Upgrade Your Limiting Beliefs Now

Welcome to Shrink for the Shy Guy. This is the show for you. If you are sick and tired of being held back by fear, self doubt, social anxiety, shyness, anything that's stopping you from you being you. I'm going to share the most powerful tools and resources that I've been discovering over the last 15 years on my journey to eradicate social anxiety and instill confidence first in myself and then in every single person that I meet on my journey. You're going to learn these tools and how to apply them in your life now so that you can become the most free, powerful, bold, authentic version of you. Hey, welcome to today's episode of the show. Today we're going to be talking about how to upgrade your limiting beliefs. How to change the way that you see yourself and life to feel more excited, empowered, confident, and ultimately steer your life in the direction that you want. Because your limited stories, your negative old identities are not only feel bad when you're experiencing them, but they're preventing you from living the life that you truly want. And to a greater or lesser degree, I think a large amount of humans are not living fully because of their stories and their unwillingness or inability to examine or change those. So you are different because you're here listening to this. You're obviously drawn towards growth. And so even if you feel like, yeah, but these stories have been around for a long time and I've done all this stuff and I don't know if I can change this. Just know that you're already in the ballpark, right? Cause there's a lot of people who are just completely under the grip of the stories and don't even think about changing them. Don't even know that they can. Don't even want to kind of defend or identify with the old stories and maybe fight possible solutions and stay stuck in a victim mode. So you're well ahead of the curve. And it's not easy. I mean, this is like a life purpose of sorts. It's a spiritual journey to continually upgrade your identity. Psychologists like Abraham Maslow might have said, actualize or reach your potential in these ways. So, you know, it's not automatic, it's not default. It's not like it's just supposed to happen. Like if you're a little baby, you know, it's just supposed to happen that teeth start to pierce out of your gums and then you got little baby teeth. And then, you know, when you're whatever, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, the teeth are going to fall out at different rates during that time. And then you're going to have these big human adult teeth that come in. And obviously there's rare circumstances where that doesn't happen, or maybe you need some help with orthodontics or whatever, but for the most part, that just happens. You don't gotta do a whole lot. That's just what your natural evolving body is going to do. Now, when it comes to you growing beyond the basic physical side of things and actually growing psychologically in your consciousness, emotionally and spiritually, that doesn't happen by default. That's much more like muscles or athletics. You can get to a certain level of size just by living and existing. But if you want to have muscles that can do something, like you want to be able to run, or you want to be able to hike, or you want to be able to bike or whatever, you need to practice using those muscles or else you'll never reach that potential to be able to do those things. I'd say this kind of growth, growth and changing your identity and becoming who you want to be requires that input, that effort, that practice, that growth over time. And much like sports, that willingness to be uncomfortable, to maybe lean into things that part of you wants to just shy away from and not touch and, you know, prefer that they would just go away, you know. So what do you need to lean into? Well, we're going to talk about that in today's episode and some tips specifically about how to deal with your mind and the mindsets, because that's really what stops you. Put succinctly by Tony Robbins, he said, the one thing that stops, the only thing that stops you from having what you truly want is the story you keep telling yourself about why you can't have it. And I think that very succinctly summarizes the whole pattern that emerges from limiting beliefs. So what's a limiting belief or limiting story or disempowering story, a negative story? These are all different phrases that different people use to point towards the same kind of thing, which is that you have beliefs in your mind, in your consciousness that cause you to perceive yourself or the world as this way. It is this way. This is how it is. I am awkward. I am not attractive. I cannot have friends. People don't want to spend time with me. Men are selfish and only interested in sex. Women are, you know, only want guys who are rich, whatever, you know, that's just a few of the stories I've heard over the years and, you know, many stories that I've told myself, especially about my own attractiveness. Or identity or worthiness, all these things. And so that's something that you tell yourself would be the maybe common parlance. Although it doesn't really feel like that. Right. It almost feels like something inside of you is saying it and it is true. And that's what makes the beliefs the most debilitating. It's not that you have them, it's that you believe that they're true. Right. In fact, any belief. And what is a belief? Well, a belief is just a statement about something, others, humans, the planet, life, anything, space. It's just a perception of something and some prediction of it or evaluation of it. Right. And so it's just a thought. You know, space is big. That's a belief that there is God out there in space. That's a belief. No, God is in here. That's a belief. You know, the Earth is round. That's a belief. Humans evolved over X thousands of years. That's a belief. No, humans were created one day and you know, sort of a divine act of building. Right. Whatever. These are all perceptions and beliefs and then we tend to pick certain ones and then infuse them with a sense of certainty that they're true. Right. And if you believe that something's going to fall when you drop it out of a window, then you watch it fall and you say, ah, look, I have evidence for my belief. That would be the belief in gravity, for example. Other things are not so observable as easily, and yet we still have the same amount of certainty in them. Why? Because we feel it. We just know it. We just feel it. So I can't get a date with so and so that I find really someone that I find really attractive, Right? No, I know, I cannot. Why? I just feel it. And it feels like the same kind of belief that you have in gravity. It really does. It feels like it's like a scientific truth, doesn't it? And you might have evidence of it. In fact, you probably do because we humans are proficient in something that they've even labeled because it's so common as a mental heuristic. They call it the confirmation bias. You've probably heard of this. Maybe not, but confirmation bias, that just means when we perceive something we have a belief about, something that we feel certain about, we will observe all around us to find evidence for it. And even if the evidence is ambiguous or uncertain, like definitely not clearly in line with our beliefs, we will warp or distort the evidence to fit our belief. Right. So and we see this all the time, let's say you believe so and so is a great person. Oh, no, so and so is great. They're kind, they're fun. I love them. Their music's awesome. And you hear some information like, hey, so and so ripped these people off or whatever, and you're like, no, I don't think so. I mean, those people. I don't believe that. No, those people probably had a bad deal or they were. You know, they're just saying that to, you know, cast a negative. It's. What's the word? Slander. Libel. Slander. Slander, the verbal one. They're just saying something negative to disparage the person publicly. They just want to take them down a peg. They're just jealous of them. We'll find some way to explain what is so. And I don't know in this case, this hypothetical case, whether the person did whatever. I mean, there's always multiple perspectives around someone's behaviors, but we will find evidence and distort evidence and make things align with that belief. And where this gets really interesting and really important and significant for you in your life and becoming the most confident, bold version of you is you have limited, negative, debilitating, depressing, demoralizing, destructive stories about you and your capability and your future. And you will similarly carry those with certainty, like the certainty of gravity. And you will have confirmation bias to find evidence that supports that terrible story. And you'll probably, I don't know, tell other people and convince them of it. And if not them, you'll certainly convince yourself. And that is why most people won't reach their potential. They're just living out this bad story. Where did the story come from? Usually it's the cultural field, something you pull out of the field and choose to imbue with truth. You might say, no, but my dad always told me I was a failure and wouldn't amount to anything. I'm like, okay, when you're like, six, that certainly seems pretty dang true because your dad knows all. Your parents are all big and impressive. But when you're 16 or 36 or 60, why is your dad still determining your truth and your reality? Why, out of all the perceptions and all the beliefs and all the stories that are possible, are you continuing to tap into that one? Well, that's what I learned when I was young. Okay, did you also learn about Santa Claus? And then at some point you're like, oh, dang. Well, that was just full of shit. That was a weird deception. I guess it was kind of heartwarming. It's also a little weird. Why did you have to lie to me? It undermines my old trust in you. I don't know. Right, so. And maybe you also found out other things that your dad said or did that weren't active deceptions, like Santa Claus, but that were just not spot on. You're like, did everything your dad say was true and right and real, or was he just a human that had some ideas that seemed accurate and some that were wacky and out there? And when you look at your dad and I'm saying, dad here, this could be a nice story you got from your mom, or a story you got from your teacher, or a story you got from a coach, or a story, blah, blah, blah, whatever, right? Any story. Other kids told you this. Okay? When you look at the source of that story, would you say that that is a life that you would want to model? Says someone amazing? That's one filter to run the story through. Another one is, does it bring out the best in me? Does telling myself this thing, does continuing to buy into this story bring out the best in me? And if the answer is no, then what the hell are you doing? Why would you continue to infuse this story with certainty and truth when it's not bringing out the best in you? You might say, aziz, well, I have to do that. Why? It just happens on its own. That is acting as if beliefs are like things that are bolted onto you that you have no choice over. Like you're sort of an automat or a cyborg and someone's like, hey, listen, we're gonna insert the never amount to anything chip upgrade. So we're just gonna drill that into your skull there, and you can't get it out. You try to take it out, it'll kill ya. Sorry. Anyway, here we go. Oh, no, wait, wait. I didn't sign up for this. Right. It's not like that. At least not yet. Wait till neuralink comes online. Maybe it will be. They're like, what do you want the superhuman super brain super, super smart plugged into everything chip? Or the never amount to anything self hatred chip? Like, which one's on sale? Which one's cheaper? No, but in the meantime, it's not like that at all. You are a dynamic, flexible, growing thing, and anything other perception that says you're not is in itself a limiting story. Right. That's like the fixed mindset that Carol Dweck talks a lot about. She's a researcher. I forget the name of her book, but she's got a growth mindset and a fixed mindset. Is the simple distinction that she makes. And the fix is like, this is how it is. That's like the cyborg chip in your brain. Can't take it out. And that's a belief. That's a perception also not true. Or it's only as true as you imbue it, as you make it mean. Because if you do make it true, then it will become true for you. I can't change. Yeah, if someone believes that, that will be so. They will have the confirmation bias and you'll see them two years later and they're gonna be kind of the same, maybe a little bit worse, because they also have I can't change. And everything gets worse. And it's only inevitable until everything sucks. That's a very common belief combo. Maybe not in all areas of life, but certain areas. One area that people have this for is health. Like, yeah, you get older, things just break down. I was talking to my wife and she was telling her a friend recently was talking about running. She's, I think her friends in her 40s. And she's like, oh, I don't run anymore. I used to run a lot when I was in college. My wife said, oh, yeah? What happened? She's like, well, I just ran a ton in college and I wore out my knees, so I can't run anymore. Wore out my knees. What's she talking about? You have like, shocks in there. How much running was she doing? You know, it's like, that's not how the body works. You use the knees and the knees rebuild. In fact, they could get even stronger from use. I mean, there's certain outlying extreme circumstances in which I was listening to this interview with this guy, Taggart something is his name. I listen to a lot of weird fringe ultra running stuff these days because I just find it freakishly fascinating. And it's a podcast called Pillars by. I forget the name of the guy who created it, but he himself is an awesome ultra runner. And I discovered him because he ran the fastest known time around Mount Rainier. And then his time was broken three days later, which apparently was demoralizing for him, but oh so humorous. Listen to my last episode about failure. But anyway, he's interviewing this guy named Taggart something or other. I can't remember the guy. The guy's like a 24 and he's just like, Ultra Beast Mode has the world record for a hundred miles on a treadmill in which he ran it, I think sub 12 hours, like 11 something. I don't know what, 1150 or whatever, which Is like, I don't even know. You could compute that probably like a six 50 mile or something. Six minutes, 52nd mile, which if you don't know anything about running, that's pretty fast. I mean, a track athlete might go faster or something, but that's pretty solid. That's a solid athletic pace. If you're running a marathon and you're a regular athlete, not a professional, that's pretty solid. Maybe that could qualify you for the Boston Marathon. I don't know. People who do marathons a lot more than me might know that stuff, but, you know, it's pretty, pretty solid. And then you got your elite, you know, marathon runners who are running like five and a half minute miles or something. But this guy's running a 640, 650 for 100 miles on a treadmill. Like, oh my God. He's got to go into some sort of, like, that's an ultra crazy mindset. Anyway, this dude's training, the guy's interviewing how much he's running and he's running like 200 miles a week. He's running like 70 miles on the weekend, you know, so. And the guy interviewing him is like, are you concerned about, you know, like going too hard and blowing out? And he's like, whatever, if I get the world record, that's all that matters. Look, I don't know. That's an extreme circumstance. That guy does that for five years. Maybe he does jack up his body in some way, but maybe not. Maybe it's his beliefs that determine that. And that is certainly what not. 99.999% of us are doing. So that you're gonna blow out your knees from running is complete and total bs. It's a story, it's a belief system. And you know what? I will buy into stuff like that sometimes. You know, there's a lot of beliefs around physical health that are really debilitating. There is so much fear around injury when it comes to activity, including especially running. And there's all kinds of stories. Oh, if you run a lot, you're going to get this foot pain. You're going to get plantar fasciitis, you're going to get this and that. And I had that when I was younger, when I was having all my mind body symptoms and I had this foot pain that just lasted for over a year and I did physical therapy and all these, these things and it never got better. Horrible pain, hurt to walk, Certainly couldn't run for a year or more. I wasn't running that much back Then, anyway, but. And then I discovered Dr. John Sarno and some of these mind body approaches, and within a couple weeks, the foot pain was gone. Never came back until I started training for this longer race. And then the foot pain comes back and my mind goes like, nah, foot pain. You see, Running, can't run. And I was like, hold on a second, hold on a second, hold on a second. I've upgraded this belief. I don't believe that by using your body and running, you know you're destined for pain and injury. I believe that the more you use your body, the stronger you get. And yet, right now, in this moment, my mind is latching onto a limiting story that says, oh, you're running more. Your feet are gonna hurt forever. You're not gonna be able to do this. I said, why am I moving towards that? Because here's the thing about your negative beliefs and upgrading. Sometimes people think they're gonna upgrade a limiting belief. They're gonna go through a Tony Robbins seminar and destroy their belief and go through the Dickens process and change it forever. And I love the man, and I benefited so much from Tony and his workshops and everything. But I think that's a little, like, I don't think it's possible that it's changed forever, but more likely that you can really strengthen the pathway to a new belief and make it more accessible. But that the old one is gone, I don't think is so, because that old belief exists in your own mind and in the cultural field around you, other people might believe that too, right? And so when a limiting story comes up, a limiting belief comes up. What you want to do is say, like, okay, why am I, out of all the things I could believe and perceive, why am I latching onto that one? Just take a moment and reflect on that. I don't know. Does it give you a sense of certainty? That's often the case because when you're starting to break out of your limiting stories and limiting beliefs, you might start to do things you've never done before. You might start to step into the unknown, which is exciting and maybe scary and maybe unpredictable. And one way to. It's like a backlash inside of you to try to fight that is to say, no, we're going to go back into our shell of comfortable, and we're going to lock things down, bind them, and get tight and blocked. And so we choose the limiting old story because it's bound and it's familiar, and it stops you from stepping so boldly and widely into the unknown, where, of course, you're going to discover more of your potential and who you really are and all the goodies. But it's potentially scary, potentially risky. You don't know what's out there. There could be wolves in those woods. It locks in. It gives you that sense of certainty. Why? Why else? Just get really curious about that. What's a belief you tell yourself regularly that doesn't serve you? I'm not lovable. I can't have a relationship that's going to be great or beautiful or it gets better every year. I can't succeed in my career. I can't be a social person. I can't be socially skilled or have a lot of friends. I can't be physically active. I can't achieve this or that physical goal, whatever it is you're telling me I'm going to run out of money. I'm never going to be able to succeed in my career. I'm never going to be able to earn what I want to earn. Anything and everything. You're telling yourself that doesn't serve you. Just pick one that comes to mind and focus on it and say, okay, of all the things that I could be telling myself, why am I latching onto this one? And instead of seeing it as my belief and this old story that I have to get rid of and change, what if you just saw it as like, it's just floating? It's floating in the space around you, and you can reach up to your right and grab one, you can reach down to your left and grab another. You can reach in front of you, grab another, you can reach behind you. It's like these beliefs are just floating everywhere, and they kind of are, because where did you learn this stuff from other humans, right? It's just floating in the cultural field, and you can pluck from different places what you want. And what if you said, you know what? I want to create an extraordinary life, my own personal legend, a life worth living. A life that feels like it's meaningful and matters. And so when I'm done here, I can look back and say, yeah, that was a cool ride. That was meaningful. I'm glad I did that. I'm glad I showed up that way. Of course I had mistakes. Of course I failed at times. Of course I hurt people. Of course I fell short and I lived fully and I gave fully. And I had so many experiences that I wouldn't trade for anything. And if you want to look back at your life that way, then what kind of beliefs would serve you? What kind of stories do you Want to tell yourself what kind of ones do you want to plug into when you've claimed to something more for yourself, a life of extraordinary confidence. You might want to be standing or sitting taller as you hear this. And breathe in fully and open your shoulder blades so that they're closer together and open up your chest and look up slightly and say, yes, I want to create something extraordinary. I am creating something extraordinary. What beliefs do you need to tap into then? And maybe it's a new field, right? There's people you listen to, new teachers, authors, friends, the best beliefs from your family, new things that you create, you know, ideas that you receive that you don't. Did you make them up? I don't know. They came to you about health, about capability, about creating what you want. Like, I don't know where I got that belief. The more I use my body, the stronger I get. But it's a damn good one and I like it, right? So wherever you are telling yourself something destructive and limiting and negative, I want you to access, first of all, claim more, get bigger in your body, breathe in deeper, and just look for one new empowering truth story to imbue certainty into. And this does become so. It really does. And the only thing that would stop you from doing this is addiction to certainty. Now I gotta get my certainty in the old way with this old belief. That's extremely limited, but at least I know it. So what if you could plug into something bigger and better right now, right here? Not tomorrow, not in a week, not someday in the future, like right now. What's a new belief that you want to choose? One that's going to serve you in any area of your life. Whatever one comes to you first. I'll take a moment. You can think about it, in fact, that. Actually, let's take a little longer. For a moment. That's going to be your action step. Time for action, action, action. So your action step is to choose one new belief right now. What is it? Is it in health? Is it in your finances? Is it in relationship? Is it about your own self confidence, your own worth, your own social confidence, friends, relationships? And just come up with a story. Remember, belief is just a statement or a story about you or how life is or how things are going to be that you imbue with certainty. So you pick one. How do you pick one? Just whatever comes to you, whatever you receive, whatever lights you up, whatever makes you feel more energized. That's where the truth is, where there's light, where there's inspiration, where there's motivation, where there's creation. That's what you're here for. You're not here to live in this bubble of certainty, in this depressing reality of fixed things can't change and then you die. Look, a lot of humans, a lot of humans are doing that and have lived an entire life that way. And it's depressing. But that doesn't have to be you. You get to choose. You get to claim you are the captain of your ship. So what do you want to choose? And if you were to choose it right now, what would it be? Go ahead and say it out loud right now. Like out loud in your car, on a bus, in your apartment, out the window, whatever it is. And it could be a version 1.0. Fantastic. And then you can refine it. So write it down and then enhance it, tweak it, improve it. What? Imbues it with more energy. And then practice it, say it out loud, reinforce it. Because if you say it out loud and then you are saying it with the intention of finding evidence for it that day, it will start to move forward, the certainty generating process and help you strengthen it as a new belief. Fantastic. Great work. Thanks for being with me today. And if you want to share your new belief, by the way, if you're not a part of our Confidence Warriors Facebook group, you can go check that out. It's free to join Confidence Warriors. Just go onto Facebook and type that in and hit join the group and someone on my team can let you in and you can even share in there what your empowering new stories and beliefs are. I love to see those. Alright, fantastic work. Thanks for being with me today. Until we speak again, may I have the courage to be who you are and to know on a deep level that you're awesome. Talk to you soon. Thanks for listening to Shrink for the shy guy with Dr. Aziz. If you know anyone who can benefit from what you've just heard, please let them know and send them a link to shrinkforthshyguy.com for free blogs, ebooks and training videos related to overcoming shyness and increasing confidence, go to socialconfidencecenter.com. Sa.