The Secret To Being An Outstanding Public Speaker with Danielle Louise Ross

Coming to you from the center for Social Confidence in Portland, Oregon, welcome to Shrink for the Shy Guy, helping men everywhere go from social anxiety to social domination with your host, Dr. Aziz.

Hey.

Welcome to today's episode of Shrink for the shy guy. I'm Dr. Aziza, and today we're going to be diving further into the skill and the art of public speaking, of how to speak in front of a group and how to do it really well. Because, you know, in the last episode, we were interviewing Danielle Louise Ross, and we'll be continuing with that in today's episode. And we talked a lot about the fear. And so if you haven't listened to that, go back and listen to that interview, because there's some powerful tips in there about how to overcome your fear, how to shift the way you see nervousness and mastery and public speaking and the audience so that it's not so terrifying, so it's not such an insurmountable obstacle or mountain to climb, but it's really something that you can just develop step by step by step, which is absolutely the case. And as you know, I myself was terrified of public speaking. The very first time I tried to do it, I was in front of a big group of people, maybe 70, and it was in a college course, and I'd never really done it before that I went to a small high school, and I always kind of fumbled my way through presentations, and it was a very small group, and I knew everyone. So my first public speaking, like, hey, here's a bunch of people looking at you. I went up there and I had all my slides and everything, and I looked at the audience, and then I took my first breath in to start speaking, and I just kept taking breaths in. It was so weird. It was like this awkward silence of me breathing and looking at the audience. Fortunately, it was a group presentation, and several of my peers were up there with me, and they kind of looked at me flailing, and one of them is like, okay. And just started jumping in and sort of took over my initial role. And I fumbled my way through it, but it was not very good. And I realized at that point that I had to do something about this because I was really limited and terrified of it. So if you're in that place, go back and listen to that first episode. This one, we'll be getting a little more into the fear and how to shift how you see yourself and other people. But what we're really going to be diving into is how to be outstanding, how to be impactful, how to really make A difference with your message, whether you're your own business owner and that's who Danielle works with, is solopreneurs and business owners who are getting out there and impacting people directly or you're in a company because the ability to influence your peers and management and the people that work underneath you to be an effective leader requires you to be an effective speaker. So we're going to be diving in and this is going to be especially important for you if you want to really get good at it. You want to know how to tell stories, you want to know how to engage your audience. You want to know how to really make them feel something. Because if they feel something when you're speaking, then they're moved and then you have a connection and you have influence. And so it makes for a very powerful impact that you can have on people. So without further ado, let's dive into that interview with Danielle Louise Ross, expert interview. Like, oh, yeah, I could. I could handle that. And the beauty is, and I'm sure you've experienced this too, once you do the speaking a lot, you can have a moment where you lose your train of thought or the words don't come and you can just find your way again pretty quickly, pretty instantly.

That's right. I think that reframing what mastery is that mastery in anything we're speaking. It's not about not ever losing your train of thought. It's about feeling confident that no matter what happens, whether you lose your train of thought or something else, that you will get it back. That that's something that you've built in yourself. And no matter what happens, you can recover or you can include that becomes part of the experience. And you. I had a. I mean, I have so many things. I've performed so many times. There's so many things that go, quote, wrong. You know, I've had. I've had the power go out multiple times as a. Speaking on business, in the middle of a play, singing a solo. I mean, stuff happen. So the more you can roll with it, go, okay, this must be how it was meant to be. People are so loving and generous and kind and really appreciate you when you just roll with it and get ready. If you. Not to scare anybody, but if you want to get up and you want to do this and you want to take chances in speaking and in life, that stuff will go wrong, but you will get so strong. I mean, you'll realize that no matter what you're doing, no matter what goes wrong in any environment, you can handle it. You've got this because you've been practicing.

Yeah. And then that trust in yourself, knowing that you're flexible and can adapt to whatever is happening, I mean, that just gives you even more confidence. So I love what you're saying there. And you mentioned something too, that I wanted to touch on, which is that people are loving and wanting, warm and supportive, and this could be really helpful because I think when we get up there and we're nervous, we're scared, we're really scared, especially people that I work with that might even have borderline panic around speaking without knowing it. They're seeing the audience, whether it's five people or 50 people, they're seeing them as very hostile, very quick to judge, like, super evaluating their. Not the message, not the words they're saying, but how they're presenting it. And if they're really poised and, you know, from working, you know, speaking thousands or hundreds of times, being on stage thousand over a thousand times, and helping hundreds of people speak, what have you learned to be really true about audiences and how they see the person who's speaking?

I definitely think most often people are really compassionate. And we all. Everybody knows that statistic about the fear of speaking. And so a lot of people are just really in awe that you're brave enough to get up there in the first place. You know, there will always be haters. Do you know what I mean? There will always be haters everywhere online. Like people that are just negative. And that has nothing to do with you or your performing or your speaking. It's all them. But most people are really, really. They want you to succeed. And if you ever doubt that, practice being in an audience. Go around and watch people go to open mics, go watch theater, go to public speaking events and see how do you feel? Do you want them to see succeed? Probably. And we usually feel really calm when we're in the audience. Unless it's like Gallagher or something. We're afraid of getting watermelon on our face. But most of the time we're really calm and we're just like, you can do it, you can do it. And that's really where people are coming from for you. So I think one way we can kind of reverse it is go be an awesome audience member and tap into that. And then when you're up there, remember that's really 90% of people or more are coming from that place of really wanting you to succeed in this.

That's helpful to remind ourselves of. In fact, that's another question I had is do you Personally do or do you teach clients to do anything right before speaking? Any rituals or preparations to get people into a good space before going on stage?

Yeah, you know what, in my acting life, there's a lot of that. And with how I work with business owners, my core philosophy is whatever works for you, like, works for you. You know what I mean? Like, whatever that ritual is that helps you. And so I really just empower people to do anything that they know already helps make them calm or focused. So if you have something you do in another part of your life or why not bring that in? You know, if you like to meditate or just take some deep breaths or whatever it is that kind of gets you into your sense of groundedness or your mojo, then do that. Because there's really no. There's no perfect warmup exercise. I found that as a general strategy that works for most people to be thinking about before speaking. Like, right before speaking really is like, what's that? What's that one thing that you really want your audience to take away? And it could be an idea, but it could also be a feeling. So one of my clients was like, what do I focus on? I have the words and I have this, and now that I'm about to get up there, what do I focus on? And I said, you know, if your audience could feel one thing, if you could get them all to really feel one feeling, what would you want them to feel? And she said, totally nurtured. I was like, okay, great. So she knew what she was going to talk about. So I said, that's the one thing I want you to focus on the whole time you're talking. It's just really nurturing the audience with everything that you say. And it gave her a little bit of an anchor, something to latch onto and play with. And it was fun for her. It was connected to how she works with people in her actual profession, and very simple. So really, whether it's the warm up or things you focus on during it, you're not going to be able to juggle a million different ideas while you're on stage in front of people. You've got to go, okay, I'm ready. And if you want, just think of one simple thing because that's playable, it's fun, it makes it easy. And that's one example, really, how do you want to impact your audience?

Yeah, I love that. And it's. That's kind of the. Especially when we're really nervous, that's sort of the bandwidth that we can carry. Is that one you know, prime directive, here's what I'm here to do. And I love how it's focused on what impact do I want to have on this group of people as opposed to how do I want them to see me? I want them to see me as smart and professional and really poised and said. It's just strips all that away and is like I'm here to deliver something. And I think when we get really focused on that, we can become very impactful, very persuasive because we kind of get out of our own way and just that energy of nurturing in this case can just pour out of your client there. We're going to pause for a minute and take a quick break and then get back to that interview with Danielle.

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Right? And it's just that magic. This is sort of my belief on excellence, speaking, impactful speaking, impactful marketing, branding, all this. This is really finding that sweet spot where you and your audience meet. So she didn't pick any kind of random feeling that wasn't connected to her, like it was something that really is part of her essence. And then she focused completely on giving it to the audience so that they could experience it. And the people that probably responded to her the most in that moment were the people that needed exactly what she was there to deliver, like her perfect audience. So it's really nice to find out where is that magic sweet spot. How can you really focus on being yourself, but now not just focusing on yourself, delivering that out to your audience, really landing it on them. And again, when more attention goes on them, the less on you, the more that the super intense anxiety or fear starts to dissipate and just become energy that you're channeling.

That's so good. I mean, it's such a powerful thing for speaking for any sort of marketing as you're talking about engaging with customers, even engaging with just people in life, dating and relationships. The it's not all about me reminder is incredibly valuable. And it's something that my wife reminds me of regularly. Aziz, it's not all about you.

Well, see, that's the thing. I mean, that's the thing is it is about. It's like all about you. And it's not all about you because it's about you and them, right? So it's like you are so important in the equation. And so it's never about you not being yourself or being somebody else or taking away your uniqueness. But the uniqueness that you share needs to serve a purpose. So, you know, sharing, nurturing, because it connects to you, but also because that's going to help your audience. I really like to. When I do presentations and workshops, I like to weave in bits of fun. You know, having exercises or things that are really enjoyable because I remember going to, even in my acting days, some super stressful, boring marketing presentations that completely gave me the wrong idea about what it was. And I know I like feeling fun and my audience really likes to feel fun when it comes to marketing and self promotion. So again, it's tapping into my uniqueness, but it's for the purpose of giving my audience something that they really need too. Again, it's that sweet spot in the middle.

Not me. I don't like fun. None of that for me.

Okay, well, then I guess you're not my audience. Lizzie. Damn it.

All serious all the time. Wait, so I just had another great question to ask you because we've been kind of focusing on maybe the beginning stages and the overcoming the fear to get out there and practice. What about people who've been doing it for a while? Because I know you help them as well. What tips do you have on how to just become a more excellent speaker, more outstanding? Let's say someone's overcome the fear and. Or to the point where it doesn't hold them back and they're doing it now. How do we get better? What are just a few things that you notice in people that make them really impactful as speakers?

Ooh, that's such a good question. So I'm glad that you asked it. Well, I want to say that there are a couple things that really inspired me to bring in the speaking training to part of my business is it's one way that people can share their message and promote themselves. And so it was really twofold. One, I saw people that I knew could be attracting an audience faster and really had the capacity to share their message through speaking, but weren't doing it like, oh, I wanna help you fill that gap. Cause it could be so Much easier for you. And also some peers who are very experienced people that had been in business between 3 and 10 years who are out speaking. People ask them to speak, hey, will you come share? And they're doing it. But they weren't getting business back really for their eff or not much, and they didn't know why. And so this is actually one thing that I'm really obsessed with, even though we haven't talked much about it yet, is content is really crafting the storytelling in a way that you have this framework that supports you from beginning to end and that also allows you to breathe and dance with the moment if something happens, you can totally weave that in. But I have a belief. So for people that are ready and maybe the big giant fear is it's gone and they want to just get better. I have this belief that if the writing is effective and constructed in a particular way, that it makes it almost impossible for you to be really nervous or focused on yourself because the writing is so good. And one example that I gave in a recent webinar about this is I don't know if you've seen the movie Precious. It was like Academy Award. I either won or it was nominated, but it was a big movie a couple years ago.

I have not seen it. I know of it, though.

So great movie, great writing. One of the main supporting characters was played by Mariah Carey. So no big offense to Mariah Carey, but she's not known for being a great actress. She's known for being a great singer. However, in the movie Precious, she's a really good actor. She's compelling and vulnerable and is just as pro as anybody else in that movie. So what happened? How did somebody that had previously put out some mediocre movies and is really known as a singer do so well in this movie? And it's my belief that when you have a good script or framework to work within that it makes you look really good, it makes your stuff really understandable. And it's pretty much it's really hard basically to do a bad job or not be effective. So a lot of what I do in my training is help experts learn a new way of crafting their content so that it's simple, it's easy to deliver, and it's really, really compelling from the perspective of the audience. And that one thing alone can really help people transform from being kind of confident to being ultra confident, to being. To sort of getting results to getting incredible results from their speaking.

Wow, that is definitely intriguing. And I'm sure if people Want to dive in deeper, they can learn what those things are. But just a general sense, maybe you could give a little quick teaser intro. What is some of that content? So is it storytelling? What are some of the key elements of of that content that would be really valuable, I think, for people.

Oh yeah, I'd love to say more. And actually perfect lead in Aziz, because my free gift I'm wanting to share with your audience, if they're intrigued or think they want to use speaking as a way to promote their message or their business is the kind of complete blueprint of their signature talk. That from my experience of using this system for myself and for clients to help them take their business to six figures, I see really six core steps. So I'll share with you some of those things now, but just so they know that I'll share the link a little bit later, that they can get their hands on the full six steps. So I guess I'll start with one of the biggest mistakes that I see experts make in terms of content that can also sort of simultaneously make them a bit jittery and nervous is trying to share too much information and too little of time. So part of reworking the content so that it's really effective and makes it easier for you to deliver and be confident is to know, to understand that a great talk is actually a small portion of it is actually things that you teach that is that information or the facts or whatever, that core thing that you're going to deliver. Your expertise and what surrounds that is really what makes the talk work. So one of those things is to share your story. You know, there's a lot of people out speaking that aren't really leveraging that. We want to know who you are. And that's a completely valuable piece of your presentation to share who you are and why you're sharing this in the first place. And when we can connect to you and trust you and feel like we're bonded to you and your mission. When you do get to the teachings, when you do get to, like the facts or tips or things like that, we're going to be so much more open to receiving those than if it's just a fire hose of information.

We're going to take one more quick break and then we're going to get back into the conclusion of the interview with speaking expert Danielle Louise Ross.

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Yeah, it's so good on so many levels because yeah, it's not just about information. I mean, we're awash in information. They could find that information in text form. There's something about you and your humanity which is revealed in your story. And especially if the story has pieces of it where you're not perfect, you didn't always have it all figured out, then people can relate. And there's a sense of me too. Oh, this person's like me. And I can see how they'd be much more receptive to hearing ideas, inspiration, teachings.

Mm, yeah. And I'll say, I'll say something else. Just going a little bit deeper on this story too, to really simplify this, because I think that as experts who've had a lot of training and know a lot of stuff, this can be like what you want me to hold back. I don't share all my stuff. Right. But it's really the art of knowing how to drip that information. So when we talk about story, so here's something that this is an advanced idea, but I just feel inspired to share this, that when we talk about telling your story, one of the things that I say actually within the paid training is your story is actually about them. And that might not at all be what you'd ever expect me to say, that your story is really about your audience. But people, again, especially experts who have a lot to say sometimes don't know when I tell my story, what do I share and what don't I share? And I remember sort of parallel. One of my many non satisfying jobs was working the front desk of a temp office where people would come in and give me resumes constantly. And one lady gave a resume that was, it was as thick as a novel and it was every job she'd ever had literally in her entire life since she was 12. So just parallel when you're telling your story, it's not that we want to know every detail of your life. Right. Because it's not just about you, but thinking about your audience and what are the key pieces of your story that really relate to their experience and what you want to help them with. So to kind of take off the veil, Aziz, I mean, everything I told about my story today is totally true. And I focused a little bit more on confidence and my own overcoming nervousness because I know that that's what your audience is here for and what would be helpful for them to hear and know about me so that we can have a connection.

So we are actually just coming back. Of all the times and what we were talking about before, what can go wrong sometimes will. And I've done hundreds of hours of recording down here and the power has never gone out. And lo and behold, on my call here with Danielle today, the power blipped in and out and we lost each other. And I think that's just a great indication of what we were talking about, about how to roll with what's happening and how no matter what happens, you can deal with it.

And.

And upon Danielle's encouragement, I'm practicing involving going out rather than going in and sharing that we lost power.

Yeah. The show must go on and it turned into a teaching moment, so. See, that's great modeling.

Exactly. It's great. And what you were saying about sharing the pieces of your story that are really going to relate to people and the people that you're talking to, I think is one of the most valuable skills and in the world. A lot of my training was originally in clinical psychology, which is very traditionally closed lipped. You don't share much about yourself. You're a blank slate. You're kind of out of the picture and it never really resonated with me. And as I got into more coaching and business and putting my message out there, I started sharing more and more of my story. And it's amazing how many people just connected with that. And they would say things like, I've never heard anyone describe what I'm experiencing in the detail and the accuracy that you have. And so I think that's just a testament to what you're talking about, Danielle. And it's incredibly, if anyone wants to be a more impactful, authentic, charismatic, influential speaker, that in itself is one of the most valuable things. And I'm sure there's, there's much more. And in fact, to find out about that, how can people find out more? You mentioned a free gift, which is awesome. And also your program. Let's start with how people can go deeper to learn from you, to work with you.

Yes. So the free gift you can find@www.brandu y o u business.com speak and that will be actually a really important piece of the full program that I have where I outline the six key components of a signature talk that feels totally Authentic and also can help promote your message or even get you clients. If you're in business for yourself. One of those pieces is your story and one of those pieces is the information, like the facts or the tips that you share. But there are several other components that really help give your audience a full experience and then I think you'll really enjoy as well. So I want to just go ahead and share that blueprint with anybody that this has really resonated with@brandyourbusiness.com speak, as I mentioned, that is part of a bigger program. So I have a bigger program called Speak youk way to six figures that is a virtual 21 day boot camp. Super practical and step by step for people that really want to have the structure to make intentional choices about what is my message, what am I going to share, who's my audience. And then we move through a process of building the talk within the second week of the course with accountability, with other people virtually going through this with you. And then the third week of the course is totally focused on promotion. So there are two main ways you can promote. You can either get yourself booked to Speak so you get access to somebody else's audience, or you can hold the event whether it's online or in person and get people to come to you. So I talk much more about the art of pulling people in and how to create promo for what you're sharing that is really irresistible to your audience. So it's super fun. I have absolutely loved teaching this. It really brings everything full circle for me with business and acting and all of it and my love for writing. And we just did our first version of this program back in May. It was hugely successful. The results that people can get from using this are just phenomenal. For instance, one coach who took the program was doing all the steps while we were going and oh, you know what? Actually it couldn't be in May because her, her success story was in May, so it was in April. In any event, in the month following the training, she got 40 qualified leads. 40. So I just wanted to share that. That's how powerful this whole speaking thing can be. To be able to share with a group of people who really need you what you stand for and how you can give them kind of a preview of how you can help. So I'm really passionate about it. We haven't yet set the dates at the time that we're recording this. We haven't yet set the dates for our next version. Our version 2.0 of the program. It's definitely coming. And so what I suggest, if it's interesting to you and you're thinking that you might want to do it when it comes back up, just go ahead and sign up for that free gift because then you'll be in the loop and I can tell you when I know more about the timing and when you can start signing up for that next program.

That is awesome. And I couldn't more highly recommend anyone if you want to learn about speaking, but then all the other aspects if you have your own business, Danielle is a phenomenal person to learn from. And even if you just want to develop your skills as a speaker, I know she has a ton to offer you. And I highly encourage everyone to get started with that gift. I know. I'm going to go there. It's brandyoubusiness.com speak, right?

That's right.

Okay, well, I'm going to go there and find out what those other four nuggets are. That was the teaser. I'm like, where are they? I got to know them. So thank you.

My need for completion.

That's right. Well, thank you so much for joining us today, Danielle. I think there's just a ton of valuable information as well as just inspiration. You're a very inspiring and impactful speaker. So that's obvious given what you do. And it's just been a real pleasure to have you on the show today.

Thank you so much for having me. It was a blast.

That brings us to the end of the interview and to the beginning of your action step. Time for action. Your action step for today is to take what been talking about this idea of your story and how to craft your story, how to bring it more into any sort of speaking you do, whether it is to people in your company, to other business owners, to in sales, to just general the public wherever you want to do your speaking, wherever you are doing speaking, think about how you can bring stories in. Not just any stories, but your story, more of yourself. Because as Danielle was saying, people want to know you, they want to feel you. They don't just want a bunch of information. And the more they get a sense of who you are and it doesn't have to be long or elaborate or 30 minutes, but just little pieces of your story that are going to be impactful for the people that you speak with. The more you can do that, the more you can think of those things. That's what I would encourage you to do for your action step is to think of pieces of your story that you can share with whoever you're speaking to that's going to help them get to know you. That's going to make you more vulnerable and therefore relatable. And then that gives you bigger impact, bigger influence and ultimately having a bigger message in the world. So that's your action step for today and I look forward to speaking with you more in the future. If you want to share about your progress, your successes, your challenges, go to facebook.com SocialConfidence and like the page there and stay updated with what we're doing. You can also go to shrinkforthshyguy.com and and leave me a message there. Share directly with me. I listen to those things, I respond to them and I love to hear from people directly. So until we speak again, may you have the courage to be who you are and to know on a deep level that you're awesome.

Thanks for listening to Shrink for the shy guy with Dr. Aziz. If you know anyone who can benefit from what you've just heard, please let them know and send them a link to shrinkforthshyguy.com for free blogs, ebooks and training videos related to overcoming shyness and increasing confidence, go to socialconfidencecenter.com.

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