Ultimate Confidence Breakthrough Step 1 - Get Clarity

If you can have way more confidence in yourself, what would your life be like? If you could have a breakthrough in your confidence level, to go from here to here in just one area of your life, what could that do for you? Maybe it's your dating life, maybe it's your social life, your relationships, maybe it's just feeling comfortable around others. Maybe it's in your career and your work life. But what if you had double the confidence in that area or, or triple or ten times the confidence in that area of your life? What would that do for you? What would you be able to do? I'm Dr. Aziz. I'm the founder of the center for Social Confidence and the best selling author of the Solution to Social Anxiety. And today we're going to be talking about how you can break through to a higher level of confidence than ever before. No matter what your history, no matter how long you've been stuck or struggling, no matter what anyone has told you about what's possible for you, we're going to talk about how to break through. And the first step in breaking through, I'm going to break this down into three steps. And today's video is all about step one, which is about getting clarity and eliminating doubt. Because if you don't have those things, if you don't have clarity and you're full of doubt, then it is hard to break through and do what you need to do to get that confidence. So what is a breakthrough? Sounds great, right? Like breakthrough to a higher level of confidence. Let me talk about what that means. The way I think of a breakthrough is that right now you're perceiving yourself and what's possible for you and how other people are going to treat you. Are they going to like me? Are they going to think I'm worthy of dating, being friends with, hiring, working with, promoting whatever it is you're going to have this fear of. Well, they're not, I'm not, I'm not this. And so we're at this level and breaking through to the next level to me means being free of that fear, of that self doubt, of all those limiting beliefs and toxic stories that tell us that we're not enough, that people aren't going to like us, that we're not good enough and to be free of that so you can go out there and start doing what you really want to do and creating the life that you really want to create. That the breakthrough is the moment when, when everything changes, when you have a perception or a belief or a story that just evaporates and you're like, whoa, wait a what? I used to think it was this way, and actually it's this way. I used to say I couldn't do that, and I just did it. And it's this big kind of moment where you see something totally differently. That's what I want for you. That's what this video is going to be all about. And this series is all about helping you create that in your life. So the reason I'm so passionate about a confidence breakthrough for you is because I was in desperate need of that myself. And I remember. I mean, you look at me talking to you right now in the camera, and I might seem confident and sure of myself, and of course I am, but. But I always. I mean, I was not anywhere near this. I was not able to even talk on camera. Like, five years ago. I was really stuck with that. But even before that, I mean, let alone talking to big groups of people, just talking to one person, I was scared and limited just approaching those two people, having a conversation that I didn't know that well. I was terrified. Just pursuing a woman, not even pursuing, just talking to. And a woman that I found interesting, magnetic, charming, beautiful, attractive, whatever it was, I probably won't even talk to her. Then I beat myself up for it for days afterwards. And there were so many, day after day, layering, layering, layering, layer after layer of, I can't, I'm not good enough, I won't, they won't like me that it started to become just a way of life. So I no longer looked at something I wanted to do, like approaching that attractive woman or pursuing a career that I found fascinating and engaging and lucrative and empowering and making a difference in the world. I'd look at that stuff and then my eyes would just scan right over it. I won't even say, I'm gonna do that. Oh, no, I can't. I was already. I'd already sold myself short tell myself I couldn't. There's no way I can. So what's the point of even trying? I wouldn't even notice after a while. You know, Honestly, I wouldn't even notice a woman that was really compelling or attractive. Maybe I would, sort of, as a man, but not in the way of like, ooh, who's that? It was just kind of like I didn't even really think about how I could create the life that I wanted in my career. I just assumed that the friends I had were the friends that I would have. And if someone really wanted to be friends with Me, they would pursue me. Or the people that were really magnetic and charismatic and that I was really drawn to, they're not going to want to be friends with me anyway, so I wouldn't pursue them. So my life started to get smaller and smaller and smaller and, you know, I started to do more and more things that were just solitary. Magic the Gathering, one of my passions when I was younger. I still love it. I think it's a fantastic game. I would play it still in tournaments, but I have two small kids, so I can't nerd out as hard as I used to. But Magic the Gathering, tons and tons of video games, smoking a lot of pot, just like staying in my little world, that was safe. And while I was getting through day to day, I wasn't happy, I wasn't satisfied, I wasn't alive, I wasn't charged. And in fact I was hurting and I was struggling a lot and I needed a breakthrough. And you know what you might say? Well, what? Of course you needed a ton of things. Why was I stuck? Was it because I had a lack of confidence? Yeah. Was it because I had a lack, I didn't take action, pursue the things I wanted? Yeah, that's true. Was it because I didn't have power? I didn't perceive myself as powerful? Definitely true. But that is not the reason that I wasn't creating the life that I wanted. There is a step one right now that you need to take that I needed to take before any of those other things. Those are all important. But you know what the first step is? That's why it's the focus of this video. You got to get clarity. You got to get clarity. And part of that is eliminating self doubt. Because here's the thing, when we are just discounting things and saying, I can't do that, that's not possible for me. We get this really limited identity of ourselves that I can't do that. So what's the point of even trying, right? And then we don't even look for those opportunities. So we don't even know what we want. And I hear this day in and day out because I talk to people day in and day out about their confidence and how they want to grow in their lives. It's what I do for work and individual groups, weekends, all kinds of stuff. And one of the most fascinating things is when I'm talking to someone new, I'll ask them, if you had all the confidence that you wanted in this area of your life, what would you want to do? What would you want to create. What would you want to do with your life, with your time? And, you know, the vast majority of people that I talk to, they start telling me, well, that would be really great, because then I could finally go talk to people. I could finally speak up at work. I could finally start my own business. And then they spend about three seconds there and then make a beeline back over to all the limitations and problems and why they're stuck and why they suck. So it'll sound something like this. Oh, man. If I had all the confidence in my career, I guess I'd finally start speaking up in meetings. I would challenge people to interrupt me. I would just really be able to speak up for myself more. Because right now, I'm just sitting there quietly. I'm not sharing. People interrupt me. And the worst part about that is. And then we're off to the races again. Stuck in the problem. Does that sound familiar? I totally get it. Because when I was stuck in that place, all you see is the problem. It just follows you everywhere you look. It's like maybe you can see the solution. It's kind of through my fingers right there. But the most of what I see, 90% of my vision is just this big fucking problem right in my face. Oh, people don't like me. Oh, I'm boring. Oh, I'm awkward. Oh, I'm not good enough. And it's just right in your face, and it's really hard to see what you want. And what I'm suggesting and encouraging you to do right now is to say, okay, hold on a second. Let's just put that down for a second. Because you can solve those problems, can teach you how to do that. It is absolutely possible. Whatever they are, you can solve them or work around them. Sometimes the solution is different than what you think, but you solve them. But we first got to know where the hell we're going. We don't have any clarity, we don't have any power, we don't have any compelling future to drive us to take action. So you got to get clear on what it is that you actually want. So I'm going to ask you that. I'm going to ask you that question right now. If you had unstoppable confidence, if you had complete confidence in yourself, what would you go do? What would you try? What project would you take on? What person would you approach? How would you approach them? What would you do if you had 100% complete certainty and confidence in yourself? Think about that. You might even want to jot some stuff down Right now, what would I do? With complete confidence. Think about the different areas of your life. Maybe it's your social life, maybe your work, your career, your business. Who you'd approach, what kind of highly influential people you approach. Start conversations with what offers you'd make, people, what fees you'd charge for your products, your services, how you'd approach supervisors, seniors, and work, other people, co workers, how you'd lead, how you'd manage. And then, of course, your dating life. Huge. How would you approach someone you're attracted to? Would you. What would you say? How would you. How would you do it? You don't have to get hung up in like, oh, my God, I'd never done that before. Just imagine, you 2.0, just, boom, the confidence switch has been flicked. And just start to imagine what it is that you'd actually want to do. Because here's the thing, you get some ideas, by the way. Good. That is the beginning of the breakthrough. It's liberation right there. You get a C first remove and start to see. But because here's the thing, confidence, we think it is the end result, right? I want more confidence. Boom. But you know what? Confidence is a vehicle. Confidence is something that gets you on the path to where you want to go and moves you forward down that path. So feeling confident, it feels good at first, but it has to be in motion. It's a vehicle. I guess you could sit in your nice new car and not go anywhere and just kind of marvel at the seats and the comfy coziness and listen to the radio. But the purpose of your car is to fucking go somewhere. And it's the same thing with confidence. So you have that confidence. You have that, yeah, I believe in myself, or, yeah, I'm good, Yes, I can do this. Yes, people like me or whatever that feeling of confidence is, and then that's a currency. That's a vehicle that you use. You drive yourself with it, and that's what we want to see. Where do you want to drive towards? Do you want to drive towards being able to walk up to someone and just start a conversation with them, whether it's a stranger or someone you find attractive, whether it's a group of five people just in a circle talking, and you can just walk in and start talking to them? Do you want to be able to use that in your work and your career? Do you want to be able to use that to increase your earning potential, increasing your value in the workplace? Because believe me, the more confident you are, the more people see you as valuable the more you take on risks and projects and succeed and fail as well. But you get back up and you keep going. You get more experience. And people want that experience, and they want to hire you. They want to pay you more for it. Confidence is the doorway to success in all these areas, and it's the vehicle. So you got to start thinking about what you would do with more confidence. And here's the thing. As you're doing this, you might be feeling really excited right now. Some people do. They're like, oh, my God. Whoa. Yes, I could do this, I could do that. And sometimes we can actually feel more uncomfortable, more nervous. And here's why. Because. Because we're bumping into that story about what is possible for us, and we're scared. We're scared of, who do you think you are? We're scared of trying and failing. It's really what we're scared of. And, you know, I've been working on this in myself for years. I mean, it started with because I wanted a girlfriend. I was like, ah, I'm so painfully lonely. And if any of you read my eBook, Five Steps to Unleash youh Inner Confidence, I talk about that in the story there. Just being alone at home, hear my roommate in the other room laughing with his girlfriend, and me alone, about to play video games in my room and thinking, I'm never gonna have that. And it was so painful. It drove me to start looking for solutions. But I just wanted a girlfriend. I wasn't like, I'm gonna completely transform my confidence. And it was just like, ugh, I don't want to get a girlfriend. I'm so lonely. But then I realized, like, oh, the path to getting a girlfriend is not a pickup line. It's becoming my most awesome, confident self. And the path, I realized, was liberation. And so I started my journey looking for a girlfriend. But then I realized that the process is actually growing myself more and more and more to becoming my most confident self, to becoming completely liberated. So I can not only talk to a woman, but talk to men, talk to groups, do what I want to do in the world, and start to be fully free. And confidence with women is just one small piece of that. And here's the thing. Here's the reason why we're scared of that. Why you might be feeling totally liberated right now, or you might be feeling some fear. Because here's the fear. When we start to look at what we really want, there's a part of us that is afraid of failing, is afraid of not getting it, afraid of falling short and feeling pain as a result of falling short. And this is something I've been fascinated. I've been looking at myself. As I said, I started with this with women, but now I brought it into career and work and business. I'm continually scaling up and doing what scares me and pushing against the edge of my comfort zone. And I noticed that what the fear is. It's always this fear of failure. And so many people have it. You might have it as well. But it's not just failure. It's not just, I'm going to try this thing. It's not going to work out. I'm going to try this thing and it's not going to work out. And then I'm not good enough. I'm a bad, worthless, unlovable human being. And other people are going to think that about me. I'm going to think that about myself. And that pain is fucking scary. No, thank you. So instead of visioning big and going after what I want, I'm going to tell myself it's not possible. I'm not going to look at it, and I'm going to avoid that pain. But here's the thing. I'm here to tell you that first of all, that pain is not so bad. Secondly, you can get through it. Thirdly, you can succeed way more often than you think. You can get the results. If you want to go. We'll talk more about this in the third video. But if you want to go, get something, if you get into action, the faster you get into action, the faster you're going to get it. And you're going to realize that your predictions about whether it's going to work out or not are completely wackadoo. They're all over the place. They're not accurate. The only way we're going to find out that for ourselves, though, is in action, which is video three. So we'll get to that. I don't want to jump too far ahead, but for now, just look at Am I scared of failing? Am I scared of getting rejected? Am I scared of what it is I'm going to need to do to get to these goals? And for now, just put that aside. I'm going to teach you how to break through those fears. And for now, we need to help you get clarity on what it is that you want. So if you got some ideas now, take some time after this video and write them down. The more specific you can get, the better. I want more confidence with women. That's great. Not very specific. What do you want to be able to do give me some specific scenarios. I want to be able to walk up to a woman that I'm drawn to and start a conversation with her. I want to be able to get women's phone numbers and get dates. I want to be able to have the experience and that I can meet women and date them and I don't have to wait, you know, six, 12 months before something just happens to come my way and I'm able to just let it come into my world. Like I want to have a sense of power that I can go out there and create the relationships that I want. Or maybe you're talking about career. What do you want to be able to do in your career? I want to be able to what, speak up more in a meeting? I want to be able to challenge when someone's talking to me. I want to be able to speak freely in front of a group. How I want to be able to take on a bigger project and get to level four status in my company or if you have your own business. I want to be able to create X project. I want to be able to make Y sales. I want to be able to grow my team to this. Get really specific about what you would do if you had complete confidence in yourself. And then share below. I'd love to read. Let's all learn from each other. Share what you're learning from this video, the biggest takeaway that you got, what you're finding most valuable, what you're going to use, what some of your goals are. Let's inspire each other. Let's help each other grow to reach the next level and be active below with your comments. Because what we're going to do is we have this ultimate confidence breakthrough weekend with me coming up here soon. I'm talking more about that in future videos and we're going to pick one person who's really active, engaged on the comments to give a free ticket to the event too. So, you know, share, comment to be engaged and also possibly to win a free ticket. So stay tuned for the next video. Video 2 In this series about creating a confidence breakthrough which is all about power, how to 10x your power. Because when you 10x your power, you become bold, strong, fearless, ready to go after what you want, do what you want, not being so scared, what other people think. We're going to talk about how to do all of that in the next video. Stay tuned until we speak again. May you have the courage to be who you are and to know on a deep level that you're awesome. I'll talk to you soon.