Want To Be More Confident In Yourself? Do This!

Foreign. Welcome to another episode of the Art of extraordinary confidence. I'm Dr. Aziz, and today I want to talk with you about how to hold your reality. Hold your reality. Now, that phrase might make sense to you, it might not, but by the end of this video, you're going to understand exactly what I mean and you're going to know how to use it. And this is incredibly important for your confidence in communication with anyone, work, business, social life, friendship life, and especially in dating and relationships. And what I mean by hold your reality is you must be more certain in your reality than someone else is in theirs. And by reality, I just mean the way you perceive the world. So, for example, if you're talking to someone and you know there's a common fear that people think, oh, they're not going to like me. They. They're going to think blank about me, that I'm weird, that I'm boring, that I'm whatever. Just insert your negative word of choice. And what happens is, when we're worried about that stuff, we're holding their reality higher than our own. So, for example, if I'm talking and they think, wow, this guy's really boring, is that my reality? Do I have to think that, too? Why do we just automatically assume that their reality is more true or valid or real than my own? So they could think I'm boring. I could be like, I don't know. What's their problem? I think this is a great story. Think this story is fascinating and interesting. Now all of a sudden, I'm holding my reality. Do you see that distinction? And what would that do in your life if you knew? So, for example, I'd ask people this sometimes. I was working with a client, and I said, he's like, I'm afraid of being boring. And I was like, well, how do you know if you're being boring? He said, well, if the other person seems bored, well, first of all, that's just fraught with peril because you're like, you're reading them, you're looking for that. So you're probably going to find it. But secondly, why is that the determining factor? Why isn't your reality, your internal reality, more valid, more strong, more real? And this is really powerful. This applies in all areas of your life, is holding that. So someone, let's say I was talking with a guy about this, and he's like, well, I'm worried about being more spontaneous with women that I'm attracted to. I'm afraid that they're going to judge me, right? They're going to. And I was like, well, what is the worst case scenario? What's the fear that you have about what's going to happen? He's like, well, I'm going to say something and they're going to say. And they're going to make that face of like. And then they're going to think I'm weird. It's like, okay, well, you're only as weird as you buy into that reality. So if she goes, makes a face at me, I might just look at her and go and make an even more absurd kind of joke about her face. I take her face and I'd amplify it. And what I'm showing there is like, I don't buy into this reality. I'm not weird. You're weird. What I'm doing is fine. Right? So you hold. That's why I call it. You hold your reality because there's going to be this other reality coming your way and. And you're going to. Especially if you have a past like me of being the nice guy, of being accommodating, of wanting to make the peace and agree with everyone, then you really have to focus on holding your reality because there's going to be a little part of you that's like, oh, crap, they're right. So someone seems annoyed and you're like, oh, geez, I'm so sorry, what did I do? Whether it's a woman or a colleague or a friend. But hold on a second. Just because they're annoyed, why are you making that reality so valid? What's going on with that person? You know, one last story about this. I was just with a client recently, came in from the uk. We're doing weekend intensive. And one of the things we were doing when we get out and about in the world here in Portland is we were doing a lot of friendly greetings practice, which, if you haven't seen that, I'm sure you can find another video about that of mine. But that's. You go out in the world, you say hi to a bunch of people. It's a short version of it. It's the most profound teaching that I do with people. It's so simple, yet there's so much depth to it. And in one moment, I was doing it with him and this woman walked by with her daughter and I just said, hey, guys, how's it going? And she went like this. She went like really dramatic, like, oh my God, what's this guy doing? Whatever. She was communicating with her eyes. And I just walked by and I thought, huh, she's really uncomfortable. And it was like my reality was just impenetrable. Now in the past, when I was really struggling with this stuff, or maybe in a different situation, someone gives you that look and you say, oh my God, that was so awkward. It's so inappropriate what I'm doing. What's wrong with me? Anytime you're doing that, you're not holding your reality. Anytime you're really obsessing about what are they going to think of me, you're not holding your reality. Anytime you get really dangerous, down on yourself about because someone else is upset with you or because someone didn't like you and you're thinking, I must not be good enough. I suck. I'm not worthy. She went with someone better or they chose someone better. You're not holding your reality. You just got to remind yourself, Listen. Say your name. Listen, Aziz. Hold your reality. And I like to stand tall and firm and strong and roll my shoulders back and take a deep breath in. Do that right now. Bring your shoulders back. Take a deep breath in. Say, I'm going to hold my reality. Because hell, that's the most real thing in my life. Is my reality. Good. Own that, feel that, and that's awesome. So keep with that. I look forward to speaking with you in the future. Until we do, may have the courage to be who you are and to know on a deep level that you're awesome. I'll talk to you soon.