What Causes Social Anxiety?

So what causes social anxiety? There might be a question that you have. I hear that all the time from clients, from the media, from interviews. I do. What causes social anxiety? I want to answer that in this video as well as in some videos to come, some very basic, important understandings of what social anxiety is, what causes it, and what you can do to overcome it. So if you want to watch those videos and you're enjoying these, please click down below. To subscribe to the channel, click the little bell notification icon. You'll be able to watch more videos and you'll support the growth of this channel, which is here to help you. And as many people as I can experience extraordinary confidence in every area of life. So let's talk about what causes social anxiety. You guys ready? Here we go. It's your parents next video. No, I'm kidding. I'm being a little playful here because often we'll have a story in our minds like it was my family, it was my parents. And that often leaves. It's pretty simplistic and it often leaves us disempowered because what are you going to do? You're going to go back and you can't change anything. And some people just have this sort of fatalistic sense of like, well, I got a, you know, in the genetic lottery of where I was born and what family, I got a bum one. And so what do you expect? Of course, my life's not very good. And I want to challenge that because if you watch this channel for any length of time, I am a big believer that social anxiety can not only be managed, it can be completely transformed where you can feel more free, more expansive, more confident than ever before in your life, and that can become your new norm. That's the game that I'm playing. That's the game that I hope you're playing. So let's talk about what social anxiety is and where it comes from, from that perspective, because I'm not going to get into. Well, you know, there's brain imaging studies and people with social anxiety have a slightly smaller this region and that region that's all super deterministic. And you leave that information feeling depressed and helpless. And it is not true because your brain reflects not what your future is, but it just reflects what's happened up until this point. And so if you change, if you change the way you believe, the way you focus, the way you move, the way you interact, everything your brain structure are going to change. Everything about your genes that express are going to change. So we got to stop getting in that deterministic, helpless, fatalistic perspective, and into a more true perspective, which is you create your own reality. No matter how long a pattern has been running you, you can change it fast. So what causes social anxiety? Well, to know that, you have to look at what social anxiety is. And social anxiety is merely a pattern that someone is running at any given time. So you can be running the pattern of social anxiety and experiencing social anxiety, or not. Even people who feel like they have a lot of social anxiety or say, I have social anxiety disorder, they're not experiencing social anxiety 24 hours a day. I mean, they're asleep for some of that, but even in their waking life, it's not 24 hours a day. It's a lot, but it's not all the time. So it's like, think of it instead of this thing that you have, like, I have an affliction, like, I got a fever, I got social anxiety. No, it's a. It's a pattern that you're running now. You might be running it a lot, so it feels pretty familiar. And like it's your personality, but it's not who you are. And you can change that pattern very quickly. So the pattern is a perception that someone is going to dislike you, judge you, or somehow see you negatively. And that perception is true in some way. Like, you are less than unworthy, not likable. And as a result, you feel anxious, you feel threatened around those people, or maybe around everywhere, everyone, depending on how severe the social anxiety is. So that's a pattern. If you have a lot of social anxiety, you experience that pattern a lot. Now, where does that pattern come from? Does it really come from our family? Does it come from our parents? Well, the answer is it's complex. So children can be born with an increased level of behavioral inhibition. Even infants, little babies, they do little experiments where they'll stimulate them with things like faces or other stimuli. And some kids are more like, whoa, what's this? And other babies are more like, get it away from me. Right. There's also a range of sensitivity. Some kids are very sensitive. Sounds are experienced more, tastes are experienced more, colors, smells. And so when they experience something that's. It might not seem that intense to others, but to them, it's very intense. And their nervous system is sort of shocked by it, and they might want to get a little more distance. You know, they might feel other people's emotions more if you're more empathic. And typically, most people that I work with who have social anxiety myself, experiencing social anxiety, tend to Be more sensitive, more empathic. You might have heard the term highly sensitive person. These are. These don't mean someone has social anxiety, but they kind of go along with social anxiety. So here you have this sensitive person. Maybe you're more sensitive to rejection as well. And, you know, is that caused by your family? Well, I don't know if it's caused by that, that sensitivity, but it can be dealt with in different ways. And some ways support confidence and some ways don't. So for example, if a kid is more sensitive to something, like maybe they're a little more. Oh, I feel if those other kids don't want to play with me, I feel that more. And it's painful and I'm a little shyer, right? That's that behavioral inhibition. You know, a parent might say, hey, what's going on? Oh, those kids don't. You're worried about them not playing with you? Hmm. Well, I feel that way too sometimes. Let's talk about how we can solve that problem, because it seems like you want friends. I wonder what we could do. Let's problem solve that. That's a, you know, a more effective approach to helping that kid learn how to navigate that. You may have not gotten that in your family upbringing. Right? It might be like, what's wrong with you? What are you, a wimp? Come on, go over and talk to them. And then you're like, oh, God, shame, shame. And that's where it starts to build more of a long standing problem is we start to get this sense of shame. I'm bad, I'm not enough. And that does tend to originate in our family. And it can compound over time because we get a little bit older, we already think there's something wrong with me. And then we find more evidence, oh my gosh, there's something wrong with me. You know, so usually what happens is the foundation is sort of set. Sensitive kid. Maybe some shaming going on, maybe already from a young age, some ostracization or not being a part of a group. But where it really takes off is typically the ages of about 11 to 15. Somewhere in there for most people that I work with, where they already have this sense of, I don't know if I'm okay, maybe I'm not, maybe I'm not enough. Combined with that hesitancy to put yourself out there, a little bit of inhibition. And that is the perfect breeding ground to lock in an identity of, I'm less than, I'm not desirable, I'm not liked. And then it just becomes reality. So that was my experience, right? Like, oh, I'm not enough. Maybe they won't like me. I'm not gonna ask that woman out. So I guess I'm not really likable because I'm not dating. Do you see how it's this closed loop and then maybe you don't speak up in groups and then maybe you don't put yourself out there and now and then that identity gets baked in and then by the time you get to like 18, 20 years old, that's just who I am. I just avoided most things in life and certainly social risk, certainly putting myself out there, certainly being the center of attention. And so now you have this, like, not only have you avoided it and it's your identity, it's not who I am, but now you're also probably not developing the skills. I wasn't developing flirting skills and dating skills and public speaking skills and you know, even just the banter socially in a group and being able to hold your own or tell a story. I didn't develop any of those skills because I avoided so much of it. And then flash forward to whatever age you are now. It's this whole process has come together. So it's not just one thing. It's not just I got a bad gene. It's this whole unfolding of your life up until this point. The good news is that no matter how long this pattern has been going on, you can change it. You absolutely can. Because it's just a matter of changing some of those patterns. What are those patterns to change? Well, I'll share that in the next video which is going to be how to Overcome Social Anxiety. But this helps you get a better understanding of where it is and what it is, where it comes from. This is by no means extremely comprehensive. I don't want to give you a 45 minute lecture with PowerPoints. I just want to give you the straight to the point, easy to understand way to make sense of where this is coming from and that you can absolutely do something about it. So again, stay tuned for that next video. Also click down below in the description you can get my eBook 5 Steps to Unleash youh Inner Confidence. Also if you go to draziz.com,/r a z I z still working on spelling my own name-r a z I z.com and you can get that ebook which gives you the five steps that will help you start to shift this right away. And I'll share more in the next video about how you can do that. So share down below in the comments. What did you learn? What are you seeing about yourself? Where do you think your experience of social anxiety comes from? What's contributed to it? And let's all learn and grow together. All right? Fantastic. Until we speak again. May have the courage to be who you are and to know on a deep level that you're awesome.