Dr. Aziz teaches self-soothing: narrating calm, supportive phrases to yourself in real time, starting with your breath. Practice on low-stakes moments first, then use it in harder situations like work meetings or difficult conversations.
Today you're going to discover a super skill for confidence that is essential to learn and to know. And I share this with clients, and they use it in any situation. You can use it around people. You can use it when you're alone. You can use it at work, you can use it in meetings. You could use it before meetings with a client. I was just speaking with my group program the other night. I was encouraging him to use it literally during a breakup conversation. So it is completely universal in its usefulness, and it's very easy to learn. The more you do it, though, the more useful it's going to become. And then you can use it in more intense situations to calm your anxiety, to sustain your confidence, and ultimately to build your confidence over time. And the best way to describe this technique, you can call it a few different things. You can call it self soothing. You could also call it optimal self coaching. I prefer optimal self coaching because self soothing sounds, I don't know, a little bit like infantile, right? Like soothing an infant with a pacifier or something. Now, it does have a soothing or calming effect on your nervous system, but I like optimal self coaching. It just sounds more Tony Robbins. So what does that mean? It means that you are able to narrate to yourself on purpose in your head. Soothing, calming, supportive, encouraging, calming, optimistic phrases. You're able to talk yourself through situations, real time as they're happening. So remember I mentioned about the client, and he's going into a breakup conversation. He's nervous. No one wants to go into a breakup conversation. He knows it's the right move, but, you know, it's uncomfortable. And what he's most uncomfortable with, which is probably what, you know, most people are, especially if, you know, you're a nice person or you are conscientious or a people pleaser. You know, it's. It's like, oh, I'm gonna feel so guilty. What if this person is crying and I feel bad and I'm the bad guy? And so I was. We were, you know, doing a role play and how he could communicate, you know, what. Where. What he needs and what needs to change. And then he's like, but what if she starts crying? And I was like, okay, well, then you're there with her. And in your mind, you're able to say this to yourself, literally, why it's happening. You breathe and you focus on your breath as you're with that other person having whatever emotions. And this could be with someone who's crying, someone who's angry at you, someone who's upset someone who's concerned, whatever. And you can just narrate in your mind. It's okay. It's okay for her to have feelings. It's okay for me to have feelings. It's safe. Feeling is safe. It's uncomfortable to feel, but it's safe. It's safe to feel my emotions. It's okay for her to have emotions. I'm not responsible. To have her have no negative feelings, like literally saying this kind of stuff in your own mind. What about before the work meeting? Oh, my God, I'm gonna die. I'm not good enough. Breathing always starts with the breath. I'm nervous about this work meeting, and I've been in dozens of meetings like this and always am able to find my voice and speak up when I'm in the moment. I'm actually quite articulate. If I do hesitate or stall or lose my train of thought, I can just take a breath and resume. It's safe. It's safe to be in meetings. It's safe to communicate. It's safe to make mistakes. It's okay. Are you noticing a pattern here? Noticing a trend? Right. It's messages of safety. It's okay. It's okay if these bad things happen. And I am capable at this. Right? And where am I coming up with these phrases? I'm just saying what would be calming and reassuring and supportive. I'm just saying what you would say to a friend that you really care about in the moment before they're in a situation or during or after. And so that's what you want to start to be able to do with yourself. You want to train yourself to start. Be able to do this. Now, if you just wait until the intense moment and then you try to do this, you're going to be overwhelmed with emotion, and it's just going to be like, words. And you're like, I don't even. Whatever that's. I can't even think of what to say. So start practicing with small stuff. You know, you're late and you're driving in your car and you're like, you're stressing out, and you just say, it's okay to be late. It's safe to be late. Any issue that occurs when I'm late, we'll be able to work through it. We can talk through anything, right? You talk yourself through these minor occurrences, and you're able to start to do it more and more and more. And if you're alone, you can do it out loud. If you're sitting in your car, might as well talk to yourself and what you're doing is you're training yourself. Now optimal self coaching is actually a literal skill that I go in much more depth in inside of my program. Skyrocket your social confidence and if you're familiar with if you want to get more familiar with that and learn how to do it plus how to optimize your self esteem plus how to have the conversation confidence to talk to anybody in any situation, then you want to check out that program. If you click down below and get my ebook or my it's an ebook plus it's a video training series called five Steps to Unleash youh Inner Confidence that's absolutely free and once you access that, you'll also have an option to get skyrocket your social confidence at a super reduced price for a short period of time. So that's an amazing opportunity at this time as well. So click down below to get your five steps training and get access to skyrocket your social confidence. Until we speak again, we have the courage to be who you are and to know on a deep level that you're awesome. I'll talk to you soon.
