What Does It Mean To Be A Centered Man? Q&A

What does it mean to be a centered man? What are the qualities of a man who's centered? Great question and something I want to answer in today's episode. Stay tuned. Welcome to this episode of the Art of Extraordinary Confidence. I'm your host, Dr. Aziz, best selling author and the founder of the center for Social Confidence and general spreader of confidence. And if you're benefiting from these videos, by all means subscribe, hit the bell, icon. Because what we found is the more that people immerse themselves in these videos, the faster they grow in their lives. And that's what I want for you. And the question I wanted to answer today comes from a fellow by the name of Robbie Cole who says, what does it mean to be a centered man? And that's a great question, pretty broad. I'm going to break it down and say, what are the qualities? And so this might serve you in your life. If you're a man and if you are a woman who is heterosexual and interested in being with a man, these are great qualities to look for in a partner, in a spouse, in a long term relationship. So centered man, what does that mean? The first thing that comes to my mind is present, the capacity to be present. The capacity to be in this moment, which in this day and age is perhaps the hardest it's ever been because of the conditioning we have. I think humans naturally are, you know, nervous, anxious creatures looking to the future to protect ourselves. We can lean into the future to try to get what we want. Desire that's been around forever, right? But everything's intensified now. Those desires are amplified by all the stuff we're exposed to. The things that we're scared of are also amplified by all the media we're exposed to about dangers around the corner. The world is changing so rapidly, we can feel even more anxious. And then on top of that, we have an incredible access to instant stimulation with our devices and our phones and our computers and everything. So presence is actually a reducing commodity capacity. Fewer people have the capacity to be present. And so if you want to be a centered man and stand out not only in dating and relationships, but in your personal life, your relationships and your career, build your capacity to be present. That means being able to be in this moment right now and not somewhere else. And there's two powerful ways to do that. One is to build your connection to your senses. Being in the moment, being able to feel your breath, hear the sounds around you, feel your body. And this is something that you can develop. Mindfulness practices are powerful in being able to do this. They show that your brain actually changes the more you do this. And you can develop that capacity where you are here more and less in your thoughts, less in your head. The second thing, though, is actually your emotional capacity. And so this is part of presence, but it also is probably the second aspect of being a centered man, which is an expanded capacity for feeling. So a lot of men, especially in previous generations, have a very narrow capacity for feeling this. I'm talking about my father's generation and beyond. But it's still pretty rampant right now in the way that men are growing up, which is no capacity to feel. There's a ton of shame around feeling. I only can feel manly emotions, which are what, you know, proud and angry. Those are man emotions. Tender emotions like love and grief and vulnerability and togetherness. And those are all feminine. That's not me. I'm a man. Right? And what happens is people have a. Men have a very super narrow band of emotion, and this highly limits them in their capacity to relate to others, form deep relationships and connections. Increases the likelihood of depression because you're disconnected from others, even if you're around them. Increases the likelihood of alcohol use because you don't know how to deal with your feelings. And I had one of my teachers used to say, he did a lot of work with men who got referred to him for anger outbursts and anger issues. And he told me multiple times, he said, aziz, the men I work with don't have anger issues. They have emotional issues. They have a ton of feelings, and they don't know how to express them. They don't even know what they are. So to develop yourself as a centered man, you have to learn about feelings. You have to raise your emotional intelligence. Being able to name what you're feeling, being able to describe what you're feeling, and being able to be aware of where it is in your body. So many men that I talk to are disconnected from their body. So they're feeling angry or they're feeling anxious. And I ask them about, beyond the thoughts, what's happening in their body? And they're like, I don't know. I don't feel anything in my body. Even though they're feeling extremely inferior and then angry about it. Like, I feel less than that person. I'm going to show him that's all happening. But all they're aware of is the thoughts. And underneath that is a lot of feeling in your body. So to grow as a centered man is being able to feel in your body. And so when you can be present in the moment. And you can feel your own emotions. Now you are grounded. And this is something that, you know. The word centered or grounded might seem kind of intangible, hard to point to, but they are very perceptible. People feel it, people pick up on it. Even if they don't use the word centered or grounded, they are drawn to that. Both men and women are drawn to a man who is centered because there's a sense of stability there, there's a sense of confidence, there's a sense of I can trust and rely on this person. There's a sense of firmness. All that's being communicated non verbally. It's being communicated energetically in just how you are. And they can feel it when you look at them, when they're talking to you because they can feel that you're present. Now we all have this capacity. Have you ever had a conversation with someone and they weren't present at all? Didn't you feel it? Didn't you pick up on it? Even if it seems like they're talking to you, you can just sense that they're not really there. And your engagement in the conversation goes down. So building your presence and building your emotional capacity are are ways to increase yourself as a centered man. A third way to do it is to strengthen your sense of knowing who you are and your values and what you're about. Maybe even the bigger what you're about, what is your mission, what is your purpose? In fact, the strongest centering force inside of a man is to know his purpose. Like this is what I'm here to do. Now this can be a little overwhelming for people because they're like, oh my God, I don't know what it is. Ah, well, so don't think of it so much as there's this one singular thing you can develop that over time. But like in this moment, what is my purpose? I talk about this in one of my books. I think it's the solution to social anxiety. Big purpose, like A, capital B, capital P and then little purpose, little P, little P or L, little L, little P. So little purpose is in this moment, what is my purpose? So you know, you get home and and you have some connection time with your partner. My purpose in this moment is to connect, is to listen, is to support, is to share. So you know what your purpose is. It's to connect in that moment. And that's what I'm here to do. And that's taking that masculine energy that's very outcome and purpose focused and giving it Something to focus on. Now, if you want to really amplify that even more, get in touch and figure out more of your big purpose, your mission. Because the men that I see that are doing that are powerful forces, and their level of being centered in all areas is strengthened because they're like, well, I know what I'm about. I'm here to do this. So what are you here to do? What are you here to do on this planet? It's a good thing to decide. And ultimately, sometimes people are looking to discover, like, what is it? What is it? Is it under this box? Where is it? You know, it's like, no, you decide it. And so if you're waiting for some sense of sign from on high, like, here it is, Some have already given it to you. No, you decide, this is my purpose. And people are waiting for that to somehow be backed up by a sense of certainty. No, you cultivate that this is my purpose. Why? Because. Why the hell not? Because this is what feels right for me. And you just decide. And then the more you live that the stronger that gets and the more certainty you have. So having that sense of purpose and direction will keep you more centered as well. There's so much more about this. We can get into masculine and feminine energy and polarity. We can get into the levels of maturity and masculinity, and I do all that. So if you want to go deeper on this, it's in my. The best place to do that would be in Confidence University, because inside of that whole university, there's a course on dating and relationship confidence. And this course goes way beyond, like, what to say on a date. You know, we go into some strategy, of course, but it goes way deeper into this stuff. How do you amplify your masculine power and presence and then for the feminine side too, how do you flow more with feminine energy and become more attractive and as well as feeling more connected to yourself? So hours of that stuff in that program. So if you want to go further with that, check out TheConfidenceUniversity.com and of course, use this in your life now to strengthen your sense of being a centered man. So I hope that answers your question and share below. What do you guys think? What are your comments? I'd love to hear until we speak again. May you have the courage to be who you are and to know on a deep level that you're awesome.