Watch This If You Feel Less Than Others

Do you regularly feel like you're less than others? You're comparing yourself to them and you're usually on the bottom end of the comparison. If so, I'm so glad that you found this video and you're watching this because you're going to discover something that's really going to change things for you in your life. I'm Dr. Z. I'm the founder of the center for Social Confidence, and I've been helping people with social anxiety and building confidence for many years now. But I myself struggled with a ton of social anxiety when I was younger. And I really know that feeling because that's like one of the hallmark sources of social anxiety is this growth chronic feeling of I'm less than others and it's really sticky. You might even see ways that it's not true, ways that you are on smarter than that person, or I get better results than that person, or I can do more at work than that person. But it doesn't seem to phase that feeling because it's not even necessarily based on specific reasons why you're less. It's just a chronic background or very foreground feeling of less than. So you're going to discover what's really going on here and how to. To change this. So what's really going on with this feeling? It might focus on specific reasons why you think that you're less. And as long as you're in that world, it's really hard to change, right? Like, oh, he's taller. Oh, she's prettier. Oh, that person's louder and funnier. And that might be true. Maybe that person is funnier, no offense. Maybe that person is taller than you. Maybe the person is prettier than you. And it's a really hard situation to solve because you can't make yourself prettier for the most part. You can't make yourself taller in a healthy, sustainable way. You can't change some things. And even still, like that person's louder and funnier. Maybe you know, you can be louder and funnier, but you're not going to change it and become louder and funnier because you're beating yourself up and criticizing yourself and feeling inferior. And then all of a sudden you show up in the next party and you're cracking jokes and everyone loves you, right? We can't access a more confident version of ourselves when we're running this pattern. And that is the first key insight I want to share with you is it's a pattern. It's a pattern of perception. It's how you are seeing yourself in a way that you're being with yourself that is constantly causing you pain, suffering and low, lowering your confidence. And this way of being with yourself is critical, judgmental, distant, frustrated, disappointed, essentially disliking who you are. And as long as you're doing that, it's really hard to connect with people. You're basically living in a background or chronic sense of shame. And so because I'm not enough, because I'm inferior, I can't have the friends that I want, I can't have the relationships that I want. I can't be who I really want to be in the world. And it just feels so real, doesn't it? Well, that's the thing about perception. You know, we don't actually interface with reality directly. We perceive reality through our physical senses with light and sound and understanding, meaning what's going on in the social world around us. We perceive reality and then we feel how we perceive. So if I perceive that you don't like me, I'm going to feel that whether or not you might say, no, I think you're great, I like you. But if I'm perceiving you as disliking me, that is my experience. So you could say perception equals reality. If you're perceiving your yourself as less than you're going to feel shame, you're going to feel bad. So how do we solve this problem, right? You might say, well, how can I feel better about myself? I am less than, I am less pretty. And trust me, that's where I lived for so many years. I was like, no, I am ugly. What do I do with that? The first thing you have to realize is that you perceiving you determines what happened. Now I know that sounds a little confusing. Let me explain. If you perceive yourself in this inferior way, then you get the responses from the world of someone who doesn't deserve any. And that when you change that perception of you, you get different responses in the another way to say that is, what responses does a pretty person get? An attractive person, a confident person, whatever you think you're supposed to be. What responses is that person gonna get? Well, people are gonna like them, they're gonna laugh at the jokes, they're gonna wanna be their friend, they're gonna wanna date them or sleep with them or whatever it is, right? Guess what? You can have those same results. People wanna date you, people wanna spend time with you, people wanna sleep with you without you having to be that thing prettier, better. And I know that might just bounce Right off your mind, like, nope, nope, nope, nope. That's wishful thinking. Easy for you to say. And it's not easy for me to say. It took me a long time to really get that, but when I did, it became completely life changing. And I hope it's coming through and transmitting right now and you're getting it. Wait a minute. How I perceive myself determines how other people respond to me. And so you are constantly reinforcing the belief, the story that you're less than, that people aren't going to like you, that whatever you're doing isn't good enough. Right now what you're saying wasn't funny enough, wasn't interesting enough, it wasn't good enough. Do you imagine that's them thinking it, but it's you creating that own perception of yourself? So how do you shift that? Well, we start with why are you not right with yourself? Why are you such a jerk to yourself? Why are you so on your own case? In fact, when I work with clients, I have a book called On My Own side that's been from my years of working with clients and my own experience of why do you turn on yourself? Why are you not on your own side? That's a very useful question to ask yourself. When did you turn on yourself? Why do you have this ongoing hate campaign against yourself in your own mind? And a lot of people say, well, it just happens. It's just happening to me. It's not just happening. It's not like the weather that just the rain falls on you. You are creating this experience. There's a way that you're relating to yourself. And a lot of people unconsciously think, if I hate myself enough, then I'll be forced to get better and then I like myself. It's like a very angry, ineffective form of parenting, right? Like you suck and when you get better, you'll get my love. And I don't know, maybe that's how you were parented. Something better as possible. And you certainly don't have to be doing that now to yourself as an adult. So the question is, why do you turn on yourself? And what's it going to take for you to fundamentally change that, to fundamentally decide to get on your own side, to start accepting who you are, to really find a space of actual compassion and love for yourself. That's the key, not to try to fix all the things and make yourself superior and taller and better and richer and faster. You want to play those games, great, go do that later. But if you don't start with this fundamental connection with who you are and yourself. Nothing will change, no matter how much faster and better you think you get on the outside or striving to become. And the beautiful news is when you start to get on your own side, you start to say here's me, here I am. There'll be more humans than you ever could want connection with that are available to connect with you without you achieving some super awesome superior stance. Share down in the comments below. What are you discovering about yourself? What are you seeing? What are you finding most valuable? From this until we speak again, may have the courage to be who you are and to know on a deep level that you're awesome.