What Are You Waiting For?

Welcome to Shrink for the Shy Guy. This is the show for you. If you are sick and tired of being held back by fear, self doubt, social anxiety, shyness, anything that's stopping you from you being you. I'm going to share the most powerful tools and resources that I've been discovering over the last 15 years on my journey to eradicate social anxiety and instill confidence, first in myself and then in every single person that I meet on my journey. You're going to learn these tools and how to apply them in your life now so that you can become the most free, powerful, bold, authentic version of you. Welcome to today's episode of Shrink for the Shy Guy. I your host, Dr. Aziz, and I'm excited to talk with you today because today, well, it's the start of a new year, and perhaps you're going back and listening to these podcasts through the annals of time, and it's no longer the beginning of 2023, but if you've been with me for a little while and you're listening to these shows as they come out, we are at the start of a brand new year, which is an exciting time, isn't it? I mean, maybe you're calloused and cynical and say, oh, who cares about resolutions and making change? And I don't. I'm above all that. That's stupid. Okay, well, when do you make change? Is it on your birthday? Is it six months from now? Is it later? And that's really the focus of today's episode, is what are you waiting for? And I'm going to flush that out more in this episode. But you're going to leave this episode, hopefully with a sense of healthy urgency to get out there and start doing stuff now. Because so often we can be waiting in our lives for something that it's kind of vague. We don't even know what. Maybe when it's easier, I guess, when I'm more secure, when I don't feel so worried about the consequences or what other people think, when it somehow feels like less of a risk or when I know it won't hurt, or when I know I'll win or succeed, then maybe I'll do it. When I have more time, when I have more desire, when I'm more motivated. I mean, the list goes on and on. At the end of the result, though, is we just don't fully do things. Or you throw yourself into one area and leave other areas of your life to kind of flounder. Right. So I'm gonna crush it, my career. But don't ask me about my love life. Get no thank you. Or any other area of our life that we can tend to neglect because we find it harder to succeed or excel in that area. Feels more confusing. Feels like it takes a hit on our self esteem. But what are you waiting for? What have you been holding back on? Maybe in the. In 2022 you were waiting and now it's 2023. So what are you waiting for? And this might evoke a specific thing. Like when I ask people this question, there's sometimes a very specific thing that you know that it is time for you to do. So I've been holding off on writing that book, putting that art out there, creating that thing, making that change in my job. You know, you've been hovering on the edge of the chasm for a while, not quite ready to leap, not. Not quite ready to put yourself out there. Okay, I wanna start creating these videos. I wanna start that business. I wanna market myself in this way. I wanna start dating. I want to, but not now. And I'm not telling you to go do everything instantly. My question for you is, what are you waiting for? When. When are you gonna do that thing? And this brings up an interesting concept that I learned from Denise Gosnell. She's a great coach. I actually interviewed her. She has a great book called the Vacation Effect, which is about how to help business owners own their lives and not have the business own their lives. And she has a great term that I like that I got from her, which is called the someday maybes. And so I actually did some coaching with Denise and she started me off with, well, what is your list of someday maybes? I said, what's that mean? She said, well, everyone has a list of the stuff that they're going to do someday. Maybe I'll do it someday. And it's when I have more free time, when the kids have graduated, when I make more money, when I have a different job, when I live in a different place, when the time is right. And I don't even know when. So what are some of your someday maybes? What would you do someday if you had the time or when the thing is going to change? What would that be for you? And I don't want to just list some stuff from my own life. I want you to really think about your life first because that's how you move this stuff out of the someday maybe category. And that's kind of the big draw of this episode or the invitation here is to take stuff out of the someday maybe. Category and bring it into now as much as possible. And so start by making that list. What are my someday maybes? And I did that. And there's a number of things that came to the list. It could be in work, family, relationship, hobbies. And then look at it and say, okay, is there anything on this list that I just don't really want to do that much? It's just, it's not really something that I'm going to dedicate a time to. I don't really want to do what it takes to do it. I just, you know, at the end of the day, there's so many other things that I value so much more that I'm probably not really going to do this thing. And what is that for you? So there's a couple things that I struck off my life list. One of them is learning another language. There was a period of my life where I was very passionate about trying to learn another language. I liked the idea of Spanish at one point, Portuguese at one point, French at one point, and even did some forays into like really studying it and practicing and getting a tutor and. But never really stuck with it to learn it. And so when I was making this list, I looked, am I gonna learn another language someday? And I was like, no, just gonna choose other stuff. And even that can be really empowering because you just free yourself from this nagging, someday I'm gonna do this. So that one I just cut off the list. Another one that I said I'm gonna do is I'm gonna play the guitar more. Because I used to play the guitar a ton when I was in my 20s. Just played, played the heck out of that thing and always had this idea of like, I'm gonna get back to it, so someday maybe when I have more time. And so part of it was to say, you know what, if I want to do this thing, let me do it. So I brought it to the forefront. I worked on my schedule, I moved things around. When would I practice, when would I play, how would it work, where would I store it? Just to make all the systems in place so it could allow me to easily play it. Because the last thing you want is the guitar is downstairs in the closet behind the blow up mattress in a case and every time you want to play, you got to go pull it out and you're just never going to do it right, so make it easy to access. And I did that. And I figured out, when am I going to practice this. I even joined some online training program, I think, and I did that for about two weeks. And pretty soon I realized I love the guitar. And at this point in my life, I got to choose, what am I going to do with my time? What's the most important thing for me? And I chose not to pursue the guitar. So cross that off the list. Then there's other things that I realized, no, the someday maybe is, is now. And so I really prioritize the things that are most meaningful to me. I prioritized running and doing further and further distance running and training for longer races and stuff like that. I prioritized family time. I started to take more time off for myself and to be with family from work up until that point, I was pretty much, you know, you better be working right now. And I started to take time off and to not freak out about it. And this was a direct result of saying, what? What am I waiting for? When am I going to take that more time off? When am I going to spend more time with my family? When am I going to spend more time running? And so you got to claim the things, and some things, I mean, you can't claim everything. You can't say, I'm going to spend five hours doing this and three hours doing that and two hours. The day is 24 hours. You got to sleep for a good chunk of it. So what is most important to you? That's one form of challenging the someday maybes and bringing it to now and not waiting on what's most important to you. Because here's the liberating truth, the shocking truth, the disturbing truth, and ultimately the most amazing gift of this life is that it's time limited. This gift of a body that you have will not last. And even its functionality at the highest level, whatever your level is right now, will not last. And so that could be a terrifying curse that happens to befall all humans and all living things. So it's questionable if that's really an error in the grand scheme of things, if it happens to everything and everybody. But we can debate about that and. But it's also perhaps a gift in that you get to choose, you get to prioritize, you get to cherish what you got now. And when you are fully living now, you don't have the regrets and you really appreciate what's there. Another key thing that I see people waiting on that I'm going to do this someday is their creative pursuits, they. Their dreams, their goals. And this could be your own passions like art or writing or music. These could be professional goals, like I want to create that business, or I want to grow into that role in the company, or I want to change the type of work that I'm doing. And it's still another someday maybe for them. And they're waiting. They're waiting for something. And most likely, I can't speak to everyone's situation, but you could see if this is true for you. It seems to be pretty dang true in most people that I work with. Underneath the practicalities of why they're waiting is a pulsing, raw, jagged fear of failure or rejection or both. So when it comes to the creative pursuits with your art, your music, your writing, your whatever, your gifts are, oh, man, I'm gonna put this out here, and people are gonna say, what the heck is this garbage? This is no good. I don't like it. And that one fear, left unchecked, will demolish your capacity to give your gifts and feel the sense of purpose, meaning, and fulfillment that comes from doing so. And I don't mean that it has to turn into your profession. You have to make a ton of money, although you might. I know someone who is wanting to write a book, a children's book, and it was on the someday maybe list forever until they got into my world, and it's like, okay, when's that book gonna happen? Now. Oh, gosh. Judgments and reviews, and it's not enough yet. And, okay, the key to free yourself from this is really start when you're not enough, create. When what you create is only a fraction of what you know is possible for you and your potential. Because you'll never reach your potential if you don't create a lot and learn and grow and get that feedback and learn how to tolerate that feedback and find yourself. Because there's two ways that we can hold back in those creative pursuits. One is just not creating. Oh, I have the time to paint, but I'm not gonna have the time to write, but I'm not gonna have the time to, you know, whatever your gift is. I just didn't feel like it, or I'm just too busy. I don't know. And then there's the second way that we can hold back, which is even if you are creating, there's a way in which, as you're doing it, you're policing yourself. Is this good enough? What do people think? Am I gonna get judged? And then you're not in full creative mode. You're kind of bracing yourself. And. And the highest level of creativity that can move through you is being diminished. It's being filtered out. And so there's this way of not holding back and just saying, here it is now, and when to get started is now. I can't tell you how many people. And this kind of blurs a line of creative expression, but also business. There's been several people that I know wanted to get more videos out there for their creative pursuits or their business pursuits videos on platforms like YouTube or social media, other places. And they have a lot of ideas. They might even be able to talk to someone one on one and really help them. It's like, okay, great, put that content into a video and share it. Oh, I don't know about all that. Okay. Why? It's that jagged fear of rejection, right? Someone's not going to like it. So we can work with that inner fear. And I have a ton of episodes about how to deal with rejection, how to deal with criticism. And then at the end of the day, though, the question is, when would now be a good time to go put those videos up? I remember we were at a Mastermind retreat I was doing, and there was a man who wanted to record something. He'd been talking about it for a couple of months in our calls because we met virtually. You know, we meet on Zoom, and then we had an opportunity to be together in person. And so we were there and we were talking about it, we were working through, we were helping him face the fear. And we did that for a while. And I said, great, so let's have you go out into the hall here of the hotel room and record a couple short videos. I know it's not going to be your finest production quality and all that, but let's get the ball rolling. And all of a sudden you could feel him hold his breath and the whole energy system sucked in. So it's like, oh, okay, I'm willing to face this fear. And okay, I'm working through this, I'm working on it. And then someday I'm going to get out there, I'm going to do it like, f that man. Now is the time to go do it. Not later, when it's what? When it's easier, when you feel more comfortable. This is not about comfort. Your life is not about being safe from the judgment of others, is it? I sure hope that's not. The highest purpose of your life is to avoid disapproval until you die. Maybe it's to create something. Maybe it's to share something. Maybe it's to do something for no other reason other than to see what you can do while you're here. Then maybe beyond that, to have a positive impact on those around you, whether it's in the business realm or in the personal creation realm or in relationships. So if not now, when? And be honest with yourself. And I think I made a major shift in this in my life because I'd lived so many years holding back, hesitating, doubting. You know, you might have heard my stories of woe and other podcast episodes of I'm gonna ask that woman out, like, oh, not today, maybe tomorrow. And I just spent so many years in that holding pat pattern that when I broke out of it, I was just like a bat out of hell, like, let's go. And I've stuck with that for my whole life because I know that the pain of holding back and waiting and delaying just greatly exceeds the pain of rejection or failure or disapproval. And so my goal with this is to create as much as possible while I'm here, hence these episodes. Hence, if you're not familiar with my other work, you can get my books or go to my other YouTube channel called Get More Confidence, or, I mean, there's just an endless amount of ways. Confidence University. Because I want to put as much out there as I can, while I can, while I have this gift of life. And hopefully you're benefiting from this, from this episode, this exact moment that we're sharing together. Maybe you benefited from one of my books or something else. And so to think about, what if disease didn't write that? What if I didn't record this? What if I didn't put that book out there because it's like, well, wait a minute. What if it's not enough? What if somebody doesn't like it? Well, guess what? People don't like it. I know it's very strange. Unbelievable, really. But yeah, people don't like it. People will give some books a one star review. This guy sucks. People will give this podcast a one star review. People will say, I don't like this guy. I don't like his stories or his face. So do you hold back and not have the impact that you want to have because someone might judge you? Is that really what you're here for? And if the answer is no, then what are you waiting for? Are you waiting to get a thumbs up from somebody? I'm giving you the thumbs up right now. Like, you got it. You got it, buddy. Go for it. But what if someone doesn't like it? Yeah, someone's not gonna like it. I know it sucks. It sucks that someone's not gonna like your stuff, but someone else is gonna like it right. Because for every person that doesn't like or doesn't think whatever you're doing is good enough, someone else will, you might say. Aziz, I'm not. I'm not a softy, okay? I don't care about people liking me or not. I'm talking about success and failure. You know, I want to achieve the outcome at work. I want to get the result. I want to make the money in my business. But I'm afraid I'm gon. Okay, well, when would the time be to take that risk and see, because what I know about business, and I'm by no means a master of business, but I've been able to grow a business that allows me to share my gifts directly with people and not have to work for someone else. So some degree of success there. And it sure seems to me like business is a skill like any other. And so it's not like I'm going to have a zinger of an idea and I'm going to do it once and nail it and hit a home run and be done. It's much more of a. I'm going to get in the pool and learn how to swim, and I'm probably going to swallow some water as I do it and talk to anyone who's successful in business. They might even some people might go a lot more than swallowing some water. You know, they go underwater, they go bankrupt, they take on leverage and get totally screwed. And, you know, so I've never gone to that level in business where you just go crazy all out. I think I've been much more of a slow, methodical build rather than I'm going to leverage and get investors and go bananas. But people do that, too. And you will learn from all of it. You want to become more of a leader in your company or in your career, you got to start putting yourself out there, speaking up, playing that game now, because that game takes time to learn. The business game takes time to learn. Assertiveness takes time to learn. Being a leader takes time to learn. And so if you're waiting around like, oh, maybe not right now, maybe I'll get started next year, okay, well, that's another year that you haven't been progressing. And you could grow rapidly in a year. I mean, you could master some things in a year. So what are you waiting for? Are you waiting to know that you won't fail, that you won't get rejected, that you won't be uncomfortable? And if so, how long have you been waiting? Weeks? Months? Years? Decades? Depends upon the goal or the dream, the creation. Right? I've seen and talked to people on all levels. It could be any amount of time. So what if you decided right now that you weren't going to wait anymore? What happens then? Do you start to get a little nervous? Do you get a flutter in your heart? Do you get a squeezing feeling in your stomach? Do you get excited? Do you get terrified? Do you get confused? I don't know what to do, what happens? There's no one right way to feel. But our goal here is to get it out of the someday maybe realm and bring it in right now and make it practical, tangible, actionable. Let's go and create something now able to. That's what we want to do. I mean, that seems like a pretty good action step, but let's have an official action step for this episode. You ready? Time for action. Action. Action. Your action step is going to be to determine what is one thing that you've been waiting on and unweight it. Unpause that sucker and press play now. Laughing As I think about my kids, they grew up in the. In the era of smartphones. They were born after the smartphone had already achieved world dominance. And so they're familiar with, you know, YouTube and looking stuff up and all that stuff. And so they'll sometimes, if I'm reading a story, for example, and my younger son, who's 7, needs to go pee, he'll say, daddy, pause. And then he'll run to the bathroom and he'll come back and he'll say, okay, unpause. I'm like, I guess that makes sense. That is how you interface with the device. You unpause. Pause. So anything that you've been paused on, on the count of three, we're gonna press unpause. You ready? This is your action step. Here we go. So what's one thing you've been. It doesn't have to be the biggest thing in your life. Like, I want to make this massive career change. Here I go. Although it could be. That could make for a pretty exciting year, huh? But maybe it's something smaller, but maybe you said, you know what? I've been. I'm gonna eat more vegetables one day. I'm gonna clean up my diet one day. Well, then maybe unpause on that sucker, but whatever it is. Ready? You ready? Here we go. We're gonna press unpause. And three, two, one. Okay. Unpause. Now let's go. And if you want support in this, you don't have to do this alone. I work with people. I'VE worked with hundreds of clients and guided them through the Unstoppable Confidence Mastermind program. It is going strong. We have an amazing crew, an amazing group, amazing transformations over the course of a year, and I would love to support you in that way. In fact, most people that are in that group spent a good chunk of months or even years listening to this podcast before they were ready to take that leap, and now they're just not looking back. So if you want to find out more, go to doctoraziz.com that's-R A Z I Z.com and you can learn more about the Mastermind program and how it works and how to apply and all that stuff. And in the meantime, let's go take some action. Let's go unpause some stuff. Let's stop waiting and start creating now. So thanks for being with me, excited to be with you for this new year. And until we speak again, may I have the courage to be who you are and to know on a deep level that you are awesome. Thanks for listening to Shrink for the shy guy with Dr. Aziz. If you know anyone who can benefit from what you've just heard, please let them know and send them a link to shrinkforthshyguy.com for free blogs, ebooks, and training videos related to overcoming shyness and increasing confidence, go to socialconfidencecenter.com.