The Truth Will Set You Free with Dr. Brad Blanton

Coming to you from the center for Social Confidence in Portland, Oregon, welcome to Shrink for the shy guy Helping men everywhere go from social anxiety to social domination with your host, Dr. Aziz. Hey, welcome to today's episode of the show. And today you're going to learn more about how the truth will set you free, how having the courage and the boldness to be more honest in your life will ultimately bring you more confidence. Because so much of a lack of confidence comes from feeling like other people can't handle us. We couldn't handle interactions. If this person gets upset with me, if this person has a judgment of me, I won't be able to handle it. And when you're just more honest and more blunt and more direct, you realize you can handle things. And we're gonna jump back into our interview with Brad in just a moment. Brad Blanton, the honesty expert. He's written a number of books about this stuff. You should listen to the first half of the interview in the last episode if you haven't already. And we're gonna jump into that in just a moment. I wanna tell a brief story, though, about me trying out some of the stuff that he said last week. And then we'll get into the interview. Before we do, though, just a reminder, call the show hotline if you have questions. I'd love to do Q and A and ask the shrink segments, that sort of thing. The hotline is 206-338-3176. You can just leave a message there at 206-338-3176. I'll listen to them. I'll respond to them. I'll answer your questions in the upcoming shows. You can also follow the show on Twitter ShyGuy, Shrink on Twitter, and of course, go to Facebook, like the page. You'll get more updates about what's going there@facebook.com shrinkforthshyguy so did you try out some of the stuff that Brad talked about last week about being more honest? I know I did. And I was looking at my life and I was like, okay, I know I'm really honest now, but where am I not? And there were some things I needed to talk about my relationship with my wife. And there were some edges, some things that we just haven't. We hadn't talked about in a long time. And I was terrified to do this. I was terrified because I had this sense that she was going to react negatively. And guess what? She did. And she got upset with me. And we got into this big discussion argument. And just to not give away. She's like, you can be as honest as you want, but don't talk about me in your Internet show. So I don't want to give too much details. I want to respect her privacy. But it was something that she was very critical of herself about. And I've always been very supportive of her. And at times I felt a little irritated or impatient or having some difficulties myself with it. So I told her that and set off this mushroom cloud, right? She was upset and angry with me. And then, like, you know, 20 minutes into the conversation, I'm like, fucking Brad Blanton steered me wrong, you bastard. And it felt really terrible. It was really messy. It was really uncomfortable. I felt like a bad guy. But we stuck with it, and we talked more, and then I had to go to work. And then we break. Have you ever been in a conflict like that where you're like, you need to go to work, or, she needs to go, but you're like, but just one more thing.

God, I gotta go.

I got a client in eight minutes. I'm gonna be late. But I gotta tell you this one thing. So we did that, and then I eventually left and went to work. And we were, like, both upset all day long. And then we got back later that night and talked more and couldn't still quite resolve it. And then the next morning, we talked more. But you know what? Within, like, two days, and through all those conversations, everything was, like, deeper and more intimate and more connected. And there was, like, a flow between us. And after that, it was like we were even more in love and more connected. And I felt like I could say anything to her and she could say anything to me. And just like that, intimacy was reclaimed. And it was amazing. And then, so three days later, I was heralding Brad Blatton's a genius. So the key takeaway here, as you listen to this rest of this interview that we're going to jump into, is that it's messy. Being real is messy. And the point isn't to not make any waves. The point is to be who you are, show up, and really connect. And that's what real life is about. And that's how you really develop that solid confidence in yourself is not by avoiding any conflict and avoiding all messes, but by showing up as you are and realizing you can handle them. And that through those conflicts, through those messes, is how you discover more about yourself and how you connect more deeply with others. And ultimately, how you can love others, because there's no way to really be loved. If you can't show up as yourself, I mean, you might get people to like you and say they love you, but deep down, you don't really feel loved until you've really revealed who you are to that person. And then when they say, I love you, man, you feel that deep in your heart. That's what I want for you, and that's why I want you to encourage you to keep trying this stuff out, even if it's messy. We're going to jump back into that interview with Brad now.

Expert interview.

That's why you offer of extended workshops, is to help almost reprogram someone from their upbringing. Because a lot of people say that sounds refreshing. And then they have this internal block of I'll be a bad person if I say what I want, or I'm too direct or am blunt with someone. And they feel a lot of shame as a result of doing that because of their programming. And how would you help someone in one of your trainings or workshops or in therapy? How would you help someone work through that?

Well, one of the advantages of being in a workshop is you're in a community of friends and you make some agreements for a limited time, like a mate. They workshops and make an agreement for eight days that they'll tell the truth. And they realize that everyone else has made the agreement, and so they get to do it in a sort of special circumstance. They get to experiment with it, and they find out how surprisingly wonderful it is to share with other people. Honestly, even if what you have to say may not be what you would have said if you're unusual, polite company. And one of the things people do in that workshop is every night we have everybody tell the whole story of their life. And we try to look for the themes that emerge in their stories. What have they done over their lives that sort of reenacted over and over again? What are the ways they shoot themselves in the foot when they're just about to cross the finish line? What are all the ways that they use to interrupt telling the truth about what's going on with themselves in order to remain and keep the illusion of being in control. And so a lot of that comes out in those stories. And people really get to know each other pretty well. And then about four or five days in the workshop, everybody takes off all their clothes and they have to stand up in front of the group of naked people. Naked. And talk about their bodies. They what they like and what they don't like, what they're ashamed of, what they're proud of. As they get embarrassed, they just be embarrassed. And we coach them to experience the embarrassment. And it increases, then it decreases and it goes away. Because when you experience an experience, it comes and goes, but when you resist experiencing, it persists forever. So the resistance to the experience of shame causes shame to persist. And we demonstrate that if you actually experience, it's just a rush, you get a little extra high heartbeat and you get warmth in the front of your face and down your neck and in front of your chest and your body. And you feel sort of tremulous and you go ahead and you describe it and you might cry or you might recall some more embarrassing circumstance. And we'll go into it and then what happens is when they experience their way through it, they realize, well, here I am naked in front of a whole bunch of naked people and I'm not embarrassed anymore. And so the after that's through, we ask everybody to tell their summary of their sexual history. When did they find out they were sexual beings? When did they first play with themselves? When did they first masturbate? What was it like when they lost their virginity? How many partners have they had? Were they male or female? Or have they done them with animals or vegetables or minerals or whatever? And they tell all that everybody thinks they have the most awful secrets in the world. And they tell they're deep, dark secret, they think no one else in the world has ever done. And usually two or three other people in the workshop have done it. So it's very relieving. And so people dread that up till the fourth day or fifth day when we do it. And then they're videotaped and we go over the videotape of them so they can see themselves naked in front of the group talking about their body and see what everybody's talking about. So they're thorough opportunity to be able to experience whatever is there for you to experience, having to do with your imagining about what other people think of you and what you think of yourself and all that. And what happens in that workshop is by the end of the seventh or eighth day, everybody falls in love with everybody else. They fall in love with each other because they're so appreciative of their mutual honesty. Plus after that fifth day with everybody naked, they dreaded it and dreaded then from that day on, I had to say to them, put your damn clothes back on. Put your clothes back on. Put your clothes back on. Their way, because they think that freedom must be a nudity to teach them how to be free with their clothes on and It's a very. It's a very powerful workshop and very good. We have a book called the Truth Tellers, which is stories contributed by workshop graduates all over the country, all over the world. And what happened when they went home and showed their life story tape to their parents and their ex spouses and their spouses and so forth, their brothers and sisters and all the family discussions? Oh, it didn't happen that way. You were wrong. This is the way I remember it. They had all these conversations that lead to greater intimacy in the family. The short term conversation is pretty scary, and they get mad at each other and get their feelings hurt, but they stick with each other, as families generally do. And what's underneath it all is that they do care about each other. And it emerges, and they're grateful for having been heard. And they tell their parents all the things they got by with that they never got caught. And then their parents know, and then they don't have to hide anymore. And so you develop this liberation from the network of carefulness that you were raised in, and you no longer need it anywhere in general open society. And now and then you might have trouble. Someone out there in the world would go ahead and have it. The thing is, life is trouble. There is no life without any trouble. So spending your life trying to avoid trouble is more damn trouble than it's worth. So that's what. That's what people in the Truth Tellers. But we just released the audiobook of the Truth Tellers and it's doing pretty good. It's right popular. People are listening to the voice recording, and lots of people are getting the books on their iPhones and stuff now.

Great. I didn't know that. I'm gonna have to check that out because I love the idea of hearing about how, you know, Kate's stories of how it works in people's lives, because I think that's. That's the fear that I had when I was reading your book and what I read, other people who talked about it or your radical honesty book. And that was. I read it and it was refreshing. It was like, yes, yes, okay, I'm gonna do it. And I close the book and I, you know, go to work the next day, and I'm like, no, no. Oh, dear God. You know, and that's actually something I want to make a. Get a distinction on, is that I think that there's layers of truth. And, you know, if I'm like, there's sort of. Sometimes there's like an external pushing away of someone like you I don't like you. You're bad, you're ugly, or something like that. And then underneath that is some vulnerability that I'm trying to protect or I feel bad about myself or something along those lines. And I'm wondering how you guide people through that. Like, would you. Well, maybe I'll leave it at that. Like, how would you get. Help them get to the lower layer and not just stay at that surface level of kind of being critical or off putting. We're gonna pause and take a brief break, and then we're gonna jump back into the interview with Brad Bland. So you're listening to this Internet radio show, and you're hearing all about how you can increase your confidence. But how do you actually make that happen? How do you turn it from an idea to. Into your reality? One of the fastest ways to make massive changes in your life is to join with others who are on the same journey. Dr. Aziz has recently started offering core confidence groups, which allow you to be a part of a group of people who are making the same changes you are. With the power of a group behind you, no limits can stand in your way. To find out more about upcoming group opportunities, go to SocialConfidenceCenter.com and click on confidence Coaching.

Well, that again, he reminded me of the book. It's called the Truth Teller Stories of Success by Radically Honest People. And there are a lot of examples. They learn as they go. They learn in the workshop some things. They learn some things by going back home and starting this in their real lives. And the. The main. The main thing I teach about it is to be simple. I tell people, I don't teach you to get smarter. I try to teach you to get dumber. I mean that. You just go out there and talk like a dummy. You. You're not sophisticated anymore. You just go out there and act like you don't know any better. So you say, that stinks. Or imagine you're sick of looking like that with that ward on you. Or you say things like that, and they say, oh, you're not supposed to mention that. Or they say, well, I'm glad somebody mentioned. Nobody ever talks about it. And you end up having a deeper relationship with them because you spoke out loud about something which had previously been unspoken. But what you say is very small bites of things. When somebody has the wrong tone of voice and you don't like it, say, I resent you for your tone of voice. I resent you for your tone. I resent you for your tone of voice. When you said, no thanks to me. And I appreciate you for bringing me that. That ice cream cone. And you say the specific things they did in the world that you appreciate them for doing and the things that you resent them for doing, and they're just. They're not examples of why they're evil and rotten people. They're just something they did that you didn't like. So you get simpler and dumber. You say what you like and what you don't like, and you describe it. It's descriptive speaking more than evaluative speaking. So you're not saying the person is worthless because they did that. You're saying, he did that and I didn't like it. And so things remain kind of dumber and simpler and workable instead of being some kind of, you know, Kantian philosophy developed out of a few withheld resentments. I coach simplicity mostly.

I like that. And I remember I read your book, and then I read Susan Campbell's book Getting Real, and both of them advocate a practice of sharing resentments and appreciations. And so I was. She's now my wife, but at the time, I was just starting to date Candace, and she's very into honesty as well. And so we were sharing what I was reading in these books, and she was on board. And so I said, well, there's this practice called resentments and appreciations. And so let's try it out. So remember we sat on the lawn of the house I was living in at the time and just started sharing stuff. And what I found is that I was, like, saying things that I don't think were I really resented, but it was almost like I was just saying stuff that I think I should be resented or just wanting to kind of flex my. My ability or something. And so I remember saying, I resent this, and there's legitimate things in there. And one of the things, she has a number of food sensitivities. And I was like, I resent that you have food sensitivities. And I look back and I'm like, I really don't. I really don't care. Like, you know, doesn't affect me in any way. And. And then, of course, you know, she was sensitive about that subject and a few other things. And then so she kind of just came back with all these resentments. And let me just say, we didn't get to the appreciations. It was just sort of like a resentment fest that I left with being like, I don't know if that was the. If that led to something. I guess, to be honest, I Was hesitant to do that again. And I think we've. We've come up with a system that's a little more like sharing stuff in the moment as it's happening or kind of one at a time thing versus, like, the cluster. But perhaps we didn't. Basically, we didn't stick with doing it. And I'm curious about your thoughts about that kind of direct expression and packing it together.

Well, I'm curious that you had that thing and then you ended up marrying her. So it looks to me like it works pretty good. You gotta look at the results. So what happens is Susan is a radical honesty trainer. In fact, we're meeting in Greece in a couple of weeks and I'm doing a Greek workshop and I'm trying to set her up to do one next year at this place called Kali Kalos. And what. What I recommend is you keep practicing the resentments and the appreciation, since the appreciations sometimes are surprising in that they bring you to some resentments just like resentment, surprising, surprising. They bring you to some appreciation so that you don't exclude one or the other. Try to balance them. You just take them as they come.

Hmm. And do you. Do you think that this. Are there people that are perhaps too sensitive? I guess I'm curious about if someone, you know, someone says, I resent you for, you know, the shape of your nose or something, for example. And then that person is like, let's say they have, like a lifelong complex about their nose, and it triggers a lot of anger and shame in them and then a desire to push the other person away. And so they're going to say or do whatever they need to make that happen. Like I said, there's certain things that you think someone might be too sensitive about or how would you.

That's good grist for the mill, I'd say. The unfinished business from other times. They didn't mention what they felt about what someone said about their nose. They get a chance to process with you, and they'll be very grateful for you letting them get over it after a while. It's not as though we should never have any conflict or arguments. We're going to have them anyway is to have them in such a way that they're fruitful and they lead to you getting over something rather than just maintaining your internalized defensiveness.

That's a really interesting thing, is that I feel like sometimes I see sort of a fight between couples. There seems to be like a repetitive nature of stating resentments, but not in a way that leads to moving through it or resolution.

Yeah, because they're not simple enough. They're usually long winded explanations about how I'm right and you were wrong. You shouldn't mention my nose because other people have made me self conscious about it and I'm very sensitive about it. So you should keep your mouth shut. You say, well, no goddamn wonder, the way your nose looks. And then you're off to the races. It doesn't mean you have to turn back to the nice guy again.

Talking to you is like reading your book. Very refreshing and inspiring. And one of the things that I teach throughout all the stuff that I put out there is a lot about confidence. How to believe in ourselves and take healthy risks in life and put ourselves out there. What would you say the connection is between honesty and confidence?

Well, you get some practice in being present to your own experience and reporting it. It's like confidence comes from awareness. That's what I think that you, when you start gradually changing your identity to your present tense, noticing being how you're doing is not as important a question as it was when you thought that who you were is your performance. Because most of us go around saying, how am I doing? How am I doing? How am I doing? How am I doing? How am I doing? How do you think I'm doing? How do I think I'm doing? It doesn't make much difference how you're doing if who you are is not your performance. Who you are is one who has various things you perform and, and you get some feedback about them. But if it doesn't mean that you are an awful person, it just means you were an asshole once and it's like you offended somebody and maybe they need to be offended about it. The thing is, it's like it doesn't matter so much what you imagine other people imagine about you when who you are is not their imaginings anyway, or your imaginings either. So it's like you can take the awareness continuum. Everything that you can be aware of can be divided into three parts. You can notice what's going on right now in your body within the confines of your own scan. That's part one. Part two is you notice what's going on around you, outside you in the immediate present tense world. That's part two. And part three is you can notice what's going through your mind. And that's all there is. There ain't no more. I call it inside, outside, upside down. And what you notice with your eyes and ears outside of you. And what you notice with your sensate Being within the confines of your own skin is an entirely more reliable thing to be grounding your life in than what you notice going through your mind. Because incredible loads of bullshit just stream through your mind at all times. And so you have. You can't rely for your identity on your most untrustworthy instrument for getting around. If we've been taught all our lives that a mind is a wonderful thing, you know, I took that American Negro College Fund saying and made it into another saying for radical honesty, which is a mind is a terrible thing, waste it. And I think a mind is a terrible thing and you might as well go ahead and waste it because it's an unreliable form of orientation. So if I'm grounded in my experience and I'm paying attention to what I notice and sensations in my body, and I'm paying attention to other people when I'm talking to them, I'm looking at them and listening to them, paying attention to their tone of voice, getting the messages they're putting out there, not just the verbal content of what they say. And then I'm also paying attention to what they're saying and what's going through our mind. But it's not the most important thing. If somebody gets upset with me, I realize they've got a mind. Of course they're going to get upset every now and then because a mind is like an ongoing upset machine anyway. So it's like you start, you start recognizing that I think, therefore I am is completely wrong. It's completely ass backwards. It should be I am, therefore, I think because the identity is with the being that we are, the noticing present tense being, that's who we are and we're not this goddamn bullshit machine that we call our mind.

That is a great phrase to just refer to it as the bullshit machine. I have one last question I want to ask you and then I want to give a chance for you to share a little more about what you have going on and ways people can learn more from you. The last question though is you said something about we can't avoid all trouble in life and that just creates more trouble. And there's a quote from your radical honesty book, which I love, which is we would rather be sure of a correctly predicted negative outcome than face the realistic uncertainty of an unpredictable future, even if it includes the possibility of great joy and success. And I really relate to that. There's this need for certainty that will get at all costs, even if it involves living in a cage or a lens of pessimism. And so what Are your thoughts about risk taking? How can someone move towards that? Or just any messages you want to give about the inherent risk in life for how to deal with uncertainty?

Well, we tend to be afraid of predicting the future wrong. And we always want to protect ourselves against not being in control. So we have this kind of control madness that we get schooled in quite well in the way we're raised and schooled and everything else. And we get thousands of examples of it on TV all the time. We believe we're supposed to be in control. And people are afraid of anything that is intense emotion. They're afraid of intense sexuality. They're afraid of intense anger, they're afraid of intense sadness, and they're afraid most of all of intense joy. I think of all the things people are scared of, completely joyful, unmitigated love is one of the scariest things because it feels like you don't exist anymore in terms of your ideational performance. People are afraid of being really intimate and being vulnerable and being open to possibly being heard. Afraid of losing their loved ones and afraid of running them off. And they spend so much time trying to make sure that they don't. They end up doing it. So it's always, oh, please, please don't throw me in that briar patch. Until you finally get thrown in the briar patch. And that's what people do. They end. They tend to create what they try to avoid. If you really want to take charge of your life, you have to be willing to experience what it is you're trying to avoid. And don't avoid it. Have the experience and be willing to be with it. Take the risk. If you lose, fine. You'll get your heart broken. Your heart will heal. You can get it going again. It's a. It's like recognizing that what you do in order to avoid the things you imagine is the worst thing is probably the most powerful thing you're doing to make sure it occurs. It's like in golf, you know, be sure and don't put that ball to the left. Just be sure and don't put. Don't put it to the left and down. You don't put it to the left. How could I do that? Because that was all on your mind, was the left, you know, and the same thing happens if you don't. If you don't take your life's beginning, the stories that you're living in now, and you don't own it and tell the truth about it, you don't have any chance of Modifying in the future and being creative in your life, making your life a work of art and living like an artist. If you live like a scaredy cat, it's very, very hard to live like an artist. So it's more fun though, a hell of a lot more fun to get out there and play and make mistakes and get hurt now and then, get offended now and then get over it now and then and get back to love again now then and learn that forgiveness is something that has to do with you getting over yourself and that you get over blaming someone else and at the same time you stop blaming yourself so that forgiveness occurs for you from within by you being able to get over someone you're holding a grudge against so that forgiveness is for your selfish benefit as well as the benefit of the other person. So that's, that's the way to do it is by living out loud, telling the truth, hurting each other's feelings, facing what you're scared of, being willing just to shake hands with fear. It's nothing but anxiety. It's like it's a whole bunch of tremulous feelings in the body and the heartbeat a little bit fast. It's just a bunch of sensations and if you're completely willing to experience them, you get over them in a minute or two. But people spend their entire lives trying to avoid a minute or two of sensation.

Exactly. That reminds me of, I don't know if it was Gay Hendrix or maybe he was quoting someone else that said that behind everybody communication problem is a 10 minute sweaty conversation that you just don't want to have. Yeah, it's very short lived usually.

Yeah.

Well that's great. I was nodding my head with so much of what you're saying during this interview and I really appreciate it. I think your message is so valuable. And so for anyone who's listening, if there's any ways that people can. You mentioned some of the books and workshops, but maybe just guide people to where they can find these things. Also in the show notes below on the page here, I'm going to also have links to these things, but just to give a little picture. Anything you'd like to share about what you're doing?

Well, you can. Most of what you can find out is@radical honesty.com I'm about to launch. I just launched the audio version of the Truth Teller book. I'm about to launch an online course called Radical Freedom through Radical Honesty and it's an online course. It'll be about four weeks long and it'll be being Launched at about a month from now and you can find out about it on the website. And, and it's a. I'm trying to bring now to website learning what I did with my eight day workshop, which was I tried to design into an eight day workshop what people would get from a year of psychotherapy and that when I figured out what people actually got out of psychotherapy then I put it all together in this eight day workshop. Now I'm breaking the eight day residential workshop into smaller pieces and I'm going to run a series of online workshops where people take the course together and do some homework at home. We use a lot of video and then I have live seminar on one night a week and a video presentation on another for about four weeks in a row. So I'm trying to get the benefits of psychotherapy to everybody in the world and that's what I'm about these days. And there's a lot of writing about it in my ongoing blog. And you can find out everything by going to radical honesty.com that is great.

And I love the idea of condensing stuff down so that it's accessible and digestible and involves, you know, you can reach a lot more people workshop and you can reach even more online than you know, there's, there's only so many people you can see for therapy. Yeah, I think that's really important work to get, get the message out to more people and more accessible. So thank you for doing it.

You're welcome. Thanks for thanking me. I'm like, I'm really a revolutionary. I want to overthrow the government and overthrow the economic order and overthrow every damn thing that's maintaining our stupid illusions about avoiding identifying as the beings we are. So I think this is the way to overthrow the worldwide economic order and that's why I'm doing it.

That's awesome. Bigger vision.

Yeah.

That's so good. Well, thank you so much for being on the show and want to have you. I feel like I just scratched the surface of all that you could share.

Well, you're welcome. Let me know. I'll be taking off for a while, but I'll be back in the early fall in September, so holler at me again. I'd love to do it.

That brings us to the end of our interview with honesty expert Dr. Brad Bland. I want to thank Brad so much for taking the time and coming on the show and hope that you benefited from some of the insights. I mean he's been working on this stuff for decades and I think he's Got some really key insights on how we can all feel more free by giving ourselves permission to be ourselves. And that leads us to today's action step.

Time for action.

Today's action step is to be more honest with yourself. Take a little time, maybe right after this episode or sometime during the day, to just reflect on saying, where am I not being honest with myself in my life? Where am I telling myself a story, telling myself a line or a lie to make myself feel better? To not have to deal with something, to not really have to face a challenge. And again, you want to do this with compassion. You're not going on a witch hunt here. You're not being like, I'm going to find it out and I'm going to kick myself in the ass. No, you want to just be like, hey, look, we all do this. We're all distorting reality at all times. It's a common human thing to do. Let me just see if I can find that edge and hold it with compassion. Maybe shame comes up, maybe self criticism comes up. Use your tools that you've been learning from this show and elsewhere to deal with those things. But the key is to really turn towards yourself and look, where am I not being honest with myself? And how can I be more honest with myself? Maybe even having your hand on your heart as you do the exercise and breathing in and just holding it with, like, love and compassion. This is not about taking yourself to task and kicking yourself in the ass and all that stuff. It's really just finding your way to being more real with yourself. And then ultimately, this allows you to be more real with others. Well, thanks for listening. Thanks for joining me on this journey, and I look forward to sharing so much more. In upcoming episodes, we have interviews with other honesty experts who are amazing teachers of mine who've helped me tremendously. One of them being Dr. Susan Campbell, who's taken a lot of Brad's stuff and applied it into the area of dating relationships. And she's written a book called Truth in Dating. How to really just breaks the whole mold on the pickup artist stuff. And I ask her a lot of questions about that and how do you really be comfortable in just bringing yourself into the world when it comes to finding someone and creating a relationship and finding love? And she's got some amazing insights. I mean, it's one of the. My favorite interviews that I've ever done. So I'm gonna be sharing that with you soon and many more things about how you can free yourself, become more socially free, become more confident, and be who you are in the world. So until we speak again, may you have the courage to be who you are and to know that you're awesome. Thanks for listening to Shrink for the shy guy with Dr. Aziz. If you know anyone who can benefit from what you've just heard, please let them know and send them a link to shrinkforthshyguy.com for free blogs, ebooks and training videos related to overcoming shyness and increasing confidence, go to socialconfidencecenter.com. Sam.