Dr. Aziz argues that excessively "nice" people are hard to trust because they conceal their true thoughts and feelings, often avoiding direct communication and instead expressing resentment indirectly (passive-aggression, withdrawal). This secrecy undermines connection, relationships, and collaboration.
There is one major problem with nice people. And if you're a nice person, I'm sorry, but you need to know this, that if you're really nice, I can't trust you. And that's a problem for connection, for relationships, for doing business together, for everything. Because I can't trust you. To do what? Well, to tell me what is true. To tell me what you really think, what you really feel. Because if you're really nice, you will not say those things. You will hide it. If you're upset, you'll act it out unconsciously in ways that you don't want to. But you're going to be passive aggressive. You're going to avoid me. You're not just going to tell me, hey, this bothers me, and I want something different. And I cannot trust you, because then you're going to hide, you're going to retreat. You might even do things you can get in your own head and you can start to say, oh, you know what Aziz did to me? He did this and that, and you act out this aggression, and it's all because you are unwilling to speak the truth to me. And that's why, if you're really nice, I don't trust you.
