Dr. Aziz traces social anxiety to low self-efficacy, the belief you're ineffective in social situations. The trap: consuming content about change without actually practicing. He shows how avoidance keeps the problem locked in place and why following a system and taking concrete action steps builds real confidence.
What does it really take to break free from social anxiety and approach your life with a whole new level of social confidence? Self confidence, confidence in your relationships, confidence at work. How do we really do that? It's something I've been obsessed with for the last 20 years in myself and other people now, for decades, and studying it and watching the patterns. And when I study it, I'm not just watching the patterns of the people who are successful, who are more confident. I'm studying the patterns also of people who are not and what they're doing. And that's why people, a lot of people like the books that I write because I deconstruct what it is that you're doing and how it's not working and then what to do instead. By studying this pattern again and again and again and one fast that I've seen, I want to share with you today that you probably doing. We all do. This is in an area where you have low self efficacy. What that means is a fancy psychology term, fancy pants psychology term for low effectiveness. You don't think you're very effective in this area. So you might have low self efficacy in your dating life, which means I don't think I can really date people. I had that for many years. You might have low self efficacy in your physical health. I can't get healthy or in shape or eat well or whatever. You might have low self efficacy in your, in your career. I can't steer it the way I want. I can't really show up powerfully and be a leader, all that stuff. Right. Or in your social confidence. So low self. When someone has low self efficacy, a place where you have low self efficacy, it's very likely that you're doing this major pitfall which will keep you stuck forever until you change it. That's why this is so important. And it goes like this. I, I don't, I want this and I don't know how to do this and I'll never be able to do this. I was trying to tap into like the energy and the sense and the perception I feel when someone's in that state. It's kind of like discouraged, powerless, confused, maybe, you know, kind of angry or victim me about it. And then when we're in that place, you end up not doing really basic stuff that would work. Remember I talked to a client who was in this situation and he was wanting to build his social confidence. Specifically, he's like, you know, I'm just, I'm around some friends and, and I'm just quiet the whole Time. And I don't speak up and I don't share, and it's awful. And I've been this way. He was probably in his 50s. I've been this way, you know, since I was a kid. Enough said, right? I said, okay, how do you want to be? Well, I want to be. I want to share, and I want to not be so dang quiet. I was like, ah, you're saying what you don't want. What do you want? I want to be. I want to share more. Great. What else do you want? I want to speak up. Yeah, great. I want, you know, I want to ask others questions. Great. I want to be out of my head. I want to overthink things so much. Okay, you're telling me what you don't want again, what do you want? I just want to be focused. I want to be in the present, in the moment. I said, great. That's like. That's a great goal. And in my mind, it's like, this is totally achievable, 100%. I've seen it. I mean, I've done it. I've helped thousands of people do it. I said, okay, so what have you tried? What do you mean? What specific things have you tried to bring about that goal? Well, I watched some of your videos. Okay. It was good. It was good. What did you learn in the videos and what did you apply? And we dug into it, and it wasn't a whole lot. It was some things. And I said, you know, he was in a coaching program. And I said, as part of the coaching program, you have access to Confidence University. And there's a course in there, a really long course called Social Mastery. Have you gone through that course? No. Have you done any of the action steps from that course? No. Okay, why? Why not? What? You know, just like, think about this. This is like, I want to learn how to play the guitar. Okay, great. What did you do? What do you mean, what did I do? Did you get a guitar? Well, yeah, I got a guitar. Okay, great. Did you pick it up and play it? Yeah, I kind of held it. What else did you. I watched a video or2 on YouTube. Did you get a course on guitar training? Did you. How much? I. Did you practice a day? Did you get a. Did you get a tutor? Did you do guitar lessons? Once a week on Zoom or whatever? You know, it's like, we don't. And look, I'm not disparaging this client because I'm highlighting the pattern, because we all do it. I do this. Where do you do this well, you can tell me about it through reflection in your own life. I would say it's common that you do this when you feel low self efficacy. To bring us back to the beginning of this video when you think you're not very effective. Why? Because you have a story that it can't change. So what do you got to do? What it takes. Take the action steps, Trust in the process. Follow a system or something. Go through it and you will experience changes. You will grow. Why? Because growth is inevitable. Growth is who you are. Growth is what you're here to do. Growth is in your DNA. Growth is in your soul. Growth is inevitable. You just got to show up. Thanks for being with me today. Till we speak again, we have the courage to be who you are and to know on a deep level that you're awesome. Talk to you soon.
