Unlimited Confidence And Motivation for 2016

Coming to you from the center for Social Confidence in Portland, Oregon. Welcome to Shrink for the Shy Guy. Helping men everywhere go from social anxiety to social domination with your host, Dr. Aziz.

Hey. Welcome to Shrink for the shy guy in 2016. Whoa. First episode of the new year and you might notice, new intro theme song. Oh, yes, that's right. They called me mad when I told them I would edit my own podcast. I said, you fool, it can't be done. But I did it and I still do it. And that's how you get such awesome intro music. I chose that one myself. Yeah. Anyway, welcome to the Show. Welcome to 2016. Are you excited about the new year? I get super excited about the new year. I talked about this in last week's show. But it's just, it's an amazing time to really decide because what you can do in a year is crazy. A year is a super long time. And today we're going to be looking at how. How to have unlimited confidence and motivation for 2016. That sound good? Would you like both of those things? Unlimited confidence and unlimited motivation. What would your year be like? What would 2016 be like if you had those things? If you lived that way? It would probably be pretty awesome. So if you'd like to jump into the conversation, you can go to shrinkforthshyguy.com and send me a message there. You can ask your questions there. I haven't done too many of the ask the shrink things lately, but I will do more because I get questions all the time in email and I should start answering some of those in the show. So I will, in 2016. Just one of the many things that I will bring to make this show even more powerful, helpful, useful, life changing, and ultimately a resource for you that if you're really dedicated, if you really want to handle this stuff and break free from. From any sort of shyness or anxiety or fear or self doubt or self criticism, this is gonna be a place that you're gonna learn. I mean, my goal is to make this more valuable than most of the paid programs out there. Just to really overshoot and give away so much stuff that if you're really motivated, you could do it from this podcast alone. That is my goal. Of course, if you wanna go deeper, there's a ton of stuff I have of ways to do that. But my goal is to make this truly life changing for you. So I ask the shrink. Those will be coming back. So go there and ask your questions. You can also go to facebook.com social confidence. That is where all the stuff for the show and other things are all posted. So let's get into unlimited confidence and motivation for 2016. So in the last episode, which was the end of the last year, we did a really powerful process to help you get clear on what you wanted in. In 2016. And if you haven't listened to that one, it's almost worth pausing right now. I know you just got started in this one. You're like, but wait, but just pause it and actually go back and listen to and do the exercises in that episode because they will set you up. They're going to give you just a super powerful, clear map of exactly what you want to be doing in 2016. I do it in a pretty creative, different way that might bypass some of your doubting mind or your skeptical mind in a way that helps you actually just really find out what do I actually want, what would really excite me. So that would be a powerful way to get a list of all the stuff you want, unlimited confidence and motivation to go after this year. So if you didn't listen to that and didn't do that, I suggest go back and do that now. But you might already know some of what you want for 2016. You might be like, yeah, I know what I want. Or, I did that list last week, or just my own process for setting up for the new year. And my challenge is not knowing what I want, it's going after it. That's the confidence piece. Unlimited confidence, right? It's like, well, maybe I don't have the confidence to go after what I really want. Or it's a motivation part. Well, I go strong for a day or a week or a couple weeks or a month, or I have these bursts where I'm really going for something and then you know, just kind of ease back into familiar comfort patterns, routines, ruts, stagnation. And nowhere is motivation more challenging. I think what I've seen with clients and other people is when it comes to building confidence, building the skill of confidence, that's where motivation can disappear sometimes on us. And here's why. It's because if you're, let's say you're trying to work out or you want to learn an instrument or something like that, you might be motivated, you might work on it for a bit, and then maybe other things take priority or you get lazy or something happens, right? But it's not like you're learning to play the guitar and you have a horrible experience that makes you feel totally worthless. I mean, that could happen, I guess, if you're really, really hard on yourself. Or you have the worst guitar teacher in the world who like, shames you and whacks you with a rolled up newspaper. But for the most part, that stuff isn't so charged. But building confidence and learning the skill of confidence, supercharged, like these minefields. And there's places you can fall, like tiger traps you can fall into and just be, ugh, this is terrible. So, like, if you're working on confidence, let's say you're working on dating and relationship confidence. And you're like, this year I'm going to be able to pursue the women that I really want and really make amazing connections and have a feeling of abundance in my dating life. No longer being afraid or scarce, as in, I got to really, you know, make this one woman like me because no other woman will forget that. This year I want to have abundance of dating opportunities, abundance of connection, abundance of sex. And ultimately I'd like to settle and find an amazing woman. Just find one woman for me. But I'm going to date around first. Maybe that's your goal. And so you're like, I'm going to go out there, I'm going to do it. Yeah. And then you say, okay, well, first thing I'm going to do is I'm going to go talk to some women. I'm going to go put an online profile up on a dating site. And so you go do that and you go talk to a woman or two, you put up the profile and then something happens. Maybe the woman that you're talking to doesn't seem that interested in you. Or maybe you take a couple weeks to work up your courage to ask your crush out and she says no. Or you put up an online dating profile. I did this one. Put up an online dating profile. Sweat over it. Pick the right pictures. Oh, God, that doesn't look. Oh, I'm ugly. Ugh, Whatever. I'll put these pictures up anyway. Write out your profile. Try to make it sound cool, but not desperate, but not needy, but just right. This is me back when I was really focused on how other people would see me and really basing most of my actions for dating and for all of life. So I'm sure you can relate to that. And as you put up the profile, all the sweat and tears into it and then crickets, just nothing. And then, you know, at the time, I don't know what I was doing. I think you could poke women or send them messages. I'm poking, sending messages, nothing. And I'm like, wow, if that doesn't say that I'm an undateable, ugly loser. I don't know what does. And that was the conclusion I came to at the time. So something like that happens, and then what happens to our motivation? Yeah, it, like, runs into the corner and is gone. And it's like, are you kidding? You want me to go put myself out there again? Wtf, man? No, forget that. And so whether it's the first time or the fifth time or, you know, maybe just a couple in a row, something happens in this process and we lose that motivation. That's what I've seen. That's what happens to most people. And then we settle and we go into stories. We go back into avoidance. It's too painful. It's too much. I can't handle it. I don't want it anyway. It never would work out anyway. And we quit. We stop, we settle. So whatever you want is going to require confidence. If you don't have it already, the pathway to getting it is going to be more confidence of some sort of more social confidence, more ability to be assertive and powerful and direct, more career confidence to be able to speak up and share your ideas and become a leader. Maybe it's more financial confidence to be able to believe in yourself, trust that you can earn money and go do it. Maybe it's social dating, a relationship, whatever it is, to get the thing that you want, confidence is going to be a big part of it. And we have to build this muscle of confidence, which means we have to be able to go into those challenging situations and. And sometimes have it work out amazingly and sometimes get rejected. And yet we must continue. We must keep doing that. We must learn how to have the tools to deal with the rejection so we can stay motivated and keep moving. Because if you stop after one or two rejections, you're not going to get what you want. So we're going to take a quick break right now, and then we're going to get into how to tap into that unlimited motivation, how to handle those challenges, those setbacks, how to find the place of power and resolve in yourself that's going to allow you to keep going forward no matter what, to become truly unstoppable. Stay tuned. We'll be right back right after this.

Are you ready to take charge of your confidence, your career, your relationships, and your life? In order to experience a true transformation, you must take massive action. That is exactly why Dr. Aziz created confidence Unleashed. Learn exactly how to shift negative thinking, eliminate your fear of rejection, and activate a sense of Power and confidence in your body whenever you need it. Go to www.confidenceunleashed now to find out more.

Hey, welcome back. So, first thing to do, to tap into unlimited motivation, to. To be able to pursue what you want, to be able to keep building the confidence that you need in your life. Ready? The first thing is you gotta decide. You have to decide in yourself what it is that you're gonna do. And you gotta get really clear and direct and firm and like, this is what I'm going to do. And make the decision bold. Make the decision dramatic. Make the decision epic. We spend so much of our lives living as if our life is meaningless or inconsequential or insignificant. I'm just one of 7.5 billion people, so why do I matter? Fuck that. You do matter. Your life is epic. Your life is a heroic journey, if for no one else, for you, but probably for other people, too. And the more you can break free from whatever BS is stopping you from being your most confident self, then the more heroic and the more epic your life is going to touch. Because the more people you're going to touch, whether it's loved ones, family members, co workers, friends, colleagues, community, fans, audiences, whatever it is, the more you gain in confidence, the more lives you're going to touch and the more truly heroic and epic your life will become. But it already is. Even if it's just for you, even if you live alone in an apartment with a cat, which I did for many years, two cats, it's still epic. And so let's make it epic. Let's decide. So what are you going to decide right now? Is it, I'm going to find the love of my life this year? I'm going to find my soulmate, I'm going to find that woman. Or if you're a woman listening, that man. I've gotten a few emails. It's like, hey, I'm a woman. Why are you only talking to men? Well, this show's shrink for the shy guy, so mostly talking to men. But this stuff, if you're a woman listening, don't worry, you're gonna get everything you need. All this stuff applies. Just change the pronouns. So maybe you decide, I want to find the partner of my dreams, the woman of my dreams this year. Sort of epic, right? Sort of dramatic. Not just like, yeah, maybe I'll find someone and we'll date, maybe, or maybe I'll. Maybe I'll be lucky enough to hopefully get a girlfriend this year. Right? You see the difference? It's like, step in Fact, stand up if you can. If you're not driving, but actually stand up and feel your body full on the floor. Feel your feet evenly spaced, your weight balanced. Take a deep breath in. Stand tall as if a string is pulling you up from your tailbone, through your spine, up through the crown of your head and decide. I am going to do whatever it takes to find an amazing person who is the best fit for me, who is going to be something that it's just going to bring so much to my life. It's going to magnify my life. It's going to create so much love in my life and I'm going to be the man that attracts that person. I'm going to decide that. Or maybe it's not dating. Maybe you're married or maybe you're not focusing on that right now. What is it? I'm going to be a leader in my field. I'm going to double my business. I'm going to get an amazing group of friends. I'm going to find three amazing friendships and cultivate them and have that core group of people that I've always wanted, whatever it is. Maybe you have a list of like 20 things you want this year. Don't do. I guess you can go one by one. Just pick one for now. What's the one thing? And just decide it. I am going to do this. I am this. And the power of your will, of your intention, of you intending something into the universe is impactful and it's important. And it may even set things into motion from the second you do it that you cannot see or perceive. But it starts with that decision. Awesome. I'm so curious what you decided maybe you'd share with me@drinkforthshyguy.com okay, so now you have the decision. Now we gotta have reasons. Les Brown says your reasons are your rope. You know, that's the thing you hold onto when it gets hard, when you fall down and that person says, get away from me. I don't like you. Or you speak up at work and someone says, you don't know what you're talking about. Or they do something else. Maybe worse, maybe more critical, I don't know. But something happens and you get that feeling like you got punched in the gut and you're in that shame spiral. I'm a loser. I'm not good enough. What did I ever think I could do this? This is never going to work out. I'm terrible. And every fiber in your being wants to turn and cower and run into the Corner. Your reasons are your rope. That's what you're going to hold on. You can hand over fist, pull yourself one by one, step by step, back on the path, back towards where you want to go. So what are your reasons? Why do you want that thing that you decided? Why is that important to you? Why is that significant? Why are you committed to making that happen? In fact, say those things out loud right now. I know, it's crazy. Well, it's even crazier if people are around. You got, like, headphones and you're in a library. Because I'm sick and tired of living this way in line at, like, a subway, Because I'm gonna do whatever it takes. Who's that guy? Is he unstable? But maybe no one's around and no one is inhibiting you. No one is going to judge you except for you. And you're so inhibited that you won't even speak up when no one's around. And I realized that I was like, that many, many years ago, I was looking in the mirror, I think I just got out of the shower, and I was like. I think I made some silly voice, or I was talking out loud, or I was doing something, and then I just stopped and I was judging myself for doing it. And then I stopped and observed that. And I was like, what the fuck? No one is around. There's no one that can hear me. And yet I have this perceived, this feeling of observing and judging, and it's not. And what do people think? When I saw that, I was like, man, let's liberate that. So say it out loud. And if you can't or you're not comfortable, that's fine, too. What are those reasons? Come up with at least three. At least three. That's right. I'm waiting. I'm waiting for you to do it. Waiting for you to say it. Come up with another one. Come up with two. If you've already got your three, maybe can you get five? I mean, the more you have, the better, the stronger, the more compelling they are, the more emotional they are, the better, the stronger, the firmer, the thicker that rope, the more strands you have on a rope, the better. Right? So find those reasons. Dig deep. Good. Good. Okay. So now you have your decision and your reasons. Just notice. How do you feel? Do you feel different? Do you feel more powerful in your body? Good. So we're going to take a quick break right now, and when we get back, we're going to continue with how to sustain motivation, how to keep it going even when you're struggling, how to notice some of the pitfalls that happen, things that get us stuck and sidestep them or break through them. So you can keep going, keep moving forward and having that unlimited motivation for the entire year. So stay tuned. We'll get into that right after this break. Hey, it's Dr. Aziz, and I want to take a quick second to invite you to my upcoming live event. It's called Supremely Confident Conversation Master. And this is going to be an awesome experience. We're going to get together for three days in Portland, Oregon, and we're going to dive deep on exactly this topic. So if you get stuck in conversations, if you don't know what to say or how to start them or how to keep them going or what questions to ask, you freeze up, you stall out. People don't seem that interested in what you're saying or you can start it, but then going in deeper, you know, you find this urge to escape, this urge to eject, and it's hard to share yourself and create those real, deep connections, whether it's for dating and relationships, friendships, your business and career, anything that's getting in the way of you being a Supremely confident Conversation Master. That's what this weekend is designed to help you dive into and do. So. You're going to discover exactly how to start conversations with anyone in a completely relaxed, casual way, and then how to be engaging, funny, dynamic, and highly charismatic with others. You're going to learn how to stay in conversations, deepen them, and share about yourself so you can easily connect with others. And ultimately how to access powerful authenticity which allows you to influence others, impact them and inspire them, draw them to you, become a magnet to other people by being your most authentic self. So this weekend is going to be powerful. Like all my live weekends, we work a lot on strategy. You're going to learn a ton and we remove all the inner blocks. We go deep and take anything that's getting in the way. It's stopping you. So I would love to spend the weekend with you. It's going to be a limited size and tickets are going to sell out. I'm sure we're doing an early bird right now. So if you go to the website, which is socialconfidencecenter.com and then click on the events tab, you'll be able to learn all about it, find out the details. It's going to be March 4th through 6th in 2016 here. So March 4th through 6, that's a Friday through a Sunday. So go to the website SocialConfidenceCenter.com click on the events tab, get all the info and secure your spot now. And I would love to spend three days helping you become a supremely confident conversation master. Okay, so you have what you want to go for. You have a decision of what you're going to do or what you're going to go after or who you're going to be. And then you have some solid reasons. That's a great start. Here's what you need to do, though. Now, as soon as this show is over, if you're so eager, you can even just stop listening and go do this is take some action. You got to take an action. Even if it's a really small action, it's symbolic. I learned that one from Tony Robbins. At the moment of decision, when you decide you take some action that commits you to the process. It pushes you into it, you do it. So if you're like, I'm gonna get into great shape this year, maybe that's. Maybe you're working on physical appearance, confidence, strengthen your body, confidence, belief that you can put yourself into something and grow and strengthen your muscles and your core and your cardiovascular health and then look better as a result, and feel better as a result, and feel more proud of yourself. Maybe that's what you're working on. Great place for confidence. And the more we use our body, I mean, the better we feel. So awesome goal. Maybe that's your thing. At the moment of the end of this show, commit yourself, find that gym, call them up and set your first appointment up. Or better yet, buy a month subscription. Nothing commits us more than money. We put our money into something and we're like, ah, shit, I guess I better get my money's worth. A good friend of mine here in Portland runs a personal training gym. So it's a place that you can actually go. And he has trainers there that he's trained. He works with people where you work out in a space, but there's also people there who can observe, supervise, help, give you activity plans. So it's a more structured form of growth. There's more accountability rather than just going to a gym by yourself where no one knows whether you go or not. Sure, we've all done that. Yeah, I have my gym membership. And then your attendance starts to. It's really high on month one and two. And then by month six, it's like your 24 hour fitness card is gathering dust at the bottom of some pile of clothes in your closet. Where's my card? Whatever. So maybe you sign up for something. Or in his case, you would go there and say, hey, I want to do a week of this training and test it out. You'd call them up, you'd look them up. You'd find something on the Internet. You'd make a call, you'd send an email. And that's just one example about the fitness thing. Maybe dating is your thing. Well, then you go find an online site that you're gonna set up a profile. Or you go reach out to three women on your app, whatever you're using these days. Or there's a woman that you know that you met but you didn't really talk to. You send her a message on Facebook, or you schedule in your calendar. Tomorrow after work, on the way home, I'm gonna stop by the mall, and I'm just gonna say hi to three women as I walk by them. I'm not even gonna talk to them. I'm just gonna get over my fear of at least making contact with women that I'm attracted to. Whatever it is, you schedule that in your calendar, you commit yourself. You do something at the moment of decision, and that changes everything because it sets you into motion, it gives you momentum. And a big part of motivation is. Is momentum. When you have momentum, motivation is easy. Have you ever noticed that if you've been doing something for quite a while, it just becomes natural, it becomes easier, becomes habit. Then when you stop, it's like there's so much motivation, it takes so much energy. It's inertia, right? You got to get it going again. So momentum is powerful. And you can start it right now, in this very moment, by making that decision, by committing, by scheduling. And then another thing that's super, super important to do as well. Know the road ahead. What are the three biggest pitfalls that might trip you up? And the best place to look for these is in the past. Because most things we've tried once before, maybe it's totally new. Maybe you've never done anything on whatever it is you chose that you're going to do. But usually, you know, whether it's our fitness or confidence or social confidence or meeting women or speaking up at work, you've maybe already tried or put some effort into it, and that is great. Sometimes we hear that and we think, well, geez, that's evidence that I can't do it, Evidence that I'm doomed. And that's what a part of your mind will say. You know, your safety. Police will always say, you're doomed. It will never work. So don't try and stay safe in your comfort zone where it's warm and cozy. So that part's always going to be there. But the truth is, if you tried and you didn't get the results you want, that is actually really valuable because we can find out, what exactly did I do? What did I say to myself? How did it happen? How did it break down? And then you're gonna find one of your pitfalls, and I encourage you to find three right now. So the thing that you decided you're gonna do, what are three potential pitfalls? So, for example, for me, for fitness, I'm on a solid fitness routine. I'm running, I'm working out. One thing that can get in the way is I tell myself I'm too busy to go do it. And I prioritize something over working out. It's a total crock. I mean, I'm really not. I'm just choosing to do something else. But that's what I tell myself. And it will work. In that moment, I'll decide, okay, I don't have time this morning. I'll do this instead of or I'll do it later today. Later is never. But that's one pitfall. So maybe that's your pitfall for fitness. But maybe when it comes to going and meeting someone or being more socially outgoing and practicing that you tell yourself, I don't feel like it. I'll wait until I feel like it more. And then you never feel like it more. So it never happens. So find out what your pitfalls are and come up with three of those right now. And hopefully you're jotting stuff down. I usually say that at the beginning of some episodes, but, you know, if this is all in your head, it's valuable if you write stuff down, it's life changing. Good. So I'm curious what those three pitfalls are. And that brings us to the end of this show. We can't leave without your action stance. Time for action. So your action step for today is actually what we talked about earlier, which is take some action on the decision you made. I don't know what it is, but you do. So take it and take it literally right now. I don't care what time of day it is. Oh, I can't do it because it's, you know, 9pm and you can do something. You can find something on the Internet. You can reach out. You can send an email. You can schedule something in your calendar. You can tell someone you're gonna go do something. You can email a buddy and say, hey, we should go do this on Saturday. Whatever it is, take the action. Do it right now and that will start you into momentum, into motivation, into unlimited confidence in 2016. So I cannot wait to be with you for this journey. I'm gonna be here all of 2016 beyond, so I can't wait to share that with you and learn and grow together over this year to come. Until we speak again. May you have the courage to be who you are and to know on a deep level that you're awesome. I'll talk to you soon.

Thanks for listening to Shrink for the shy guy with Dr. Aziz. If you know anyone who can benefit from what you've just heard, please let them know and send them a link to shrinkforthshyguy.com for free blogs, ebooks and training videos related to overcoming shyness and increasing confidence, go to social confidencecenter.com.

Sam.