What Matters And What Doesn’t! | Dr. Aziz - Confidence Coach

Are you always striving to be better, to get to that next level, to be the best at whatever it is, your fitness, your health, an instrument, your career, your job, the amount of income that you have or success you've achieved, and whatever accolades, whatever you're going for, is that driving you all the time or more than you would like? To the point where it's hard to just feel at ease, hard to feel like it was enough, like you are enough? If so, watch this episode, because you're going to learn how to let that go and what really matters for you in this life. Welcome to another episode of the Art of Extraordinary Confidence. I'm your host, Dr. Aziz. Welcome to this episode. Let's talk about what really matters in life. I know it's a big topic. We're going to tackle it in this episode. And if you're enjoying these, by all means, click below to subscribe. And subscribe. And then hit the little bell to get notified when new videos come out. So it hit me when I was reading this book to my son late at night. Well, late at night. 7pm it's almost my bedtime. It's crazy. Anyway. The Dinosaur Fact Tracker. Listen to this story. This is freaking insane. The Bone Wars. Two of the world's most famous paleontologists. Now, can you name two of the world's most famous paleontologists? Probably not. So how famous are they? I don't know. That's debatable. Othniel Charles Marsh and Edward Drinker Cope. Now, who doesn't know those names? Anyway, back in the 1870s, I guess they were the big deal because they were the most famous paleontologists, and they were on this race to find more and more fossils, more and more dinosaur fossils. In fact, they were both so driven to find the most fossils that they became enemies. They hid their discoveries from each other, and they sent spies into each other's camps, and they even tried to steal each other's fossils. These two dinosaur hunters fought for 20 years, but their bone battles led to the discovery of more than 130 different kinds of dinosaurs. So arguably a big boon for the field of paleontology. But do you see the insanity there? I mean, it's kind of humorous to see it that way, but each of those men is like striving. I got. I got to be the guy to get the next fossil. I got to be the one. I got to be the greatest paleontologist in the world. Now, on some level, I see a lot of people around me, and I know I can feel that energy in myself. I got to be the best blank. Whatever. I gotta be the best teacher ever, the best coach ever, the best business owner ever, the best insurance salesman ever, the best CFO ever, the best CEO ever. Earn the most money, get the most accolades, get the best. The most. The best. The most. We don't even know why we're doing it. We're just compelled to do it. And maybe we have some story like, well, yeah, that's right, because life's about achievement. Is it? Is that really what you want your life to be about? I mean, is it possible that they could have achieved even more by working together and not this sort of frenzied, like, frantic competition stealing from each other? And here's another thing. So just recently watched the movie. I, Tonya, if you haven't seen that one, it's a great one to go, check it out. I Tonya. It's about the Tonya Harding story. Now, a lot of people might not even remember that story, but it's about a figure skater who is, you know, trying to achieve and perform in the Olympics, and her journey in doing that and, you know, pretty shitty childhood. No love from parents, not consistently. And feels a deep emptiness inside. And so she's driven to be the best figure skater in the world. Extremely driven, just relentless. And there's these moments in the movie where she is the best. You know, she does a move, double, triple backward, axel something or other that no other woman has ever done in competition. And she's done it. So technically, she's the best figure skater in the world. And she has this moment where the crowd is cheering and she's done it, and she's like, I felt loved. And just watching that movie, reading that Bone wars thing, I'm like, what are we doing? We're, like, trying to get significance as a substitute for love. And I talk about this in my book, the Art of Extraordinary Confidence. It's a cheap substitute for love. What we really want, what Tonya Hardy really wants, what those Bone War guys really want, is love. They want to feel loved. They want to feel worthy. They want to feel lovable. They want to feel enough, but the cup is empty. And they're trying to fill the cup up with not love directly, but with significance. And that's what most of us are doing. We're running around like, okay, I gotta get significant enough. If I just achieve X and Y and get this certain physique, and my arms are thinner, and now my legs are stronger and I can run faster. And then I'm you know, and it's. We're not even assessing each situation, if it matters. It's just this compulsion to be better, to be the best, to. To do better, to do more, to achieve more, to get to the next thing because you think on some level it's gonna get you love. So what if we just short circuit that entire process? What if you just let that go and say, you know what? What I really want is love. How can I go for that directly? What would that look like? You know, first and foremost, this is one thing I teach all the time, is, well, what if you just started giving love to yourself unconditionally right now? Well, it's not that easy, Aziz. Really? Why not? Well, because I've had, like, a history of 20 years of being a dick to myself. What, do you think I'm supposed to change that? Yeah. Yeah, learn how to change that. Make a study of that. Turn that into a magnificent obsession and study. Read, like, five books on it. Go through my program, the confidence code. Learn it. Until you do, treat yourself better. And all of a sudden, your cup is more full and you feel more love. You feel more at ease. And here's the thing running on empty, the love tank on empty. And trying to get, you know, significance as a cheat substitute, because in the moment of being the best, you do feel a sense of like, huh? Yeah. And it feels good for a little while, and then it's gone, though. It's like a. It's a. You need. It's a drug. You need more. And instead of just trying to constantly feed it with that, if you feed yourself more with what you need. Love, connection with other people, just putting yourself out there as you are, you don't need to be the best. Just, here I am dating opportunity person. Here I am work. Here I am colleagues. Here I am friends. This is me. And not only are you loving yourself, but you're also able to form real connections and feel that love coming back your way. All of a sudden, the compulsion to go be the best starts to die down. You know, the craziest thing that I found is that as that compulsion dies down, I am more productive, I am more happy, and I actually end up achieving more, which is crazy. And it's in that part of us that's driving and driving and driving says, no way. No way. You'd be all soft, and you wouldn't care anymore. You wouldn't be number one. It's like, well, maybe not. Maybe I'd be number 10 and be just as happy for it. Right? So let it go. You don't need to be more significant. You can get love right now and find ways to make that so in your life. So share your comments below. What have you discovered? What have you learned? What's standing out to you? And until we speak again, may you have the courage to be who you are and to know on a deep level that you're awesome. I'll talk to you soon.