Dr. Aziz describes toxic ambition as relentless pursuit of more—hours, money, status—that leaves you chronically restless and anxious. It works like addiction: you chase more to escape the feeling of not being enough. Self-compassion is the way out.
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Ambition is good and gets you success, right? And success is good. So more ambition equals more success. And more of both is what we all should want. Well, what you're going to find out in this video is actually one of the biggest challenges to confidence and that leads to a sense of low self esteem or social anxiety, is perhaps actually too much ambition. And that might seem strange to you, but as you watch this video, you're going to discover there is something called toxic ambition that can have a very negative effect not only on your results in life, which most people would agree at the end of the day is probably more important than anything we can achieve out there, is how do you feel about yourself? And so in this video you're going to discover exactly what toxic ambition is. Be able to determine if you are experiencing that and then how to shift that, what to do about it. And to start in this video, I had to pull out this old book. This oldie but goodie from 2015 I believe is when I released this, so almost 10 years. And it is called the Art of Extraordinary Confidence. And in there I have a section. I didn't use the term toxic ambition, but I knew at that point in my life from my own experience, too much ambition can be too much of a usually good thing. If you take anything too far up the spectrum, it's not great for you, right? Carrots are probably great for you. You eat nothing but carrots your whole day, your whole life. Well, your life's not going to be very long, right? So we have to discover what is too much here. And what you want to look for are the signs of toxic ambition. So here's what a couple of the key flags are. And one of them I talk about in this book, I call it Double More. And so here's what it looked like for me when I experienced a lot of this. I get to the end of a workday, I've been productive, I've done a ton of stuff. It wasn't like I was just sitting around watching Netflix and playing video games. Like I was doing things, I was doing important things for the business. I was helping people. It was a great day. And I get to it maybe even extended a little bit, maybe it's even a long day. And I get to the end of that day and instead of like, ah, a job well done, I'm going to go hang out with my family or something. It's empty, grinding, restless, not enough. And so I started to investigate that and say, well, you know what, what should I have done if this Wasn't enough. What should I have done? And the answer was more. Okay, how much more? Double more, double than whatever you did. Just always more, always more. Double that, double that and double that. It should always be more. So that's the key hallmark sign of toxic ambition is always more. And that could be more hours, more productivity, more money. And this look, this doesn't just go into career and business and finance. You can extend this to dating. I should have more dates, more dating opportunities, more people say yes to me, more things lined up socially. I should have more friends, I should have more opportunities. I should be more things. Things should be happening faster as well in all of these domains in life. With your health, I should look better, I should get stronger faster, I should have more muscles, I should leaner more, more. How much more? Double more. Now we don't even realize this is toxic ambition because you might be absorbing content and media and social media and YouTube videos and Twitter X and all this stuff, or you're just looking at people who are like, you, have you done more? I've done more, brah. Right? And then you're like, well, geez, I should probably do more. I'm not doing enough. I'm nothing like this guy. He's 10x me. We just get into this bubble and maybe you have some people in your life that aren't like that, some friends or family members and they're like, wow, you gotta chill out, man. And you know what you think in your mind when you're in the grips of toxic ambition. It's okay, we can admit it. Just between you and me, because I've been there, we think, what a loser. They're not gonna be as successful as me because I'm double more, right? So we have this bit of pride that can come up and this can lead to. And you probably don't need me to list them here, but I'll highlight them so you can see that they are related to this ambition. One is this, this chronic uptime, hard to relax feeling. And then it can lead to a background anxiety or stress. There can be fear here, which by the way, stress, like I'm so stressed, is actually just a code word for fear because even though you might be succeeding already, you're attached, you're grasping at your craving, getting more, you know. And there's a fascinating description of this phenomenon because first of all, what does that sound like? No matter how much I get, I hunger for more. And maybe I'm going to do things that hurt my body or aren't best for me or even best for my relationships, because all I want is more. What am I describing here? Right? You might be thinking like an addiction, alcohol or another drug. And that's really what this is about. It's about trying. And first of all, what does every addiction come from? Well, you might say it's about the substance and the physiology of needing to get baseline and develop tolerance and all that stuff. But actually the core psychologically, emotionally, spiritually of the addiction is pain. The behavior or substance is initially used as an attempt to get away from pain. And that's exactly what toxic ambition is. It's running from something. You're running from a feeling of not enough emptiness, unlovability. And so we're gonna. I'm gonna prove myself. I'm gonna show everybody that I'm a somebody. And then so finally those kids that made fun of me and called me a loser in high school, I'll show them. And you end up consciously thinking this. Finally, that girl that never liked me will love me from afar, even though she's already married. But she'll stalk me on social media and she'll wish that she was with me. Right? We got some crazy fantasy. I'm probably conscious of it. And it just becomes a lifestyle, becomes part of our identity. Who I am, I have. And you want to know the way out? I mean, the way out is really summed up in one acronym, almost On My own side, which, guess what? Another book, two book references in one video. So if you ever read this one, it's called On My own side. And it's really about how to transform that chronic pressure and self criticism and doubt into a permanent, stable sense of self worth. And that's the antidote here. And you know what? In the sequence of books, I wrote this one first, and then it's like, oh, I need to heal something to myself. And then this one came later. And in the writing of this book and the working with thousands of people over these last 15 years, I've really seen, oh, this is where it's at. Like we need to get on our own sides. We need, you need to start treating yourself. So one way to think about this is if you're with a son or a daughter or a niece or a nephew, and even if you don't have kids in your life, you can do a thought experiment. Imagine how you'd want to be with like a 10 year old, you know, would you want to be riding them? Be like, come on, you gotta do more. Not enough for me. That seems unhealthy. And you could see it instantly in other people. What about with yourself? Lots of practice. And if you're curious about these books, I highly recommend you can find them on Amazon and Audible and learn more about them on my website@drz.com and I hope this serves you and helps you feel a lot more spaciousness to just actually create and be inspired to do things and do projects and create connections that are really it's like a healthy amount of more and not this toxic amount. So hopefully this serves you and until we speak again, may have the courage to be who you are and to know on a deep level that you're awesome.
