The Secret To Fast Confidence Test Reality

Do you want more confidence to be able to go do something that scares you? Whether it is approaching someone you find beautiful, amazing and attractive and asking them out, or speaking up more boldly in a meeting, disagreeing with someone, being assertive, being a leader, there's something you want to do, but it scares you. Do you want to learn a powerful technique to rapidly shift that so you can start doing more of that in your life? If so, stay tuned because you're going to learn how right now. Welcome to another episode of the Art of Extraordinary Confidence. I'm your host, Dr. Aziz. Number one best selling author of the Solution to Social Anxiety and new book coming out soon, the Art of Extraordinary Confidence. Same name as this show. That one. Super excited about more updates about that soon. If you're enjoying this show, click subscribe to subscribe below. You'll get notifications about new episodes. We're sending out more and more. We're also going to be starting to do interviews soon with some. I basically started saying who are the most extraordinarily confident people? I actually started asking people who is the most confident person you know? And I've been kind of working my way and finding these people and I talk to them. There's one guy in particular I'm thinking of. I'm going to get him on the show. But where I hung out with this guy and just observing him, I became more confident. You just like sort of absorb. You're like, oh, yeah, that's how he stands, that's how he talks. That's how he thinks. Yeah, yeah, I'm gonna do more of that. So I'm gonna share their best stuff, their secrets. We're gonna get them into the show. Super excited about that. So definitely subscribe. Keep abreast of what's going on. Keep abreast, Hawk. Keep abreast of what's going on. Good sir. Keep aware of what's going on. Okay, so here's a powerful technique to be able to go do the thing that scares you, to have more confidence. So here's how it works. We have a model. You have a model. I have a model of reality in our heads. So think of, first of all, think of the thing that you want to be able to do, one thing in your life. Don't think of 50, just think of one thing. Maybe you want to be able to assert yourself more. Maybe you want to speak up in a meeting. Maybe you want to be able to disagree or challenge with someone or interrupt someone. Maybe you want to approach someone that's attractive, a beautiful woman or ask her out, or even try to kiss someone that you're on a date with. Maybe there's other things. Maybe you want to ask someone out to hang out as a friend. Whatever it is for you that you're working on your confidence, think of that right now, where you're maybe holding yourself back, but you really want to do it. And you know your life would become more awesome if you did. Okay, I'm assuming you have one right now. If you don't pause the video and think of it. Now, here's what we got. You got a map in your mind that says if I do, blank, then blank. So if I ask that woman out or start a conversation with her, or if I disagree with that person at work, then blank. And there is a mental model, a projection, a fantasy, a video in your head of what's going to happen. If you're scared to do it, then the video is bad. Something bad, something scary, something overwhelming, something unpleasant. Right? So think about that. For me, when I was really struggling dating and approaching women, it would be like, if I go talk to her, she's gonna not want to talk to me. And I want you to pay attention. How do you create that in your mind? For me, I would get an image. I can actually still see the image now of like a woman kind of going like, like unpleasant, grimacey. I just, I just ate some sour, bad milk or something, right? Disgust, repelled. Or maybe you imagine that person confronting you and feeling embarrassed in the meeting, you know, for they challenge you or something like that. So you want to see what is the b. What is it that I'm scared of? What am I imagining? Can you see for yourself right now? What is it you are afraid is going to happen if you go do the thing? Great. Now that is not real. Whatever you're imagining is not real because it's not happening right now. It's created in your mind. It's a fabrication. Our minds are incredible future predicting machines and it's not reality. So to rapidly gain confidence quickly and to be able to do the things that scare you and get the results that you want, you have to test reality. You have to test reality and see what actually happens. If I really do A, what actually really in real life happens, that is the only way to get confidence, the only way to get it quickly. You can beat around the bush and try to do affirmations and you know, do something to do some inner work to feel better about yourself. And I teach those things and they're valuable, but at the end of the day you gotta go take action. Even in the confidence code. My program, which goes real deep into conversation, mastery, how to talk to anyone and how to build your self esteem so you feel good enough to talk to anyone. We go deep into self esteem. And I say up front in that program, look, we're going to do a lot of inner techniques to help you feel better about yourself. But one of the most powerful ways to grow your self esteem is you got to take action in the world. You got to test yourself, you got to take risks. You can't just sit in a room and be like I love myself, I love myself and never go do anything and then have self esteem. You got to go do stuff in the world and test yourself and prove that you can do things. Then you start to feel proud of who you are and what you're capable of and your self esteem just naturally emerges. So we have to test reality, we have to do these things. So you might be saying duh, but I'm too scared to. And that's great. That's the center of my wheelhouse. That's what I do all day. That's what I do in my one on one coaching and my mastermind program in the group calls is we help people. Okay, how do we do that? And here's a simple powerful way, you know, let's say it's to approach that attractive woman or speak up in a meeting. Those are the two examples I'm using right now. So one would be just to actually go approach her and see what actually happens. Now a couple of things could happen. One, you could test reality and your mental model was just fucking fabricated and didn't make any sense and it didn't really happen, that's probably a lot of the time it happens. B, your worst fears come true and it actually does happen. No, she actually did reject me. Then guess what? You get to learn that you can handle it. That maybe you feel bad, maybe you feel embarrassed, maybe beat yourself up and then you get over it and you go do it again. So either you surprise yourself and it goes better than you thought, or it goes badly in the way that you didn't want it to and you realize you can handle it. And that at the end of the day is really how we master fear, is knowing deep down not that nothing unpleasant is going to happen, not that I'm never going to get rejected. Good luck with that. By the way, you're always going to get rejected. If you're taking action, putting yourself out there, being bold, being You. But it's, I can handle it. And guess how we figure out that we can handle it? Saying the affirmation, I can handle it. I can handle it. I can handle it. Maybe that's good enough to get you to go do it. But guess what? The best way you're really going to learn is to actually handle it. Go through the uncomfortable feelings. And my program, the confidence code, teaches you powerful techniques to work through those feelings quickly so that they don't bog you down and make you feel depressed and scared to try again. So you have to go test out reality. Same thing in the work setting. And the assertiveness, Right? You test out what happens when I actually disagree. Now, you might be saying, that sounds great. I've tried, but I just can't. I just can't get myself to do it. It's too much. And that's great. That's fine. Don't beat yourself up for that. You want to see how hard it is for you, how anxious, how afraid it makes you. And if it's so, give it a number. So going up and talking to that woman you find attractive, or speaking up in that meeting and disagreeing with someone, give it a number from 0 to 10, where 10 is like freak out, anxiety, and 0 is like, you know, it's like making a bowl of cereal, whatever. I don't have any feelings about it. So if you rank it really high, then go start with something else. Start with something less. I remember we were talking about this in the mastermind group recently with one of the guys, and he has a history of being terrified to approach women. And so to go talk to a woman that he found attractive, not even ask her out, but just talk to her was a 10 out of 10 in terms of fear and anxiety, off the charts. So we didn't say, all right, man, well, you gotta go test reality. Come on, man up. That's not gonna work. He's gonna feel more embarrassed and ashamed. So we said, dude, let's just dial it back. Let's find something that's like a three or four level of anxiety that's way more manageable. It's called gradual exposure. Shit works. It's science. So we tried to find that. Now, here's the thing. Sometimes you got to get creative. For him, he was so uncomfortable talking to women that anything to deal with a woman was a high level of anxiety. So we need to dial it even back. Let's just get you more comfortable talking to people. So we talked about friendly greetings practice, which I'm sure, you've seen. If you haven't seen that, find it on my channel. There's a video all about that. You actually see me going around Portland greeting people. It's awesome. But it's just saying hi to 25 people, you know, getting in the world, getting some interactions, getting some people to ignore you. And even for him, I think that was like a five. And I said, okay, well you can do that, but you also don't have to. Is there something a little less intense? And he decided to call 10 businesses and ask them about their hours. And for you, you might be going like, ugh, that's a zero. Well, great for him. He said it was a two. I said, well, you know, it's kind of a little lower than, you know, but that's fine. Because doing that and getting it and being like, oh, that wasn't so bad, now gets you momentum, it gets you into the progress. And progress feels good. Progress builds your self esteem. Progress builds your confidence. So he's going to do that. And the next week you could be like, great, try friendly greetings. And next week it can be great try when you're doing your friendly greetings, to greet women specifically and notice how they respond. Great. Now when you're doing now, go ask five beautiful women what time it is, you know, and he starts to work his way up. And if you're really curious about exactly how to do that and you're not in one of my Mastermind programs or you want to be, go check it out. You can go to. We'll put the link below. It's your confidence code. No. Confidenceunleashnow.com mastermind confidenceunleashnow.com mastermind if you want to learn, it caps out right now at 20 people. And I think we have two spots that are not full. So it might depends on when you watch this. It might be full, it might not. But check it out if you want to learn more about that. But a much easier, quicker, lower level investment way would be to get 30 days to dating Mastery. That program guides you step by step. If you're hearing me say these missions, like friendly greetings and asking time and stuff, you might be going like, well, how do I, how do you know what these things are? How do I know what they are? That's what that program is designed. It gives you missions. And the reason I created it is because I had a client who was saying, man, I would love to know if you could just tell me every day one thing to do in this area to get more comfortable with women. I would do it and that would be awesome. I said, hmm, I can do that. I like to tell people what to do. So I came up with the missions. Well, then I decided, well, you also want a strategy session each day to teach you the thing that you're gonna go use on the mission. And it starts real basic, like those one, two level of anxiety. And then by the end, you're approaching women that you find amazing. You're having fun conversations, you're flirting, you're asking them out, you're kissing them, you're going on dates, you're doing all that stuff that might freak you out right now, but you're step by step getting there. So check out 30daystodatingmastery.com to get started with that program. I highly recommend that. It's one of my favorite areas to teach because that's where it all started for me, learning how to be comfortable and confident with dating. So you got to test out your reality. So where are you going to test out your reality today? You know, what is your if I do this, then this is going to happen. Share below where you're going to test out your reality, where you are testing out your reality, where you already did it, how it went. Any questions you have, enter them below. I'd love to respond and dialogue with you and we can all help each other out. We can all help each other grow. And if you enjoyed this video video and want to see more, subscribe below and I will be popping up directly in your YouTube feed. And you are awesome. Until we speak again. May you have the courage to be who you are and to know on a deep level that you are awesome. I'll talk to you soon.