The Social Confidence Secret That Makes You Way More Attractive

Welcome to Shrink for the Shy Guy. This is the show for you. If you are sick and tired of being held back by fear, self doubt, social anxiety, shyness, anything that's stopping you from you being you. I'm going to share the most powerful tools and resources that I've been discovering over the last 15 years on my journey to eradicate social anxiety and instill confidence first in myself second, and then in every single person that I meet on my journey. You're going to learn these tools and how to apply them in your life now so that you can become the most free, powerful, bold, authentic version of you. Welcome to today's episode of the show. Today, I'm excited to share a confidence secret with you that is going to make you way more attractive. It's going to help you be able to connect with people socially way faster, way better, way easier, and draw them towards you. And no, you don't have to change your face, have better eyebrows or a better nose or better abs. You actually can be you as you look right now. Not to say you don't want to change anything. You could work on that separately. But in terms of your ability to connect with others, it's gonna be something that you can apply today and notice an immediate effect. Are you excited? Are you ready? Okay, I'm gonna dive right in. And to share what it is, first I have to share basically what you might be doing that's blocking connection and attraction. And then we're gonna shift that and all of a sudden you're gonna have a lot more connection, attraction, magnetism. So what is it that you might be doing? Well, when we have painful experiences of trying to connect with others, so maybe you have a history of social anxiety or niceness where you're either unable to connect, maybe you got rejected or bullied or had bad experiences, or you were able to connect, but you had to play this nicey nice role and be what everyone wanted. And then that felt bad, it felt inauthentic, or you felt like you got walked all over, you got trapped. Regardless of how it went bad, there was some experience of it going bad, and it might have been really terrible. And a lot and a lot of it, you know, you were bullied for years, or if you're sensitive, you might have just been a few, not even that many. You might not even remember those experiences. But there's still a residue, and the residue shows up in those symptoms of social anxiety and niceness. And so if you imagine approaching somebody, in fact, do this with me right now. If you Imagine approaching somebody that you would hope would find you magnetic or attractive. And that could be romantically, but it could also be elsewhere in life, right? I mean, you might want to be attractive to potential clients. If you have your own business or work with a company or consulting, you might want to be more attractive socially to other people. Friendships, platonic friendships, not necessarily sexual or romantic, but you just want to be, have people, want to be your friend, want to spend time with you, want to like you. And of course, as well romantically, you ideally would have people that you're drawn to physically and romantically would feel the same way towards you. So pick one of those areas that for you right now feels relevant and think of somebody approaching somebody that you don't know yet for connection of whatever sort, business, friendship, romantic relationship. So you, you have an image right now in your mind or thinking of somebody or some situation. Okay? Now how do you feel about walking right up to them and diving in, introducing yourself, getting to know them, sharing, connecting. How do you feel? Do you feel tense? Do you feel excited? Do you feel scared? Do you feel open? Do you feel resistance? What do you feel? Because that's going to reveal something that has a huge impact on your attractiveness and your magnetism. Because what I find is when we have some sort of social anxiety or fear about connecting, we have some fear, some trepidation, some block there, and it goes like this. Underneath is the fear, then there is some layer of armoring that goes on top. And the armoring might be mental. Oh, they're not gonna like me predictions. Well, I don't know if I like them either. I mean, it could also be mental predictions about how it's gonna go. Oh, it's gonna go poorly, they're not gonna like me. And then you might even go into a story about how you feel about that. I don't even want to do it. Then what's the point? And then maybe you feel the fear goes into discouragement or maybe it goes into anger, right? Like, how dare they reject me? That sob. Why are people. Maybe it goes into self pity, man. Why does no one ever like me? It's not fair. And this is all before you even talk to the person. And then you have an emotional guarding that can come up. You're more wary, you're more hesitant, you're more standoffish, right? I don't trust you. I don't know if I want to let you in. You're going to reject me. And then there's a physical guarding too. Like on the most Obvious example, you might not even go talk to them. You might just avoid the whole situation or it might be more subtle, your body language is more shut down, you're physically more tight, you're not breathing as deep as possible and all these things, the physical, the emotional, on an energetic level as well. Are you open or closed? That's something that goes beyond the measurable. Well, what we can currently measure and it's just something you can feel like the vibe of the room or how open someone feels. It's a collection of these physical non verbals, the emotional energy, the mental as well as something else that, that's very palpable even if you can't measure it with a tube or a stick yet. So on all levels we're coming into that interaction pretty guarded. And you may be more or less aware of this. It doesn't matter how aware of it you are, it's happening and it's having an effect. And so when you come in guarded, it makes you way less attractive. And you might think it's because, oh, I'm awkward, I don't know what to say, or I don't look good enough or I'm not cool enough, you might think it's any of those things, but it's actually that you're coming in with your fists up, your dukes up, you know, get away from me, don't you hurt me. So your primary goal, even if you think your primary goal is connection, your true primary goal is not about connection, it's about protection of yourself. And that takes your attractiveness. Even if you look great, even if they have something that you might want and it takes tanks it. And so the way out of this, the way to shift this and become the secret to become way more attractive now is to approach people without all that protection, where your focus isn't to guard and protect yourself. And in order to do that, there's a couple things that you need. The first is a willingness to feel right. Because if you're unwilling to feel certain things, I'm unwilling to feel a rejection, feel the discomfort or the pain of someone not wanting to talk to me, that is unacceptable. If that's going to happen. Well, if that's the case, and that's completely unacceptable and you're unwilling to feel that, then you are either not going to approach the person at all or you're going to do it in a really guarded way to try to mitigate the pain of them not wanting to connect with you. Now the irony is when you come in all guarded, you're going to bring about them not wanting to connect with you. And you think you're protected. You think it's going to hurt less. It doesn't really hurt less. It still just hurts. But maybe you got a little thin layer of mental armoring. It's like, well, I knew it was not going to happen. See, those people suck. But underneath it just hurts because you're not having the life that you want. You're not being able to connect in the ways that you want. And you know you're telling yourself a bunch of bs, honestly, underneath it all. So we have to be willing to, to experience whatever happens. And that's a bigger process. You can listen to other, other episodes in this podcast or go over to my YouTube channel and really learn how to tolerate rejection, because that's the key. If you can go into it and say, this person may or may not like me, and that's okay. Now, now you have power to show up in a whole new way. And if you want the fast, you know, quick version of how to improve your rejection tolerance, it's going to be ahead of time. Imagine if that person does dislike you or doesn't want to be your friend or does ghost you or whatever and you sit there and you feel those feelings ahead of time. I know that might seem terrible. Like that's not good visualization at all. Aziz. Well, this isn't about visualizing. It's about inoculating yourself to the inevitable challenges that might come in life. And when you do that, you develop a strength. And if you want help with that, check out the Peace Process. It's a guided audio that I have on. If you go to my book page, notnicebook.com and enter your email there, you can get access to all the resources from that book. If you haven't read not nice, I definitely would recommend that. It's called the Peace Process. It's on that page. Also, there is another episode of this show, Shrink for the shy Guy, that's called the, I think it's called the life changing skill of feeling your feelings. But just go to the search at shrinkfor the shy guy shrinkforthshyguy.com and type in feel, feelings or even just feelings and you'll probably see it and go through that. But basically that's how you build up a true power and resilience. And then the second one, which is an absolute gem of a secret. If there were a hack, this would be it. It's asking yourself this question. If you were gonna approach this person and you Knew somehow. This is just a thought experiment because you can't know. But let's say you did know that three years from now you are gonna be telling somebody in your life, wow, I am so glad that I know this person. You know, that person is now one of your closest friends. Or maybe now this is someone that you're in a deep relationship with and you're spending your life together. Or this is a business partner or a client or someone that you worked with and not just someone you worked with for a little bit. Like, you guys have been working together for years and you love working with them. Really. Imagine that. Imagine that were the case. It's three years from now, you're telling somebody like, wow, this person's one of my best friends. And I remember I met them at this party one time or I saw them at this networking thing for the first time. That's the first time we talked. Wow. How would you approach the person if you knew that is going to be this extraordinary, meaningful connection in your life? You feel that there's like an opening in your chest. That's what openness. That's what the unguarded feels like. And if you can approach people that way, it changes everything. People become magnetically drawn to you. Does that mean you'll never get rejected? No. And that everyone's gonna like you? No. And that this next person is gonna be the love of your life? No. I don't know, dude, you gotta find out. But I know this, that if you approach people with that energy, you become radically more attractive. Now, this is different than nicey nicey, fakey fakey energy of like, hi, it's so good to see you. How are you doing? No, I'm not talking about the words that you use. You might not approach them with this over the top. Oh my God, so nice to see you. Maybe it's a stranger. You haven't met them before. You know you're gonna kind of blow them out of the water with that. So you might walk up to them and say, hey, I noticed you over there. I wanted to come say, hi, what's your name? Very casual. There's no excessive showing of, I like you so much. But inside, energetically, emotionally, you are open to the possibility that this could be extraordinary. This could lead to something that would be so meaningful in your life. This could lead to be one of the best friendships of your life. And you really tune in to the reality, the possibility of that. Not some eye rolly like, yeah, I guess that could happen, but it probably won't no. An actual opening energetically to that possibility. Because guess what? It could be. You don't know. You really don't. Let's find out. And if we approach people that way, man, I've had people who just want to keep hanging out with me. They want to be my friend, they want to keep talking to me or I've been at a, I don't know, some sort of workshop or training event or something. And I'll talk to some people and I'll approach them with that energy and then, you know, the next break, the next day, they kind of want to come talk to me again. You know why? Because there's something there when we show up with that openness. It's you're, you're fully, you're penetrable, you're, you're feelable. People can feel you and they might not even be able to explain what's happening, but there's some, ah, it's like drinking water when you're thirsty. There's a hydration element, there's a nourishment element that comes from you when you're really being there. You're letting people connect with you and you're connecting with others. And honestly, most people don't do this and don't know how to do this. Even people that don't experience, you know, they don't think of themselves as having social anxiety or shyness or niceness. That doesn't mean that they're really able to fully open to connect with people like this. And so if you can do that, it's a superpower and all of a sudden you become way more attractive to everybody. So let's talk about how to put this into action. Time for action. Action, action. Your action's a two parter. First step is going to be to listen to one of those audios that I mentioned earlier. Either go to notnicebook.com and enter your email and get listen to the peace process and really focus on a situation where someone might not like you in work, relationships, socially or that other episode. The life changing art of feeling your feelings or life changing skill I believe it was called of feeling your feelings. So that's part number one and part number two is to do this thought experiment that I just did with you here. I want you to actually think about that before you go approach somebody. So maybe it's on your way to this business opportunity or mix or potential meeting with a new customer or maybe it's on your way to a date or maybe it's you're at some group and you see some person over there and you're like look at those two people. I bet I could. Maybe I'd be friends with them. Maybe we'd hang out before you go talk to them. Tune into that. What if two years from now, three years from now, these were your best friends and approach people like that and there's this relaxed assuming familiarity or assuming confidence that comes out of you that really truly does bring out the best in you and makes others want more. Awesome. Thanks for being with me today. Until we speak again. May have the courage to be who you are and to know on a deep level that you are awesome. Thanks for listening to Shrink for the shy guy with Dr. Aziz. If you know anyone who can benefit from what you've just heard, please let them know and send them a link to shrinkforthshyguy.com for free vlogs, ebooks and training videos related to overcoming shyness and increasing confidence, go to socialconfidencecenter.com.