What If I Don’t Feel Like Approaching A Woman?

And now it's time to Ask the Shrink. Hey everybody. Welcome to this bonus episode of Ask the Shrink. Today we have a great question that I think you're definitely going to relate to. I know I relate to it and it's going to really help you in the area of being more confident and free in dating and relationships and beyond. And if you would like to ask me a question for these bonus Ask the Shrink segments, you probably have been noticing that we've been doing more of them because I want to hear your questions, I want to respond, I want this to be a conversation rather than just me talking at you once a week. So let's do it. Go to shrink for the shy guy.com shrinkforthy guy.com Email your message your question to me through there. It goes to my email or leave it. You can even leave a voice recording and I'll get a chance to listen to that too. So that's Shrink for the Shy Guy. You can also get my my book there ebook 5 Steps to Unleash youh Inner Confidence, which is super powerful. And I'll give you a copy for free. So check that out. And today's question is from Angelo. He says, hello, Dr. Aziz Ghazipura. All right. Hello. I have something that has been bothering me for a while now and I was hoping I could get your opinion to preface what I'm about to ask you. I would just like to thank you for everything that you do. I recently picked up the solution to social anxiety and it has been very insightful to me in my journey to being a better communicator and overall person. That's awesome man. I'm glad to hear that. That book is super powerful and can really help anyone become more confident, more free. I am currently a 22 year old male about to be 23 in September. Last night I was out at a bar catching up with my old boss and friend. A woman came in by herself and I understand that I could have easily went up to her and conversed but I did not feel the urge to. It was because of this that I was criticized by them for not making a move and they were baffled that I had. I had no desire to do so. Oh, I met up with my old boss and a friend. It was a couple people. I think I read that wrong. Everyone that I talk to thinks that I am a good looking guy who should get women easily. It bothers me. I'm sure people listen. Some people listening are like bastard. Good looking guy should get women. Not me. I'm A mutant. No one's gonna want me. It bothers me that I do not have any desire to pursue women at the moment. And I feel it is because of my current situation that I am in and how picky I am. I just hope that is not an excuse that I'm making. Does this sound like a common thing or could it be an underlying issue that I'm failing to change? I'm happy to provide more information if you'd like, but I'm trying to keep it short as possible because I know you receive multiple emails each day and I appreciate you taking time to read mine. I look forward to hearing from you. Okay, great. So let's dive into this. You feel like you can go talk to her. You don't want to. Other people are giving you a hard time saying you should, and now you're questioning yourself, should I go do it? And if we were in a session, my question would be, I don't know, should you go do it? Because we want to be self directed. You are the captain of your ship. You are the director of your life. You are a creator. You create your own experience in your own reality. You mold your reality to what you want over time, through action, through risk. You're being bold. So I guess the question is, what do you really want? Maybe you don't. Maybe you were there to hang out with your boss and your friend. And this is common, by the way. If we've done some work on social anxiety and you've done exposure, and maybe you have a history of avoiding like I did for many years, then when you choose not to do something, part of your mind is like, oh, you're just avoiding it because you're scared. Then you gotta go prove that you can do it again and again and again. I went through a phase like that, but that's not freedom. Now you're just compelled to do it every time. Now it's the. You're a slave to the opposite. First it was avoidance, now I have to go do it whether I feel like it or not. I just want to sit here and have a drink with my boss and my friend. Jesus. Don't want to go talk to her right now, right? So maybe that's what's happening and that's okay. You don't have to. Now here's the thing. Here's how you know, though. If it's an excuse or if you're failing to notice something or whatever, if you feel dissatisfied in your dating life, like you're in a relationship and it sucks and you want out, but you think, oh, I can't do any better. No one would want me and I don't want to hurt this person. Just stay in it for another month or five years if that's happening. Or you're single and you have like frequent, you know, sometimes we all might experience periods of feeling lonely or wishing we were with someone, but also maybe feeling great and happy and enjoying your life as a single person, like, that's fine. But if you have a consistent feeling of like, I want to, you know, be able to date and I want to be with someone and I want a girlfriend, but I can't, and I'm lonely and I'm ugly and sucks and you're dissatisfied and you're hurt, hurting, then that's a sign that maybe you do want to go talk to her. Maybe not in that moment, but overall in your life. Your life would be better if you were to approach more women because then you would be solving that problem. Does that make sense? So use your own experience as information, as a barometer or a thermometer or any other sort of meter. Notice, what do I feel? How does it work? And then get clear in yourself. And if you're like, no, actually I feel pretty good. I'm picky. I don't necessarily want to go talk to any woman just because she's. And that might be great. You might have high standards. Once you start to raise your self esteem and your confidence, you start to say, yeah, this person, whether you know, this woman is beautiful or if you're a woman listening or a gay man, like, this man is beautiful or handsome, whatever. But so what? So what? There's tons of people that look like that. Millions, like, do. Are they, Do I like them? Are they an awesome person? Are they open? Are they honest? Are they funny? Do they get me? Do we click? That's why, you know, you start to become more of the selector as opposed to like, oh my God, you're so pretty. Please, please give me attention. Ah. And so maybe you're at that place and that's a great place to be. So you'll know, check in and if it's hurting inside, take action, Commit to yourself that you're gonna do it. You're gonna, you know, ultimately I do want this. So I'm gonna face these upper, face these fears and take these risks. And if you don't, you don't. And then when it comes to people giving you shit for it, man, whenever people give a shit for anything, guess who that's about. It's about them and you can flip it on people. Hey, you should go talk to her. Oh, yeah? Why? Uh, you should just. Come on, man. Cause you're a good looking guy. You should get any girl you want. Wow, Interesting fantasy. Is that what you want for yourself? To get any woman you want? Maybe you should go talk to her. Oh, I can't, man. I'm married. Oh. Oh, interesting. So you want to vicariously live through me so that you can have some fun and excitement. How's your marriage going, man? Right? I mean, you can flip it on people. Don't take shit from people that there's a whole great episode about how to deal with critics, haters and bull. And the key is to fire back with something fast and just not take shit. And another key insight from that episode is we train people on how to treat us. So if we're kind of like, oh, shut up, man, stop. Then they're gonna keep doing it. People are gonna keep giving a shit. And if we fire back, if we're edgy, then if we're prickly a little bit, then people stop. And I don't mean prickly, like, shut up, man. You know, and we're all like, we're falling apart because then they get a rise out of it and they want to do it more. But I'm talking about we're calm, we're cool, we're collected, and we're just like, dude, grow up. And that's our attitude, that's our energy, man, that shuts people down fast. So this might be about not taking shit from people as opposed to needing to go, you know, take these risks and approach women. Great. That was a fun question. I like that. Thanks for the question, Angelo. Anyone else has questions, send them my way. We'll get them in these bonus episodes of the show until we speak again. And also check out full length episodes of the show come out every Wednesday morning bright and early. I look forward to speaking with you then. And in those shows, check out the site, go to shrinkforthshyguy.com when you get your. You can also go to socialconfidencecenter.com as well if you want to find out more about all the stuff that I got going on, including live events which are fun and awesome and probably my favorite thing to do definitely up there. And you can get on my mailing list on that site to find out about those live events. And also get special discounts for programs when we run promotions on my. On my programs like 30 Days to Dating Mastery, which would be an amazing program for someone to get if they wanted to master their dating life. And go to 30days to dating mastery.com or go to my site socialconfidencecenter.com to check that out. Good. Until we speak again. May have the courage to be who you are and to know on a deep level that you're awesome. I'll talk to you soon.