The Path To Confidence Is Uncomfortable

Welcome to Shrink for the shy Guy. This is the show for you. If you are sick and tired of being held back by fear, self doubt, social anxiety, shyness, anything that's stopping you from you being you. I'm going to share the most powerful tools and resources that I've been discovering over the last 15 years on my journey to eradicate social anxiety and instill confidence, first in myself and then in every single person that I meet on my journey. You're going to learn these tools and how to apply them in your life now so that you can become the most free, powerful, bold, authentic version of you. Hey, welcome to today's episode of the show. Today, we're going to be talking about the path to confidence and the fact that it's uncomfortable. But actually stick with me because that's incredibly liberating because, well, one, there is a path to confidence. Hooray. And two, you can actually influence it. You know how fast you go on this path, and also that there's almost a formulaic quality to this path where if you do certain things, you will build confidence. So I think that's incredibly empowering. And if the fact that it can be uncomfortable sounds bad, that might actually be part of the problem which we'll be getting into today. So if you're benefiting from this show, I have a request. Is there someone in your life who you think could benefit from it as well? Who might? Is it someone that maybe you know them well, like a friend or a family member, maybe someone that you don't know, know that well, but you kind of get a sense that they might benefit from it, a colleague or something? And my request would be for you to take a bold action to share it with them. And I'll leave it to you to do it in a tactful way. Not like, wow, wow, you got some major issues. You got to check out this tring for the shy guy. I mean, you are effed up. No, Right. But just like, hey, I think this might serve you. I like this show or whatever. So that's my request because, hey, we're practicing Operation Mass Liberation here, which is to bring radical and rapid confidence and transformation to as many humans as we can while we're here. At least that's my mission. I hope you're in it with me. And I've really seen that people that have really grown from my materials or gone through my mastermind program and really blossomed and transformed, they're teaching others. They're like, people are coming to them in their lives, their friends Their family. Sometimes they even become coaches or teachers as well. And let's spread this, man. We need more of this in the world right now. Be someone's hero and let them know about this show. Thank you. Now, what just happened there? Well, that was me being willing to be a little uncomfortable because, you know, as smooth as I might sound, I actually find it uncomfortable to ask people for things. You know, to ask you to share this with someone. I found, you know, I found it uncomfortable to ask people to be, you know, spend time with me in a friendship kind of way. I found it uncomfortable to ask people to pay me for coaching or other programs. Found it uncomfortable to ask women out. Definitely found it uncomfortable to speak up in front of groups. Found it uncomfortable to record myself, whether it was audio or video. I mean, I could go on and on and on, but there are a hundred things that I do today that are. That in the past would have been so uncomfortable. I never did them. And they still might make me slightly uncomfortable now, depending on the thing, depending on the moment, depending on the day. And there's a willingness or a necessity to lean into that. And that's what I really want to focus on today, which is there is a path to confidence, and the path is uncomfortable. In fact, the path to unconfidence is to do what makes you uncomfortable. That's like the. That's the reveal. That's the big takeaway. I think we can just end the episode right there. Okay, so go do some stuff that makes you uncomfortable. I'll see you next week. That's your action step. Now get out of here. No. So let me build on this here for you. But there is a path to confidence. If there is any voice in your head that says, this is just the way that I am. I'm born this way. It's in my genes. It's in my DNA. I have an anxious problem. My mom was anxious, so therefore I'm anxious. And story after story after story of genetic determinism or some fixed mindset. Not true. Research in 1001, different approaches, including behavioral psychology, more mainstream psychology approaches to all kinds of. More coaching world and transformational stuff. I mean, there's an overwhelming amount of evidence that shows actually people can change. People can change in big ways. People can end addictions. People can change their relationships. People can change their fundamental approach to life. It just takes what. Well, that's what we're here to talk about, right? It takes people being willing to do something different, to practice something different. And I guarantee you that the something different at first is going to be uncomfortable. It might even be sustainably uncomfortable and sustained discomfort over time. But at the very least, it's going to be very uncomfortable, usually in the very beginning. So if you have a habit of running from your feelings so you're anxious, you just run from the anxiety. I can't be with this. So uncomfortable. And so you avoid situations that make you anxious. You don't do all those things like ask people out, speak up, share, be direct, be assertive, have conflict, whatever it is you need to do. You don't do any of that stuff. And on top of that, you avoid the emotions by distracting and eating and drinking and drinking and using your phone like crazy or whatever, and then watching porn and then watching Netflix. And you're just in this cycle of distraction and avoidance. To become confident is going to be uncomfortable. It's going to involve stopping and intervening those distraction behaviors that don't serve you and actually letting yourself feel. And if you want support in that I just recorded last week's episode was about emotional mastery and how to take yourself from a sense of stress and fear to safety in your nervous system. That was just last week's episode. So check that out. That's an action practice, experiential episode, that we do that together. But you're going to need to be able to do that. And guess what? That's going to be uncomfortable at first. The escape behaviors, whether it's your phone or Oreos, they work temporarily. That's why we do them. Right? It's like while I'm eating the Oreos, I' all my problems are gone. And then when I stop, it's like, oh, no, they were just on pause. They're right here waiting for me. Boo. Right? So there's that. Then there's also being able to lean into the situations, the circumstances, the actions that make you uncomfortable. Doing the thing that you're scared of. As I say in my mini course that I have, if you haven't got it, you can go to draziz.com,-r-a z I z.com. it's called 5 Steps to Unleash youh Inner Confidence. Step number three is do what scares you. I've since evolved that to do what scares you in the service of something greater. Because when you can connect what you're doing to something greater, you have more fuel to do it. Whether that's a greater life for you, a beautiful relationship in the future, more leadership, more impact, more income, more something that you feel like. Yeah, then that's going to give you the juice to do it. But if you can even expand it beyond yourself into one, why does this serve not just me, but the greater good? Now you got some bigger fuel. And what's the fuel for? It's to do the uncomfortable thing. Because look at its root, the uncomfortable stuff is uncomfortable. And our natural disposition is to not want to do it. I mean, there might be a few twisted humans out there, like David Goggins, who've somehow beast mode trained themselves into really, actually relishing the discomfort. Although, to be fair to David, if you actually listen to his interviews and the way he talks in his book and everything, he doesn't like the discomfort either. I mean, he has a part of him that wants to stop, and then he has this other part of him, his inner drill sergeant that's like, let's go, mother. Let's go kill you. And then he makes himself do it. And that's kind of his superpower, right? Doesn't work for everybody. Some people might need a little bit more of a mixed or compassionate approach or something. And at the same time, though, we do need to get ourselves to do the uncomfortable stuff. And you can do so with more compassion. Because if it's just kind of ruthless or relentless, like, shut up and do it, that's not going to work long term. That's going to create more stress and more fear in your nervous system. So it might be a more supportive, reassuring approach, like, hey, I know you're scared, and here's why it's important to do this. And let's go. Like when you talk to a friend or a child, and regardless, the liberation is going to come from the leap. Confidence is a byproduct of action. What kind of action? Typically, action that makes you uncomfortable. And I've seen this across all areas of life. Right. You know, you can look at dating, you can look at business. I remember I was talking to someone who was having a challenge in their business, and I have. I'm not a business coach, you know, I'm a confidence coach, and I help people to thrive in that area. But confidence is a big part of business. And I've been able to have a fair amount of success in business. I've gone to tons of trainings on this stuff, so I have a fair amount. And one thing I've seen is that I can help people in business. Not because I'm like the best marketing strategist or something, but because I know that usually what's blocking people is there is stuff that they don't want to do that. They're uncomfortable to do. And so sometimes when I'm talking to someone and they want to have more success in their business, I'll say, what are five things that you avoid in your business because they make you uncomfortable or you do them, but you procrastinate a long time before you do them, which is kind of. You avoid it for a while and then you eventually do it. And I say, great. Now, what are five things that you imagine could really help your business be healthier and internally grow externally? Better marketing, Something that could be. I'm not saying this is the exact strategy. You might know your business in your field much better than I do, but that could really help you. But they're scary. They kind of scare you. What are the things that scare you the most? I remember I asked this of one guy and he's like, put my face on a billboard. I said, okay, now we're talking. Now, I don't know. He's a. He works in insurance. And, you know, maybe the old face on the billboard works. You know, I was in Florida a while back now, almost eight, nine months ago at this point, but. And we were driving around there, you know, checked out a chunk of the middle of the state there, from like Tampa up to Ocala, of all places. Central Florida. Shout out to Ocala. Woo. Anyway, that's where it's at, by the way. Beautiful oak trees out there, man. I'm a big fan of oak trees. And I didn't know Florida had some amazing oak trees. It's incredible. But we were driving out there and every, like, mile on these interstate or these freeways throughout the state, it's like personal injury attorneys. Every freaking. I'm like, what is going on in Florida, man? It's like a feeding frenzy. Is there that much personal injury cases that are being filed in Florida? Like, literally every mile there's like. And they're different. They're not repeating. It's like, check out Smith and Case law firm. Well, you got injured. We'll get you paid. You know, you deserve money. Some of them, like, just had, like, money flying down around the guy. It's like, wow, I guess maybe this works. It's a marketing tactic for sure. So, you know, who knows, maybe face on the billboard's the way to go. What we saw, though, in that conversation was the face on the billboard represented being really seen and out there, right? Like, hey, everyone, look at me. I will help you with your insurance needs. I will offer you things. I will help you pay Me, right? There's, like, this really being upfront about it, and there's so many people in business that are like. And I relate to this. I was terrified to do any sort of sales or marketing or putting myself out there. It's kind of like, oh, no, people aren't going to like it, and they're going to think I'm sleazy and bad, and that just shoots people in the foot. So what is it? It's uncomfortable to do it. I remember when I had a therapy practice and then I wanted to transition into a coaching practice, and I got coaching. I joined a mastermind, actually. And they were teaching me how to put free materials out there, like a podcast or other stuff that shows that I can help people. And then saying, hey, if you want to go further, let's do some coaching together. And put that invitation out there, which was already uncomfortable for me. And then you gotta get on the phone and talk to people. And so I had coaching on, like, how do I talk to people? Because I had this thing where I talk to people. I'd help them out and I'd say, you want to get coaching? And they'd say, nah. And I'd be like, but wait, we haven't solved these problems. Like, we need to, you know, this is a thing, right? That's why we're talking. And this is not over. And they're kind of like, yeah, I don't know, whatever, I gotta go. And I was like, what am I doing? You know? And so I got coaching and I learned how to really help people. You know, what was getting in the way for them? And I was so uncomfortable. I didn't want to talk about their fears. I didn't want to talk about concerns or objections. I didn't want to talk about money. I didn't want to talk about any of it. And so I, you know, got this mastermind. I got this coaching. And I was like, okay, the way that I'm going to learn is through the action. And so I did this promotion to my email list, and I scheduled 30 phone calls, 30 different people over like a week period. I was like, I think it was like one to two weeks. It was just like, here we go. And I'd have like four calls in a row. And I remember I was like, heart beating, sweating in my armpits before the calls. And I was like, wow, it's ironic. It's ironic, right? Hi. I can be a confidence coach for you. I'm so freaking scared right now. But, hey, I think that's Been my approach from the beginning is not to pretend that I'm above all this. But hey, we're in this together. And the path is discomfort. But that is what liberates us. And so now the good news is, if you're hearing that and being like, oh my God, that sounds like a death march, it's only a death march in the beginning. And then it becomes a fun run, right? And then you take on more things that feel like death marches. Hooray. Right? So as you grow and expand, maybe you could take on more. But now, you know, I get on a call, I don't really do a whole lot of, I don't really do any one on one coaching at this point. But you know, we have a mastermind program that I primarily work with people through and people will apply for that. And if it seems like it's a good fit, we can do an interview with them. And usually there's a coach on my team that's been talking to them and so they're already aware of the program and all that stuff. And then I will come on and do an interview. And sometimes in the interview, the person is excited about the program, but also has concerns or fears. And I help talk them through it, hear what they are, give them coaching if needed. And there's like no anxiety. I'm interested, I am fun. I can see. I'm very skillful at seeing what someone might need to support them. And also if it's not a good fit, I'm able to tell the person I don't think this is the best approach right now. Maybe we could try this or do that instead. That's kind of rejecting or something which I used to be scared of doing as well. So that one is like, yeah, I got that. I feel really good. I feel confident. Why? Confidence is a byproduct of continuous action or repeated action over time. And does that mean that I don't feel any anxiety anymore? Well, maybe not about that scenario. Typically, I guess I could here and there, but for the most part I don't. But there's always something else, right? You know, maybe now I'm, you know, I'll take on something else or I'll have need to give feedback to a team member or you know, taking on more change or risk in our family or whatever it might be. There's always something like maybe someone gets to a point in their life where they're just so badass that there's nothing that makes them nervous on the horizon. But for me it's like okay, well, now what makes me anxious now. And the difference is, instead of like, let me avoid it, which is what I spent a lot of my life in before, now it's like, well, let's move towards that. And if you're willing to do that, if you're willing to move towards what makes you uncomfortable, do what scares you. And, you know, I say scares you, but it also just might make you really feel like it. Oh, it's uncomfortable. And sometimes we wrap the fear up in euphemisms and downplaying it, it's like, no, I just don't feel like it, or I just don't like it, or I'm just not that kind of person. It's like, okay, right, right underneath, you're just like, you're freaked out, man. You're scared. And that's okay. Me too. What's that aura song? Everybody's scared, so let's dance in the dark. So just embrace it, acknowledge it, and then use it. Patrick Sweeney has a great book called Fear is Fuel. I interviewed him on the show. Let's use the fear to move, to act, to do, to create. And then as you do that, boom, you access a new level of capacity and strength and trust in yourself and then faith in something bigger. Faith in life, faith in other people, faith in, yes, this can happen. I can create. But you don't get there without the action. And you don't get there without being willing to embrace the uncomfortable. So sounds like we should just end this episode right now without doing anything uncomfortable, right? Oh, no, wait, wait, no, no. Actually, let's do an action step. Time for action. Action, action. You probably know where I'm going for this one, right? All right, your action step is to do something that makes you uncomfortable. Oh, yes, but not now. Like tomorrow or maybe like a year. Maybe like six months from now. Not now. Just don't worry about it now. Put it off. As few uncomfortable actions as possible. Spaced out as far apart as possible. Just, you know, it's uncomfortable, so why do it? Don't do it. Just. Just chill, chill here, scroll around on the phone, open up that app you've opened up like 19 times today and, you know, stream some shows and we'll catch you next week. No, no, no, no. Do that stuff after and minimize it if you can, probably, for your own health and well being. But action, bold action. Win now. When would now be a good time? Now. Okay, so find that action, think about, discover whatever. It's going to come to you right now. Take that action. Can you do it literally right now, like right as we end this show. Let's find out. All right. Until we speak again, may you have the courage to be who you are and to know on a deep level that you are awesome. Thanks for listening to Shrink for the shy guy with Dr. Aziz. If you know anyone who can benefit from what you've just heard, please let them know and send them a link to shrinkforthshyguy.com for free blogs, ebooks and training videos related to overcoming shyness and increasing confidence, go to socialconfidencecenter.com SAM.