What Creates A Breakthrough (Josh’s comments)

And now it's time to ask the shrink. Hey, welcome to this bonus episode of Shrink for the Shy Guy. This one's gonna be called Fan Mail because this is someone that wrote in and shared something. And I don't think there's a clear question in here. So it's not an ask the shrink. But so much of what he shared, I love how authentic, bold, vulnerable he's being. And I think it's just gonna be valuable to listen to because it can be. Can be so relieving to just hear about someone else's experience that you can relate to. And that's what I love about the Mastermind group program that I have, is we have these group calls, and one of the main benefits people get is they get to realize on a deep level that they're not alone. And it's like, oh, wow, you were scared to speak up in that meeting at work. I have that, too. Let's talk about how we can break through it. So I'm gonna share some of what he wrote. I'm just gonna say his first name. I'm gonna leave out all the names of people in his life. So it's anonymous, but I think you'll relate to his story. And then I'll have some comments at the end. So this comes from John. John says, first, I would just like to thank you. You haven't done much yet, but nonetheless, you've helped me begin to understand the way I think and how I may be able to change it. I've just started listening to your podcast Shrink for the Shy Guy. I'm only a few episodes in over the course of two weeks, but I'm starting to apply some of the techniques you've laid out into helping myself. My conversation isn't so much starting conversations or, sorry, my problem isn't so much starting conversations with people I don't know, but really opening up to people I care for, like my family, my friends, my girlfriend. I think the more I get to know someone or better, the more they get to know me, the more I close myself off. I have that inner critic. And as I get close with someone, I begin to think to myself that there are parts of me that they won't like because I myself don't like them. And I begin to hide who I am. As far back as I can remember, I was always shy, and I never put myself out there. It wasn't until high school that I started to branch out and became involved in sports and other things. I started to make true friendships at the back of My mind, I was always telling myself that I wasn't good enough and still had to do things to make me seem more cool and likable. Into college, I began to drink and I made more friendships. And I was amazed at how well I could talk to people, begin conversations and ignore my critic and just do what I wanted more. That's how I came to where I am today. There are things I did while drinking. Nothing illegal, but it's things that I'm embarrassed about. I look back and it makes me feel embarrassed and ashamed. And now I'm in a great relationship with the best woman I could ever have. But about three months ago, we started having problems because I was not able to communicate with her. She told me that she didn't feel us connecting on a deeper level. So I began to see a therapist and try to dive into what was causing my communication problems. I think on a subconscious level, I knew what I was doing was wrong, but I could never tell myself that it was okay to talk with people and open up. In the past three months, I've been diving in and trying to overcome this fear. I want to learn to forgive myself and to communicate to people what I'm thinking and why I feel so negatively about myself. As I said before, I'm only a few episodes into your podcast and. But so far, I think it's helped me the most, helped me to understand what I'm going through and how to help myself, my relationship and other connections I have with friends and family. I'm still far off from where I want to be, but I'm trying to get there again. Thank you. Awesome. Thank you, John. Thank you for sharing. I mean, I can see what this makes me think of is this is what creates a breakthrough. I mean, listen to how willing you are, John, to a share this, to put yourself out there. You're diving into therapy. You're like, I want this relationship to work. You're starting to become aware of, like, wow, maybe I'm holding myself back or closing off out of this fear of not being enough. This is powerful. This kind of commitment, this kind of dedication, this kind of willingness to look inwards and do what it takes is what creates a breakthrough, a transformation, a complete shift. And I really relate to that struggle as well, of being scared to let people get closer. And even when I overcame my first levels of social anxiety and started to be able to date women, I kept them at a distance. I would date them for a short period of time and then feel a bunch of anxiety and flee, break up Because I had these deep fears of, like, really getting them to know me and all this stuff about needing to be this amazing guy and never being angry and never having an off day and, man, that's not sustainable. So I'm really excited for you, man. You know, a great book you could check out is called after the honeymoon, even if you guys aren't married. The best relationship book I've ever read, after the Honeymoon by Dan Weil. I recommend it to virtually everyone in a relationship and I've read it probably twice through, you know, and then checked it out and different. Flipped open to different things at times, too. But it's powerful. Really helpful, really good at communication, and very, very kind of funny and compassionate. So great stuff. I did an interview with Dan as well on the, on the podcast. You can check that out. Just do a search for Dan Wile at. That's W I L E, as in Wile E. Coyote. You can check that out. It's ask the shrink. No, shrinkforthshy guy.com. that's where it is. Thanks so much for sharing, John. Thank you for listening. I just hope that as you're hearing this, everyone listening, you're just feeling a sense of like, okay, we're all in this together. We're all figuring this out. I'm sure there's things in John's story that you relate to. I know I do. We're all on the same team here. You guys are all awesome. You're doing great work and I love you all. Keep going. You're going to get more and more confidence, more and more ease in yourself, more and more love for yourself, better and better relationships, more success in the areas of your life that you want, like your business and career. It all comes from that inner work. So you, all of you, are doing what I think is the most important work to be doing in our lives. Till we speak again. May you have the courage to be who you are and to know on a deep level that you're awesome. Talk to you soon.