Unusual Cures For Social Anxiety #1 - Raves

Coming to you from the center for Social Confidence in Portland, Oregon, welcome to Shrink for the Shy Guy Helping men everywhere go from social anxiety to social domination with your host, Dr. Aziz. Hey, welcome. Today's episode of the show. Today is going to be interesting. Today is where I'm going to talk about. It's going to be a series I'm going to do about unusual cures for social anxiety. These are things that I've done in my own life that have greatly helped me build my confidence and break free from social anxiety. These are for entertainment purposes only, and in no way I am advocating that you follow in these exact footsteps and do the things that I did, especially anything that may be illegal or against the laws of your country. There's the disclaimer there. And if you're enjoying the show, by all means, please go to itunes and give it a great review. That allows me to reach more people and carry out my mission of Operation Mass Liberation. And it helps me reach more people, which actually fuels me. And this is all part of what I'm here to do. And that fuel will help me. Keep doing these for free so you can benefit. And if you want to get something else cool for free, go to shrinkforthyguy.com that's shrinkforthshyguy.com and there you can get my eBook, 5 Steps to Unleash youh Inner Confidence, which will help you do exactly that. Unleash your confidence in all areas of life. So this unusual cure for social anxiety is something that I experienced in my life, which is raves. Now, I don't know if anyone even calls them raves anymore. They might have morphed into, I guess you would say edm, electronic dance music show maybe is the equivalent of that now. And, you know, raves have a long history. I can't say I'm super versed in that. You know, I did watch a few documentaries, but originally they have a very, very underground kind of quality to them. Like not sanctioned, not allowed, kind of. You had to be in the know sort of thing. And I've definitely been to a few of those. And, you know, by the time that I really got into them, they were already really big and they were kind of like sanctioned EDM shows in a way. So I, you know, I wasn't like the cool guy in the. In the 90s who was aware of this. I got into them in the 2000. So this is my experience of those. And if you're not familiar with what a rave is or an EDM show, edm just stands for electronic dance music. Again, what that is is it's basically a certain kind of music. And there's a. There's a range of electronic music, but a core theme is usually not a whole lot of vocals, tons of bass, and different rates and speeds. But, you know, think a lot of instrumental electronic music and tons of people dancing. Usually a kind of a big area where people are dancing. There's usually a DJ up in the front and a lot of, like, I don't know, anonymity or something. Like, people aren't really looking at you. It's different than being at a bar. Everyone's kind of standing around and talking to each other and kind of looking at each other and aware of each other. It's a lot more, like, free. It's kind of dark, and there's lasers and shit. And it's kind of like, you can dance however you want, and I'll get into that in a little bit. But I found raves to be extremely liberating and a big part of what helped me break free from social anxiety. The first rave I ever went to was after the Love Parade. This was when I was living in the Bay Area. I was in San Francisco in 2005. First year of graduate school. Oh, yeah. Anyway, I was going to a friend's house before. We were gonna drive up to San Francisco, and we're gonna go to this thing called a love parade. And I don't even know if there's anything afterwards, but her roommate at the time, this guy named Brian, who was awesome. I got to the house, and I'm just chatting with her, and then she's like, yeah, my roommate Brian's gonna come with us and someone else as well. And, you know, you can go meet him inside. So I walk into the room, into the house, and the room to his door is kind of partially open. And I look inside, and I see this guy with, like, his hair is dyed blue, and he's cutting some synthetic orange fur. And I look at this guy, and I'm like, I like him instantly. Like, this guy. I had gone to Burning man. Two or three times at that point, and so I instantly saw that orange fur, and I was like, oh, that's what people at Burning man always have. So I knew I would like that guy. That's a whole nother unusual cure for social anxiety that's gonna get its whole. Its whole own episode, because that's. That's beyond rave. That's like. That is the ultimate place for liberation, in my experience, massively Helped me shift my social anxiety and gain confidence in so many areas. So I'm gonna do a whole episode that'll be another one in this series. But anyway, I instantly liked him. We hit it off right away. Brian's an amazing guy. And so I'm hanging out, we go to this love parade and he's like, oh, by the way, there's this thing afterwards called something or other. It's at the Bill Graham Civic Auditorium. It's like a, you know, all night dance party. I was like, ooh, all night dance party, you say? Now I used to have tons of anxiety about danc. I used to always judge myself and dislike it. I've recorded an episode about it, but it was very different in these settings because no one gave a shit, no one was looking at you, no one cared. You can literally just jump up and down with your arms above your head going weeee. For like an hour and no one's gonna care. So you didn't have to be good. And it was just about really being free. So I love that. And he told me there's an all night dance party. I was into it. So we go to this love parade and that's like just a bunch of cars and you know, decked out floats and stuff and people dancing on them and celebrating all kinds of love between all kinds of people. And it was great and it was fun. And then we took a little dinner break and then we were gonna go to this, this all night dance party, right? So far so good. I'm having a great time connecting with Brian and really enjoying hanging out with him. And then over dinner, the topic of substances comes up and Brian's like, so you know, you gonna take anything tonight? I was like, maybe. Depends, what do you have? And he's like, well, I have something called ghb. Now I'd never done ghb. I didn't even know what it was at that point. So I had him describe it to me and he told me about it. And you know, there's a whole. This thing is pretty controversial, right? So I'm not gonna get into all of that and I don't want to. If you got opinions about them, don't tell me, I don't care. But you know, it can be used in a lot of ways, some of which are really negative. But in this context, whatever it was, you know, good stuff or somehow dosed right, or mixed with the right alcohol or something, I don't know. But holy shit, it was awesome. I was, I was like, what? It was it was like it eliminated fear is what it did. Completely neutralized fear. Now, I had been doing a lot of confidence building work already at this point. By 2005, I mean, I'd been working on stuff for maybe five years. No, no, no, that's not true. Two years, a year or two. I don't know. I guess not that long. But I had already overcome my fear of talking to women. I'd been able to approach women, all that stuff, but there was still a ton of fear there and a lot of self doubt and all that stuff. I'd kind of had to work through it and work my way up to it. And this was like free pass night. I can just walk up and say whatever I want. And on top of that, the environment was fantastic for this. Something about the environment really encouraged it. It wasn't just the substance, it was the environment. And I'm going to talk more about the environment of these raves and how they transformed my life and some fantastic stories from this rave at the Bill Graham Civic Auditorium and others. Stay tuned. We'll be right back right after this.

Okay, so you're listening to Dr. Aziz and thinking maybe there is something I can do to build my confidence. But the question is what? This podcast is a great start, but if you really, if you really want to make some headway, you have to learn two things. First, you have to learn how to transform your self esteem. You have to learn how to like who you are. Without that, true confidence is impossible. Second, you have to master some basic social skills. Eye contact, body language, starting conversations, small talk, meeting women, and all the rest. In order to get the confidence you need, you have to learn these things. And there's no better place to start than with Dr. Aziz's the Confidence Code, a DVD training program that teaches you exactly how to maximize your self esteem and master your social skills. To learn more, check out your confidencecode.com.

Welcome back. So during the break, did you secure some GHB or other illicit substance and consume it? Because that's definitely what I'm encouraging. Especially if you're a child. That's what I want. Is all children to do drugs? No. Again, this stuff is all about just my experience. And you got to make your own choices for you. And I'm obviously not actively encouraging you or saying this is what you need to do or should do in order to build your confidence. This is just some stories from my life that I thought you might find interesting. So I'm at the Bill Graham Civic Auditorium, had the GHB And I'm on fire. And so I'm every single. And for me, the, you know, I mean, it was. It wasn't just women, it was men, too, like, being willing to be open with people. And the environment of a rave, they have a acronym that. That kind of is part of the, you know, so rave culture is this whole thing, right, where, you know, people would take a lot of ecstasy at these events too, which tends to be a very opening substance, you know, melt barriers, that kind of thing. And there was this acronym, which you might have heard of if you've done this kind of stuff. P L U R Plur. Peace, Love, Unity, Respect. You know, and so, like, the environment, it's kind of a counterculture movement where people are like, hey, we want to get together and we want to dance and we want to be free and we want to love each other, and we don't want to be judgmental and critical and all that stuff. Accepting, tolerating kind of community. So, you know, you walk up to talk to someone in the real world, and they might have a sense of, like, hesitation, fear, like, what do you want? What are you doing? Why are you talking to me? Right? Not all the time. And if our energy is good, oftentimes people are very open. That's what I demonstrate with clients. But, you know, there can be kind of a guard up around, and at these places, the guard is way down. People are not like, what do you want? They're just like, hey. You know? And so it was an amazing experience for me to walk up to beautiful woman after beautiful women or groups of women, and just experiment with being extremely open. Extremely open. So instead of having to do this little dance of like, hey, what's up? I noticed you over there now, what are you drinking? And, you know, I could just walk up to a woman and be like, whoa, you are incredibly beautiful. And, you know, the fact that I was on the GHB probably helped, right? Like, you are incredibly beautiful. And then, you know, she would. Maybe in the real world, again, someone might be kind of like, uh, you know, on guard or scared of that or uncomfortable with that. But, you know, the environment encourages us, and people are jumping up and down and dancing for hours, which totally transforms your state and your physiology and puts you in a much more energized, happy, upbeat, confident state. So women in that, My experience doing it especially, because I was very heartfelt with it, and I wasn't like, I don't know, trying to quickly seduce them or trick them or something. It was just like, about really being authentic and connecting. They felt it. And I got tons of positive responses like, oh, thank you. And I would take it one step further. I'd be like, yeah, wow. You know, just like, over the top. And then I would get pictures of women, and it was just super, super fun. And I remember, you know, one thing I'd always heard about because I've been studying a lot of pickup artist stuff too. And these guys would always, you know, kind of as a badge of honor, be like, yeah, I made out with a girl at a bar, like, two seconds after I met her. Yeah. Made out with a friend. Yeah. And I heard these stories and be like, I don't know if I really needed that. Right. But it was like, part of me was like, oh, I want to do that. If I could do that, that would prove something. But I thought you had to do this, like, you know, weird pickup artist trickery to make that happen. And, you know, do some sort of mind game with her. And then, you know, just do the right sequence in the right way and then it would happen. And I never really learned the sequence or wanted to. I kind of had all this ambivalence around it. But I remember this was later in the night. I was having just a phenomenal time. And the better time you have, I mean, your energy changes. And when your energy changes and you are, like, totally confident, totally fearless, totally in love with yourself and open to other people, it just influences people. Their guard melts. So I remember I was walking kind of one of the hallways between the different. Different stages and rooms, and I was walking down, I saw this beautiful woman with, like, these fishnet stockings kind of just sitting there on the steps. And she looked, I don't know, neutral. She didn't look happy or sad either way. And I remember I sat down next to her and I said, how are you doing? And I remember something really shifted for me that night. As I'm saying this, I'm remembering that it wasn't like, the way I asked that question was very different. It wasn't like, hey, how's it going? And I'm, like, trying to think of what to say. It was just like, I really was curious. Hey, how's it going? And I wanted to know. It was really fascinating. It was this different way of relating with women and people where I actually became a lot more interested in them and a lot less scared of what they were going to think of me because that fear was gone. Right. So I asked her that. We chatted for just a really relatively short period. Of time. And then I said, can I ask you a question? She's like, what? I was like, can I kiss you? And she said, yes. And we made out and it was awesome. And it felt really good because it was like, I didn't do any trickery. I just, like, connected with her for a minute. And I asked her, and I was really okay if she would say no too, because I'd gotten some no's that night, of course, about just talking to women in general. But there's something really opened up there. And then it shifted about, like, how I had to be in order to get women. It's a really amazing experience. And then I was able to connect with men there more too. I remember I was like dancing and at one point they played a remake, kind of electronic remake of Rage against the Machine song. What's the name of the song? I don't know the name of the song, but it ends with like, he says this like 50 times, like, fuck you, I won't do what you tell me. Which is awesome. And I remember just like jumping up and down and like, the song builds and just like gets more and more intense. And it's got like an even heavier beat because it's electronic. And I remember just like jumping up and down and like, the guy next to me, like, I threw my arm around him. I didn't know the guy. And then we're both like, pumping our fists in the air, like, yeah, you know. And I remember talking to other guys that night and just connecting and laughing and joking and treating them like they were my good friends, like Brian, my new friend, or one of my best friends from college, or, you know, like, I would be with them and I would be joking and shooting the shit and laughing and I would be doing that with strangers that I just met. And it was fantastic and liberating. So the power of this experience was not just in that night. The power of this experience was what I took away with me. And so I'm going to share more about that, like how it impacted me beyond that night and influenced how I saw the world, what I did as a result of experiencing that one night and other raves that I went to. Stay tuned. I'll share more about that right after this. Hey, what's up, J dawg? Hey. Sup, Wizzy? Nothing. Did you spill coffee on your shirt? No. Well, then what happened? Check. I was at this coffee shop earlier, just doing my thing and then this girl walked in and damn, man, she was fine. So I was just looking at her and she saw me and I was like, sup? Not with my. Not with my mouth. I didn't say it, but I said it with my face, you know? Yeah. Then she walks right by me, and, man, it is on. And I said, sup, girl? Where you going? And she turned around, man. And. And then she looked at me, and then she threw her coffee on my face, dude. Damn. I know. She couldn't handle it, man. I think she was intimidated by me or something. No doubt, man. She wants you. At least he tried. If you're tired of not trying or getting rejected, go to 30daystodatingmastery.com to learn how you can succeed with women. That's the number three zero days to dating mastery.com. hey, welcome back. So, fun trip down memory lane about the rave? The Bill Graham Civic Auditorium. But you might be wondering, okay, well, what about the next day? You know, wasn't this all just you being high on some drugs and having this experience and you woke up the next day and you felt worse and were anxious and all that stuff? No, actually, it wasn't that. I mean, we've all had that experience. You get drunk or whatever and you feel hungover the next day and don't feel great. But I had been up all night. I had taken the substance. You know, by all rights, the next day I should have felt terrible, but I didn't because it was such a massive breakthrough that I felt high. I felt, like, on a cloud for weeks after that. Something popped. You know, these intense experiences, these massive shifts can pop something inside of us. And it was like, up until that point in the last couple years, the growth I'd been doing, doing what scares me, facing my fear, building up my confidence. It had this, like, effort to it. Like, ugh, I gotta fight my way through my fear and these barriers. I'm gonna do it, though. Cause I'm so fucking sick and tired of being stuck. And there was, like, this pop. This breakthrough that night where I was like, oh, oh. You know, I didn't say it like this in my head. This didn't come into my. This phrase didn't come into my head until years later when I started helping clients. But it was, oh, the world is a friendly place. Now, that's something that I teach. And we have it on a banner that we put up in my live events. The world is a friendly place. Because that's what that experience taught me. And does that mean that everyone's gonna love you?

No.

That everyone's gonna want to talk to you? No. That everyone's gonna make out with you? No, but it means that when you approach the world with that energy, with that attitude, you get so much positivity in return, and that you can just ask someone, hey, how's it going? And if you be really curious, you don't have to fight for anything or overcome things. And there's no threat, there's no danger to even be scared of in the first place. And so after that, I. And also, what I did that night is massive, massive action and repetition. I didn't just take a substance and, like, sit in the back and be like, whoa, man, I feel so free. And, you know, who knows? That could be good too, right? But what I did is I took massive action, approached people all over the place, did all kinds of things I never would have done. And so it built up this massive muscle really quickly. So then I was able. It was like momentum. So I remember for weeks after that, I was just walking up to people, talking to people, having conversations, approaching women, and not. It was like, oh, this is how I want to be. I want to be this kind of open person. And not everyone's going to like that. Not everyone's going to be on board with that. But it feels so much better than all the trickery and the pickup artist stuff that I'd learned. And I realized. I really saw that if your confidence is fucking on and you do the discipline of confidence, you build up the habits of confidence, and you really are strong in yourself and love who you are and not afraid whether people are going to judge you and just show up fully and boldly and outrageously sometimes, then, man, women want to date you. They want to be your girlfriend, they want to marry you, guys want to be your friend, People want to hire you, People want to promote you. Like, there is, like, everything falls into place is what I realized. So that's why I started to shift and pivot from, like, learning the pickup tricks and how to do it into, like, oh, how do I get to that state of being just raw, fucking awesome, Aziza. Because then I don't need to know what to say to start a conversation. I just, boom, here I go. I'm in. So that's how I took it with me. I kept going to events like that and kept having experiences like that, sometimes with a substance and sometimes not. I've always been very cautious around the use of anything like that because I don't want to mess with my emotions too much, especially around chemicals like mdma. I've never done GHB again, actually, but MDMA is a common thing at raves, and so I had a lot of exposure around it. But I was very limited and selective about how I would use it because I had fear about repeated use. Messing with my serotonin and other emotional side of things was probably my biggest reason, and I stand by that. I've been pretty limited in how I use that substance. So I also wanted to experience, like, well, could I go to one of these things and have a good time and have fun and feel as free without being on something? And I did. I did that a ton, actually. I remember one Burning Man I went to. I didn't use anything for the whole time, and it was awesome. I had so much energy. It was great. But anyway, this is something like, how does this story help you? What are you seeing? What are you learning? Maybe you're gonna go out and go into a EDM show. I don't know, maybe not. But what are you taking from this? What are you learning? What could you use in your life from this? Good. Before we end today, let's end with our action step. Time for action. Your action step for today. I would say go find some electronic music and just check it out. Now, that might not be your thing. You might hate it. You might say, trance is stupid. Anyone could make it on their computer. I have friends that say that. But maybe just check it out. You never know, man. And do. It's very different than listening to it on your headphones or on a computer. The music is. You feel it in your body and just getting in that environment. Like there's. There's shows everywhere. In every big city, there's these festivals that happen, like Electric electronic, Electric Daisy Carnival. And Vegas now is where it is. And every big city's got a thing once a year where there's just a bunch of electronic music. There's stuff maybe more regularly in your city, a particular DJ comes into town, even if it's not your thing, just go get a ticket, go get a friend to go with you, or go by yourself and just like, even if you just hang out there for like an hour or two, just notice what it's like. Maybe experiment with, like, jumping up and down around a group of people that are, you know, everyone's dancing. You just do the dance that you want to do and notice how no one cares. You can do whatever you want and maybe even close your eyes and notice what it feels like to just move around to the music and actually really get into it and not have a care in the world. Not even have a thought about what other people think. There's tremendous opportunity. So that's the invitation for the action step. Do it if you want, do it if it feels right for you. It profoundly transformed my life and was one of several very unusual cures for social anxiety. I have several coming up that I'll talk about in future episodes over the next few months here. One of which is Burning Man. The other one is even crazier and I'll keep that one a secret mystery until that episode. So until we speak again, may you have the courage to be who you are and to know on a deep level that you're awesome. I'll talk to you soon. Thanks for listening to Shrink for the shy guy with Dr. Azeez. If you know anyone who can benefit from what you've just heard, please let them know and send them a link to shrinkforthshyguy.com for free blogs, ebooks and training videos related to overcoming shyness and increasing confidence, go to socialconfidencecenter. Com.