Dr. Aziz explains that repeatedly avoiding difficult social actions (e.g., starting conversations, asserting boundaries, making jokes) gradually erodes confidence because each avoidance strengthens fear and weakens the ability to confront it. He recommends a practical remedy: once per day, intentionally approach one situation you would normally avoid; after several days this daily exposure will noticeably boost confidence and self-esteem.
Every time you avoid something difficult, you're actually killing a small part of you. And that might seem like no big deal, but over time it's actually ruining your confidence. Because in every social interaction you're either choosing to avoid or to risk. A risk might be starting the conversation, being more real, making a joke, or having a boundary and saying no. And we're not sure how that's going to go. Maybe it's going to go badly. And if you have social anxiety or you're excessively nice, then it going badly means death and ruin. And we don't want to experience that. So naturally you avoid it. But every time you avoid it, the feel fear of this actually grows bigger and your capacity to confront that fear gets weaker. And so over time you get more anxious and you lose your confidence. So here's what to do instead. Each day, once per day, look for one opportunity to lean in and do the thing that normally you'd avoid. Approach that thing just once a day, and in just several days, you'll notice a significant boost in your confidence and sense of self esteem.
