Dr. Aziz explains that while people think they fear external rejection (being disliked, turned down), the deeper fear is self-directed: a belief of being unworthy or 'unlovable.' He argues that many people interpret a 'no' as evidence of personal unworthiness rather than neutral information, and that recognizing rejection as rooted in self-rejection creates a pathway for change and control.
You're afraid of being rejected, right? We all are. Someone's not gonna like me, someone's not gonna want to date me, someone's gonna say no to me. We think we're afraid of the no or of the dislike or the disapproval. And yeah, you might be afraid of that. But underneath what we're really afraid of with rejection is actually a deep sense of self loathing, a sense of I am unworthy. It's actually where you turn on yourself because if someone said no to you and it was just information, you said, okay, that person was a no, let's try this person, let's try that person. But you don't you say, wow, why try that person or that other person? I'm obviously a no kind of guy. I'm awful, I'm bad, I'm unlovable, I'm wretched. And we believe that and it creates so much pain and suffering and it doesn't have to. It's because when you realize that rejection is actually a self rejection, everything changes. Because that you can change, that you have control over.
