite of nice is power. It's expressiveness, its boldness and its authenticity. The opposite of nice is the real you, which has direct feelings, which sometimes gets angry, who doesn't want to do things sometimes, who says no, who is selfish sometimes and knows when to prioritize yourself and to put yourself first because you got to take care of yourself and not draining yourself and bleeding yourself out to always be worrying about other people. That is authenticity and that's the real you. And that is the actual opposite of nice. And if you want to learn more about not being nice, subscribe to this channel. I have other videos and more that are coming out and you'll find out more about the book when it's coming out. Which is going to be the best, the best book that I've ever written. I can't wait. I'm super excited about it. So check that out when it comes out and subscribe to the channel for now as well as leave a comment. What are you noticing? What is the opposite nice for you? What have you found about nice? Let's bring a discussion around this because this is super important and it can set you free. So until we speak again, may have the courage to be who you are and to know on a deep level that you're awesome.
