What If I Don't Feel Like Socializing?

And now it's time to ask the shrink. Hey, Dr. Aziz here. And welcome to another bonus segment of Ask the Shrink. Today I'm going to be going into a question that I received recently. I don't have his name right here, so I will not say it, but here's the question. Hey, Dr. Aziz, I have a couple questions I'd like to ask you. My desire to socialize is virtually zero, but at the same time, I want to build confidence and reduce my anxiety. Interesting. Okay. I feel like I have nothing in common with most of society, which makes it even more difficult to find people to talk to. I've begun to feel indifferent towards others and have no idea why. So my questions are, one, how do I eradicate this feeling of apathy towards others? And two, is socializing really a necessity for building confidence, or are there other alternatives to accomplish this? Thanks. So that's a great question. There's a ton of stuff in here that I could drill down into, but I'm gonna keep this bonus short here. So I want to build confidence and reduce my anxiety. I'd be curious, confidence in what area? Where do you feel the anxiety and where do you want to feel more confidence? Because confidence shows up in every area of our life. So do you want to feel more confident talking to people and having conversations? Do you want to feel more confident in dating and relationships and approaching someone you're attracted to? Do you want to feel more confident in work situations and believing in yourself and taking on projects? Do you want to feel more confident around your finances and your ability to earn and create wealth in the world? Do you want to feel more confident around your physical appearance and your attractiveness? Right. I mean, there's. We could go in a million different directions. So I'd be really curious about where. Do you want to build confidence? It sounds like that's important to you. You also said, I feel like I have nothing in common with most of society, which makes it more. Even more difficult to find people to talk to. That's really interesting too. And that sounds like a story that actually sounds like a protective shell. I'm indifferent. I don't have anything in common with people. That is a shell that we put around ourselves because we're scared of being hurt. Apathy, I don't care is tough guy language for I'm scared and I don't want to get hurt. And I remember I've done this too. A little while back, I was doing this. I'm in a high level mastermind that's just full of Amazing people. And I've been in, actually just enrolled for my second year because it's been so life changing. And I remember in the first year after, like the first meeting that we had or the second one, it was a couple months in, I remember having a very similar feeling. Like, you know what? I don't have anything common with these people. These just aren't my people. I don't know. I don't like it. And it was just this kind of. I don't have anything in common with these people. And you know what I found out though, is that actually I was scared of being rejected. And actually I'd already assumed that people would reject me there. And so I had this protective shell on. And it was really subtle. And I didn't catch it until about a month after that. And I was like, whoa, damn it. Damn it. I'm the guy who's teaching this stuff and it still happens to me. Yes, it does. It happens to all of us. There's nothing wrong with it. You just gotta notice it and you gotta call yourself on it. It's bullshit. You do care. You care so much and it hurts so much that part of you is tired of feeling that and never wants to feel that again. So the first thing you have to say is, you know what? I do want connection with people. It hurts me that I don't know how to connect with people and talk with people about these things. And I'm afraid of them judging me as different and weird and not having things in common with them. And so I hold back and I hide behind the shell and I hide behind this like, well, I don't really care about them anyway. But really you do and you're scared. So is socializing really a necessity for building confidence? Probably. I mean, unless you're talking about confidence in your ability to lift heavy weight and you're building your physical fitness and strength, you probably don't need to talk to anyone for that. But if it's dating, confidence, social confidence, relationships, career, business, sales, leadership, it all involves talking to people. And if you want to work on, perhaps there's a general confidence in your belief to do things. But again, I mean, what are the things that you want to do? Because probably all of those involve other people. So here's the thing to sum up this. Indifference is a shell. It comes from pain. And you probably feel very different than others. You feel perhaps you judge yourself as weird or not having enough normal things going on in your life. And you know what? The key here is going to be radical self acceptance, really accepting who you are, finding your people, really putting yourself out as much as you can and going after what you want and creating the connections that you want. Because I think underneath apathy is just fear of getting hurt. Those are my thoughts on that. In fact, this is a little early. It's not out yet, but it will be coming out. I can't say exactly when, probably may. But my new book, the Art of Extraordinary Confidence, goes way deep into all the ways that we protect ourselves from being hurt. And apathy, anxiety, all these things are just shells that we use. So that will be super valuable for you when it comes out. I'll keep you guys all posted about that and until we speak in the next episode. You're awesome. I don't have your name. I wish I had your name. You are awesome. Anyone listening to this? You are awesome. You're getting this. You're doing great. I love you. I'll talk to you soon.