The Voice In Your Head Is Wrong

Welcome to Shrink for the Shy Guy. This is the show for you. If you are sick and tired of being held back by fear, self doubt, social anxiety, shyness, anything that's stopping you from you being you, I'm going to share the most powerful tools and resources that I've been discovering over the last 15 years on my journey to eradicate social anxiety and instill confidence, first in myself and then in every single person that I meet on my journey. You're going to learn these tools and how to apply them in your life now so that you can become the most free, powerful, bold, authentic version of you. Hey, welcome to today's episode of the show. Today we're going to be talking about that voice in your head. No, don't worry, you're not insane. Well, at least not any more crazy than the rest of us, but everyone's got them. You know, whether you want to call it an inner monologue or a thought stream or thoughts in your head or a voice in your head, whatever it is you are thinking all the time, unless you're a experienced meditator who can turn that thing off for a little bit. But for the most part, you know, we're thinking all the time and we have a lot of different thoughts, a lot of different voices in our head. And in particular, there is a voice in your head that, that is definitely wrong and is steering you in ways that you don't want to be steered to, destinations that you don't want to go to. And yet that voice can seem so compelling. So I'm excited to talk with you today about how that voice is wrong and how to free yourself from that voice of doubt, self criticism, and basically, you don't deserve it or you can't. And this is very fitting because defying that voice and becoming the most bold, confident version of you is exactly what we're going to be focusing on for three days and at my upcoming three day virtual event, which is called the ultimate Confidence Breakthrough. And if you're listening to this, then you probably have the Internet, which probably means you can join. It's gonna be in June, June 3rd through 5th. And super early Bird tickets are on sale right now, and that means it's 80% off of the normal ticket price. So it's a fantastic time. It's a very small investment in to produce a radical shift in your confidence. This event is fun. We're going to be dismantling your fear of rejection so you can stand up, fully be who you are and do what you want, ask for what you want. Ultimately, when you eliminate your fear of rejection and its power that it has over you, you become free. So ultimately, this event is about freedom. When you have that ultimate confidence, breakthrough, you step into or break into freedom. And it's a profound sense of liberation. In fact, back in the day, way back when, I was actually just looking through some old materials in some filing cabinet I was cleaning out because we're moving. And so moving is a great time to. As I have fun conversations with Candace about Candace, my wife. I say, baby, the move is an opportunity to purge the bottom 50%. And that means 50% of all of our possessions, all of the things we've been storing, all of everything is to get rid of it. And she's like, whoa, whoa, whoa, tiger. Because we always have this ongoing dance. I'm the kind of minimalist get rid of it guy. Sometimes to my own detriment, sometimes I'll get rid of something and then like three months later be like, damn it. But for the most part, the less stuff, the more light and free I feel. And she likes to keep things. She's not crazy on the hoarding spectrum. I think there's people who are a lot more. I'm just pretty far down on the get rid of it spectrum and don't have a lot of stuff. And I think she's more in the normal range and so she'll want to hold onto this, this, or what about that. So we have a little bit of back and forth, spirited discussions, one might say, sometimes. And so maybe her is the moving is an opportunity to purge the bottom 10% or maybe 20%. And I'll say, hey, 20%, I'll take that. Maybe 25. In any case, what was my point here? Ah, the filing cabinet. So I was going through the filing cabinet, getting rid of some things, and I came across this little card that I'd made back when I was doing my internship at Portland State University as a clinical psychologist in the college counseling center. And I worked with students there and did a lot of one on one therapy and groups and stuff. But I also ran my very first ever seminar workshop, whatever you want to call it. It was a two hour event. I made it absolutely free and I made flyers for it and I went around speaking to. I got the largest classrooms I could get access to, the sociology 101, the psychology 101, the anthropology, where they had the most young students. Sometimes the rooms had 100, 200, 300, 400 people in them. And I went to a bunch of them and I gave My pitch about why they wanted to come to this event, it was gonna be two hours, it was gonna be free. They were gonna blast through limiting beliefs. I didn't really phrase it as much as confidence and liberating yourself from social anxiety, but the name of the event was called Liberate Yourself. Now, when I was setting up the room, I put it all on the counseling center's budget, by the way. I'm like, I need to rent a room. They're like, are you gonna pay for it? I'm like, no, the college counseling center is gonna pay for it. They're like, well, how many seats do you want us to set up? And I was like, well, how much can the room hold? And they're like, oh, I can hold about maybe 75 seats. I was like, well, put 75 seats in there. I mean, I was talking to rooms of 200, 300 kids. I mean, of course, I mean, where this thing's gonna be standing only, of course. Anyway, comes to the day of the event and I'd practice, I'd prepped. I had, you know, it was only two hours, but I had, like, I was. I was stacked, I was ready. And I get there. And out of the 75 seats, there's seven people. One of them is the woman I was dating at the time. One of them is a good friend of mine who brought his aunt and cousin. So that's four of the seven audience members. And they were scattered all over the room. And I was like. But I pushed that aside. I was like, no, I'm here to deliver for these seven people. And so I said, alright, come on, guys, bring it in. You guys are all scattered over. Let's go to the front row. The front two rows. And we crushed it, man. It was awesome. They left feeling more alive and free and energized. It was great. And so that was called liberate yourself. And that's really what this is about. It's about freedom. It's about liberation. And also that story there is about determination, right? Dedication, sticking with something. Because how many years later we are now? That was in 2009. So what are we at? I don't know. Carry the one about 13 years ago. So, hey, stick with it. And magical things happen. So I want to invite you to spend three days with me for a powerful, liberating experience called the Ultimate Confidence Breakthrough. You can go to shrinkforthshyguy.com and shrink for the shy guy. Go underneath this episode. There's only a button there to click to take you to the page. You can also Simply go to Dr. Aziz. That's draziz.com and click on the events tab. And there you will find an ability to register for the event. Make sure you do so during the super early bird. So let's talk about that voice in your head. In fact, that voice in my head said, don't, you know, after that experience, said, don't ever do a seminar or event again. I mean, look at that. No one's gonna come to it, so don't even try. Oh, interesting. You know, when I was working on my dating confidence, the voice said, don't. Don't approach that woman. She's not gonna want to talk to you. She probably has a boyfriend anyway, right? Oh, interesting. Hmm. When I had a lot of chronic pain, the voice said, you're gonna be in pain forever. You're never gonna break free from this. Especially when I started to discover that there was a way out. A mind body approach, which I'm not gonna go down that rabbit hole. You might listen to other episodes, but check out Alan Gordon in his book the Way out or Steve Ozanich's book called the Great Pain Deception. In any case, I started to discover there was a way out. And the voice of doubt said, yeah, but you're never going to find your way out, and your pain is permanent and you're stuck. I was talking to a client recently, and he's stepping into becoming a more bold, confident version of himself. He's actually going to be attending the event, and I'm excited for him. And as the voice in his head says, oh, but you're never gonna be able to, you know, he wants to create his own video channel, put his marketing materials out there. You're not gonna be able to do that. No one's gonna like your videos. It's not gonna work with him. He. He has a son, and he used to be in. You know, he's married. Used to be married. He's divorced now. And so he's like, no one's gonna want to date you. You know, you got this baggage from your past relationship, and you got a kid that's not sexy. And he's telling me this now, you know, hearing it from the outside, I'm like, what? What are you talking about? Like, no one wants to date anyone who has a child. Like, those people are just doomed for life. Like, you know, these stories are absurd, but when your own voice inside of your own head is telling you them, they're pretty convincing, aren't they? What does that voice Say inside of your head. You can't. It's not going to work out. You know it's not. Don't try. What is it discouraging you from? What is it proclaiming as impossible? What is it predetermining about your future and about what you're capable of? And how long have you been listening to it? That's another interesting question. But I'm getting ahead of myself. Let's start to first identify it and listen. Become more aware of when it's that voice. Because sometimes we have so many thoughts in our head. That's why I'm calling it a voice in your head in this episode. You could also call it a part of you because that helps you start to distinguish and listen to it because you have another. If you're just talking about, oh, I have these negative thoughts, or it's just some thoughts in my head. Yeah, but you also have thoughts like, it's 2:30 and what am I gonna eat for lunch today? And I gotta call so and so back, and now I have to go to the bathroom. Like, it's just normal, mundane stuff. You have those thoughts and then you have other thoughts that are saying, like, you're a loser. No one's gonna ever wanna date you. Your relationship's life is doomed. That's very different. We wanna be able to isolate and separate from those thoughts and say, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Did you guys catch that one? That was a little crazy. That was a little dark. That was a little intense. So that voice in your head, what has it been telling you? Where does it discourage you? What has it been stopping you from doing? Now, we could call that voice a lot of things. I call it the safety place. At times, you might just loosely overall put in the category of doubt, the voice of doubt, the voice of. It's not going to work out. So what do you do with that voice? Do you defer to it? Do you bow to it? Do you acknowledge it? Do you say, okay, all right, all right, take the keys. You drive. No point in me trying to take us somewhere because you seem more certain than I am. Have you noticed that? Have you noticed how that voice of doubt comes out with more certainty? In times of uncertainty, when you're unsure, when you're a little unclear, when you're stepping outside of your comfort zone, when you're doing something new and you're taking a positive risk, that voice will come right out and say, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. I don't like this. I don't know how it's going to turn out. It's probably going to turn out bad. So what do you do with that voice? Well, here's an image, a metaphor that I like to provide for you. And we'll be going much more in depth in this at the event. I'm going to guide you through some really powerful processes with this, but I want to give you the 30,000 foot view now. So that voice in your head that tells you that you can't do things. Imagine that voice is like a bouncer. You know, bouncer, someone who guards the door of a club or an event or something like that to make sure that only people on the list get in. So that voice is like a bouncer. And most bouncers have an intimidating presence. They usually hire men that are large, muscular and. Or muscular and fat, like, whatever, but they're like big, intimidating guys. And so the implication is like, hey, if you step to this bouncer or try to get past him, he's gonna bop you on the head or throw you or somehow physically intimidate you, stop you. So that bouncer is guarding the door saying, who can get in or who can't get in? Now, just to add this metaphor a little bit, I want you to imagine that instead of it being like a club that has a brick wall and a door and you can't really see what's going on, what if it's actually all glass walls and a glass door so you can see right through and instead of it being, I mean, maybe a club is your dream, dream goal, but you know, what is it that you really want to be able to do that if the voice wasn't there, you just had unstoppable, unlimited confidence in yourself that you'd be just diving into right now in your life with passion, with freedom, with joy, with vigor, con fuerte. Right? What is it? Is it a beautiful relationship? Is it more dating? Is it more beautiful, exciting dating, sexual exploration experiences? Is it travel? Is it adventure? Is it taking a risk and starting your own business? Is it going to the next level in your career? Is it getting stronger, getting healthier, getting more alive? Is it creating something, contributing something, recording something, putting your art out there, your work out there, your words out there, your voice out there? It could be a thousand and one different things. But what do you see beyond that glass? That's the most bold, free, confident version of you. That's what you see. That's what the bouncer is guarding. Okay, now you're going to walk towards that door. And here's the fascinating Thing. A bouncer in real life can bop you on the head and throw you out. This bouncer. This bouncer, that's the voice of doubt, actually can't touch you. He can say anything, and he does. And he can intimidate you as if he could hurt you physically. He can posture. He can verbally yell things. He can berate you. He can ridicule you. He can mock you, he can dismiss you. He can call you names, he can undercut you, he can threaten you, but he can't physically stop you. And when you really get that, your life transforms. It changes forever. Because then you hear that voice that says, it's not gonna work out. You're not gonna make it. You say, okay, just imagine that. Imagine a bouncer scenario. Now we're gonna go back to a regular club, and there's a bouncer there. And imagine he's like, you can't get in here. Hey, you're a loser. You're not good enough to be in this club. No one's gonna want to be with you. You're definitely not attractive enough. You're not cool enough. You're not rich enough. You're not suave enough. Look at those clothes. And you said, okay. And then you walked right by the bouncer, and as you're walking by, he's like, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, get back here. I didn't say you could go in there. Look at you. No one's gonna like you in there. You're a loser. But you walk right on. By now, you're inside the club, and all you hear in the background is like, hey, you're not good enough. He couldn't do anything. And that's exactly how it is with this voice of doubt. You can just walk right by it, right? So let's take a practical example. Let's say you want to create a beautiful relationship, and the voice says, no, no one's ever want to be with you, and you're not good enough. And blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. You could walk right by that bouncer and go start a conversation with someone you're attracted to, or create a dating profile on an app, or take some action, step towards your goal, towards your dream, towards the thing that you're called towards. And that voice has literally no power to stop you. Isn't that fascinating? Isn't that insane to imagine that you've lived differently? I certainly did. I lived many years of my life like, that bouncer had total control of me. He'd say something. He'd just hint at Something, even the slightest threat. And I'd be like, okay. And something changes when you say, wait a minute. I can just walk right by him. Are you kidding me? All this time, and the only thing that stops you is discomfort and how much you. And the more you believe him, the more uncomfortable you'll be, right? Because if he's like, no one's gonna like you in that club. You're a fat loser, Then you might be like, oh, boy, here we go. It's gonna be uncomfortable, but it's still, like, step one is gonna be to see that the bouncer can't hold you. Step two is to go past him into the place, you know, into the dreams, through those glass walls, through that glass door to where you want to be. And then you might be nervous because you believe all that garbage from the bouncer, and that's okay. Do it. Scared, right? Then step number three, though, is you spend enough time there, and you're like, wait a minute. I don't think that bouncer was right at all. What a jerk. I think his agenda was just to keep me from going in here. Huh? Huh. Interesting, huh? Maybe so. Maybe so. Maybe he just said whatever he could or whatever he needed to or whatever he did for propaganda to prevent you from stepping through those doors into your life. Now, why on earth would you have a part inside of your own mind, inside of your own psyche? Who would want to stop you from living your own life? Pretty crazy, huh? Well, it might just be because when you step out into your life fully, it's out of your control. It's not so safe and secure and protected and, you know, batten down the hatches. It's not the safety of the harbor. But you know what? Boats are safe in the harbor, but boats are not meant to stay in a harbor. Can you imagine buying an amazing seafaring vessel that's big enough and strong enough to sail across the ocean and to keep it parked in a Harbor for 40 years? And you walk some friends down to your boat, and you say, hey, check out my beautiful boat. And they're like, whoa, that thing is huge. Like, oh, yeah, it's strong enough to sail across the ocean. Like, whoa, what are you. What are you gonna do with it? And you're like, what do you mean, what am I gonna do with it? And they say, well, you got this amazing yacht. What are you gonna do? You're gonna have. You gonna go sail around the world or sail to the Bahamas? And you say, oh, no, no, no, no. That's gonna stay right Here? Yeah. Yeah. It's not safe out there. Could be destroyed. You kidding? We're just gonna have parties on the boat in the harbor and someone says, why don't you just buy a, you know, rent a flat in the city? Why do you need a boat? Cause it's a boat. Because. Right. Anyway, I don't know where this story is going, but you see my point here. A boat's not meant to stay in a harbor. You're not meant to stay totally safe, predictable, controlled, all under my sphere of the illusion of safety and predictability. You're meant for more and you know it. And you can feel it. Right? So let's talk about how to put this in action. Time for action. Action. Action. Your action step is going to be to defy that doubt in some way, shape or form. Today. Today. Unless you're listening to this at, like, you know, 11pm or midnight and you're about to fall asleep. Then tomorrow, but as short of a lag time as possible. Make it something real small. Says all those people aren't gonna respond to you. Blah, blah, blah, blah. Send the text, send the email. Oh, she's not gonna like you. He's never gonna wanna date you. Send him a message on that dating app. Reach back out to that person. Tell your friend that thing. Get something in motion. Email that person you wanna network with. Just do it. Do it now. It's okay if you get a no. It's okay if you get rejected. That is ultimately part of the process. And if there's any hesitation around this and you're sluggish, you don't want to, like, you gotta come be with me for three days. Me and all of us, we're gonna supercharge you. So that rejection has no power to stop you. The fear of failure has no power to stop you. The fear of what other people think of you has no power to stop you. That bouncer has no power to stop you. You are the captain of your ship. You reclaim your power. So I look forward to spending those three days with you. You can go to drazdraziz.com, go to events, and let's do this until we speak again. May have the courage to be who you are and to know on a deep level that you're awesome.

Thanks for listening to Shrink for the shy guy with Dr. Aziz. If you know anyone who can benefit from what you've just heard, please let them know and send them a link to shrinkforthshyguy.com for free blogs, ebooks and training. Videos related to overcoming shyness and increasing confidence, go to social confidencecenter.com.

Sam.